This week on Filmsack we dig deep into Disney’s Darkest Hole. I mean we really get in there and dig around for nuggets of..oh….hold on guys…I’m getting an “ESP.” Uh huh..right…yeah..I’ll tell them…ok guys I just got a brain call from everyone’s favorite 1970 era sci-fi robot… old “one ball” B.O.B. …It appears he survived after all. However, he assimilated with Ernest Borgnine and now identifies as No Balls / Borg B.O.B….I’ll just let that one burn into your soul for a minute while you struggle to imagine a sweaty robot with a mustache. Does anybody have a 2 minute overture they want to play? Might help pass the time. No…
Alright! Oh wait! I’m getting another “ESP!” It’s V.I.N.Cent uh huh…right…yeah….I’ll tell ’em. V.I.N.Cent says he’s sorry. He’s sorry he asked all you lovely Filmsackers to endure this movie and he promises to never do it again. Nah I’m kidding…he started quoting some long dead philosopher and I remembered that this is ESP and I could just severe the connection. Click!
Well, I hope you enjoyed the view from the sidecar of my imagination…. and now here is that 2 minute overture I promised. No? Do you prefer commercials and 20 trailers before your movie? Fine. Then that is what you will get. …and now on with the show this is shit…this is PG! I can say that…it’s PG! we can talk about hell and everything!
The Black Hole (1979) – WTF! How is that an ending! Oh wait! I’m getting an “ESP!” Extra Spicy Poop
- Space overture.
- “What is your type and model?” “Buzz saw!”
- and I thought storm troopers were bad shots
- The Reinhardt Maximilian love scene was the best.
- Welcome to hell
- Welcome to heaven?
- WTF! How is that an ending!
Oh hi, this week’s movie is about a horse (a fricken’ horse) and his man. A horseman.
Why a horse movie you may ask? I’ll tell you why we watched this dumbass horse movie, because I made the mistake of revealing to my friends (and the Internet), my distrust for these muscle bound beasts of burden with brains the size of a human child’s brain. Brains by the way which horses use to calculate how long they have to wait before they can stop pretending to be your friend and start kicking your ass into the ground!
Puny human! You have hoof holes for a face now. Let’s get ice cream! Look at me I’ve got the brain of a 5 years old with the body of a killer! I’m in your kitchen. (Neigh, Neigh) Unpredictable.
Anywho, I hope you enjoy my displeasure.
The Electric Horseman (1979) – Like every Willie Nelson cowboy song ever in one movie. Toast, Bacon…eggs…EGGS!
Shhh…tranquil! Damnit Willie. You are gonna scare off the asshole horse.
That golfer looks like he took a shot to the nuts!
1969! Buckle Trophy. What were those made of?
My heroes have always been cowboys? How come?
Uh oh…broke the shoulder.
Now is the part of the song where we play weird instruments…and a harmonica.
Whose magazine rack is that.
Mustache…no mustache…stache…no stache
Ranch Breakfast…it’s full of cow shit.
Chicken Livers 79 cents!
Ahhh…he is like a byline now. Things went from Buckles to Bunk.
Like pushing boots on a drunk rodeo star…
My silky shirt is pinching my man chest.
Our HalfTime Theme of Champions of the world…or “look what we dug up.”
Ohh…the horse is electric!
Hey kids! Do you like cereal? I have cereal! and booze! Mostly booze.
On the ground again.
Momma don’t let your babies grow up to be drunk cowboys.
Ranch Breakfast makes you explode with energy. Toast, Bacon, Eggs and More Toast and Bacon and Meatloaf and Olives…oh and my nuts.
Kind of creepy…riding Sonny Steele ride on with kids. I can ride my own horse old man.
Ampco does everything.
We need some Michelob
Nothing worse than little Venus.+
Willie Nelson, you can’t sing your song you sing in real life as a character in a movie! Breaking me.
What the hell…how am I down on the field when I am right here…how drunk am i right now?
You just got replaced by a stand in.
Indians make watchbands?
Is this movie all cowboy songs by Willie Nelson? No wonder they hired him. Probably got a hell of a deal on the music.
What’s that horse doing here in the parking lot?
Foggy Taints wife?
Don’t tell no jokes and don’t lift no skirts.
5 Times rodeo champ…now selling cereal.
A little bute.
Your horse is stoned…and I’m drunk. We could party.
“Ain’t that right Rising Star!”
This weird ass Cowboy Con.
“The mean question lady.”
Elevating our anti-hero by introducing an even eviler guy(s)
Come on. I was just kidding. I don’t want a divorce.
Signing divorce papers in a bar in Vegas. Happens every five minute.
uh. Disco Magic! Listen to the funky sound….what…no Willie Nelson?
Stone Cold Sober.
If the horse was hurt. Wouldn’t it have been more humane to just shoot the horse. Instead of riding it through the Casino and then down the streets of Vegas.
People cheer for any weird shit riding through Vegas…”yeah…this is normal!” Cheer!
Hi, I’m Willie Nelson. I sing about horses and cowboys.
Just temporarily sterile. It goes away.
One Drunken Cowboy can take down a corporation.
Ampco primary concern is the health of the horse?
Investigative reporter. Let’s check the tape.
This Cowboy can’t stop stealing stuff!? Or did he borrow from Gus?
Horse in an RV making meth. Breaking Cowboy
What kind of horse voodoo is he working.
Gus is an odd bird.
“I work for television.” The whole damn thing?
That is a big bag of something she is sitting on.
This movie has some really hard cuts. One minute she is sitting on a giant bag of something talking to Gus during the day. The next minute she is getting punched in the face at night?
When cats sneak up on Robert Redford he punches them in the face. He likes horses.
You want information? It’s 1979. Go to the library.
12 Million dollar horse
Welcome to my cowboy sauna. It’s dark and full of beans.
Captured horse thief ain’t no story.
Watching some Mr. Magoo
This movie should be titled “I’m calling your bluff.” Cutting tires. Walking out.
He’s not a mean drunk! He’s just a drunk. How dare you defame my anti-hero!
hehe…do people still get off on dirty phone calls?
Since when does a corporation track someone like the FBI?
Damn she brought all the gear. Typical woman trope…high heels in the nature.
They would have the horse wearing short pants and smoking cigars.
Why is Redford so worried about the horse being sterile.
I like how he gave her the best speech ever before the camera was rolling. Then the worst speech ever while rolling.
Damn that woman! That’s why I left her…her and her big…
What is the letter? It’s got a stamp
Television must not pay a lot in 1979
RimRock Canyon in Utah.
A place that horses like; Rim Rock Canyon.
WHAT’S IN THE LETTER!
He’s a cereal cowboy.
Going to St. George…unless they moved the road.
There is a cop convention in town. A COP CONVENTION!
Ahh…the “I’m coming along” trope.
Using a cowboy hat to hide to hide when they are looking for a cowboy.
Seems reasonable. Horse can outrun cop cars and motorcycles…cause a horse has at least…1 horsepower.
Late 70s chase music was always funk…it literally sounds like every episode of C.H.I.P.S
Ok genius…you caught up with the guy on the horse on your motorcycle. Now what? Gonna bring him down?
Was it standard for cops to wear helmets in the cars during possible pursuit situations during the late 70s?
Gee I wonder if one of these cop cars will end up on top of the other cop car? bump… Well I’ll be damned.
She captured the part he didn’t know she was shooting.
Cowboys love open cans of beans. Just lay them around like decoration.
We are walking…with our feet.
No way can you eat that many beans and expect to make out city folk.
Gawd I want to be GUS. “I’m in the kitchen!” “My Wild Blue Yonder! I bought it in Elko!”
Wilfred good guy.
Sonny Steele. NORMAN!
Oh please tell me Randy is going to sing the National Anthem!
That poor horse. That poor mean horse.
My name is Alice. Alice and Norman.
Poor Diana Ross. Here name is all over this movie. Never seen her once. She’s the Chick in the bucket.
That kiss tastes like pills and beans.
Morning? Where did you get cheese?
Norman get the “getting up medal.”
Trope. Lady Luggage. Time to lighted the load.
Treating each other like children. It’s how relationships work.
You can name anything…anything…like they did with their names.
Get on this horse lady!
Caller…turn down your radio
“Is this Russian?” I think he may be illiterate. Is that what we are implying.
People love rebel cereal. Even though the profits go to the company.
Mom gone to get Butane Louise.
Ask a kid how much to make a call. “One Dollar!”
If that kid can read her note then my theory that Norman is illiterate may have merit. I guess he could have vision troubles…but he had trouble seeing at all in her prescription glasses. But…wait…he read the script earlier in the movie. Maybe he just has a little vision problem…or maybe he is crazy.
A 3 day trip.
You bastard! You lied to me!
You sent that sterile race horse out to fight the mares! Foool!
ahh…look…they are coming to great him. Nope!
Wait…is he coming or is he going…how many horses am I looking at right now!
Alright! A slow version of a cowboy song.
A donut with a candle in it? That is something for the road?
Haha…she ain’t got no bags bus man.
Ampco needs a new logo? Cause it was a horse. What they got now?
I’m just a cowboy in a modern world.