Welcome to that most wretched lair of villainy, The internet. A series of pneumatic tubes that lead into the homes, apartments, businesses and back alleys of our lives. Do I know what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Oh yeah….you better believe I do. I’m the tube man.
Hey Billy how are you enjoying yourself so far on Bring Your Kid to Work Day. I bet you didn’t know your old man was so important didja! Yep, Operating the tubes is an important job Billy! It’s how this town keeps moving. It’s not just the taxis up above, it’s all the guys like your dad working down below too. Watch your hands Billy…you don’t want to get sucked up into one of them tubes.
Yep, pretty important business down here Billy…oh look! An incoming message! Careful, that one almost got’cha Billy! Hmmm…looks like it is a message from the boss up top.
“Dear Tube man,” Hey that’s your old man Billy! “Due to recent technological advances your position has been eliminated. Signed, The Shadow.”
Why that son of bitch Billy! He’s firing us. The nerve! and he didn’t even do us the courtesy of doing it in person. Which is fine I suppose…he’s kind of a freak anyways…always hiding behind furniture and laughing maniacally like a 5 year old who thinks you can’t see him. I can see your shadow dumbass…
What’s that…what am I doing Billy? Well I’ll tell you what I am doing Billy…I’m finishing off this Peking Duck your mom sent us for lunch and I’m mustering up a special delivery for the boss. The moon is shining….but the ass is drippy. Oh yeah….we are about to drop a bomb on this town! Suck this Baldwin!
What? You guys didn’t stay for the post credit scenes setting up the ongoing cinematic universe of second rate comics characters? Spoilers. Randy?
The Shadow (1994) – I dreamed I tore the skin off my face and I was still watching this movie. “To the Sanctum!!”
- I am the da sha-duh
- Flute tone goes up! Love the flute in adventure…
- Add shadow to this font.
- Opium Fields Tibet!!
- Hey! It’s the guys who are in everything!
- You murdered 3 of our men.
- Tiny Poppy Fields!
- Them are some nasty nails. what does he do with those nails.
- Alec Baldwin on Saturday Night Live Tibet edition. Always gets a laugh.
- long haired Baldwin gets the ladies.
- Baldwin is one hairy dude in this movie.
- You call that a temple?
- The clouded mind sees nothing! COBRA!
- We have drums…we have bells….we have the child.
- Man’s voice in a boys body.
- You know what evil lurks in the hearts of men.
- Silky Pants Baldwin….right to the thing meat…that is one angry dagger
- Yeah I love this music…even if it has been done before.
- “Am I in hell?” “Not yet”
- The price of redemption for Cranston was to take up man’s struggle against evil. The Tulku taught him to cloud men’s minds, to fog their vision through force of concentration, leaving visible the only thing he can never hide – his Shadow.
Thus armed, Cranston returned to his homeland, that most wretched lair of villainy we know as — NEW YORK CITY!!
- 7 years later
- Are you guys Sereal?
- Concrete boot
- Chuckles in the night
- Duke killed a cop. Duke is randomly shooting shit like duke do.
- What would Duke Do? Shoot up the place. Put your Dukes!
- You have to confess Duke!
- Hey! He has on a mask! How progressive…too bad it doesn’t cover his nose.
- He has learned to be a marksman. Unlike his lackies in Tibet.
- The Shadow takes a cab.
- I saved your life…it now belongs to me.
- “The sun is shining” Agent says “But the ice is slippery” Response
- The Shadow Knows. Muhahaha
- You get saved. You get a ruby red ring. You get an assignment. The Sun is shining…but the ice is slippery.
- All this laughing is giving me a headache!
- 2 weeks in a row! House band!
- Rich playboys doing rich boy things.
- “Why am I talking to the back of your neck” – Johnathan Winters
- After the war…he disappeared for 7 years. 7 years in Tibet?
- A task force on him and into the shadow to do his best jedi mind control trick.
- She is strange. She hears voices!
- My cousin Harry…I could read his mind
- She can read minds and he is a mind manipulator…gonna be a problem. Who’s mind fu is stronger?
- Peking Duck.
- It’s dangerous for me moe. for me…me moe mo me
- Alf’s family dad!
- Random truck man drops off artifact. Solid silver….get to it Nelson.
- The Emperor of Mankind…Temujin. 8 centuries prior almost conquered the world. KHAN!
- Nelson…whatever you do ..don’t be a Neelix
- Weak minds…noooo…Yes my Khan
- Khan is a shadow’ish
- Oysters…I get a rash from Oysters
- When are you coming down to see my beryllium sphere
- Margo…you don’t return my calls anymore.
- Dad is color blind…red / green kind
- She could sense what she was feeling.
- “You are making a record of my destination.” -Khan…and he don’t like it.
- The shadow has at least one officer at his employ. ring
- Pneumatic Tubes all over town! Special delivery!
- Hard to trace…but not impossible.
- “To the Sanctum”
- Murder at the Natural Museum.
- Shiwan Khan. Descendant of Khan. The last one.
- Ying Ko! I don’t know what you are talking about.
- Looking for a partner.
- Insists on paying for the Bourbon.
- Khan’s troops were already in the city in a penthouse.
- The Metal is Bronzium….the stuff the universe is formed of. Xianqing…birthplace of the world.
- Cellular implosion sub …. atomic bomb!
- Her daddy is building the device
- That tapestry is alive!!
- Reinhardt Lane.. astral project..say it again….Reinhardt Lane…
- Llama Cigs. I’d climb a mount for a Llama. Smoke rings!
- “Yes my Khan.”
- He is always late for his dinner date.
- He is the commissioner.
- Her father is working on a gov’t project for the war machine!
- Your minds tricks don’t work on me.
- He goes to great effort to hide himself…but then gives himself away by laughing. He is like a 5 year old hiding.
- Meanwhile down at the Federal Building in a box marked War Dept
- Margo Lane….Margo Lane….
- Just whisper my name…over and over….and get them to do the thing.
- “To the Sanctum!!”
- Geez man. He is in full gear…and I think they already know where the Sanctum is.
- “To the Rectum”
- Nice tie
- Besides, you know I a gonna stop ya.
- “Oh that knife.”
- Never mastered the Knife
- How conspicuous. Tail ’em Moe
- That side car
- It’s just an empty lot boss
- She can’t forget it!
- Face off! I am him! He is me!
- Her dream. Naked on the beach of the south seas. Horny dream. His dream. I dreamed I tore the skin off my face and I was someone else underneath.
- You are like reading a book…
- Psychically I am very well endowed.
- USS Texas likes your dress toots…time to take a dive. Bobby got down. ouch.
- Claymore…you idiot
- He sure takes a lot of damage to his shoulders
- uh…that is not how holes work…these suction would never allow you.
- she can read minds…but he has to mime “turn the wheel?”
- His power kind of sucks.
- The butler is bringing coffee upstairs…nope downstairs
- Khan built the Bomb
- Calls to newspapers and such.
- Hey hid the whole Hotel Monolith! You fantastic bastard.
- He hypnotized the entire city.
- Betcha…Didja Didja…Betcha
- 2 hour timer
- They leave in 1 hour via Aeroplane
- The Shadow Switch Board Pneumatic Operator with invisible ink stamper.
- Calling all agents of the shadow.
- So weird…the makeup on Alec Baldwin. Bigger nose and bushier brows.
- Animated shadow.
- Can you tell if he is mad at me?
- Love how they turn Tim Curry into a mobster with a tommy gun.
- The Shadows only weakness is a flashlight and anything really…he ain’t phased or nothing. Just hard to see.
- Coward. Chicken. Sissy. Fight like a man.
- Claymore is a slobbering fool…hahahah
- Uneven Floors also a foil…and Daggers with Attitudes…pretty much anything.
- I’m gonna go hide in my forefathers Sarcophagus.
- Well…there’s this guy…I’ll tell ya later.
- It is all mirrors.
- The rolling ball of doom. Ha! The ball is upstairs? how did it do that?
- This is some bad 60s era batman shit.
- Oh what the hell…it is usually green…cause he is colorblind! Noooo
- You are in a house of mirrors!
- Shake it up Baldwin.
- The commissioner is a lush.
- Did he lobotomize Khan? Curious.
- I’m babe Ruth!
- Stupid solid soundtrack