INTRO Oh hi, I know as a priest and as a member of the gold man group here; I’m not really supposed to chit chat..however, does this body paint make me look fat? No? It’s all those cheeseburgers from the Burger Pharaoh? Well, that’s rather honest. Your Strength gives me Read more…
And thank you for agreeing to meet me in the woods of Transylvania to execute the worst plan ever. Ok, so here is the deal, we are going to tie my brother up to that stake over there in the clearing to lure out the Lycan…that’s a werewolf or “wolfman” for you basic village folk. By the way, I learned that word on the set of Underworld…oh and this….I learned this too…look at my bottom…look at it…ok…stop…Where did you guys get guns? I thought you were pitchfork and sickle people.
Well it doesn’t really matter, because I only brought the one silver bullet. So don’t shoot your guns. I repeat. Do not shoot your guns. as a matter of fact just give me the guns. give them to me. The only real harm you can create with those guns is if you shoot my brother or the elaborate pulley system we have set up. So don’t do it.
Alright, speaking of Pulleys…The pulley system is the hottest tech going in Transylvania today. In fact we will be showcasing it a lot in our movie…err…everyday tragic lives. So get used to these overly complex and often broken Pulley systems and by the end of this movie you will beg the Devil to never see another Pulley stunt again.
“In the name of God. Stop this movie!”
Psst…Ben…over here…it’s me…your pal Harry…Listen..dying here on the cellar floor has got me thinking about what’s important in life and our roles in society.
It’s like the universe is trying to tell us something man.
I mean, the dead are coming back to life and You, a black man, shooting me, a bald white man named Harry…irony… and my ghoul of a child eating my flesh…. and then there is my wife…she’s been on me all day like some kind dingle berry caught in my ass hair. Oh I’m “Harry” down there let me tell ya… in a very non ironic way…I wanna see Morissette sing about that, don’t ya think.
Anywho, what was I babbling on about? oh yeah…I just can’t die and come back to life and eat your flesh without telling you something first.
cough cough…I just want you to know…clear throat…I told ya so.
CELLAR FOR THE WIN. You’re in my house now bitch.
“Let’s stay upstairs…board up the windows and doors…blah blah blah…” How is that working out for ya Ben.
Oh hi Filmsack Men, Who shall we con today? The listeners? Little Old Ladies, Randy? Hmmm… .unsure if I meant Little Old Ladies THEN Randy or Randy likes to con little old ladies…. or perhaps Randy is just really into geriatrics. Show note problems…am I right?
Well I hope you enjoyed that little distraction. Meanwhile, I swapped your Sacks of good intros with bad impressions of Nicholas Cage. Good Luck, Randy.
oh look! A little old lady.