INTRO
Oh hi,
Hey guys! Over here! I done slipped into a pit of large leathery eggs while exploring this crashed alien space ship that we are on… and you know what? I think I am kind of regretting that we listened to our ship’s AI Mainframe future computer MU/TH/R 6000 who woke us up from our cryo-sleep during our trip back to Earth to investigate an S.O.S. signal on this deep space moon. Is that enough context for you?
Anywho, is anybody else flossing? Cause I was pretty groggy when we got up from Cryo-Sleep and I am almost positive I grabbed someone else’s underwear. Oh yeah…I’m looking now and these totally say “Property of Ripley” on them. My bad. Hey Ripley, how are you enjoying those low cut bikinis of mine? Just pray to god you don’t have to get nekkid. They have zero ass crack coverage. They are pretty much just for coving up your lucky star.
Uh oh, hold on a second…one of these eggs is moving. It appears to be alive. I’m going in for a closer look because that seems like a good idea. Nope. Bad idea…bad idea….I got something trying to hug my face through my helmet and oh man…I’m getting a real good close up look at the underside of this thing. It looks…it looks…well I’m just going to be honest…it looks like a bunch of vaginas made out of clams.
Ok, I didn’t see it ending like this for me..but I am willing to accept my fate. Stuck on a moon in space…flossing in someone else’s underwear…and being face hugged to death by an alien vagina clam. Randy, tell my family I love them and that I died on the shitter eating a Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich.
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078748/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_(film)
Alien (1979) – Space lord MU/TH/R MU/TH/R take me home! That alien done got me pregnant and I’m never doing face hugging again. MMm…Spaghetti and milk.
SHOW NOTES
- May I hug your face? Thanks…nom nom nom
- Meanwhile…in space
- a single bar appears…then another… /\ |_ | |= |\|…what does it spell…ALIEN!!
- Commercial towing vehicle ‘The Nostomo’
- crew: seven
- cargo: refinery processing 20,000,000 tons of mineral ore
- course: returning to earth
- Influences…Star Wars, 2001 and Texas Chainsaw Massacre…
- Couple of drinking birds…in space!
- Very industrial…
- Computer like nobody is watching…cause nobody is.
- Frozen Pod people.
- I only see 6 crew…all in diapers.
- Waking up from cryo-sleep is so hard to do.
- Notice these people are not frozen…but in a hibernated state.
- Now there are 7 crew…and a cat…
- Hey…here is some just waking up conversation…let’s talk about bonuses!!” Full shares…
- Yellow Lights…is captain’s eyes only…mother.
- Punch cards…that is a future thing right. and a room full of blinking lights.
- Mother got us up for a communication. Transmissions every 12 seconds
- You lose your shares if you don’t follow protocol to investigate.
- Longest landing sequence in a movie ever?
- Hull breech…
- 17 or 25 hours…
- Parker wants full shares…Brett
- Ash wanted to go…but the captain low key kept him on the ship to monitor.
- I love the ship design
- Cameras suck in the future past.
- The space suits are like little teapots expelling steam.
- Big bulky spacesuits are ok in Zero Gravity…but really tough in normal gravity.
- Fossilized Alien Lifeform. Been here for a while.
- Bones are exploded outward…
- It doesn’t look like an S.O.S…it looks like a warning…well that is a hell of a difference!
- Full of leathery objects…like eggs or something…and it is hot…like the tropics…yeah…you want to get the hell of of there…
- A layer of mist above the eggs…yeah…get the hell out of there slippy magee.
- In space…no one can hear you scream…eeeeeek
- What kind of thing? 24 hours for decontamination. Don’t break quarantine dummies!
- You tell them Ripley…don’t open that damn door.
- Damnit ash! I bet you don’t wear a mask either
- “How come they don’t freeze him… HOW COME YOU GUYS DON’T FREEZE HIM?”
- That thing is going to eat through the hull.
- Molecular Acid…using it for blood.
- Where is it?…who knows…but I ain’t going in there.
- Dallas is no good at sneaking…and for god’s sake…turn on all the freaking lights.
- gross…don’t go poking around at that thing.
- Standard procedure is to do what they tell me.
- Ash replaced the previous science officer 2 days before they launched.
- 10 months to earth
- Right…right
- Apparently, that baby alien did not like what Kane was feeding it. Chest burster
- He was Sus. Ejected.
- A cattle prod and a motion detection sensor. Tracking device…and a net. Changes in Air Density My Ass. within 5 meters.
- Stupid cat…why would you bring a cat to space. Where is he pooping. Here Jonesy?
- Uh oh…it done shed its skin….no good.
- probably a bad idea to suck in ship water condensation.
- Dude…that alien grew fast.
- Jonesy…just sat and watched.
- Total Texas Chainsaw chains scene.
- It is using the air shaft to move around.
- Kane’s Son…cause it popped out of its chest.
- They must have seen it…they are talking about how large it had gotten. Parker and Ripley
- Interface 2037
- Sitting in the mom room….
- It is like a magic 8 ball…check back later.
- Hey parker…could you rig us up some flame throwers…sweet. I’m going to go crawl into the vents.
- Those hatch doors look like a good way to lose an arm or a leg.
- “Oh god…it’s moving right towards you….get out of there.” The other way!! SURPRISE MOFO
- No Blood. No Dallas.
- Parker does not like Ash
- We are still Collating….
- Special Order 937…science officer only
- Ash is a sideler
- Wall full of nudes and eggs.
- I have never seen anyone try to suffocate someone with a rolled up magazine.
- Ash is full of spaghetti and milk.
- Ash is a robot!
- A perfect Organism.
- Damn Robot Titty grab on Parker…
- We’re going to blow up the ship…
- 10 minutes after we set the bomb.
- They always go back for the pet…even in space.
- This is not the quiet place with all of your oxygen tank banging.
- Sexy ripped shirt Parker
- Do not worry about the damn cat!
- He is not the 8th member of the crew! Jones is really the freaking worst.
- Lambert…get out of the way…
- oh well…Lambert and Parker are down…just you and the cat Ripley
- Don’t need as many oxygen tanks when you only have 1 player left.
- 10 minutes to explode…5 minutes to be sure.
- If you could not sent me into an epileptic seizure during self destruct that would be great.
- She left the cat! After all that…she left the cat?
- once you start the cancellation process you would think that would be instantaneous. Takes 5 minutes to freaking deactivate it.
- Mother…you bitch!
- Everything on this ship is wet.
- Perhaps you could point the exhaust to a location other than in the halls that are made for walking
- You know that cat ain’t safe! You left him alone with the alien and it didn’t eat him.
- Run! The fire is gonna get you.
- That was a big explosion.
- “I got you…” muhahah
- Ahhh…it’s over…Ripley and the cat made it…cool cool
- Plenty of cryo-pods…put the cat in one…
- Time to get nekid…..those are the worst looking panties.
- Who’s panties is she wearing? Those are about 6 sizes too small.
- Damnit! Napping Alien is napping!
- Just taking a little nap-a-roo
- Does the Alien make the lights flash?
- Just using my second mouth to taste the air…
- Why don’t you slide into my spacesuit!?
- This exploration ship sure has a lot of weapons on board
- You are my lucky star…lucky star…lucky lucky lucky.
- oh great…she harpooned him to the ship!
- Final report…3 officer reporting…now the captain.
- Cargo and Ship destroyed.
- 6 weeks to the outer area.
