Categories
Film Sack Podcasts

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

oh hi,

We did it Dorian. You said we couldn’t do it. Even after I stole your magic portrait and blackmailed you….You still were a Doubting Dorian weren’t you..But not anymore…We did just as I said…We fooled the League, stole Nemo’s tiny exploration pod and checked off all the evil things on our freaky little supernatural 19th century checklist. Damn It feels good to be the M. That’s short for Moriarty you know.

Say, It’s kind of cramp in this small pod Dorian. How long do we have to be in here before we reach our destination? Wow…days eh….you know what…I’m kinda of regretting that all Mongolian Beef diet we adopted. Can we pop a window? No? Alright, I can hold it.

Hey, do you hear that tapping sound? What is that? It almost sounds like Morris code. What? Morse Code? Are you sure? I’m pretty sure it is Morris code and I’m a genius…sooo…yeah I get that you are old and with age comes wisdom…I get it…but apparently not wise enough to hide your portrait of doom..

Oh my god…why does it smell like a Sweaty Scotsman Ass in here. Are you sure there are no windows…a porthole…a vent…and why is your knee touching my knee…give me some space man. What do you mean it is not your knee…of course it is your knee…who else’s knee could it be…and there goes the tapping sound again.

This is going to be one long Extra Ordinary trip of Gentlemen. Randy.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311429/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_League_of_Extraordinary_Gentlemen_(film)

TWITTER

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) – “May this new Century Be yours son, as the old one was mine.” Meanwhile in Kenya. A witch doctor. Don’t you die on me! olo lo lo

SHOW NOTES

  • Extra Ordinary
  • I think it is important to mention that : “…also promoted as LXG, is a 2003 dieselpunk superhero film” – wikipedia
  • Like 1899…it has been all single shot rifles up until now…C’mon London!
  • Steam Punk Tank Time….
  • Tank Halt…dead…blimey
  • Tank: Show me the money. Bank: Folds
  • Germans! Leave one behind to tell the rest.
  • “Not Us” says Germany…ok…it was us.
  • A whole hanger full of Hindenburg. Oh the Humanity
  • Meanwhile in Kenya
  • Oh yeah! Allan Quatermain…This place has a bunch of Quetermain…
  • Yes, of course, Nigel. You should toddle off. Toddling
  • Pack for an English Summer
  • Quartermain lost his love in Africa?
  • Meanwhile in London
  • There have been other times…
  • Found Nemo
  • New Weapons / Machines have changed the game. Race for arms.
  • 4 Days to get to Venice and Team of 6 members.
  • Abducting scientist.
  • Invisible Man is a thief…
  • one of these gentlemen is a lady
  • Pre-automobile era automobile.
  • Blessed by a witch doctor. A Hunter A Scientist. A Stealth. Experience.
  • “First meetings usually warrant introductions.”
  • Nemo: I walk a different path
  • Is Dorian immortal?
  • She is a vampire
  • The Sword of the Ocean
  • Meanwhile in Paris
  • Where did Mr. Hyde get such a large hat.
  • Her Connery is pretty good
  • Scratched by Dorian Gray?
  • Demorphing of chained Dr Jekyll is the best.
  • He stole plans from the bank Venice plans
  • 3 steering wheels
  • Sabotage!
  • Nemo worships death
  • Nina is a vampire chemist.
  • The original Suicide Squad
  • All this advance tech and still. ticking clock time bombs. Guess it fits with steampunk
  • I’m an immortal, sir, not a gazelle
  • “The Vampire Lady has us covered.” – 58:00
  • The Brave John Bull
  • His son died (son-in-law)
  • Poor training and doubt. Fear.
  • Did Dorian Gray have the gold gun from the man with the golden gun
  • Mission Impossible Umasking to reveal…the guy who set them all up.
  • She’s falling for the kid.
  • That is one dangerous looking exploration pod.
  • Surely they must know they are being directed like how they drew away Hyde
  • Did he give the Hyde potion to the vampire
  • Captain the noise came from this – Recording disc!
  • Mr. M has the painting!!
  • Misdirection fools
  • There is no League…it was a rogue…foool!
  • Growl…
  • Nemos Science. Skinner Skin Sample. Jekylls Potion. and ninas blood
  • Bomb Voyage
  • Everybody pitch in…we got a repair montage to do!
  • Meanwhile in Mongolia…beef..
  • Geez…This feels very much like The Watchmen.
  • Betrayal and into the Tundra.
  • The White Tiger indicates it is the end and time to be the most fierce.
  • Naked and invisible in the snow.
  • Nautili …. there are 8
  • buckets of hot iron into more buckets of hot iron.
  • Got to love a bad guy who enjoys shooting his automatic gun.
  • James Moriarty! Mr M
  • Dorian’s Balls were broken…but then they healed.
  • Oh no! Skinner is burnt naked…now he has to always stay invisible
  • No. Not the whole thing.
  • Don’t look at the painting…oh too late.
  • Super Hyde…Hyde 2.0 … Me on a bad day.
  • Nemo went Crazy Blade.
  • “There will be others like me….you can’t kill the future.”
  • Super Hyde go smash pop
  • Back stabbing M just gonna fly away then.
  • Can you run faster than a bullet?
  • May this new Century Be yours son, as the old one was mine.
  • Should have stayed in Africa
  • Africa will never let him die. Uh oh…either Part 2 or a Zombie Quartermain ZomieMain
  • Just gonna leave this loaded gun on your grave fo some kid to come get the gun then?
  • That witch doctor was like….Don’t die on me! Don’t you die on my Quartermain!
  • What happened in that Pod. I can’t imagine M, Dorian and a Naked Skinner could have been all that comfy. You may be invisible to the eyes…but pretty sure you are not invisible to the nose.
  • Oh hi, I’m glad you could attend the funeral of Allan Quartermain. I am Mr. Invisible and I have to tell you the story of how I almost died from holding in my farts in a tiny escape pod with another man.
  • We are going to party like it is 1899
Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Poltergeist (1982) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

… grab your bags and sort your goodies while we spin you a Tale from the Sack:

Well Mr. and Mrs. Freeling we have some good news and some bad news…. The good news is we believe your daughter is still alive somewhere in the walls of your home…the bad news is she is being held there by a Poltergeist. What’s that Marty? I thought you said it was a Poltergeist…Well what did you say? A Poltergeese? What the hell is a Poltergeese Marty? It’s like a Poltergeist but instead of a disembodied human spirit it is a collection of goose spirits that can not find peace to move on into the light? A Poltergeese….. gee Marty, you’re fired.

Unless….Mr. Freeling….didn’t you say this spot, where your home is built, used to be the city park? But they moved the park 5 miles up the road right Mr Freeling. Right….

 Oh You son of a bitch! You moved the park, but you left the geese, didn’t youYou son of a bitch, you left the geese and you only moved the park benches and slides!

Carol Anne…if you can hear me…grab some bread from the cupboard and lure the Poltergeese to the light! The light is good Carol Anne! The light is good.

and now for something really evil. Randy.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084516/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poltergeist_(1982_film)

TWITTER

Poltergeist (1982) – We don’t go into the room anymore, it has a clown.

SHOW NOTES

  • That thing is in there with my Baby!
  • Please all rise for the national anthem.
  • that concludes today’s programming…zzzztttt
  • Am I suppose to be seeing alien faces?
  • Yeah…don’t fall asleep watching TV or the dog will eat your sammich and go make out with your wife and possibly steal your kids chips. This doggie is food shopping once they are asleep.
  • She is talking to the TV! What do you look like? Talk louder. I can’t hear you.
  • Hi. Yes. I will. I don’t know…I touch your TV face.
  • Just some suburbs at the bottom of some hills.
  • To Bike and Beer. Stupid RC cars. Nailed it
  • Beer spray football.
  • Ah shit Tweety….couldn’t you wait till a school day.
  • My neighbor is on the same remote? Universal remotes. A Remote Control showdown.
  • Is she really going to flush a bird…bad form mother…bad form.
  • Which Rams football team is this?
  • King Edwards Imperial Cigar Box…Tweety don’t like that smell…put a flower in it. Polaroid for when he is lonely…and a blanket for when it’s nighttime…he ded!
  • A Storm is brewing.
  • Ha, the dog is licking his lips…gonna totally dig up and eat Tweety.
  • Ebuzz the dog?
  • “Can I have a goldfish now?” Answer…yes.
  • That tree is all kinds of evil.
  • Tweety 2 and Tweety 3 want seconds…and they are going to grow up to be sharks when you over feed them.
  • Lights out…Closet Light…Closet Light.
  • Geez Star Wars…product placement much?
  • Am I crazy or am I dead? He is dead.
  • Ha! They are smoking doobs.
  • Mom is implying she had powers / sleep walking when she was 10.
  • He is Reading about Reagan and she is smoking pot.
  • We want a pool…3 meter board. 10 feet
  • Who the hell has a kidsized clown in their room…these kids…cover it up!
  • His Daffy Duck pillow talk is some dirty talk.
  • His company built this neighborhood…next to the wise old tree…it knows I live here.
  • Good night Dana…get off the phone Dana
  • Ha! Cut to kids in the bed with the parents.
  • 2:37 AM is sign off
  • Smokey static hand!
  • It is in the house! It’s in the walls.
  • “They’re here.”
  • No not Tweety! He is in the wall!
  • E.Buzz is a junk food junky
  • Chew your food 10 times.
  • Who is here? The TV People.
  • “Ask Dad…Ask Dad…Ask Dad”
  • Now she is just watching Static.
  • The Spoon and Fork are bent up
  • Construction people are sexist trash.
  • Static is no good for you…here…watch some violence.
  • E. Buzz wants to play with the people in the wall…
  • Good lord…Bluto and the gang are trash…eating food in the windows.
  • TV people stack these chairs?
  • Do you see them . No huh…you? uh huh
  • Phase 1 to Phase 4. They look the same.
  • “The grass grows greener on every side.”
  • Reach back when you used to have an open mind…before you became a stiff.
  • Woo wooo! I want pizza
  • Oh great…now she is using the kid! It burns…needs more wax.
  • The tickling pulls you…
  • what a hard cut to the neighbors house.
  • Mosquitoes never suck on the neighbor. Tathill? Ben.
  • They got the Mosquitoes.
  • Count the lightening strikes…it is getting closer!
  • That tree is alive!!! It took the boy!!
  • Meanwhile….The closet wants you.
  • There is a tornado!
  • So does it prey on your fears? Tree for the boy? Closet for the girl? Clown for all of us?
  • Holy shit…I don’t recall the tree eating the boy.
  • That tree Ent got sucked up.
  • The swimming pool! the 2 foot of swimming pool.
  • Mom!!! Mommy….Carol Ann is in the TV!
  • We don’t go into the room anymore.
  • It was a child’s toy. Took 7 hours to cross the room…
  • uh huh…
  • Tie Fighter!
  • Stephen has missed work…but not a beer.
  • Poltergeist vs Haunting. – Usually associated with an individual. Haunting is an area. Poltergeist are short in duration vs long term haunting.
  • We hear better on this channel.
  • Mom has adjusted well. Daddy is a drunk and Daughter is losing her mind.
  • Stay away from the light…the light is dangerous…stay the f away from the light.
  • Mommy, there is somebody here.
  • Jewelry dump.
  • She ran through me…and now I smell her…she went through my soul.
  • I wonder what they smell like after the monster ran through them?
  • Something took a bite out of me in the kids room. It’s them durn goldfish…they got sucked up into the other side and they are sharks now.
  • Outer Space…or Inner Space.
  • This is like 10 minutes of whispering.
  • This kid just came up with the plan…tie a rope on me.
  • Grandpa’s spirit is invisible.
  • But you said to not walk into the light!
  • Some people die…but they don’t know they have moved on.
  • Resist the light! Watch TV. Watch their friends grow up…get jealous.
  • Oh…and some people just get lost on the way to the light…they get angry and throw shit.
  • Geez man…workers ain’t afraid to eat your food.
  • This guy about to eat my chicken and make my steak. f this guy
  • Meat splosion and maggots
  • if your face starts falling apart…how about not pulling on it.
  • This movie really brings horror home. Up until this point horror was in castles and apartments…not in Suburbia
  • Look at all those lonely souls…TAXI!
  • Please not on 60 minutes…or That’s incredible.
  • She drank it all…a whiskey drink…
  • Leaving Ryan…cause Marty is out!
  • Jesus Steve you are looking like shit.
  • What you got screwed in that…300 watt bulb?
  • He claims the Flu.
  • “sounds quiet…yep…no problem…BOOOM!”
  • Oh great! Carol Anne was born in that house…she is haunted!
  • Starting Phase 5! Nooooo!
  • It ain’t ancient tribal burial ground
  • in 76…right down there…we relocated the graves.
  • Nobody has complained until now…except the Poltergeist!!
  • “Y’all mind hanging back? Ya jamming my frequencies.” – Lady
  • She has cleaned many houses…
  • “I am addressing the living.”
  • “This house has many hearts.”
  • “The last incident of Bio Location”
  • Will you do what I ask even if it conflicts
  • There is no death…just transitions to a sphere.
  • Carol Ann’s life force gives off it’s own lumination. Life home and earthly pleasures.
  • Carol Ann is a terrible distraction from the real light.
  • These souls are not aware that they are dead.
  • Inside the spectral light is the next phase.
  • She can only hear her mother’s voice
  • Hold on…shit gonna be bad.
  • A terrible presence is in there with her…it is angry..pissed.
  • It lies to her. Using Carol Ann to restrain the other to her…it is just another child. To us…it is the beast.
  • The beast is so pissed it punched a hole into this world and took Carol Ann
  • Can you say hello to Daddy?
  • Quickly….who is Carol Ann most afraid of…Tell her she is going to get a spanking…be firm.
  • Tell her to go to the light! Run to the light? But you said to not go to the light!
  • You little bastard.
  • Stephen, give me the tennis ball marked number 1
  • Do not sniff the tennis ball…grote.
  • Kiss my Ass…Number 2.
  • Now tell her to not go into the light! 1 2 3 Red Light…
  • throw the rope into the light.
  • Take up the slack….take up the slack! gently
  • You have never done this before…you are right…you go.
  • No time for smooches…
  • Pull only when I say!
  • Cross over children…go into the light…there is peace and tranquility in the light.
  • Dangit Peter!!
  • Get them into the water!! they got to be reborn…
  • She gonna be alright.
  • I feel funky.
  • Who put bubbles in the bath water.
  • This house is clean!
  • Holiday Inn on I74
  • Mom has gray hair now
  • Carol Ann does not remember anything.
  • We are leaving tonight. Take a nap.
  • I would not even take a nap in that house
  • that e.buzz dog is a pervert.
  • If he hates that clown so much…why keep it around.
  • Clown gone. I’m gone.
  • They still got a lot of packing to do.
  • Wiggling on the ceiling!
  • From bad to worse…she mud wrestles he way right into the pool pit.
  • They didn’t move the bodies…they just moved the gravestones! You cheap bastards!
  • The neighbors are not interested in helping but so far.
  • Your closet turned into a throat
  • Robby really is the worst.
  • These explosive caskets!
  • You son of a bitch…you only moved the headstones! Whyyyy!
  • Do not scream at the driver.
  • Daddy…drive away…leave oldest sister.
  • that was the angriest house
  • slurp…
  • TV on a cart…out. Holiday Inn
Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Child’s Play 2 (1990) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

… grab your bags and sort your goodies while we spin you a Tale from the Sack:

Hello and welcome to the Good Guy Build-A-Buddy Workshop now open in the Chicago Mall….. Today, we have invited a few lucky kids from the Chicago Orphanarium for the chance to build their very own officially licensed and “Totally not Evil” Talking Good Guy Doll.

Alright, little orphaned Andy…grab a metal doll head and some recycled old people dentures from that bucket next to you and get over here and pour some hot plastic all over that mess and I’ll “supervise” from a safe distance.

Hey, you’re doing great Andy! But don’t look at me Andy! Look at the doll! Not me Andy…the doll! Alright, calm down. We have a burn kit on the way…stop crying and grab some eyes out of that bucket you knocked over when you were flailing about.

Now, carefully load those eyes into the eye gun. We are going to have you shoot the eyes right into the dolls face. I know it may sound ridiculous…but trust me…it really is the only way…. Ok everybody it looks like Andy has ironically shot his own eyes out with the eye gun.

Hang on Andy, I have a plan. I’m going to transfer your life force into your doll with a voodoo chant I learned in mall jail a few years back… ok here goes: Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho…..Orange Julius….Corn Dog 7….Give me the power of Claires I beg of you!

Andy? Are you in there? Ok Andy’s dead. No wait…he’s stabbing my leg. It looks like he is going to be fine. Hey Andy don’t do that. What’s that Andy? Call you Chuck. Alright Chuck. Let’s get you back on the bus. Oh you want a piggy back ride…ok…hop on…hey….not so tight Chuck..

and now for something really evil. Randy.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099253/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child%27s_Play_2

TWITTER

Child’s Play 2 (1990) – Because sometimes you have to fight a resurrected demon doll inhabited by the spirit of a serial killer currently hiding in the basement of your foster home with an electric carving turkey knife part 2.

SHOW NOTES

  • Chucky is a doll
  • Universal Monster for the late 80s and Early 90s
  • From Eye to Tunnel of the city.
  • That is one burnt chucky.
  • 2 like Z for Zorro.
  • Fun One Lincoln…I bet Matthew McCanahahaha is in there.
  • Oh man…Good Guy dolls are metal underneath with porcelain teeth? no wonder demon occupied.
  • Shove them appendages in there.
  • So the facility is down by the docks and dump?
  • Guy Guy Batteries…Size C
  • Play Pal Toys
  • Good Guy doll
  • Walk and Talk…My stomach hurts. Good news?
  • Rumors Hi, I’m the lakeshore stranglers…uh huh huh…
  • We rebuilt the doll…we rebuilt him better…stronger…faster…6 dollar man.
  • Well give us a minute…we aren’t used to making them manually…
  • So we built a mini eye inserter…and now I’m electic and dead…eyes!
  • C’mon Andy…let’s talk about it…Talking helps the nightmares go away
  • Bad Man in Good Guy Doll…no hell…stay in doll too long and trap…his real name was Charles Lee Ray…and you are the first person I told…so now you are mine.
  • Dreams can’t hurt you…unless you are on Elm Street.
  • Stick this doll up your ass.
  • Go Fish Doc
  • Come over and look at this child behind the 1 way mirror…Wanna Foster?
  • Ritual Voodoo Charles Lee Ray (the lakeshore strangler) who lives in Andy’s Good Guy Doll…reconstituted.
  • Chocolate is my favorite…but I’ll eat eggs.
  • Way to go…way to freak the kid out. Hit a Good Guy Truck
  • Holy crap…his Foster Parents live in a Barbie Dream House with tons of old trinket shit.
  • It’s ok…No foul.
  • Uh oh…this Foster Mommy ain’t got nobody to pass onto.
  • Age out Foster Kid…gotta make the scratch….
  • Foster Mom … are you serious…A Good Guy doll (Tommy)…really lady…you suck!
  • Play Pals Toys trucks always be blowing horn.
  • Lose your umbrella? No problem…let it go like a balloon
  • Stupid Doll won’t fit in my trunk.
  • Vodka on 2 week anniversary. How does one have his car full of toys and have time to hook up?
  • Car Phone…Bag Phone…beep beep beep.
  • Uncle Charles.
  • That is a Gold Card…just as good as cash man. No card!!
  • Water pistol
  • wasting no time
  • A storm is coming
  • How did Chucky Break Tommy’s Face with a porcelain
  • Hey…want me to say your name backwards.
  • Give a kid a smoke and he will smoke it.
  • Kyle is a chain smoker.
  • Sorry Jack…Chucky’s Back.
  • Pull them Batteries!
  • Mr. Simpson is never getting that figurine glued back together.
  • Andy is a pushy swinger.
  • Keep your friends close…keep Chucky closer.
  • “What do I know about teenage girls.?” more than 2 weeks ago.
  • Chucky is always wanting to play. “Hide the soul.”
  • Chucky is trying to take over my soul.
  • haha…I’m going to get rid of him…by tossing him down the stairs into the basement.
  • What is Mrs. Simpson’s accent?
  • First Chucky..and now I have to ride the bus.
  • Chucky is turning human again.
  • Who me? Just playing a little chain ball…yeah…I just stand here by myself and bang a basketball against a chain link fence.
  • Get Bent Micro Chip
  • Adults always tossing Chucky in dark places.
  • He Pumped her in the chest and then gave her 30 licks with the stick.
  • ha! He is going to put the kid in the under the stairs cabinet?
  • His name is Tommy…look at it!
  • electric knife!!
  • Tommy’s Alibi…been at the bottom of the stairs all night.
  • Sometimes you have to face your demons…in the basement…with an electric knife…and a lot of nerve
  • Phil. Neck broken.
  • Foster Parent singular.
  • Meanwhile, down at the home for crazy kids.
  • Most of Chucky’s Day is spent pretending to not be alive.
  • ha! She found the body. I did not see that coming.
  • Chucky is never where you leave him…unless it is at the bottom of the stairs in the basement.
  • Chucky has a knife…Chucky has a knife.
  • Chucky has already racked up 3 killings and 2 carjackings.
  • Chicago Police!
  • “You’ve seen dolls that pee? This one bleeds.” – Redflag!
  • Buckle up for safety
  • Come on Kyle…just go…don’t bother trying to run him over… “Me screaming at the screen.”
  • A little game of Chucky says…Move it…that was a short game.
  • That is the 2nd murder Kyle has been involved in. maybe 3…the cops are coming to get her.
  • You didn’t think we were going to setup a whole Chucky Factory and not return to that!
  • “Close your eyes and count to 7 and you will soon be in heaven.”
  • The demon hot line has got to be tired of all the hangups Chucky is always making to transfer his soul. Too late.
  • This did not get scary until we got to Desperate Chucky. When he was just annoyed it wasn’t too bad.
  • There are Chucky dolls coming down the manufacture line…are there workers there?
  • Andy almost got Chucky Eyes implanted into his feet.
  • Yeah that maintenance guy had to get the eyes
  • Did they just give Chucky Pubic hair
  • So what was that one button? the really want to f something up button?
  • Andy has a bit of the killer in him.
  • That kill box at the top of the conveyor really needs to have a sign that says…Danger. Bad Shit
  • Chucky looks like a Garbage Pail Kid.
  • We killed Chuck Thrice.
  • Kyle is for sure going to have to go on the run. As far as the cops are concerned…she killed her foster parents and the foster home director and kidnapped Andy…and most likely killed Andy’s Teacher and the poor night maintenance guy at the Play Pal Good Guy Warehouse.

Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

The World Is Not Enough (1999) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Ok secret agent man. Here I am again. Alone. In the trunk of another henchman’s car. Waiting to be discovered and then bam. You dead Davidov. It’s the perfect plan! Except…It has already been 30 minutes and I have no idea where we are going and I am getting restless ! I need some action!

Hmm let’s see what MI6 has equipped me with to fight off the ultimate henchman. Boredom Oh…what would be Boredom’s subversive henchman name be? Bor-Dumb..haha…no..too on the nose…Mister DullMan…no…too much to unpack…How about blasé! It’s French! Nailed it!

Well Mr. blasé say goodbye because it is 1999 and I am stuck in a henchman’s trunk for an indeterminate amount of time and I have a state of the art Nokia Phone and a desire to beat my high score on that classic video game Snake. Noooo! I clearly turned and dodged that wall. This game is crap!

Hey…we are stopping…

Oh hi Davidov! You Dead. and now time to Roll those intro credits with the Sexy Silhouetted ladies and a game of I think I saw a nipple.! Blase be gone!

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0143145/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_Is_Not_Enough

TWITTER

The World Is Not Enough (1999) – This movie starts with garbage and ends with Bond on top. Oh James. Hey, what’s that sawing sound.

SHOW NOTES

  • This movie starts with Garbage
  • Quick gun shot then the movie
  • BilBao, Spain…le…la…
  • Bond in glasses! What sophistication is this?
  • Is he getting frisked or is he getting fitted?
  • So Good Of You…Mr. Bond.
  • Who can’t trust a Swiss banker
  • Lady and Bond sharing glances.
  • Check her figures…I am sure they are perfectly rounded
  • Sir Robert bought a report
  • I just want a name
  • All this bank humor is killing me…I am tempted to count them.
  • somebody is watching our for James.
  • It is time for the first escape scene already! Well yeah…it’s bond movie!
  • That was fast.
  • ha! phallic!
  • more bad jokes! How many bad jokes!
  • He conquered the world by 3 million pounds documents
  • Money Penney…Stop King…like she got time for that.
  • The trigger was his pin…the money was explosive!
  • Frustrated Q and his unfinished Experimental Jet Boat
  • the first real chase…still no intro.
  • It is impressive to see someone drive that assassins boat.
  • She has a lot of firepower in that boat…too bad she can’t hit anything with it.
  • Underwater tie adjustment.
  • nah…fire bad….I know…a shortcut..THAT AIN’T NO SHORTCUT!
  • When your backup plan involves a hot air balloon. You are doing it wrong.
  • I can protect you! NOT FROM HIM…boom!
  • Finally! Intro! 14 minutes in.
  • Ahh yes…let us play the “can you see a nipple in the James Bond intro slither” game
  • Oh…the world is not enough…but a perfect place to start.
  • Will the themes in the intro be in the movie! Stay tuned!
  • Urea! that was a lot of effort to kill King.
  • Terrorists!
  • “TANNER!”
  • So many bad puns! Now we are onto doctor jokes.
  • Bagpipe of hate. now pipe jokes.
  • Qs fishing boat! You killed it
  • Ah, yes the legendary 007 wit. Half wit.
  • 6 beverage holders.
  • Double O Pun
  • 2 Q Rule Never Let Them See You Bleed. Always Have an Escape Plan.
  • That guy got no senses! Now he is a superhero. Terrorist.
  • One more pun! One more dog gone pun!
  • Shadows stay in front or behind…but never on top…that is it…I’m out.
  • That helicopter has saw balls…I wonder if that will come back up again.
  • The locals love Miss King!
  • It is Oil related…just like the intro.
  • from the desert to the mountains…let us ski our way to sexy
  • oh no! ParaHawks. Seems inefficient way to kill 2 people
  • Haha…if you cut their chutes they will start sputtering.
  • Yay! He had the inflatable ball of protection.
  • Meanwhile is Baku
  • Not you Davidov! Him – Davidov…Whaaaa?!
  • From I don’t need you…to Please Stay!
  • and now…time to drink and gamble! Cause that is James Bond man!
  • Did he get those x-ray specs out of the back of a comic book?
  • Bad Bad guys are always pimping it up.
  • Pay day daddy!
  • Mr. Bullion does not trust banks
  • Has his own brand of Caviar. Zukovsky. Nothing Free Caviar
  • BlackJack? Let’s keep it simple…old maid…go fish? 1 Million dollar game of Go Fish.
  • Gave Davidov the night off.
  • Welcome to the Devil’s Breath! Hindus like this place…want to hold a scalding rock?
  • Davidov is the traitor!
  • The ParaHawks were to be returned…did they rent them? Try explaining that to the ParaHawk Rental office.
  • Well…Bond succumbed to his more basic instinct.
  • I knew it would be like this! Mouth Ice Swap!!
  • Bond is onto you Davidov! He found your dead body! and now you are dead…thanks for all the hard work Davidov…more puns!
  • Where did bond get a photo of himself to use on that ID he stole?
  • “Are you here for a reason or are you just hoping for a glimmer?”
  • Dr. Christmas Jones….No Jokes or Puns!
  • “There’s no point living if you can’t feel alive…” Huh! That is what she said!
  • He is 63 years old.
  • He knew about his shoulder injury as well!
  • The bomb doesn’t move until I am satisfied…ahhh yeah.
  • How are we even yeah maniac?
  • Does Bond ever save the dude? He always saves the lady but never the dudes.
  • Bond now has a Nuke Bomb Card…explosive.
  • ohhh…Elektra bad!
  • Knew about my Shoulder…so on…and the mole on my balls.
  • Stockholm Syndrome….nope…she set the whole thing up chump.
  • You used me as bait…Just like M….Revenge will be mine.
  • No…I do not believe it…cause you are full of poop!
  • I need to drive a pipe scooter…weeee
  • It doesn’t take a degree in physics…but apparently it does.
  • Trust me…..uh….how fast were they going.
  • She always trying to kill Bond.
  • Like a slap from M.
  • Half Plutonium.
  • Robinson…Out.
  • Go on..it’s safe…touch your destiny!! I brought something for you as well…touch your destiny!
  • I am going to destroy this city!
  • Just give her all the details! Noon
  • So beautiful, smooth and warm…how would you know ya dead inside freak!
  • I wonder if he feels himself pooping his pants
  • She is a pleasure surrogate. “Remember Pleasure?” No ya weird ice fetish lady!
  • Well they just have little birds everywhere!
  • What is that sawing sound? Oh…it’s a callback!
  • Never park the beamer in plain view…everybody knows who that cars belongs to.
  • King Copter
  • What! All that for the car and we just chop it up? One missile and done.
  • Trying to kill somebody with a saw attachment on a helicopter seems like a waste of time.
  • Gee. I wonder which lady will punch out Elektra?
  • That guy drives like Senator Kennedy. Too soon?
  • Zukovsky…insurance company is never going to believe this.
  • You gold encrusted Buffoon.
  • Family Motto!
  • That is some serious medieval chiropractor shit.
  • Nobody can resist me
  • One Last Screw…even in death…terrible puns.
  • It’s hard to kill a Zukovsky
  • Guns are solving all the low level problems.
  • Who starts diving before they batten down the hatches?
  • Oh no!! he shot the control panel.
  • Take that ya terrorist…bullet shaped rod to the gut!
  • You can meet her there
  • Gross…Christmas in Turkey. Noooo…Why the hell…
  • It picks up body heat…so humans come out orange.
  • It’s getting redder…abort…abort.

Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Soldier (1998) Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Good morning…. or afternoon or whatever the crap time it is on this blustery trash planet.

Thank you for rescuing me and bringing me to your home made of human waste. I am a man of few words; A soldier. If you have questions, I have face tattoos to answer them.

But….yeah here comes the but….I’m in the next room laying in the pile of trash you call the “guest bed” recovering from my near death coma when I am awoken by the sound of what can best be described as a flesh trumpet. Explain before I kill you and your family.

A Zerbert War. I’m in. Point me to these Zerberts and I will destroy them all. Sir, please remove your lips from my tummy. and that is how Todd learned to stop warring and to start loving.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120157/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soldier_(1998_American_film)

TWITTER

Soldier (1998) – “My daddy was in maintenance and he used to say if it ain’t broke don’t fix it ….and something about nipples on a man…I don’t know…he was really hard to understand…. he had a lot of teeth.”

SHOW NOTES

  • Computers sure were noisy back in 1998. Flup flup flup…print
  • 1996 – Year Zero.
  • Meanwhile down at the Crybaby Bank.
  • A1 Sauce! 1A
  • Year 5 of Adam Project.
  • Weakness is death…and that boar is yummy!
  • ‘Don’t look away Todd! Look a the doberman pincher boar meat
  • Year 8! Solve a puzzle.
  • Love this music!
  • Year Twelve….run a little
  • Oh slow kid…you are so dead.
  • That kid really looks like Kurt Russell.Run Slow..Die Fast.
  • Year 16 or 18? Shoot ’em all
  • 2013 Year 17. Training is over…time to get the face tat
  • Year 38….time to have a War of Six Cities…5 Cities
  • The Moscow Incident…it was snowy.
  • 2036…Year 40…to space! I feel like we missed a few things.
  • Present Status: Between Wars…in the middle of a centipede massage.
  • Our soldiers are more hairless than yours…except my mustache.
  • Manufactured Soldiers.
  • “My daddy was in maintenance…if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”
  • Shoot the ball son. 99%…that is very good…but not 100%
  • What a weird gym for manufactured soldiers.
  • My man left 20 minutes after yours…make a note chump.
  • C’mon old man!
  • The mind controls the body after all…and we do such wonderful things with the mind.
  • Send him up the chain rope!
  • What about spirit…stamina…
  • Chain fight!
  • No fair biting!
  • Do you know how much it cost to train you, feed you moron.
  • “Todd was our best man.”
  • A training accident…oops..dump these bodies far from here!
  • P376 Waste Disposal Ship
  • Seems like a lot of trouble when burning would be cheaper.
  • Arcadia 234 Waste Disposal Planet
  • Guess I live on Acadia 234 now. A real shit show. Hey people!
  • Storm!
  • Children of Arcadia
  • Hang on Jimmy’s back!
  • You keep an eye on him Mac!
  • oh…cds!
  • War tats
  • Send your most attractive woman to take care of the handsome stranger….
  • Shanghai 2012
  • Todd has never seen a double decker zerbert before. I must kill you all!
  • I made you something! It looks like a weapon…but it is to help you walk…see
  • Time to eat like you are ravenous. Ok…in this scene I need you to eat like you haven’t seen food in a year.
  • Uh oh…them are fighting words. Don’t call me a deserter.
  • He has lost his memory. Oh he does remember…he was replaced. By a better soldier sir.
  • Now how you feel?
  • They left Earth 12 years ago…when they crashed their ship.
  • Trinity Moons…
  • oh hi nipples.
  • Foreshadow…who would like to fight for a god forsaken place like this.
  • Have you seen my tiny mustache!
  • Time for our bi annual security sweep of the Arcadia … and we haven’t found anything in 12 years…but who knows!
  • The kids can’t speak because he got bit by a snake and was sick for a long time.
  • Use that Call Box!
  • I guess Arcadia used to be inhabited.
  • Uh oh…Jimmy chose the wrong day to be in front of a body mower on a windy day.
  • Oh man…that planet is out to kill them…wind only blew as long as it thought it was going to eat Jimmy…once that was off the table…no more wind.
  • Todd POS
  • They are dumpers…come every 20 or 30 days…we are unsure…cause we have only been here for 12 years
  • Musical Lust Montage.
  • Oh he knows…he knows
  • Carrot…Carrot…finger…Blood Carrot
  • Fear and Discipline….always….Free Hugs
  • Scary Space Santa
  • He is doing exercises….AKA punching a thing repeatedly
  • Flashback…and another Flashback.
  • Remember that time we killed people….good times.
  • Never interrupt me when I am hitting a thing.
  • I’m pretty tired…I think I will go home with my bloody fists
  • Kill the snake. Smash it with the boot!
  • Sorry Soldier…move along. You too scary for us…the Trash Owners Association board voted you out.
  • Take this scarf and go!
  • He crying! Stupid tears! Punch the tears
  • I live in a fuselage now! It is warm but full of tears.
  • This place is made up of green trash snakes…
  • Don’t worry daddy…I like to watch you and mommy sleep…I booted the snake real good
  • We all voted….wrong!
  • What…was Todd out there like one night…
  • Get your hands down fool.
  • Know what we haven’t done in a while? Ran a security sweep on planet trash.
  • This story is flimsy as hell.
  • We must not allow trespassers to steal our trash!!
  • You got no leg…no problem…I’ll drag you around stumpy
  • You done killed my best good friend…now I am going to punch you like a gas tank
  • Sir…how should I kill this one lady…well…with a rocket of course.
  • You don’t get a gun…and you don’t have to salute anymore…you are in charge of setting up the directv.
  • You brought a flamethrower to a rocket launcher fight..
  • Unit 703 growl.
  • My daddy always said…when you want to put a nail into a piece of wood. Pound it.
  • Nathan…your daddy is ded
  • 17 more! Body count!
  • Soldiers deserve Soldiers Sir.
  • Those new soldiers are hairless except for pit hair. What is your purpose!
  • Say hello to my snake pit. Do the new soldiers scream? the old soldiers did not
  • Welcome to my swimming pool of death. It is fireproof
  • Seems a little short sighted not to think of the weather.
  • Maybe you should have made them smarter instead of fast
  • Old 1 eye is pretty good at pushing buttons and flipping switches
  • You can’t just blow up a trash planet!
  • Shoot up some drugs and get up…We loved the rain fights in the 80s and 90s
  • Surely this depth perception will come into play.
  • I see it…do you see it…just kidding…..Helicopter blade to the gut…and double punch.
  • Finally got to crack his neck…
  • Fiery fire in the rain!
  • Ronnie’s not back…Fuck ’em…let’s go.
  • No! Not Busey!
  • Kill the Nazi like guy…he pee pee himself.
  • 67 or 76..it was 67…sortest dream code ever.
  • Instant families. Soldiers, Widows and kids.
  • Trinity Moons! Let us go!
  • From salutes to hold me’s
  • We have a new mission sir.

Categories
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Battle Beyond The Stars (1980) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

Greetings organic forms of planet space farm. You may have noticed my space ship that now blocks your sun and is hovering over you as I speak.I am possession of a Stellar Converter..now I know most of you rubes have no idea what that is….let’s just say it turns your planet to fire…fire bad!

Band of merry mutants

Beebopping through the galaxy. Oh good you guys are all in the common area. Snipers

Now I hadn’t planned on stopping by your crappy little planet but it caught my eye as I was flying by. We scanned ya and we found you have nothing but Shelter, Food and Face Moles…and I was thinking to myself…I could use at least 2 of those 3 things. So here we are.

Now I don’t have time to kill you now…so lets say 7 risings and I’ll be back. So don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080421/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_Beyond_the_Stars

TWITTER

Battle Beyond The Stars (1980) – Like

SHOW NOTES

  • Rings of light
  • and into the space vagina we go!
  • Battle Beyond….The….STARS…wait…if you have gone beyond the stars you have gone too far…bring it back!
  • Battle of the Stars Wars
  • Corman/Horner
  • This is for sure an amalgamation of Star Trek, Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica
  • A planet of stone with a single green spot
  • They have one weather satellite (ship)
  • Planet Akir?
  • Technology that destroys and cleans up after itself.
  • They have Solar Technology.
  • Good thing we were all hanging out in the common area when the giant sky filling ship shows up.
  • Greetings Solar
  • I possess a stellar converter…if you didn’t know…it is the most powerful weapon.
  • 7 risings of your red giant.
  • Accept me as your master.
  • Snipers forward…let us show them we are serious.
  • I will return in 7 risings…you are mine.
  • I have a promise to keep…but always time to stop by and terrorize some space farmers.
  • ….and you are an old man.
  • to fight creatures of violence….you must use creatures or violence.
  • …you….you are a boy.
  • Each form has its function.
  • Zed is blind and owns a piece of junk ship.
  • The boy did not seem terribly concerned with the death of his friend
  • If we don’t make it…nobody else will
  • Fly you stupid Nell the Space Ship Snail
  • Nell is a Snail
  • I’m your home now kid.
  • What is up with your face bad guys?
  • Remember Lobo…Sador is wearing is left foot. I want to see him wear a foot!
  • My job is to find Mercenaries! and Weapons. Off to see the best weapons dealer in the universe. Doctor!
  • Bundle of wires
  • 8-Track Android
  • Cool…a scooty seat…no!! it has me in its grips…choke choke.
  • Wait a minute…I’m not an android…
  • Lady Space Welder
  • haha…we are here…we are the place where we picked you up to ride in the chair
  • Hello…welcome to my lair…here are my insides….lets talk.
  • When you are in my station you are in my presence.
  • Android Smurfs
  • Forms must prey on other forms to survive.
  • You’ve met my daughter…would you like to breed her….she is ready for the breeding.
  • Don’t you have enough toys.
  • Prepare the conjugal suite
  • Thanks Handy Smurf (Saunders)
  • Chlorophyll content…whatever…
  • it’s bigger…it’s wind
  • There is a form in the dark void…no munities until they are 5…
  • It is horrible out there…forms sucking forms.
  • The breaking out ceremony!
  • Come with us…you know about computers!
  • We didn’t get the weapons…but we did get his daughter…she knows about computers!
  • No weapons at all…but I got an analyzer!
  • They have replied to our ultimatum..it is our emissary…they powered him.
  • Proud form! They will be an extinct one…nothing left…not even dust.
  • This is space cowboy…SOS…heeelp
  • The Barta? Bible?
  • Take life to save life.
  • No…not from behind…
  • Nell broke her primary programming!!! She must self destruct
  • Space is a sweaty place.
  • Poor planet Umatil and it dust ray.
  • Don’t like it…I’ll turn your planet into a star.
  • Mac Laser 4…We are going to need weapons…but we won’t know how to use them.
  • I’m a salesman…not a teacher kid!
  • My Rig is a Hauler…not a fighter.
  • Cowboy is obviously an earthling.
  • Noooo…not the chromatic space lights! Not to worry…we will blast it.
  • You are about to be eaten
  • Kelvins communicate by heat.
  • Sador lives…and you are fighting him…well why didn’t you say so protein form.
  • The Varda…What would the Varda say
  • ok…what’s the big idea…ya bunch of space freaks.
  • not the betraying limbs!
  • Third Eye Whites
  • Nestor always carries a spare.
  • Nestor’s greatest threat is bored to death.
  • Beam her up Kalo!
  • Tis a pleasure planet! In the darkest areas…
  • Zombie Sex Worker…out of date.
  • There is nothing left but me and the lower forms. The locals cleaned out the den of ill repute
  • I settle disputes very quickly. He is an assassin!
  • Food and Shelter is all we can offer…all we have is culture.
  • The richest mercenary…but at a cost…I am wanted and have no security. A meal and a place to hide. Stolen wealth and no where to spend it.
  • mmmm…pineapple space drink.
  • Valkeries!
  • Ha! anti smoking message right here in space
  • My name is Gelt. I was born in space.
  • 7 ships…
  • She was a hero….she slowed down the snitches and they all died.
  • Play your crystal Xylophone and create the trenches of death!
  • I have a scotch and soda belt.
  • Tingle Dingle Dangle his transistors.
  • Rear Guard 1 is dead dead dead
  • I have an army of genetic mistakes.
  • Only 2 sexes!!
  • Show me the Ropes…aka the sex
  • Does your species have kissing.
  • What is that that you are eating…it is a hotdog…
  • Gelt is like…GG
  • Pull out the sonic tanker.
  • Bloody ears!
  • The Kelvin have no ears…surprise space mother truckers…it is about to get hot in here.
  • Quick…get them to the protein Tanks!
  • Zed will give you the old blind man beating of your life.
  • Nell and Zed are linked. Zed is dead.
  • Not Gelt!!
  • They sent the spare…Do you have a high tolerance to pain…almost none. It is good to have skills.
  • Nestor arm…but it is connected to the Nestor…They are pretty good at arm control
  • Nestor is hit…repeat…Nestor is hit!
  • He is bringing out the Stellar converter.
  • Sybil said..eeeeek….Time to self destruct.
  • Retreat behind the sun.
  • Quasimodo controller
  • 10 nukes for the space cowboy. about 30 seconds to impact…time to play some harmonica. “He didn’t want to fight…but he came anyway.”
  • Hahaha….love Lizard mans battle cry.
  • First law of Barta…Wait you said you couldn’t blow up the nukes earlier.
  • Oh Shad…
  • Nell’s memory banks are done.
  • Old Corsair Nell.
  • Akir is mine…let us laugh…
  • To use greater force against itself…that is the first law of Barta?
  • Nell can’t count down.
  • Sador just wanted to live forever..sheesh
  • They are not dead…they are a part of us!