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INTRO
Oh hi,
Hey listen, thanks for letting me ride along with your Storm Chasing team to track down and research Tornados. This will no doubt be a valuable experience for my new podcast: Tornado Talkers. What’s that? Roll the maps? Oh sorry…I was just folding them like a rookie. My bad.
Ok, so as a podcaster here is my Tornado wish list for the next 24 hours, in order of a convenient rising action. First a Side Winder, then Twister Sisters, A Jumper, A Night Stalker and finally the much talked about… Daddy Killer a real 5 Fs Tornado. Oh it’s F5…so not Fs to the 5th power then.. Ok ok…I’m rolling the maps…
Oh hey look is that one of those Motel-Garage-Food Stand-Drive-Ins over there? We should totally stop by there tonight on our way back. Hot snot! They are showing the Shining! A manly High 5 ensues! H5! No? I know…roll the maps. Man, you sure got a lot of maps.
Slightly off-topic, what do you suppose they are drinking from that straw that runs into the roof of that one truck. Yeah, the barn burner truck…oh…it’s tropical fruit punch? Cool…cool…yeah that was NOT what I was guessing….. Oh theres a second straw…and where does that one go…oh…oh…one end out of the floor of the truck and the other end up your pants.
Alright, I rolled up all the maps…you can just let me off here. I can probably catch an early showing of the Shining for my new podcast Roadside Motel,Garage,Food Stand,Drive-in: The Midwest Experience.
Oh look…cows!
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117998/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twister_(1996_film)
imdb.com/title/tt0117998/(opens in a new tab)
Twister (1996) – It’s the wonder of nature baby. Hey, why don’t we just ride these horses out of here! Oh look…cows! #chaos
SHOW NOTES
- Twister
- June 1969
- Momma’s got ya Joe.
- Tobey! C’mon.
- F5
- To the Storm cellar mom!
- F the chickens!
- Nothing like waiting until the last second to head to the storm cellar
- That storm is growling.
- Dumb man thinking he can hold the door…also…maybe next time a stronger latch on your storm door.
- Meanwhile in space.
- G.O.E.S. 8 Weather Satellite
- NSSL
- Tornadoes and coffee…they go hand in hand.
- All I am saying is “don’t fold the maps. Roll the maps…there is a crease.”
- Barn Burner
- “A Manly Handshake Ensues” – The Dust man.
- Biggest series of storms in 12 years
- It is the same as it was in December…
- “The Suck Zone, The point at which the twister just sucks you up…” – The Dust Man
- New Job, New Truck, New Wife
- Dorothy…she’s here…I Dorothy
- “To the extreme!”
- Nobody know how a Tornado works. Until now…data from inside of the tornado.
- 3 minute warning time. Trying to get to 15 minutes
- Fire up the action music.
- Lets go go go…pack it up…set it up…pack it up
- It’s what they do
- He’s back…I’m not back…he is so back.
- Thank you southern girl
- In it for the money and has high tech gadgets but no instincts Jonas
- His balls are cubes.
- Unrealized Idea..Unrealized Idea
- Bill is looking for the opposite…stability The ying and yang
- Hot Pit BBQ
- Bill is a human barometer and Twister Talker
- We are going Green…Greenage
- Ha ha! It’s the wonder of nature baby! Drink from the Barn Burner straw.
- The chaos os 3 different musical themes at once on the road trip.
- “Joan…she didn’t marry your penis…ok…she didn’t only marry your penis.”
- I bet those spikes are topping 40k
- No one has caught the magic of storm chasing since this movie?
- This tornado is a sidewinder…duh
- Liability only…I bet his insurance is ridiculous.
- Very large rope on the ground
- “I got to go Julia…we got cows.”
- Twister Sisters.
- Triplets
- Aunt Meg with all the chimes and food.
- Meg has the meats.
- Is she going to eat that meat or just fork those rolls.
- Bill is the Extreme
- F4 would relocate your house.
- F5 finger of God
- Let’s find this road…it’s like Bob’s Road
- Hail!
- “That’s no moon…it’s a space station…woooo”
- Rabbit is good…Rabbit is wise…
- Melissa look at this!
- The cone of silence! Nooo…We got a jumper.
- Are Bill and Joe not aware that their mics are always on. Or is Joe setting it on on purpose.
- Motel/Garage/Drive-In/Tornado Hole (Canton)
- Maybe the tornado is trying to kill Joe. It’s Twister Destination
- Night time tornadoes are the scariest.
- That Drive in is playing Psycho and The Shining.
- Galaxy Drive In?
- I knew the TV would kill me.
- Poor Meg’s cows. Did you see Meg’s cows out front? I did…they were flying around…well the same cow…sucked up by some Twister Sisters.
- RIDE THEM HORSES OUT OF THERE!
- OMG…who are these people!
- They should have went into the house.
- Those kill farmers had a storm cellar.
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It will be freely available to all after a 24-48 hours period.
INTRO
Oh hi,
You have reached the office of Death, We can not come to the phone right now as we are busy making asinine lists and planning elaborate ways to murder you.
But by all mean, Please listen to the following as our menu options have changed.
If you would like to report a gross injustice of death: press 9. (pause)
If you are calling to negotiate the terms of your surrender: press 8 and your call will be taken in the order it was received: average wait time – 300 years. (pause)
If you are calling about the Elevator to Hell: press 6. boop another 6. boop. and just once more. boop. You have chosen “Elevator to Hell” if you meant to select “Stairway to Heaven” please hang up and call back when you are a better person.
Still there?
Ok, If you are calling to report any of the following on the Elevator to Hell: “a faulty door that could decapitate a person” or “a guy with a box of hooks for arms” or “an inappropriate offer to lick your face” please stay on the line for an important message: (pause) It’s the Elevator to Hell. that’s it. that’s the message. It’s… the… Elevator to Hell…please hang up.
Also, don’t do drugs on the Highway to Hell.
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0309593/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Final_Destination_2
Final Destination 2 (2003) – If you create life that was never meant to be alive…then you cheat death and then Death rage quits to re-roll his list. Dude, Death, Chillax
SHOW NOTES
- Previously on Final Destination (1 year since the plane go boom)
- 40 students. 4 Teachers Mount Abraham
- All the kids died from 1
- I appreciate you using the word Sinister…not supernatural.
- I believe there is sort of force an unseen malevolent presence “The Devil” I prefer “Death itself”
- You Dead you Dead.
- Death gonna give it to ya. Uh…Death gonna give it to you.
- What if you could do something about consequences
- You can avoid it by being hyper vigilant
- Teens on a road trip…the front yard goodbye with the parent.
- These teens always have the best cars and the most loving parent with everything to live for.
- Hey Girl…your brake fluid is leaking
- Ha ha ha…the poor can lady…let’s laugh.
- Can Lady, Pileup, 1 Year Anniversary, Highway to Hell,
- Geez…took dad like 30 minutes to call about the transmission fluid
- Biker Girl Titties.
- Teenagers are horny and high.
- I never have this much interaction with people on the interstate.
- Things are falling into place.
- Hice Pale Ale….Drink responsible.
- This kid is making those trucks kiss. Spoiler
- “You ever hear of the Ozone layer asshole?
- All of these people are living on the razors edge.
- This is the drug, alcohol, interstate…
- This was a minute before distracted driving with electronic devices.
- That cop ate it!
- Murder Death Porn
- ha…this is like PSA for shit not to do while driving.
- Got to admit this is a pretty wicked opening. Too bad it’s all a dream
- Burning truck of death.
- Wow…that was a lot of vision.
- Bus full of Pile Up…Chick in the bucket.
- Kimberly is like…fook that.
- How much weed do you have on you?
- Be Cool! Daniel
- Don’t blame it on the truck…that is the truck that is going to kill all of them.
- This timeline don’t track with the 180 feet?
- Ok…he saved her…so it skips her now. See I remember stuff!
- oh…Flight 180…
- Haha…love the horror tropes. Pretty smart how they laid this one out.
- Scary story…but true…
- 1 survivor! In the nut house!
- This is a well crafted horror trope
- The Different Strokes Curse
- Mom must be dead.
- Danger Evan is lucky to not be dead already…what is his relationship to the police chief?
- Spaghetti Pan out the window. Hey E
- Dude…cooking shirtless with oil….are you insane-o
- EYE! Metal Magnet in Microwave
- Evan won the lottery
- haha…death don’t need to kill Evan..Evan kill Evan.
- Evan is the smartest mofo…Death can’t kill you if you already dead.
- That cop is surfing the dark web
- https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2709194/
- Secrets of the Unkown.
- neocities
- Dude this is so the dark web…you don’t see this much death porn on the regular web
- Route 23 – 18 People Dead
- Brilliant…They needed to have a reason for disconnected individuals to connect. So they had Evan win the lottery so it would be iron enough that he died for it to be on the news but so low key that the reporters would not know he avoid death.
- Why you have scary Marionettes
- At the request of the patient…you got to come in naked if you want to visit.
- Voluntary crazy
- B 109
- Ha! She has a murder trail wall.
- Die in this order…death list
- Someone intervened so you will be last on the list.
- Wait! Death is mixing it up! Death learned his lesson…he’s going backwards!
- “Watch out for the signs”
- Alex got a brick to the head?
- Clear be like…”I don’t care”
- death by pigeons
- “Oh Tim….If he gives me the gas and I wake up with pants unbuttoned…we ain’t paying.”
- Death – The invisible spectre of doom.
- 6th and 2pm 62!
- Giving Tim the gas.
- Man…if my Dentist was this cursy…I would have to reconsider
- Oxygen 0 Nitros….nom nom nom…Goodbye Tim
- haha…Tim is such a dick…Death is killing from the Dickiest to the less Dickiest.
- If this guy in the hobbit hole owns a fiddle then we know how he beat the devil.
- Ha! It’s the mortician.
- Dead, yet still fresh.
- Only new life can cheat death.
- Life/Death it’s all in a circle.
- If you create life that was never meant to be alive…then you cheat death and he rage quits?
- New Life defeats death.
- “Suck on my junk”
- Kimberly is having visions….like a while bunch.
- When does life begin? The age old question.
- Let me lick your face in an elevator bro.
- Doubter dude
- Why does she need a secret code word when she calls them?
- I’m just gonna put this is the closet/deathtrap
- Nora and Eugene are dead
- If you are trying to avoid death…for sure don’t take and elevator.
- Death is really into irony…he wants you to see signs of the pending death.
- This elevator is possessed with creepy.
- Nora was all like. I’m ready to die…and then when it comes…she was like…nope!
- Eugene is a control freak.
- Eugene…you got to Chillax
- haha…Death won’t let Eugene go out on his own terms.
- Death is trixie. Your water broke.
- All these people barely escaped death last year.
- You caught the Flight 180
- A rift in death’s design.
- Final Destination 2: Death Tidies up the Loose Ends
- Poor Jethro…he will be in part 3. Aww damnit They saved that kid.
- Would you throw out my box of shame? So my poor mom
- More like the jaws of death.
- Will it hurt when I die? Rory…nope.
- Why do they let the vision quest lady drive.
- Kalarjian…Naijralak
- Death is all like…You are trapped in here with me.
- It’s ok…it’s over…it’s totally not over! Cause she never died…son of a boot
- Death gonna give it to ya. Nooo…not Clear.
- The Lake, White Van, Doctor K, I have to drown
- Get Kalarjian
- That is a lot of trees in that ambulance.
- A leap of faith.
- BRIAN NOOO!
INTRO
Oh hi,
Thank you for the lovely dinner Mrs Banks. Please don’t cry. Mr. Banks could we bother you to set up the Monopoly Board? You da best Mr. Banks! Now remember what we told you. We aren’t like those horrible “sleepover bandits” that spend the night with a bank manager and then rob them the next morning. Nope, we’re just going to play a little game of Monopoly and we’ll be out of your hair. We’re the Board Game bandits!
Now hand me the car Mr. Banks (beat) because I’m always the car (beat) and I have a gun, now stop crying. Also, you are the Banker Mr. Banks because…. ‘duh.’
Oh, so you picked the fancy little dog. no no.. I almost picked the fancy little dog…but I’m sticking with the car. Ok, I’m rolling first annnnnd I rolled a 10…hmm…that lands me at jail…give me the dog…no…..you can be the car…. in jail…what? I know it’s just visiting! whatever…
I’m rolling as the dog…stop crying…your turn was the car and the car has already rolled. aaaand I rolled another 10! You know what…just give me the money…stuff it in this crown royal bag I stole from your liquor cabinet…don’t bother with the 1’s…c’mon hurry up Mr. Banks..
Alright, So thanks again Mr. and Mrs. Banks for a lovely evening. Oh look…their mailbox says “The Ibbotts” Boy did I get that wrong…oh well…I guess there are worst ways to spend a Saturday Night. Boom…TWIST ENDING! Epic long intro and done! Boom…give me my prize…what…it’s not a competition…whatever….keep telling yourself that loser.
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0219965/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bandits_(2001_film)
Bandits (2001) – Some Dialogue soup..Below my belt and above my knees, My Spaghetti is too long….and the sauce is too red…I hate it…Do you smell burning feathers
SHOW NOTES
- The tale of 2 hair styles
- One last big heist. Yes sir Joe knows what he is doing.
- Alamo Savings and Loan
- Most successful Bank robbers in US History.
- They Dead.
- “Criminals at Large” – The Sleepover Bandits
- Previously, in the Oregon Prison.
- Banned Garlic…but it cures it all….except a sucker punch.
- Harry has symptoms
- Joe needs some anger management!
- Medication is quicker.
- Cement Truck escape from the yard. Go Joe
- Backyard Cement Truck…coming through.
- We are going to need clothes, money, food.
- Matching denim uniforms that say inmate on it.
- Bandits don’t need a plan.
- Joe is a ladies man. Terry not so much.
- Highlighter bank robber
- “May I please go back to prison.”
- Hypochondriac partner
- Stoned Phil….something funny about being an inmate Phil?
- Party crashers…
- Paradise…always trying to get to Paradise…
- “I have sanitation issues Joe.” – Terry
- Terry along for the ride…Tuxedos and Margaritas in Paradise
- “We are bank robbers.”
- Below my belt and above my knees…where is it…
- Sleepover Bandits…Tuxedos and Margaritas…life is one big sunset.
- Who is her dad?
- Don’t borrow Phil’s car…it has a new transmission.
- Harvey Pollard…Time malfunction…I’m gonna get a beer. “He’s honest and he follows real good.”
- The Front Man: He rents the room, get’s the supplies, he drives the get away car.
- “My Spaghetti is too long….and the sauce is too red…I hate it…” Thanks Betty
- Crying lady…Saffron
- “Know what they call me in prison?”
- That is some seriously red hair…Kitchen Dance with a fridge black-light
- Kitchen drunk. She is so emotional…highs and lows
- Like a Billy Bob Thornton the hood of your car.
- Kate is desperate…thank you for the lift.
- “I’m feeling very fragile at the moment. I don’t need to be alone.”
- How long has Terry been in prison…he don’t even know what onStar is.
- Run over Billy Bob and end up a Hostage.
- Spent 200k …one thing led to another and I am throwing out 50 dollar bills at the crowd
- It’s hard being smart…that is a lot of nickels and the stress level is too damn high.
- Finger Brush!
- I saw it in a movie…a curtain between the bed. Some like it hot?
- “Beavers and Ducks” nightmare again!
- It must be a sign! Total Eclipse of the Heart! – Bonnie Tyler – Ultimate Chic Song. Haiku
- I love all the pony songs. Wildfire…
- Banker with emotional stress paralysis.
- Let’s extend the 24 hour rule
- It’s ok Larry.
- Harvey is always lighting himself up.
- Sick with Vaginitis.
- Rob a bank…split up…spend a lot of money…repeat.
- Are you achieving a low profile.
- Go home Kate!
- Billy Bob is always getting a concussion.
- OMG…they have to go!
- Live Fast and loose and wreck a lot
- Ha. He jacked the box trick that almost killed them?
- Joe has whiplash and cant find Kate!
- That is a lot of Pink Flamingo
- Ahh…the old…only 1 room left and you have to bunk with .
- This weeble wobble song scared me half to death.
- Jaw popping…grote.
- Her husband was a terrible kisser.
- Kate is just looking for an adventure.
- Many happy returns. Sneezing fit! She fixed it. She scared him…suffocated him and slapped him.
- Fear of getting smaller.
- Antique Furniture is scaring me.
- Black and White movies
- You are not a cockroach…more like a beaver.
- Looking for love in all the wrong places.
- Joe is not handling it well
- You broke Joe’s Heart
- Just let me have her Joe.
- Let Kate choose…
- in other words…me or that guy…good looking or itchy.
- Kate don’t want to choose.
- I will be in Spain next week…but the house is right here…waiting on you…it’s where you belong.
- Kate loves music…but music does not love her.
- Kate has 2 loves.
- Do you smell burning feathers?
- Terry is very susceptible to suggestion
- Dance paralysis.
- Brain Tumor…Joe doesn’t have a brother Albert.
- Together you are the perfect man.
- Waiting for a fight club moment…they are one man and they are all in Kate’s head.
- They never actually show the sleep over part.
- Dinner and then breakfast then off to the bank.
- 1 million dollar reward?
- Fade to black.
- That is why he was a stuntman.
INTRO
oh hi,
Alright Oldfellas, the Don has ordered us to take out Sleepy Joe Marcellino before he can testify against the family. But the FBI has him stashed away in a remote location. However, I have a plan.
First we take a Train….then we take a walk…..then we take a boat….then we take a car….then we take a helicopter….hold on Tony, I’m doing the plan over here…now where was I…..oh yeah…then a station wagon…then The Oakside Boys Club bus….no wait…that’s next week….back the bus up….
Alright. we get off at the station wagon, shoot some feds…play some Trivial P, seal our fates by whacking the son of an FBI Agent and Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo Sleepy Joe Marcellino takes his last nap. Any questions?
What’s the P stand for? (Pause for effect) Pursuit…geez guys…we are Oldfellas…we keep it clean. I mean we still kill guys and stuff…but they probably deserve it right…hey Tony what are you making over there that smells so darn good? No…I do not know what a Cow’s only contribution is…is this one of them Trivial Pursuit questions?
Ah crap! Everybody down…Tony’s got a Shit Cake and all we have are these guns!
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091828/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raw_Deal_(1986_film)
Raw Deal (1986) – spelled backwards is Lead War. That is all. #shitcake
SHOW NOTES
- Hey wait a minute…this ain’t Red Heat!
- Studio “Ear” Canal has a weird intro
- De Laurentis film
- Amtrak coming at ya!
- Funky Music….crew walk montage…Train…Walk…Boat…Car…Helicopter…Station Wagon….are we there yet?
- That is the longest silencer I have ever seen.
- Who is this Motley crew of middle-aged to fairly-old white guys.
- Green Lite.
- Oh…is that Trivial Pursuit..
- How many times was John Wayne Nominated for an Academy Award?
- Sleepy Joe don’t want to be awake to testify.
- Italian? So you want to be a witness? Witness this…
- Harry…his birthday was in 2 week.
- They’re Dead…
- Meanwhile, some backwater industrial town and some country music.
- Why is this cop running from Arnold.
- This railroad planks chase scene is the kind of thing you don’t just think up.
- Hey…I know a shortcut through these woods
- Arnie Cigar – Flash Bang
- “You caught the bastard” – some cop
- Book ’em…and lying to the sheriff.
- This is a shift in musical tone.
- Amy is jamming and drinking mid day
- …and making a cake…
- Amy…are we having a party?
- 5 years in exile…
- They left NY cause of something that happened! What happened!
- What’s for dinner? A frosted pile of shit.
- You think just because we are in shape doesn’t mean we are not fat.
- A cow’s biggest contribution…Shit Cake!
- “You should not drink and bake.”
- Aww…it’s ok…you just sleep off the drunk honey…I’ll put you in bed and get drunk!
- Hello Mark….Hello Harry…Mark….Harry…
- “Hold it…that’s Baxter!”
- Half the bones in the body broken.
- Chicago Mob. Bad!
- All them mob bosses taking the 5th
- My son Blaire…he dead
- I want Petrovita!
- FBI ain’t doing squat.
- for $45K I want you to break up the Chicago Mob.
- Comingski! Investigating his own break in
- What kind of petrol place is this….they just got huge pipes that anyone can turn on.
- Poor Irvin…he ain’t never done nothing to you.
- Holy crap….he just blew up a bunch of private property to set up his fake death.
- $25k for initial expenses.
- Wife beater and hair tonic….I’m a new man!
- Magic or magnet! This table ain’t straight!
- Money grabber guy….I ain’t afraid of no Terminator
- This chump brought a gun to a truck fight
- The Oakside Boys club. bus…lots of guns…poor shots…poor Tony…he was a good kid…You son of a bitch.
- Down…there is no down….I’m not a cop…I’m a player…MONEY!
- Cigars are fun to watch on film…not so fun to smell in real life
- Taking Max Kellars job
- Miami…I’m in the computer.
- That was one hell of a tip…
- These alley’s have rats.
- What’s the P stand for ….pregnant pause….
- The FBI and their crazy questions….”when is the last time you took a piss?”
- A big pile of money…100 Million Dollars on the streets…take a few weeks according to number 2.
- In movies…people chew up their pills before swallowing them.
- You are temporary probie.
- Max don’t like you none.
- She likes a take charge kind of guy.
- Man…he has a type…alcoholic.
- but he can’t handle his booze
- Well…he got in her bed..but he didn’t sleep with her….
- Man…all this sleuthing is hard when you don’t have a cell phone with a camera and the internet.
- What is up with that hair! That was big even for the 80s. Time to Tik Tok on stage
- Hey ya Cretin!
- Down at the Drag Show
- haha…this chip shot on the golf course from the sand trap.
- Monique!
- The Family…it’s large and full of rats
- Max…maybe you are having too much fun…maybe you need a snack.
- How many people have you killed? 3…
- “Smart I like…Smart Ass…I don’t”
- Haha…those guys just happen to be walking by the dress shop in the mall and notice him.
- 50 cops in that place. Bomb threat!
- It’s not a horrible idea apparently.
- Fancy…Soda Bomb.
- Man…Half Life Pro Life Whale Loving
- Hello Marvin…
- Justice…right Harry…Justice…F* JUSTICE
- and this was a terrible to attack mob boss rival…
- …and now he killed 3…and 4…
- Cops again cops
- All the cops are corrupt! including the
- Ha…He said “I’ll be right back.” Close
- Friend-zoned
- He may have went overkill on Maxx
- haha…Harry…was like…”It’s ok…you shot me…it’s ok…”
- How did she know to come save him?
- Did I mention the pit! Don’t go…Now towel dry yourself…ahhh…that’s it…pat it dry.
- Now it’s time for the “Personal War” part of the movie.
- Cocked and loaded montage.
- Alright….Arnold…in this scene we are going to have some saxophones and need you to look roided out and cock all these guns…sexy!
- ahhh man…Windshields are hard to kick out.
- Time to put in my No Satisfaction cassette in and kill it down at the pit.
- He should be smoking a cigar.
- haha…did that guy fall in the rock crusher?
- cocking face!
- 01:27:30 capture
- Do they big green industrial sized trucks turn into transformers!?
- haha…1:28:30 ye-ag—ag
- That guy bought a big green truck to a gun fight.
- A tale of bringing the wrong things to fights is what this movie is all about.
- These dead people make me happy
- Mob War my Ass
- Don’t think.. pray.
- Schrodinger’s Elevator
- This would have been a lot shorter movie if they had just paid Arnold to kill the mob from the get-go…but nooo…he had to get all motivated.
- What kind of candies are those.
- This is what it must mean by “Poetic Justice.”
- A quarter million dollars for an alcoholic gambler… why not just shoot her.
- Back at the FBI and his wife.
- Get up Harry!
- My reunion with Amy was great…baby on the way.
- Harry…be a godfather….give me my chair!
- ouch…did you ever quit in front of blaire!
- It’s a miracle! All he needed was a pep talk