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Category: Filmsack Notes
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Oh hi. This content is Patreon supported fast-tracked.
It will be freely available to all after a 24-48 hours period.
INTRO
Oh hi,
Hey listen, thanks for letting me ride along with your Storm Chasing team to track down and research Tornados. This will no doubt be a valuable experience for my new podcast: Tornado Talkers. What’s that? Roll the maps? Oh sorry…I was just folding them like a rookie. My bad.
Ok, so as a podcaster here is my Tornado wish list for the next 24 hours, in order of a convenient rising action. First a Side Winder, then Twister Sisters, A Jumper, A Night Stalker and finally the much talked about… Daddy Killer a real 5 Fs Tornado. Oh it’s F5…so not Fs to the 5th power then.. Ok ok…I’m rolling the maps…
Oh hey look is that one of those Motel-Garage-Food Stand-Drive-Ins over there? We should totally stop by there tonight on our way back. Hot snot! They are showing the Shining! A manly High 5 ensues! H5! No? I know…roll the maps. Man, you sure got a lot of maps.
Slightly off-topic, what do you suppose they are drinking from that straw that runs into the roof of that one truck. Yeah, the barn burner truck…oh…it’s tropical fruit punch? Cool…cool…yeah that was NOT what I was guessing….. Oh theres a second straw…and where does that one go…oh…oh…one end out of the floor of the truck and the other end up your pants.
Alright, I rolled up all the maps…you can just let me off here. I can probably catch an early showing of the Shining for my new podcast Roadside Motel,Garage,Food Stand,Drive-in: The Midwest Experience.
Oh look…cows!
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117998/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twister_(1996_film)
imdb.com/title/tt0117998/(opens in a new tab)
Twister (1996) – It’s the wonder of nature baby. Hey, why don’t we just ride these horses out of here! Oh look…cows! #chaos
SHOW NOTES
- Twister
- June 1969
- Momma’s got ya Joe.
- Tobey! C’mon.
- F5
- To the Storm cellar mom!
- F the chickens!
- Nothing like waiting until the last second to head to the storm cellar
- That storm is growling.
- Dumb man thinking he can hold the door…also…maybe next time a stronger latch on your storm door.
- Meanwhile in space.
- G.O.E.S. 8 Weather Satellite
- NSSL
- Tornadoes and coffee…they go hand in hand.
- All I am saying is “don’t fold the maps. Roll the maps…there is a crease.”
- Barn Burner
- “A Manly Handshake Ensues” – The Dust man.
- Biggest series of storms in 12 years
- It is the same as it was in December…
- “The Suck Zone, The point at which the twister just sucks you up…” – The Dust Man
- New Job, New Truck, New Wife
- Dorothy…she’s here…I Dorothy
- “To the extreme!”
- Nobody know how a Tornado works. Until now…data from inside of the tornado.
- 3 minute warning time. Trying to get to 15 minutes
- Fire up the action music.
- Lets go go go…pack it up…set it up…pack it up
- It’s what they do
- He’s back…I’m not back…he is so back.
- Thank you southern girl
- In it for the money and has high tech gadgets but no instincts Jonas
- His balls are cubes.
- Unrealized Idea..Unrealized Idea
- Bill is looking for the opposite…stability The ying and yang
- Hot Pit BBQ
- Bill is a human barometer and Twister Talker
- We are going Green…Greenage
- Ha ha! It’s the wonder of nature baby! Drink from the Barn Burner straw.
- The chaos os 3 different musical themes at once on the road trip.
- “Joan…she didn’t marry your penis…ok…she didn’t only marry your penis.”
- I bet those spikes are topping 40k
- No one has caught the magic of storm chasing since this movie?
- This tornado is a sidewinder…duh
- Liability only…I bet his insurance is ridiculous.
- Very large rope on the ground
- “I got to go Julia…we got cows.”
- Twister Sisters.
- Triplets
- Aunt Meg with all the chimes and food.
- Meg has the meats.
- Is she going to eat that meat or just fork those rolls.
- Bill is the Extreme
- F4 would relocate your house.
- F5 finger of God
- Let’s find this road…it’s like Bob’s Road
- Hail!
- “That’s no moon…it’s a space station…woooo”
- Rabbit is good…Rabbit is wise…
- Melissa look at this!
- The cone of silence! Nooo…We got a jumper.
- Are Bill and Joe not aware that their mics are always on. Or is Joe setting it on on purpose.
- Motel/Garage/Drive-In/Tornado Hole (Canton)
- Maybe the tornado is trying to kill Joe. It’s Twister Destination
- Night time tornadoes are the scariest.
- That Drive in is playing Psycho and The Shining.
- Galaxy Drive In?
- I knew the TV would kill me.
- Poor Meg’s cows. Did you see Meg’s cows out front? I did…they were flying around…well the same cow…sucked up by some Twister Sisters.
- RIDE THEM HORSES OUT OF THERE!
- OMG…who are these people!
- They should have went into the house.
- Those kill farmers had a storm cellar.
INTRO
Oh hi Chachi, Sorry I didn’t see you there.
Now I would like to read my poem about something that’s pretty important to me and that I get really confused about a lot. It’s called “Chachis.”
Chachis, sometimes I feel like I’m so much above ’em and sometimes I feel like I’m so much below ’em. Sometimes I hate ’em and sometimes I love ’em (hold on a sec. I’m having a puberty fueled fantasy about boobies. Oh yeah..) now where was I…right…Sometimes I hate ’em and sometimes I love ’em but if I was a caveman, I think I’d just club ’em.
Oh c’mon! Don’t boo the Cooter. You know the Gary Cooter is all about the love! Now hand me my trapper keeper. I got a raging puberty Cooter Boner that I need to hide. Oh hi Scatman.
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084945/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zapped!
Zapped! (1982) – First comes the woman and then the whiskey and then the unfiltered tweeting. My old lady won’t let me have salami.
SHOW NOTES
- Oh hi, I didn’t see you there Chachi
- God Bless Merica!
- Zapped! Lightening!
- Schools out
- That rat is scuba and anatomically impossible.
- Come on Edgar! All the rockstars love this stuff!
- School wants to know the effects of alcohol on divers.
- He has the Ultra Grow Formula
- Coke Bottle glasses.
- “You know what you need? A girl!”
- Oh…boys will be boys.
- Yay! It’s the Ralph Waldo Emerson High Penguin Cheerleaders for the baseball team…
- That band…they are pure comedy gold…especially the trumpet guy.
- Gary Cooter! It’s Gary Cooter and the band
- The Baseball team is winless.
- Rabbit Doo-Doo.
- Oh Peyton…your camera is a metaphor for your penis
- Scatman!
- haha…Scatman gonna drop some super gro into the Cannabis
- The Devil’s Double Wammy. Women and the Booze.
- No salami, no weenies.
- Then a little beer.
- Radioactive Spider….no! Beer, Cannabis and Super Grow….you been zapped.
- Time for the comedic music.
- ‘Barney Bonehead’ retort ‘Up Yours’
- Roll up his sleeves…check between his toes.
- This was something my parents did.
- Alvie did it and his dummy.
- Specializing in Botany.
- She sure is pushy…ladies shouldn’t be pushy! We all knew that in 1982 because it was still 1950s US
- Gary Cooter has no room to make fun of Mrs. Burnfart. and your 4th year as a senior.
- It’s called Chicks and this is my Gary Cooter song.
- The ladies boo the Cooter.
- Barney Boner don’t call on me
- All you need is a good opening line
- Ouch…Barney go with your mice.
- Tee Winkle College (Rob Robert)
- Nerdy Botanist and his rich unpopular friend
- haha…the closed captions says [zapping]
- Is thought sweeping easier than real sweeping…it looks harder to me.
- Triumphal Music
- oh snap…he broke her 5 glasses and now she is an 10
- There was an explosion that knocked me out and I came to and didn’t think anything of it.
- And now the circle of trust is created. The fellowship is created.
- Relaxo Prune Juice and Rum.
- Spam with Cream sauce.
- Zapping…
- I has Telekinesis and I can phase stuff
- Haha…they have glitter Nike Swooshes on their space uniforms.
- Poor Alvie…eh don’t deserve this.
- His mom is a monster and his dad is a chump
- Edgar has it too…the Zappinging. You little shit.
- Well we have established that Edgar has long term effects of the Zapping and will probably get sick or die first?
- Alan take your fingers out ya noise…now suck it!
- Nathan ‘Too Mean” Levine…tha brute keeps rubbing his crotch.
- Look at me…my bat is a penis!
- I have never understood mooning.
- The best way to hassle ladies is to expose their boobies.
- The principle can’t access the lab!
- Burning Pot to dispose of the evidence is never a good idea.
- Trope Sex Comedy “Overheard conversations are always mistaken for sex talk”
- My old lady won’t let me have Salami and chili dogs.
- Help Me Mr. Einstein
- You ugly Spasm
- High School Popular girl is always dating the College Dude
- Freddie is Robert’s older brother who went to Africa on Safari and married a Pygmy Girl
- Drink a 12 pack a piece and try not to puke on the spinning teacup ride.
- …Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me..
- Fighting with your Zap powers.
- Barney is always trying to eat something.
- Robert is taking me to Hawaii for graduation.
- Peyton is playing Jane like a fiddle.
- Jane has got to see all the lady pics on the wall and know this guy is a creep.
- Weiner food is referenced a lot in this movie. Wonder Weiner.
- Bernadette had 3 crushes a year
- Mom and her cross
- We need a music montage…here…here…and here
- This is a more intimate moment that I wanted to see
- Excuse me as I slip under the table
- He grew a conscience
- Flying Roulette Wheel of science!
- First come the woman and then the whiskey – Scatman logic
- Tranquilize your kid!
- “I think I’m going to throw up.” retort “That is one of Satan’s favorite lines.”
- This is Heaven Prom Theme.
- Revenge Porn in 1982
- Watermelon to the head
- Let’s get naked…..This is hilarious…let’s get naked! This got all Rape-y real quick.
- A chemical reaction to get zapped powers and then a physical hit to remove them…nope…he was just kidding.
- The rise of a new superhero? Nope…use your powers for exploding clothes.
- How the hell was Gary Cooter and band not the band at the prom.
Oh hi. This content is Patreon supported fast-tracked.
It will be freely available to all after a 24-48 hours period.
INTRO
Oh hi,
What’s up my Witches! Oh I am sorry did I startle you horrible hags. It’s just me the high priest Ma-Axe and now perhaps you understand how I feel when I run into one of you in the middle of the night while on urgent poo business. I haven’t poo’d in a decade! The Truth cannot be changed!
Anywho, What are we working on today my coven of ugly? A passion potion? Tell me more! A brew that turns you from horrible to hot! I …am …listening! Oh…but you ran out of “cow placenta” and you only have enough to either make you hot up top or hot down below. Hmmm…that is a tough one. Better make it hot bottoms. Oh! are we doing the squirmy dance…You know I love the squirmy dance. Yeah…this is going to be so much better after the potion. I can’t wait.
Alright, I’m heading out. Oh yeah…if you are heading to the lower levels today, we left the ankle grabber flaps open. So, be high stepping or lose a foot to the death guards. Toodles. The Truth cannot be changed!
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083630/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beastmaster
The Beastmaster (1982) – I have my eyes, I have my cunning and now I have my strength….Now if I just had a sandwich What… Nooo..not the village baker! and his baker’s paddle…burnt up! nooo…I have nothing
SHOW NOTES
- The BeefyMaster
- Eek! Big cat! Bird! another bird! yet another bird! Black Tiger? angry eagle. Who’s nature slideshow did we get suckered into watching.
- Meanwhile in ancient something or another…
- Door go up!
- Oh look…a tiny pyramid.
- 1 black and 2 red robes.
- Oh goody…I was hoping there would be ladies squirming around a pot.
- RIP TORN! is he a vulcan?
- Oh no!
- You will die at the hands of Zed’s unborn son.
- Those witches should work on their faces.
- “I hear you are working on a child sacrifice…” now..go away…go hang out with the barbarians.
- OMG…that nose on Rip Torn.
- I don’t believe Rip Torn believes you.
- Hey…you seen my 2 suicide monks? I’m pretty sure they are hanging around here somewhere…oh there they are.
- Why is JJ’s dad hanging out with the fanatics
- Everybody is either ugly in this movie or …no they are all ugly.
- Just gonna sneak into your room at night and bring my brahma cow…oh…and I brought my radioactive goop as well.
- That baby wants out of your belly…no your unborn child is ours now…and it’s in my cow belly.
- Poor cow…why didn’t the witch just cut it out of the mommies belly…seems like an unnecessary step.
- Man…that witch can build a fire…I mean that thing is huge.
- Krull to the back! Kappa?
- She ain’t there.!
- Slow pan up…yeah…look at them legs…ahhh yeah…and those thighs …and breasts and OMG!
- I guess that baby had one last trick
- Free babies!
- Hey village! Look what I got! New Life! Smell it!
- 10 years later…time to f with the other villagers…Johnny Appleseed style
- This bear is angry! No worries dad…I go the dead eye…look at me bear.
- Hey boy…never tell anyone about talking with the animals thing.
- The gods put a mark on your hand…so suck it up beloved.
- Tell the village…Fortis…he dead.
- “Yar…it is fixed…hiyaa!” Father is kind of a dick…always challenging the young bucks…stabbing witches in the back…stealing babies…rubbing the fact he has a new baby in the face of the other villagers.
- Uh oh…a dust cloud…it can only mean one thing…
- A line in the sand…We have been waiting a long time for this…come on old man…and that was pretty anticlimactic…all that posturing…and insta-death
- “What should I do during the pillage? run through the village with my booby hanging out…sure thing.”
- “Hey that guy…he looks like my scar..I must kill him!”
- Noooo! they shot the dog! not the dog!
- I love how Rip Torn shows up and looks amused.
- Pillage the village!
- I get clubbed and now I am the 3 eyed raven.
- Well why didn’t you see your dead dog talker of animals?
- I suppose in hindsight…perhaps we should have kept all the explosives in the village.
- Nooo..not the baker! and his baker’s paddle…who will make the bread pudding!?
- Ok…that’s it…I’m taking my dead dog and getting the hell out of here.
- It’s the hero’s journey…They killed everything I loved!
- Alright…time to burn these bodies that didn’t burn during the village fire…these dead villagers are really flammable!
- I am the Hawk…following me and find your destiny! now quickly…you must run to the top of this hill and yell and swing around this small tree…You are a self taught warrior…now talk to the birds!
- Dad’s sword! hey this is way better for swinging around than that small tree I cut down.
- Run and Sword…squat…run and sword…squat
- Now what are those weasles/ferrets gonna do with that gear?
- Oh no! Quicksand! It’s the deadliest of sands.
- Listen to my mind powers you little beasts
- Saved ya! Now you owe me a life debt. Kodo and Podo my pocket friends…now get in there.
- Hey guy…yeah guy..let’s tie this black tiger of the desert up and f with him…well that sounds like a good use of our time. Hey…I’m surprised we have lived that long.
- Caw! Caw!
- Ahh yes…this pleases The Beastmaster…I nod my head in satisfaction.
- I have my eyes, I have my cunning and now I have my strength…your name is woo? Now let’s us until we see some naked ladies bathing and then we shall woo them with our cunning.
- “Let’s swim with our tops off! How about bottoms off…no! Just tops and we only go in waist deep! OK!”
- You owe me your life…but I will take this molestation as my payment. I am Dar…I am no threat to you.
- Jin Horde?
- Let’s get frisky! Slave to the priestess.
- I see why as a 12 year old boy I liked this movie.
- What is this place? This soup is people!
- Are these ancient vampires? Cause I think that dude in the cave was safer in his cage.
- Oh these bat people worship the bird…back off!
- So the beastmaster popped into the bat peoples tree and got a guy killed but collected his loot all the same.
- That miniature city sure is close to the camera
- This music sounds like BSG
- There is still meat on that skeleton’s goot…gross.
- The Beastmaster is always falling into viscous materials
- Don’t touch the pony!
- Hey high priest…that kid is kind of old for a sacrifice.
- Why would you bring your kid of a kid sacrificing party?
- No no..let’s see where this is going. Maybe he won’t throw the kid in this time.
- Strong Hawk…so strong he can carry kids
- Confused Rip Torn is the best Rip Torn.
- I returned your kid…now you owe me a life debt
- Here…take this eye ring! it will lead you to him.
- Kill him now…but he has a black tiger!!
- So is he controlling the tiger or is he just watching.
- Nooo! not my kitty.
- Hahaha…
- Face an animal on it’s on terms
- Ohh…now he owes a debt!
- Look I am The Beastmaster…I ain’t the LogMaster…want to give me a hand here.
- Know what’s easier…movie a log while not eye locked with a stranger
- Life is a circle…I am sure we will see each other again.
- Seth thinks stuff is funny…until it is not…he has the best turn.
- Let’s have a conversation and negotiation of travel
- I can see through the eyes of the beast and know their thoughts and they can see through my eyes and know my thoughts.
- These are my thieves…now by all means…go to sleep with your trinkets left unattended. Yoink
- This ring has eyes!
- Oh…has my vision squatting awoken you? Apologies, sometimes I must express my colon during meditation.
- Priests in Red and Ladies in white means sacrifice!
- She’s no slave…she is my cousin.
- These priests do not talk…but they do have balls.
- Quickly…we must flee! Pull the rope faster!
- This greatly amusing Seth…Seth is amused.
- The reluctant cohort hero…this kid is always napping…
- This movie has a lot of ass cheek
- First you must ride in the hay ride of deadly allergies…then you must pass the leg grabbers…and boy do they love to grab legs. then over the death guard making hole and use your ferrets to fish out the keys…but be careful…then past the secret Trill changing room….and onto the totally not suspicious unlocked room
- So Zed had a kid after
- Man that witch is tall and can climb a wall.
- Suck it witch…I have the eye of the tiger!
- “Can you walk? Yeash”.
- I am so angry! I am a Death Guard! I hate everything! Especially legs…
- …and finally to escape…just head out the hole under the giant skull…easy pleasy.
- haha….the cave skull lever wheel is stuck
- I am not totally convinced The Beastmaster has any strength. He seems to have trouble with a lot of strength challenges.
- Death Guard in the Hole!
- Why does The Beastmaster have the ability to communicate with the Bird but occasionally he will need to do the bird scream.
- There they are…my little nut biters. Let’s go!
- Does that door have a counterweight?
- Blind Dad. I need no coward by my side!
- Just goes to show you…it takes more than sperm to be a dad.
- “Go crawl down a hole with your animals.” Owee…words hurt sperm donor dad.
- This eye ring can also hear?! or does he also have an ear necklace?
- oh chit…Set done saw you.
- Beastmaster you are our only hope.
- There is always a lot of talk of Sacrifice at sunrise…sunset…just get on with it. Are you worried about attendance? It’s too hot at noon?
- Down the dirt path littered with bodies on pikes.
- Ropes are no match for these rodents.
- Rip Torn and his Skull Hair clips
- Witches be like that…they turn their back to you and then flee.
- Nooo…the sacrifice was too great! Kodo is dead! or is it Podo
- Now I must rub my face on my ferret
- Hurry…make the moat look like…
- Hey…why is the beastmaster just chillin on the pyramid.
- “In my village”…yadad
- Your explosive mote idea was half baked.
- Man…every time she puts on clothes something is always trying to take them back off again.
- You have activated Seth Frenzy…back the F up.
- The Yar king is not the best swinger
- I fell on my own weapon! Eeek it’s in my back!