Van Helsing (2004) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

And thank you for agreeing to meet me in the woods of Transylvania to execute the worst plan ever. Ok, so here is the deal, we are going to tie my brother up to that stake over there in the clearing to lure out the Lycan…that’s a werewolf or “wolfman” for you basic village folk. By the way, I learned that word on the set of Underworld…oh and this….I learned this too…look at my bottom…look at it…ok…stop…Where did you guys get guns? I thought you were pitchfork and sickle people.

Well it doesn’t really matter, because I only brought the one silver bullet. So don’t shoot your guns. I repeat. Do not shoot your guns. as a matter of fact just give me the guns. give them to me. The only real harm you can create with those guns is if you shoot my brother or the elaborate pulley system we have set up. So don’t do it.

Alright, speaking of Pulleys…The pulley system is the hottest tech going in Transylvania today. In fact we will be showcasing it a lot in our movie…err…everyday tragic lives. So get used to these overly complex and often broken Pulley systems and by the end of this movie you will beg the Devil to never see another Pulley stunt again.

“In the name of God. Stop this movie!”

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Scooby-Doo (2002) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

This week on Filmsack, the gang invites you to hop into their shagging wagon for a totally PG ride down to the coast to help solve the mystery of Scooby-Doo two thousand and two and the case of the “there’s somethings rotten about these tomato scores, man.”

Hey sackers in the back! Mind your manners and be careful around Randy’s vegetarian hash bar. Randy Randy Roo, how high are you?

Scott, can you pull over here. I got to take care of a situation brewing in my pants. Earlier, Ibbott and I were having a not so friendly farting contest and I think there may be a disembodied turtle head leaking protoplasm into my scooby-doo under-roos. If you know what I mean.

Wait! come back. Friends don’t quit. ohh.

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The Way of the Gun (2000) – Filmsack Show Notes

filmscore’d –  5 / 8

INTRO

Oh hi,

This week on The Way of the Sack I learned some brand new lore. The lore of the Bagman…specifically…James the Leprechaun Caan… Lepre-Caan..

Yep, He’s got bags of monies and I’ll be damned if you can have them. He’s a flat out trickster that Leprechaun Caan..caan. Luring you into his wishing well of broken bottles and shattered dreams. “There is cheese in that there trap” as best as I can tell from what Del Toro was mumbling. The Cheese of Death and whining. oh I got glass in my arm.

Anywho, best be on your guard. Because, even if you are lucky enough to get close to the Leprechaun Caan’s monies you will surely have to fight his league of extraordinarily old Gentlemen. They ain’t much but they’re all survivors…well at least the next 15 minutes or so.

Caaaaan! You clever girl. Don’t you walk away from me with your monies and your stiff neck.

Bagman.

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The Invasion (2007) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

This week on… “Wait Is that Daniel Craig? Cause he looks a lot like Daniel Craig. Hmmm, does Daniel Craig have a brother?  Is there a Danny Craig…..maybe a Donny Craig? Hold up…..that is Daniel Craig!?”….

uh oh, I think I  just missed 15 minutes of the movie lost in some kind of Daniel Craig Brother Doppelganger mind loop… and for that brief moment… the world was just a little bit better for the possibility of two Craigs.

Twist ending he has a brother! Twisted Sister Ending he also has a sister. The Craigs….more interesting than this movie.

 

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Suburban Commando (1991) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Welcome to our little suburban crime ridden… and social justice warrior nightmare…of a neighborhood where you will find puppies in hot cars, unfair vending machines that steal your money, irresponsible car owners, delinquent kids and crazy shop owners who are easily spooked and are quick to broom waving and shouting nonsense.

Hell, even our street performers are endangered. Yep it’s Hard Times for our Late Night Mimes….can someone please think of the mimes!

Yep, if I have learned anything from this movie…and I haven’t…it’s that sometimes you have to lose to win. Well I lost…where is my win?

WHERE IS MY WIN SCOTT! WHERE!

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