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Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Soldier (1998) Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Good morning…. or afternoon or whatever the crap time it is on this blustery trash planet.

Thank you for rescuing me and bringing me to your home made of human waste. I am a man of few words; A soldier. If you have questions, I have face tattoos to answer them.

But….yeah here comes the but….I’m in the next room laying in the pile of trash you call the “guest bed” recovering from my near death coma when I am awoken by the sound of what can best be described as a flesh trumpet. Explain before I kill you and your family.

A Zerbert War. I’m in. Point me to these Zerberts and I will destroy them all. Sir, please remove your lips from my tummy. and that is how Todd learned to stop warring and to start loving.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120157/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soldier_(1998_American_film)

TWITTER

Soldier (1998) – “My daddy was in maintenance and he used to say if it ain’t broke don’t fix it ….and something about nipples on a man…I don’t know…he was really hard to understand…. he had a lot of teeth.”

SHOW NOTES

  • Computers sure were noisy back in 1998. Flup flup flup…print
  • 1996 – Year Zero.
  • Meanwhile down at the Crybaby Bank.
  • A1 Sauce! 1A
  • Year 5 of Adam Project.
  • Weakness is death…and that boar is yummy!
  • ‘Don’t look away Todd! Look a the doberman pincher boar meat
  • Year 8! Solve a puzzle.
  • Love this music!
  • Year Twelve….run a little
  • Oh slow kid…you are so dead.
  • That kid really looks like Kurt Russell.Run Slow..Die Fast.
  • Year 16 or 18? Shoot ’em all
  • 2013 Year 17. Training is over…time to get the face tat
  • Year 38….time to have a War of Six Cities…5 Cities
  • The Moscow Incident…it was snowy.
  • 2036…Year 40…to space! I feel like we missed a few things.
  • Present Status: Between Wars…in the middle of a centipede massage.
  • Our soldiers are more hairless than yours…except my mustache.
  • Manufactured Soldiers.
  • “My daddy was in maintenance…if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”
  • Shoot the ball son. 99%…that is very good…but not 100%
  • What a weird gym for manufactured soldiers.
  • My man left 20 minutes after yours…make a note chump.
  • C’mon old man!
  • The mind controls the body after all…and we do such wonderful things with the mind.
  • Send him up the chain rope!
  • What about spirit…stamina…
  • Chain fight!
  • No fair biting!
  • Do you know how much it cost to train you, feed you moron.
  • “Todd was our best man.”
  • A training accident…oops..dump these bodies far from here!
  • P376 Waste Disposal Ship
  • Seems like a lot of trouble when burning would be cheaper.
  • Arcadia 234 Waste Disposal Planet
  • Guess I live on Acadia 234 now. A real shit show. Hey people!
  • Storm!
  • Children of Arcadia
  • Hang on Jimmy’s back!
  • You keep an eye on him Mac!
  • oh…cds!
  • War tats
  • Send your most attractive woman to take care of the handsome stranger….
  • Shanghai 2012
  • Todd has never seen a double decker zerbert before. I must kill you all!
  • I made you something! It looks like a weapon…but it is to help you walk…see
  • Time to eat like you are ravenous. Ok…in this scene I need you to eat like you haven’t seen food in a year.
  • Uh oh…them are fighting words. Don’t call me a deserter.
  • He has lost his memory. Oh he does remember…he was replaced. By a better soldier sir.
  • Now how you feel?
  • They left Earth 12 years ago…when they crashed their ship.
  • Trinity Moons…
  • oh hi nipples.
  • Foreshadow…who would like to fight for a god forsaken place like this.
  • Have you seen my tiny mustache!
  • Time for our bi annual security sweep of the Arcadia … and we haven’t found anything in 12 years…but who knows!
  • The kids can’t speak because he got bit by a snake and was sick for a long time.
  • Use that Call Box!
  • I guess Arcadia used to be inhabited.
  • Uh oh…Jimmy chose the wrong day to be in front of a body mower on a windy day.
  • Oh man…that planet is out to kill them…wind only blew as long as it thought it was going to eat Jimmy…once that was off the table…no more wind.
  • Todd POS
  • They are dumpers…come every 20 or 30 days…we are unsure…cause we have only been here for 12 years
  • Musical Lust Montage.
  • Oh he knows…he knows
  • Carrot…Carrot…finger…Blood Carrot
  • Fear and Discipline….always….Free Hugs
  • Scary Space Santa
  • He is doing exercises….AKA punching a thing repeatedly
  • Flashback…and another Flashback.
  • Remember that time we killed people….good times.
  • Never interrupt me when I am hitting a thing.
  • I’m pretty tired…I think I will go home with my bloody fists
  • Kill the snake. Smash it with the boot!
  • Sorry Soldier…move along. You too scary for us…the Trash Owners Association board voted you out.
  • Take this scarf and go!
  • He crying! Stupid tears! Punch the tears
  • I live in a fuselage now! It is warm but full of tears.
  • This place is made up of green trash snakes…
  • Don’t worry daddy…I like to watch you and mommy sleep…I booted the snake real good
  • We all voted….wrong!
  • What…was Todd out there like one night…
  • Get your hands down fool.
  • Know what we haven’t done in a while? Ran a security sweep on planet trash.
  • This story is flimsy as hell.
  • We must not allow trespassers to steal our trash!!
  • You got no leg…no problem…I’ll drag you around stumpy
  • You done killed my best good friend…now I am going to punch you like a gas tank
  • Sir…how should I kill this one lady…well…with a rocket of course.
  • You don’t get a gun…and you don’t have to salute anymore…you are in charge of setting up the directv.
  • You brought a flamethrower to a rocket launcher fight..
  • Unit 703 growl.
  • My daddy always said…when you want to put a nail into a piece of wood. Pound it.
  • Nathan…your daddy is ded
  • 17 more! Body count!
  • Soldiers deserve Soldiers Sir.
  • Those new soldiers are hairless except for pit hair. What is your purpose!
  • Say hello to my snake pit. Do the new soldiers scream? the old soldiers did not
  • Welcome to my swimming pool of death. It is fireproof
  • Seems a little short sighted not to think of the weather.
  • Maybe you should have made them smarter instead of fast
  • Old 1 eye is pretty good at pushing buttons and flipping switches
  • You can’t just blow up a trash planet!
  • Shoot up some drugs and get up…We loved the rain fights in the 80s and 90s
  • Surely this depth perception will come into play.
  • I see it…do you see it…just kidding…..Helicopter blade to the gut…and double punch.
  • Finally got to crack his neck…
  • Fiery fire in the rain!
  • Ronnie’s not back…Fuck ’em…let’s go.
  • No! Not Busey!
  • Kill the Nazi like guy…he pee pee himself.
  • 67 or 76..it was 67…sortest dream code ever.
  • Instant families. Soldiers, Widows and kids.
  • Trinity Moons! Let us go!
  • From salutes to hold me’s
  • We have a new mission sir.

Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Thanks for speeding over to Captain D’s to meet me for dinner guys. I have something really important to ask you all in a very aloof manner and with no further delay…. hold on..there is a girl over at that table flashing gang signs at us.

Oh no…wait…it appears to be some sort of secret code that you see deaf people using when they want to make fun of your small feet.. No worries. I took an online course on this very subject. I got this.

Ok, she wants to know if you guys are my brothers. Short answer…No…long answer Brothers from another mother….. She says you guys are very cute…but not in a creepy way…awww….ain’t that nice..

no no…wait..I got that wrong…she says she is cute…and you guys are creeps. Well that wasn’t very nice. I am now telling her that she can go suck tartar sauce from Captain D’s size 10 feet… and now her dad is coming over…

Alright, I think it’s time to reveal my big news. I bought us all scooters! Will you scoot with me?

Now let’s get out of here in a manner that would imply Speed but would leave you asking yourself “this is speed?” Ibbott, blast the Reggae music. Randy, pass the Red Red Wine and Scott, hand me that chain saw…what? I don’t know why Captain D’s has a chainsaw…fewer questions more action!!

Speed 3 colon small title We got Scooters.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120179/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_2:_Cruise_Control

TWITTER

Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) – Not as good as Speed 1 but better than Speed 3…. that never happened because this movie killed it slowly. oh so slowly. You’re a mad man De Bont!

SHOW NOTES

  • How many knots is 55?
  • This is very exciting music and credits
  • Ocean…Road…Bike!
  • Pop a wheelie. No stunts and no wrecks Alex.
  • Tim Conway!
  • My last boy jack. 2 years ago…pepper spay perfume.
  • So was that the joke? She didn’t have a license? Did she lose her license?
  • This box truck is losing its cargo! That is a lot of cargo…What is this delivery delivering?
  • Dip…another Dip! 2 Dips…
  • He’s a guy that works the beach on a bike.
  • That is the slowest motorcycle in the universe….can’t even catch up with a
  • 295 Hye
  • You’re a mad man Shaw!
  • Swat Team…Suicide Squad. He has been lying about his job. He lets her pick the movie.
  • He is a romantic…Jack was not a romantic.
  • Surprise Boat Party.
  • She is sitting next to Dafoe….like she wouldn’t notice.
  • Dante…Welcome to Paradise…sell some mugs.
  • 7 day cruise
  • It is that guy from Friends…the maintenance guy who dances with Joey
  • Romeo Dafoe
  • I need you to boogie with me.
  • Wake up boys. Shake up a couple of jars of leaches.
  • Those golf clubs are explosives! and the balls? Those balls don’t look suspect at all.
  • Hacking the Seabourn Legend.
  • We at Fat Busters…we say Fat is your friend
  • Your body is a computer.
  • How did they get UB40?…golfers clap.
  • There is a multi-million dollar jewelry collection.
  • Even the deaf girl can feel the dope beats that UB40 is dropping.
  • Daddy Downer
  • Drew the Deaf girl..
  • The girl across the way is flashing me gang signs…oh wait…she wants to know if you guys are my brother’s. She says our kids would be very ugly.
  • Everybody wants these kids to get together.
  • Can I order À la carte
  • Rich guys always making regular guys jewelry look small. Size doesn’t matter.
  • Plugging in my 9 pin serial console cable.
  • Drunk Dafoe using his Drunken Master to pull off some sneaky moves
  • Don’t drop your tiny coffee captain…
  • He just LoJacked the ship.
  • Nasty…Dafoe got that while flashlight in his mouth. I hope he washed that flashlight before he pleasured it.
  • Satellite Guided Ship.
  • Golf Ball bombs.
  • The captain is drinking his tiny coffee.
  • We have lots of fun…don’t we Lolita.
  • We have lots of fun…but not so much fun that I ain’t gonna puke…gross.
  • Dafoe is leeching himself? Time for group therapy
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zfXkQ5QkrE Lolita
  • Dude…who the hell skeet shoots on a cruise ship…that would be the worst.
  • Skeet shooting instead of sex?
  • She likes to take care of him…Embarrassing for him.
  • Great soundtrack.
  • I don’t even know your cop number.
  • Do not disturb….Make up room please….
  • Maybe I flipped the card…club face! Stole his uniform.
  • Human Error…! 4 degrees…
  • Lead singer of Bush (Gavin Rossdale) is navigating. The Autopilot won’t go down.
  • They didn’t have any size 10s…I told them size didn’t matter.
  • One more thing…I would like to plug-in with you.
  • Captain Pollard. Who is running the ship? Oh yeah..I am.
  • DaFoe is a disgruntled computer engineer.
  • DaFoe does a really good crazy.
  • The Texas Sisters. …say Dallas…So did Dafoe go home with the sisters.
  • Deaf Girl Drew is a total flirt. Speed 3
  • You look like a clown.
  • Daddy Jerk face.
  • He can only trust his instinct. The only certain thing.
  • Always cock blocked for pipping the question.
  • Dafoe is taking a lot of pills.
  • Earthquake at sea.
  • This ship is explosive…
  • watch me blow up this ship
  • Sir I think you should push the button
  • 3 minutes to stop….15 minutes to evacuate
  • Have these fires been confirmed.
  • Sulpher based smoke..not explosives.
  • 6 hours to destination.
  • Get in the boat…get out of the boat.
  • Always some dumbass in these movies that won’t listen.
  • Where is the speed in this movie?
  • Nooo…not Dante!! How about a deal on those photos Dante?
  • She is starting to participate…gangplank!
  • Geiger…I know it was him.
  • Oh good…they didn’t kill him.
  • The plot thickens.
  • “No little girls in here…just big women…normal sized women!”
  • Come on Dante…stop being negative!
  • Sandra Bullock is problem solving
  • Why is there a chainsaw on a cruise ship.
  • I’m a navigator.
  • Time to flood the ship….that sounds like a bad idea
  • Chainsaw wielding Bullock.
  • You trying to drown Drew!
  • Hope they didn’t let any sharks in!
  • Relationships based on extreme circumstances rarely works out.
  • You don’t have to save the ship Alex! But don’t I?
  • Geiger is in pretty good shape for a really sick guy.
  • Geiger has a forearm keyboard…tippity tip tap.
  • Alex thinks computers and TVs can be stopped by bashing the monitors.
  • He got copper poisoning and that is why he is on a rampage. Alex is a bit of a brute.
  • Maniacal Dafoe laugh.
  • Darn Fire Doors
  • Ship Shop music!
  • I need my saw!
  • This gernade has a number.
  • Taking the ship hands shoe lace.
  • Clothing is a common solution to these problems.
  • Where is the grenade it’s in my hand.
  • What did they do with the grenade!
  • He is driving us into an oil tanker…17.8 knots. 20 mph…
  • Lion ship oil tanker.
  • No problem…just tie my shoe lace around the propeller.
  • Even if you stop the propeller will it slow the ship enough…we got some momentum.
  • 4296…blah blah blah badge number.
  • snake that line in there…
  • man….he did not think that through….he about got sucked up.
  • That propeller is made out of something tougher.
  • You slowed it down..but you didn’t stop it
  • Mr. Juliano…
  • Oh no…blood in the water…one arm free style.
  • Get those big nasty anchors up you oil tanker.
  • So how did he go from functional engineer to absolute maniacal mad man?
  • I’m good with this. Annie is safe…
  • Why didn’t anyone tell the passengers about the collision.
  • Two Large Wheels connected to a shaft.
  • I guess those speakers are water proof and they work underwater.
  • I said starboard wheel!!!
  • This movie still has 30 more minutes
  • Echelon Lion
  • So does that wheel turn the ship? Couldn’t do that sooner?
  • Lousy cruise ships.
  • That is one angry anchor.
  • Oh shit…oh shit…
  • that is way worse…
  • Meanwhile on the Good Ship Bananas.
  • ha! this anchors are like…nope…we weren’t designed for this.
  • Where is the boat horn?
  • That was one explosive dinghy.
  • Everybody get away…
  • What a very smart boy for seeing those boats
  • This slow speed crash is more humorous than thrilling.
  • haha…6 knots is like 7 mph
  • This is less Speed and more like Momentum.
  • No! not the church bell!
  • What kind of low frame slow-mo is this? It sucks.
  • “My Car!”
  • Now the ship is tipping over
  • Now he has broken both of his arms.
  • LAPD…
  • This speed boat chase is the most speed we have had for almost the entire movie
  • We are on a date…
  • The plane got impaled and now it is going to blow?
  • So in the end….he blew up the oil tanker?
  • Look what I found in international waters
  • 50 years!
  • 8 minutes of credits.
  • Wow she is back after a week for drivers
Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Space Jam (1996) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Ok guys. I know it’s been a rough week for all of us… but I got some good news! I found out what happened to all of our talents! and I was able to retrieve them and put them into this sack…. But before everybody starts touching my Sack let me make sure I have the right talents.

Let’s see….I have a blue collar hick accent…Randy…I think that one is yours. …and…I have a bottle labeled “Saturday Night 180 Proof”…I’m assuming that one goes to Ibbott’s house…alright…and I have an alternate title card with a booger on it…pretty sure that one is yours Scott and gross….and finally here is my box of intros that I won from the devil in a fiddling contest.

Alright, everybody grab my sack and hold on tight! Woohoo wrong sack guys! I believe I can flyyyyy….I believe you just touched my guy!

Hey “I didn’t know Dan Aykroyd was in this intro!

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117705

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Jam

TWITTER

Space Jam (1996) – Like Party people in the house…feel the bass…work that body….hey DJ turn it up. Hoomp there it is? Do your dance…wave your hands in the air…c’mon c’mon..ready to stop…ladies…fellas? Nah Nah Nah #90s

SHOW NOTES

  • Wait…is this the one with people and the cartoons?
  • Shooting star! catch it
  • Reitman!
  • Oh man…right out of the gate with the feels!
  • Summer 1973….I believe I can flyyyy..
  • Holy crap…It’s after midnight Michael…we can’t sleep!
  • Dad gonna let him shoot another…until he misses…
  • Michael wants to go to College and play in North Carolina! Get an education…and then to the NBA!
  • Baseball! Now that is a sport! Thanks dad!
  • Dad planted the idea of flying! Fly Michael!
  • Finally…the team up we have been waiting for…Bugs Bunny and Michael Jordan.
  • Party people in the house…feel the bass…work that body….hey DJ turn it up. Hoomp there it is? Do your dance…wave your hands in the air…c’mon c’mon..ready to stop…ladies…fellas? Nah Nah Nah
  • I am seeing a lot of NBA action…where is that college education jam?
  • 1996 does Jordan retire?
  • Jordan in the outfield
  • Meanwhile on mars….
  • Ahh…some of that sweet 3d cartoon animation of the late 90s
  • Sludge Summit! Don’t bring me here anymore right…
  • We need new attractions! “The customer is always right…always…”
  • We need something nutty…wacky…Looney! Yes…
  • What kind of creatures are these? Bugs? Moron Mountain…
  • Can’t teach “looking good in that uniform.”
  • Like tips from the catcher….
  • poor Michael…that was a good looking strikeout.
  • Newman! Stan Podalack.
  • Meanwhile, at the Piggly Wiggly.
  • These guys are like the green aliens in Toy Story.
  • So Loonies are deep in the crust of the earth?
  • This was during the time Speilberg was having a love affair with Looney Tunes…Tiny Toons?
  • So did Michael mention how they treated him during his baseball stint?
  • Thanks Sherm.
  • Back off Stan…what would he do around the house?
  • Charles the dog…
  • Michael is just an ordinary guy back home with his family…living in suburbia.
  • Mmm…Chicken and Collard Greens!
  • Taking tips from his kid.
  • Was there this much Bugs Bunny and Road Runner in 1996?
  • Breaking the 4th wall!
  • Emergency Cartoon Meeting!
  • Daffy Duck can’t even get himself wet around here.
  • Our theme park in outer space…like Six Flags?
  • Slavery subject matter with Bugs Bunny cartoons.
  • A lot of fan nods.
  • What is up with Sylvester
  • Aliens from Moron Mountain.
  • They picked the Aliens one weakness…shortness…I wish I was a little bit taller…I wish I was a baller.
  • The plan…challenge the invading aliens to a b-ball game since they are short.
  • Hey…it’s Patricia Heaton and Dan Castellaneta
  • Oh these Aliens can inhabit another body? No…they can steal your talent! That is way worse….
  • Not only their talent but also their co-ordination.
  • Hey…that news guy is that guy…
  • “Watch Patrick Ewing…” Odd…so it takes talent to walk?
  • It’s the germs in New York…with masks…oh geez….can’t escape this.
  • That was some wicked talent…now they are all monsters!
  • Hey little pig…boo…and Porky peed himself.
  • They are MonStars.
  • Bill Murray back on the golf course talking to things.
  • Bill Murray is white?!
  • This golf course scene was really longer than it needed to be
  • I love Bill Murray…but he isn’t saying much.
  • “Nothing but the bottom of the cup.”
  • nooo! he lost his Jordans!
  • What kind of camera is that!
  • Why is Looney Tune land deep in the earth.
  • Bugs Bunny is far too willing to lay a smooch on someone.
  • Everybody is playing their part.
  • Michael Jordan has a paperclip in his ear.
  • So they are comparing entertainers and performers to slaves. Interesting.
  • “We’ve got balls!”
  • Spit Shine!! grote Taz…lemony fresh
  • All the Monster numbers are Zeros
  • Every heroes flaw in the 80s and 90s…” Chicken”
  • “My poor little cranium.” – Tweety Bird
  • I got a Basketball Jones on…this is way creepy…Barkley playing with young girl basketball players over top of some sexy music.
  • 5 feet nothing…blocked my shot.
  • Barkley is choosing the natural route while everybody else is using science.
  • Lola Bunny!
  • Men are chumps
  • House in 3d Land.
  • On a quest for Michael’s Shoes and Basketball Gear
  • The toons never get any royalties
  • Why are Jordans all over the trophy room.
  • Michael’s wife named their dog Charles…burn
  • Fortune Tellers…they finally gave up by science…and she is correct
  • Stan is taking this very personally.
  • “What kind of Mickey Mouse operation would name their team the Ducks….” huh huh huh. Funny
  • Jordan in his gear.
  • Granny is a cheerleader.
  • Great…no more basketball this season because of a suspected virus.
  • What kind of a timeline are they on for this Basketball competition.
  • Pump up the jam…pump it up….move your body.
  • The boss of Moron Mountain is attending.
  • Riot! The polite meese.
  • Sexy cartoon ladies…how do we feel about that?
  • Daffy never gets the respect (“Let’s all laugh at the duck”)
  • The Aliens have nothing but ringers….the looney tunes have one ringer.
  • Hit ’em high…hit ’em low…
  • It’s hard to imagine being a seasoned actor and doing this much green screen work…I wonder if it hurt or helped Jordan not being an actor?
  • TuneSquad
  • Don’t ever call em “doll” don’t ever call me “dog” don’t ever call me…
  • Sam has guns.
  • Halftime…the time things look their worst in a sports movie.
  • Humans must stink. Newman!
  • Forget inspirational speeches….you need a placebo…
  • Michael’s secret stuff.
  • What did Bugs Bunny put in that water?
  • Pulp Fiction…these are the Jokes folks.
  • The 2nd half comeback.
  • I did not need a tongue out Elmer Fudd.
  • Jordan flew under the radar because he was playing baseball.
  • Why is Marvin The Martian not a bigger part of Space Jam!
  • So now they are breaking the rules to win…like all good sports movies.
  • haha…why did they put granny in a wheelchair
  • Put me in Coach! Stan!
  • A flat Newman. Scary.
  • Looney Tune Land makes anyone flexy.
  • “I didn’t know Dan Aykroyd was in this movie!
  • “Don’t ever trust an earthling.”
  • So all the aliens lost was that they had to give back what they took.
  • Space Jam is a 1996 American live-action/animated sports comedy film..what a small space.
  • Touch the ball…give me my talents. Ball of talent.
  • Nobody wants to touch Michael’s Ball.
  • 7 minutes of credits!
  • and a very short stinger…that’s all Folks

Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Hook (1991) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

oh hi,

This week on FilmHook we fly away to a magical land of thud butts, friend zoned fairies and whatever the hell that is on Dustin Hoffman’s face. second star to the right, and straight on till I’m snoring.

Oh no…I’m losing my happy thought! Randy’s Beard, Scott’s Anti Glare Glasses, Ibbott’s Naked Head…ahh…there it is…yes! I’m flying!

Higher…we need to go higher! It’s the early 90s and it’s the time of flip phones and jaded dreams! But we need to go higher! Quick, set up another line of “pixie dust” on Ibbott’s smooth noggin! *Snort…..Cock a doodle…. don’t do drugs…

Woah…hold on…I just had an apostophe….Saving Tink is the one thing that Hook could never do. Noooo falling! woe is Smeeee

LINKS

https://www imdb.com/title/tt0102057/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hook_(film)

TWITTER

Hook (1991) – Like a Peter Pan face massage by a lost boy name pockets. Is that a peter in your pocket hand or are you just glad to see me. Wait? That wasn’t pockets…it was a Lost Boy called too small? That’s what Tink said.

SHOW NOTES

  • This is how you look in the audience
  • I wasn’t crying!
  • Oh really…Cell phone during your daughters play in the gym!
  • Bad dad…Too busy to be good dad
  • These cell phones are like pistols. Draw!
  • Remember…Don’t let your arms get tired.
  • Please not a curveball
  • Why is santa playing umpire.
  • Happy piano play music to open.
  • Missed his son’s game
  • Look what Jack drew….you got no parachute.
  • He don’t like to fly.
  • Grow up Jack! Stop tossing that ball and chewing that gum!
  • We are in England…land of good manners
  • It’s been 10 years between visits Peter!
  • Congrats on your orphan hospital..
  • No growing up in this house…stop this instance
  • Gremlins music.
  • Peter has become a pirate!
  • Owls fornicating….
  • Cell phone to the snow! Noooo
  • We keep the windows closed at home. Barred even
  • Lawyer jokes…
  • The lost boys are found. Orphans are in common.
  • Dog is saying Hook! Hook…Hook.
  • Phil Collins!
  • Peter was 12 or 13
  • Tinker Bell has got that smell for Peter
  • Time to sprinkle some dust and carry Peter far away
  • Follow that hook. “Hook hook…give us the hook”
  • He’s only got one hand. So let’s give him a hand.
  • Clapping is the only way to revive a fairy
  • Every time you deny a fairy one falls to the ground and dies
  • Hook seeks revenge.
  • Peter cut off Hooks hand and fed it to the crocodile who swallowed a clock and chased down
  • Who bet against me? This guy…put him in the boo box.
  • Peter Panning…You are Peter…
  • My worthy opponent
  • Peter…pick up your weapon…not your checkbook!
  • Fly…just think your happy thoughts.
  • I want my war!
  • Mortal Combat…Glory
  • Give me a week! to train him. 2 days! 4 days min for a decent pan…3 days
  • Smee has to translate for hook to the crew.
  • Gross…mermaid recycled air!
  • No amount of clapping will bring back this fairy
  • These lost boys are lost…they need a Pan
  • “Who’s the shrub?”
  • He’s old and fat…old fat grandpa man.
  • Rufio…no..Mr. Skunkhead with moose
  • All grownups are pirates
  • Shot in the nuts…
  • He married the grandaughter.
  • these giant flowers are smelling me!
  • oh my…a wall!
  • “Peter Pans got kids!”
  • Can’t crow
  • Peter Pan gets a face massage by the youngest lost boy…there you are!
  • Peter you promised to never grow up!
  • Suicidal Hook…
  • Death is the only great adventure
  • Hook wants the ultimate war
  • “I think I just had an apostrophy”
  • OMG ear wax to curl the mustache
  • The plan is to make the kids love hook.
  • He’ll Crow, He’s Fight and then he’ll fly.
  • One happy thought to make you fly
  • You’re doing it! Using your imagination! Also, all of this food is gross!
  • ThudButt Cheese Butter
  • Coconut Cutter
  • Bang-a-rang
  • That little girl sings real good
  • Raspberry candle blowout
  • There are 3 moons…but they are all the same moon
  • We got to kill these tick tocks.
  • Time is the real enemy
  • Let’s kill time.
  • The two worlds cannot remember each other
  • Bad form. Good form. Master Jack
  • Run Home Jack…Run Home Jack
  • That’s my Jack.
  • That ball traveled a long way…fate it is !
  • I miss Robin Williams so much
  • My shadow does what it wants
  • Me and my shadow
  • Don’t be a Tooley
  • Time to travel further down the rabbit hole
  • Hook burnt your hole when you didn’t come back.
  • A kiss and a thimble…it’s Wendy’s house.
  • Darn’d socks
  • The wind just blew the baby away…
  • Window hopping….
  • Came back for Wendy..always in the Spring.
  • I’ve forgotten how to fly…forgetting
  • Poor tink…don’t kiss the Beetles fan!
  • It’s hard to find happy thoughts in all of the sad thoughts.
  • Happy thought…being a daddy. He wanted to be a daddy.
  • Peter Pan is much better than Rufio Pan
  • You can fly…you can fight…you can crow!
  • Tink lives in a clock.
  • Tink was friend zoned
  • Always be forgetting
  • Tink’s only wish is to be big.
  • I love the hook boat. With the skeleton
  • Hook earring! getting an earring is a coming of age ritual.
  • Everything is a game in NeverLand
  • Give me my daughter then.
  • Swashbuckling
  • Know what my happy thought was…it was you…not my daughter who never betrayed me.
  • Form Ranks!
  • Smee do something intelligent.
  • Smee is me…what about me
  • This movie forgets about girls
  • I like to think this is all going on in one man’s head…the struggle
  • Rufio is Ego
  • I wish I had a dad like you
  • Dad I want to go home!
  • “You need a mother…very very badly.”
  • Death is the only adventure
  • This is only a dream says the hook
  • Gasp! He’s mostly bald.
  • He’s just a mean old man without a mommy.
  • Hook is Neverland
  • Gross…what was in that crocodile…gas
  • Hook is gone…just gone
  • Smee in the end is all about the me.
  • That place between sleep and awake…that is where Tink will be
  • found my phone
  • Jim Hook
  • “What did I tell you about this Window…”
  • Brad is calling
  • Thud Butt 

Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

GoldenEye (1995) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

oh hi,

Hold on just a second. They just delivered my mid 1990s v0ice activated Russian virtual assistant that is programmed to only respond to English performed in bad Russian accents.

Wow, it’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be! It’s like the size of a microwave. In fact…I think it is a microwave. No wonder shipping was like 7000 Rubles. But hey! Hot lunch!

Ok, there is a sticky note attached…”To activate…just ask your stupid American question….slug head…” oh…how rude… “flip note” … “just kidding, we are totally not always listening. Please use the wake word ‘Hey Natalya’ followed by your request.” oh…ok…I think I get it.

Hey Natalya, set timer for 6 minutes. No…I said 6 minutes. 6…minutes… Ok guys, this thing must be broken it keeps setting the timer to 3 minutes. Which is fine for a baked potato but not if you are trying not to burn the Beans, Sean Beans. Shaken but not dead. Oh sorry…wait…and…now he’s dead.

Alright guys, For England…

oh yeah and…“screw you, I said no Odd Job” or something like that.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113189/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GoldenEye


TWITTER

Goldeneye (1995) – Like making your safe word “Xenia, I can’t breath.” Meanwhile in Cuba, unnecessary Crotch shot!

SHOW NOTES

  • Hey is that Remington Steele?
  • Bring on that sweet James Bond Intro!
  • Oh…it’s a quickie…just gun and blood.
  • Dam plane
  • Is that Tom Cruise? He is running like he needs to be Tom Cruise
  • We need some bells shaking for this intense Dam jump…weeee
  • Bungie!
  • Meanwhile at the Chemical weapons shot in the USSR 1995
  • That gun can do everything!
  • Oh yeah…it’s 1995…nobody shits with a newspaper anymore
  • We all wanted Pierce Brosnan to be James Bond…how was his tenure?
  • 006 Sean Bean…shake them bells! For England Alec!
  • He would have been sooner but he had to stop off in the lou!
  • Alec just shot that Russian scientist in the back. Poor Show old man..poor show
  • Alec thinks half of everything is luck…and fate the other half.
  • Set timer for 6 minutes. Is that going to be enough time?
  • The double 0 teamup
  • The Sean Bean kill to death ratio is pretty good.
  • bump to 3 minutes
  • Gee I wonder if they will fake Alec’s death
  • Don’t shoot…you’ll blow the gas tanks.
  • A bum rush would solve this shoot…don’t shoot. Squeek…squeek
  • Geez man…why were those barrels under so much pressure…they came flying out of there.
  • All these poor Russian guys just doing their job at the plant and 007 is just doing his thing.
  • This Russian bad guy is the king of “Wait…let’s just see where this goes…” A little too easy.
  • So which half was luck and which half was fate?
  • Pluck pluck pluck pluck!
  • Ahhh…here we go…the intro. Funky
  • Goldeneye! I hope the bad guy really has a Goldeneye…you just never know with a bond movie.
  • Do I need to listen to the lyrics to predict the story.
  • 2 faced girl! Is she a double agent!?
  • Honey trap…it’s in the song..
  • 9 years later! Why he has hardly aged a day. So that would set the opening scene around 1986…Russia
  • Hey, it’s the next girl…Funky beat…funky beat
  • Scratch that record…weee
  • Can I tell you the number of times I have gotten into a “size of my penis” contest while driving?
  • Those cyclist are lame.
  • Leather seat frolicking and smooching are my least favorite sounds in a movie.
  • France? Countryside?
  • High stakes poker game for them high stakes car drivers…tuxes and fancy dresses
  • Those cards have no numbers or backs!
  • None of these French words sound French. is it French? Italian?
  • Vodka Martini…shaken and not stirred…or straight up with a twist…oh…On A Top!
  • Damnit…mimes! Why does it always have to be open air theater mimes in France!
  • use my monoscope to tack Yatch Manticore! On A Top
  • Note…that helicopter
  • No contact! Don’t do it James
  • Xenia Warrior Princess of the crazy bed lady.
  • Apparently their safe word “Xenia, I can’t breath” was a poor choice….for him!
  • These French workers are very French…
  • odd…she ended up being On A Bottom
  • The electronic Battlefield. The Tiger is Stealth and Hardened against EMP and so forth
  • You know the French and their airforce
  • Meanwhile Space Weapons Russia…a bunch of dogs
  • Select Mir…space station
  • This computer is voice
  • Boris would not know a woman if she came and sat on his head.
  • You know Russians…they like to sit around and use English with heavy Russian accents.
  • They are right in front of you and they can open doors
  • password: Knockers
  • The American’s are slug heads….they will never detect me.
  • You sit on it…but you can’t take it with you…the password. No way…I spiked them.
  • This movie is like one long “That’s what she said” gag.
  • Boris sent them a spike
  • A lot of voice recognition software in Russian in 1995
  • ahhh…Test fire GoldenEye…it’s a weapon then!
  • 2 satellites available
  • Fire the GoldenEye…I am timing you.
  • To fire the Golden Eye you need 2 keys and a UMD disc?
  • She likes killing a little too much.
  • They just hiding the GoldenEye in a space box?
  • Durn Russians and their Nesting Doll Satellite technology
  • Their best response time is 19 minutes..they’ll be late
  • Did she just lick that coffee off the floor! gross!
  • Moneypenny actress is played by Bond…Samantha Bond
  • Sarcasm I would talk to my Children…thank you very much
  • Space based weapon GoldenEye
  • This lady is a cat! 9 Lives and all that.
  • They EMP’d their own place. Also, I don’t think EMP works like that.
  • Natalia…that computer is off.
  • Why is everything trying to kill Natalia!
  • GoldenEye is a nuclear explosion in the upper atmosphere to generate an EMP
  • oh thank God! The puppies are ok!
  • Boris and the girl are alive!
  • Air Bag Phone Booth
  • 3 click explosive pen
  • I promise to buy a lot of IBMs…I just need to test them first
  • Crazy American.
  • Durn drafty churches.
  • Nothing better than Russian interpretation of “Stand By Your Man.”
  • Onnatop spends a lot of time on the thigh master
  • James Bond nap to the back of the neck
  • Where we gonna store all this Soviet stuff?
  • This whole Sean Bean story is twisted around and around.
  • I said 6 minutes! Not 3 minutes
  • haha! Bond saving himself and the girl using his head…literally using his head to eject from the Eurocopter
  • The only way to calm a hysterical lady is with a Bond Hug
  • Bond uses a lot of spray and pray
  • Trust me…this belt will only hold my weight….so long lady
  • Love the Tank Chase! Who else could make that look cool?
  • I think our mid-tier bad guy may have a drinking problem
  • that is one bad ass soviet era train!
  • James Bond and his sneaky tank…how the hell did he get ahead of them?
  • Ramming speed
  • That is always the solution with a train…full speed! Ram him!
  • “Why can’t you just be a good boy and die.”
  • Tastes like strawberries.
  • Arse, Butt, CHAIR
  • Boys with Toys
  • Meanwhile in Cuba. Crotch shot!
  • It took a helicopter to squeeze Onnatop out
  • Hidden Dish
  • This was nominated for special effects? miniatures and reverse video
  • Target is London Baby!
  • It’s all about da money
  • So I know what you are thinking…did I click this pen 3 times or 20?
  • Boris would be a faster coder if he used both hands
  • Did we establish that Bond was a good card counter earlier to imply that he could count the number of pen clicks?
  • “I am invincible!”
  • Apparently nobody ever just wants to kill Bond…they want to talk about killing bond….
  • Killing Sean Bean is not enough…no we have to smash him as well.
  • Yes! I am invincible!

Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Dragonheart (1996) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

oh hi,

Come, we have a full day ahead of us my half hearted King. We must make haste! To the horses…But first…let me grab my falcon and buzz Malfoy…Caww Caww.. oh that never stops amusing me. Caww hahaha

and now that the whole motley crew of assholes are here… let us ride down to the Peasant Quarry and harass the blind man and any red heads we come across….isn’t that right Mr. Falcon.. those mean old Red Headed Girls always trying to break our hearts…you would never do that would you Mr. Falcon…no you wouldn’t..

Hey, do you guys know what I haven’t done in a while…had a good old hand wrestling match with a smelly peasant. Say, we should do that tonight….when we get back! In fact…I think I will double down and hand wrestle 2 peasants at once. What’s that Malfoy…uh huh..I can so! Wanna bet? Back me up king.

…and now that is your movie right there. No cgi needed.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116136/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragonheart

TWITTER

Dragonheart (1996) – Learn the Once-Ways of CGI from the 1990s..It’s not the profit…it’s the pleasure…#Yikes

SHOW NOTES

  • This is not Reign of Fire?!
  • Fight with your head…not your heart.
  • Meanwhile down at the castle ruins…a great battle ensues between a handsome man with good teeth and great hair and a pale kid….ok…maybe not great.
  • Mind if I sit and eat while you fight and I drop some sound bytes.
  • The peasants are revolting!
  • This will stop the horse…a burning pile of sticks.
  • I will take on this knight with this pointy tree branch.
  • Uh oh…I have feeling our hero is grooming the real villain
  • 984 AD
  • Oh…you like fire so much…here…let me burn down your roof.
  • ahhh yeah..Village Justice. Mob rule
  • Father is not here right now…Father is dead…good…Die! It’s mine
  • Oh shit…well that was a lame way for the new king to die….oops…oh…maybe he ain’t dead.
  • Maybe a deal with a witch?
  • Dead. The King is dead…and the prince is a little puss. meow.
  • Witness my fine collection of Dragon Bric-à-brac
  • “Your song is sad”
  • Daughter of the Celts
  • The knight is teaching the old code!
  • The king was the Dragonslayer…
  • Give me your sword knight…
  • Learn the Once-Ways
  • A swear on the deathbed
  • The dragon is just going to give him half of his heart!
  • Hold on a second…just gonna reach in my chest and grab half my heart and…uuuuck….dead
  • I want to rebuild this Roman Ruin. It will take many men…but screw ’em.
  • This kid has a face you can hate just by looking at it.
  • I need me one of them half hearts
  • Burn the insolence out of his eyes!
  • No one is above the code! It’s the code! Damnit! It’s the code…now enjoy the smell of my bosom
  • Fast Forward 12 years later…
  • Holy Stones…I’ll Pray…I’ll Pray…I’ll Pray…now let us talk of the Old Code once again.
  • Just a Jackass on a donkey
  • The best things in this movie are the implied things.
  • The Code of Ancient Camelot…finally…the code is defined
  • The king grew up to be a handsome pale man.
  • I am the keeper of the falcon…behold my skill! oh look out..oh oh
  • 12 years and we still haven’t finished this …I mean we aint’ even close.
  • Kara…I can’t see you…but I can smell you.
  • I almost killed you once…shall we dance again.
  • “I’ve always said death was a release and not a punishment.”
  • Now why did the king all posse up just to ride down to peasant town and harass the blind?
  • Stone dragon!
  • Why is he poking the rock dragon with his quill? Does that help it write?
  • Bola a dragon while riding a horse…
  • haha…a dragon that says Yikes
  • Dragon’s tale with pincers
  • Drat…Yikes…
  • Fire loogie
  • He killed the Scarred one…so if he was the last dragon on earth
  • To the groin
  • Quaid is like a toothpick stuck in the wrong way.
  • What is your job father? It is my job to brush the wheat
  • 2 bags of gold in advance.
  • Most profitable dragon
  • The old Code “his blade defends the helpless” “His might upholds the weak” “His words speak only truth”
  • Dragon Soul
  • Brok is finger wrestling?
  • Brok is a man of many skills.
  • One of your 3 dirty daughters.
  • This dragon don’t like the taste of humans
  • Dragons sing when they are happy.
  • You taught me to fight!
  • Hey king…look at my heart! look at it! take a good long look
  • He is in League with the dragon!
  • Sink Sink! Meat Meat!
  • Do the mud people worship those pigs? Will they not eat the swine?
  • Tell us about Dragon Heaven…did you do something worthy.
  • Donate a half a heart…get into heaven
  • Valor! Valor! A visit from King Arthur
  • A knight…Take your oath knight…take it again.
  • Does he have some kind of dragon magic.
  • You and what army…me and my Dragon!
  • ….like a pudding
  • 5 Dragon slayers…how are they Dragon slayers…only 1 dragon is left and Bowen did most of the killing.
  • Retreat to the forest
  • Peasants always be building walls of fire.
  • The monk will not kill…but maim…yes…sure
  • oh…right in the Dragonheart
  • ” are the stars shining tonight?”
  • “How unmotherly of you.”
  • He took a nasty spill
  • The king is a patient freak. He will wait in his room for hours to launch a surprise attack.
  • Kara has a talent for finding trouble
  • Brok got killed by a girl! a girl…there’s a girl in the castle!
  • Rock to the king’s head.
  • The king thinks he’s immortal. Let’s test that theory.
  • The King and Dragon are twinsy’s
  • The one thing we never get to see is the actual Dragonheart.
  • Dragon into the stars…wink
  • Time of Justice and Brotherhood