Film Sack

Suburban Commando (1991) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Welcome to our little suburban crime ridden… and social justice warrior nightmare…of a neighborhood where you will find puppies in hot cars, unfair vending machines that steal your money, irresponsible car owners, delinquent kids and crazy shop owners who are easily spooked and are quick to broom waving and shouting nonsense.

Hell, even our street performers are endangered. Yep it’s Hard Times for our Late Night Mimes….can someone please think of the mimes!

Yep, if I have learned anything from this movie…and I haven’t…it’s that sometimes you have to lose to win. Well I lost…where is my win?

WHERE IS MY WIN SCOTT! WHERE!

(more…)

Film Sack

Full Metal Jacket (1987) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Movie Sergeant Dunaway here, your Senior
Sack Instructor. From now on, you will speak
only when spoken to, and the first and last
words out of your filthy mouth holes will be “Huh!”

Do you basic grubs understand that?

(Huh) Exactly.

Also, I can’t hear you. Sound off like you watched this weeks movie and enjoyed it.

Johnson, your new name is Grossman. Cause you think stuff’s gross. Good job.

Ibbott, I’m gonna call you Boris …cause you do a really funny Russian accent and also  because you are a little squirrelly. Like moose and squirrel. Say the thing!

Jordan, you will now answer to  Dicks…because that one time you made me laugh when you said something about a bag of dicks.

Now choke yourself. That’s it….ahhhh yeah.

Dicks, tell us about your job this week.

 

(more…)

Film Sack

Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

“Local South African dance choreographer and ass blaster impersonator Chance Naidoo here.

Please step back white people. I am about to blow your collective minds as I light my ass on fire and rocket skyward as if….well… as if my ass were on fire. Be envious as I do those really sweet vertical leaps using only my crazy strong calf muscles…yes…just like in National Geographic.

Uh oh. Things have gone horribly wrong! It appears instead of lighting the fuse to my home made phosphorus device… which I have stuck in my bum… I have mistakenly lit my penis on fire. Which I sometimes refer to as my “Graboid.” Damn these authentic South African Tribal Dance Attire and their crotchless fashion sense.”

Said no South African ever. Always be running.

(more…)

Film Sack

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Dearest Del Toro. Please don’t start weaving me a story about a one armed Elf King and not reveal what happened to that freaking arm!

I mean, was he born that way? Did the humans take it to fill their empty heart holes? Did he lose it in a cookie baking competition up on Keebler hill? C’mon man, I need details!

You can’t just drop a bomb like “one armed elf” and run away laughing maniacally. Hold on…was that it…did he lose it in some mythical high school prank gone wrong. Perhaps he cooked that cherry-bomb too long before tossing it into the toilet? BTW, I heard that is how Randy lost 40% of his hearing in his right ear.

Anywho, just need closure on that arm thing man.

Yours Truly,

Both Arms Brian

 

 

(more…)

Film Sack

Heat (1995) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

How you doing? What do you say I buy you guys a cup of coffee. Perhaps talk about our careers and poor life choices?

What’s that Randy? Additionally you want a slice of pie? and instead of black coffee you want a  Cappuccino? Yeah…that’s not going to happen. Now drink your cold nasty drip coffee swill and shudd’up.

Huh Scott? A guy once told you “don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat… if you feel the heat around the corner.” Well…I believe they call that podfading Scott and I was the guy!

What Ibbott?! Something about a woman’s ass…

Alright, I think we’re done here. Who’s got the check? No I don’t have facebook messenger. Split bill pay…it’s 1995 ya goon all I got is this here beeper that ruins marriages.

 

(more…)

Film Sack

Lethal Weapon 3 (1992) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

What? This scratch? It’s from Lethal Weapon 3. But that’s nothing. We haven’t even started with the pain of doing Filmsack for over 10 years!

Take a look at this!  A knife you ask? nope. A Glaive. Some guy mistook my head for a cave that looks like a vagina. Natural mistake.

ohhh… Be gentle with me.

and this? it’s freezer burn from a run in with a couple of Ice Pirates. Feel that texture. I almost ended in thirst! that one…same thing but over on Third and Highlander. But to be honest I don’t like to talk about both since there can only be one.

Oh…that….yeah…now that one WAS a knife. yep, I got into a knife sizing competition with Crocodile Dundee and there was an accident and the knife ended up in my eye. I was seeing Blood Bubbles for a week. It was disgusting. Blood Bubbles.

Hey Word Scott…. Word Randy. Word Ibbott.

 

(more…)