Hey listen, thanks for letting me ride along with your Storm Chasing team to track down and research Tornados. This will no doubt be a valuable experience for my new podcast: Tornado Talkers. What’s that? Roll the maps? Oh sorry…I was just folding them like a rookie. My bad.
Ok, so as a podcaster here is my Tornado wish list for the next 24 hours, in order of a convenient rising action. First a Side Winder, then Twister Sisters, A Jumper, A Night Stalker and finally the much talked about… Daddy Killer a real 5 Fs Tornado. Oh it’s F5…so not Fs to the 5th power then.. Ok ok…I’m rolling the maps…
Oh hey look is that one of those Motel-Garage-Food Stand-Drive-Ins over there? We should totally stop by there tonight on our way back. Hot snot! They are showing the Shining! A manly High 5 ensues! H5! No? I know…roll the maps. Man, you sure got a lot of maps.
Slightly off-topic, what do you suppose they are drinking from that straw that runs into the roof of that one truck. Yeah, the barn burner truck…oh…it’s tropical fruit punch? Cool…cool…yeah that was NOT what I was guessing….. Oh theres a second straw…and where does that one go…oh…oh…one end out of the floor of the truck and the other end up your pants.
Alright, I rolled up all the maps…you can just let me off here. I can probably catch an early showing of the Shining for my new podcast Roadside Motel,Garage,Food Stand,Drive-in: The Midwest Experience.
Twister (1996) – It’s the wonder of nature baby. Hey, why don’t we just ride these horses out of here! Oh look…cows! #chaos
- June 1969
- Momma’s got ya Joe.
- Tobey! C’mon.
- To the Storm cellar mom!
- F the chickens!
- Nothing like waiting until the last second to head to the storm cellar
- That storm is growling.
- Dumb man thinking he can hold the door…also…maybe next time a stronger latch on your storm door.
- Meanwhile in space.
- G.O.E.S. 8 Weather Satellite
- Tornadoes and coffee…they go hand in hand.
- All I am saying is “don’t fold the maps. Roll the maps…there is a crease.”
- Barn Burner
- “A Manly Handshake Ensues” – The Dust man.
- Biggest series of storms in 12 years
- It is the same as it was in December…
- “The Suck Zone, The point at which the twister just sucks you up…” – The Dust Man
- New Job, New Truck, New Wife
- Dorothy…she’s here…I Dorothy
- “To the extreme!”
- Nobody know how a Tornado works. Until now…data from inside of the tornado.
- 3 minute warning time. Trying to get to 15 minutes
- Fire up the action music.
- Lets go go go…pack it up…set it up…pack it up
- It’s what they do
- He’s back…I’m not back…he is so back.
- Thank you southern girl
- In it for the money and has high tech gadgets but no instincts Jonas
- His balls are cubes.
- Unrealized Idea..Unrealized Idea
- Bill is looking for the opposite…stability The ying and yang
- Hot Pit BBQ
- Bill is a human barometer and Twister Talker
- We are going Green…Greenage
- Ha ha! It’s the wonder of nature baby! Drink from the Barn Burner straw.
- The chaos os 3 different musical themes at once on the road trip.
- “Joan…she didn’t marry your penis…ok…she didn’t only marry your penis.”
- I bet those spikes are topping 40k
- No one has caught the magic of storm chasing since this movie?
- This tornado is a sidewinder…duh
- Liability only…I bet his insurance is ridiculous.
- Very large rope on the ground
- “I got to go Julia…we got cows.”
- Twister Sisters.
- Aunt Meg with all the chimes and food.
- Meg has the meats.
- Is she going to eat that meat or just fork those rolls.
- Bill is the Extreme
- F4 would relocate your house.
- F5 finger of God
- Let’s find this road…it’s like Bob’s Road
- “That’s no moon…it’s a space station…woooo”
- Rabbit is good…Rabbit is wise…
- Melissa look at this!
- The cone of silence! Nooo…We got a jumper.
- Are Bill and Joe not aware that their mics are always on. Or is Joe setting it on on purpose.
- Motel/Garage/Drive-In/Tornado Hole (Canton)
- Maybe the tornado is trying to kill Joe. It’s Twister Destination
- Night time tornadoes are the scariest.
- That Drive in is playing Psycho and The Shining.
- Galaxy Drive In?
- I knew the TV would kill me.
- Poor Meg’s cows. Did you see Meg’s cows out front? I did…they were flying around…well the same cow…sucked up by some Twister Sisters.
- RIDE THEM HORSES OUT OF THERE!
- OMG…who are these people!
- They should have went into the house.
- Those kill farmers had a storm cellar.
Oh hi Chachi, Sorry I didn’t see you there.
Now I would like to read my poem about something that’s pretty important to me and that I get really confused about a lot. It’s called “Chachis.”
Chachis, sometimes I feel like I’m so much above ’em and sometimes I feel like I’m so much below ’em. Sometimes I hate ’em and sometimes I love ’em (hold on a sec. I’m having a puberty fueled fantasy about boobies. Oh yeah..) now where was I…right…Sometimes I hate ’em and sometimes I love ’em but if I was a caveman, I think I’d just club ’em.
Oh c’mon! Don’t boo the Cooter. You know the Gary Cooter is all about the love! Now hand me my trapper keeper. I got a raging puberty Cooter Boner that I need to hide. Oh hi Scatman.
Zapped! (1982) – First comes the woman and then the whiskey and then the unfiltered tweeting. My old lady won’t let me have salami.
- Oh hi, I didn’t see you there Chachi
- God Bless Merica!
- Zapped! Lightening!
- Schools out
- That rat is scuba and anatomically impossible.
- Come on Edgar! All the rockstars love this stuff!
- School wants to know the effects of alcohol on divers.
- He has the Ultra Grow Formula
- Coke Bottle glasses.
- “You know what you need? A girl!”
- Oh…boys will be boys.
- Yay! It’s the Ralph Waldo Emerson High Penguin Cheerleaders for the baseball team…
- That band…they are pure comedy gold…especially the trumpet guy.
- Gary Cooter! It’s Gary Cooter and the band
- The Baseball team is winless.
- Rabbit Doo-Doo.
- Oh Peyton…your camera is a metaphor for your penis
- haha…Scatman gonna drop some super gro into the Cannabis
- The Devil’s Double Wammy. Women and the Booze.
- No salami, no weenies.
- Then a little beer.
- Radioactive Spider….no! Beer, Cannabis and Super Grow….you been zapped.
- Time for the comedic music.
- ‘Barney Bonehead’ retort ‘Up Yours’
- Roll up his sleeves…check between his toes.
- This was something my parents did.
- Alvie did it and his dummy.
- Specializing in Botany.
- She sure is pushy…ladies shouldn’t be pushy! We all knew that in 1982 because it was still 1950s US
- Gary Cooter has no room to make fun of Mrs. Burnfart. and your 4th year as a senior.
- It’s called Chicks and this is my Gary Cooter song.
- The ladies boo the Cooter.
- Barney Boner don’t call on me
- All you need is a good opening line
- Ouch…Barney go with your mice.
- Tee Winkle College (Rob Robert)
- Nerdy Botanist and his rich unpopular friend
- haha…the closed captions says [zapping]
- Is thought sweeping easier than real sweeping…it looks harder to me.
- Triumphal Music
- oh snap…he broke her 5 glasses and now she is an 10
- There was an explosion that knocked me out and I came to and didn’t think anything of it.
- And now the circle of trust is created. The fellowship is created.
- Relaxo Prune Juice and Rum.
- Spam with Cream sauce.
- I has Telekinesis and I can phase stuff
- Haha…they have glitter Nike Swooshes on their space uniforms.
- Poor Alvie…eh don’t deserve this.
- His mom is a monster and his dad is a chump
- Edgar has it too…the Zappinging. You little shit.
- Well we have established that Edgar has long term effects of the Zapping and will probably get sick or die first?
- Alan take your fingers out ya noise…now suck it!
- Nathan ‘Too Mean” Levine…tha brute keeps rubbing his crotch.
- Look at me…my bat is a penis!
- I have never understood mooning.
- The best way to hassle ladies is to expose their boobies.
- The principle can’t access the lab!
- Burning Pot to dispose of the evidence is never a good idea.
- Trope Sex Comedy “Overheard conversations are always mistaken for sex talk”
- My old lady won’t let me have Salami and chili dogs.
- Help Me Mr. Einstein
- You ugly Spasm
- High School Popular girl is always dating the College Dude
- Freddie is Robert’s older brother who went to Africa on Safari and married a Pygmy Girl
- Drink a 12 pack a piece and try not to puke on the spinning teacup ride.
- …Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me..
- Fighting with your Zap powers.
- Barney is always trying to eat something.
- Robert is taking me to Hawaii for graduation.
- Peyton is playing Jane like a fiddle.
- Jane has got to see all the lady pics on the wall and know this guy is a creep.
- Weiner food is referenced a lot in this movie. Wonder Weiner.
- Bernadette had 3 crushes a year
- Mom and her cross
- We need a music montage…here…here…and here
- This is a more intimate moment that I wanted to see
- Excuse me as I slip under the table
- He grew a conscience
- Flying Roulette Wheel of science!
- First come the woman and then the whiskey – Scatman logic
- Tranquilize your kid!
- “I think I’m going to throw up.” retort “That is one of Satan’s favorite lines.”
- This is Heaven Prom Theme.
- Revenge Porn in 1982
- Watermelon to the head
- Let’s get naked…..This is hilarious…let’s get naked! This got all Rape-y real quick.
- A chemical reaction to get zapped powers and then a physical hit to remove them…nope…he was just kidding.
- The rise of a new superhero? Nope…use your powers for exploding clothes.
- How the hell was Gary Cooter and band not the band at the prom.