Zion, hear me! It is true, what many of you have heard. We do live in an abandoned industrialized cave under the earth to hide from the sentient machines above who wish to control us.
Also, it is true that it is very hot in this cave. Probably in part to do with all the machines producing water, something that I don’t really understand how it works or the other machines that take the pee pee away not sure how that works either. Ok. I see I am starting to lose some of you on the pee pee thing.
Alright, back to the hot thing. ALSO it is hot, in part, because of all the horniness…. or perhaps the horniness is because it is hot. I don’t know… here…let me unbutton my shirt. Wait…this shirt has no buttons because it is not really a shirt but more of a nipple teaser. Have you ever had someone finger your port holes? These are the great mysteries of existence!
Speaking of mysteries, I would now like to introduce Randy, another name for horny, who is going to lay out his plan of attack against the machines that involves a flying motorcycle, a guard shack and a skin tight rubber onesie that he is pretty sure that he can stick the landing in. I find the idea implausible. but not impossible.
Also, 20% off at the Sunglass Hut near The Source if you use the code Morpheus at checkout. Randy.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003) – I must apologize for this…first we fight with hands…now feet…now hands again. ok. Now you can watch The Matrix Revolution.
- What’s wrong with my picture. Everything is colored in early 2000s green.
- It’s midnight. Time to ride my bike .. correction .. fly my bike into a guard shack with my best vinyl pants. Strike a pose! Hero Pose
- Morpheus ain’t gonna change.
- You got 36 hours.
- We have Matrix shade. We wear our sunglasses at night.
- Tumble trash weed in the alley.
- Now there are 2 of them! They are reloaded!
- Where is Neo? He’s doing his superman thing.
- Meanwhile in Zion…everything is white. Unlike the Matrix which is green or the real world where everything is blue and black.
- Gate 3 is slow. How the hell did humans make all that shit.
- So Zion has their own Matrix. Why not. Just plug in using your hole.
- She used to be with Morpheus…now she is with Locke…Morpheus went to see the oracle. She fooked it all up
- Surrounded by high tech shit and the commander sits in a shit hole.
- One thing. Soldier. Obey my orders. Another school of thought…believe in The Oracle and Neo
- They got a plan. but it is a secret.
- Got Damn it is good to be home. Nope… not this.
- “The people must be told!”
- Making out in the elevator is so hot…I mean…really…gosh it is hot.
- Some believe.
- haha…Where is my puss..oh hi kids.
- I give you Morpheus
- The Machines have gathered an army.
- I stand here without fear
- I remember for 100 years…how old is you Morpheus
- I only do speaks with open chest clothing.
- Tonight lets us shake this cave. Steel… tonight all the way to blacksky.
- And now…be bang the steel things.
- I remember things that do not change….oh hi… some things do change.
- This cave is hot! and this cave make you horny. Horny hole.
- and now is the time in the show when we dance…horney. Horney dance.
- Stop fingering my port holes! I am so horny for your cave sweat…rave! Suck it machine!
- Making babies!
- I can’t tell where neo ends she begins.
- and now comes the part of the show where we go to sleep after all the sex.
- This guy is obviously not going to make it…he doesn’t wear dark sunglasses…just tinted.
- Agent Smith is trying to escape the matrix!
- Room service of the chosen is amazing.
- Old white man councilor is one of the only old white men I have seen and he is probably going to be evil. He hates sleeping. But he got out when he was 11.
- Orphan brought me a spoon. Here you go.
- I must apologize for this…first we fight with hands…now feet…now hands again. Can you hear my fabric…swoosh swoosh swoosh
- You don’t truly know someone until you fight them.
- I protect that that matters most…I am McAffees
- It is all about control. How can I trust you? This one is about Trust? or is it about choice.
- programs hacking programs.
- A program can choose to hide here…or return to the source.
- The door made of light.
- You have already made the choice…and now you just have to understand it. She is already dead…but why! Work that story backwards.
- If you fail. Zion will fail.
- God this movie talks us a lot.
- Purpose that binds us. Purpose Purpose.
- A courtyard full of Smiths. He ain’t an agent anymore.
- Smith time. Can you dodge it?
- Say hello to my little pipe. More! The Smith Courtyard Dog Pile.
- This scene too all the processing
- It is inevitable.
- “Wait…. he can fly. Why didn’t he do that already.” Stalemate.
- Oh…you pushed me by saying “no man”… now is my time to shine!
- She said the thing that morpheus said.
- OMG…is everyone is this movie a fucking philospher?
- Everything begins with a choice. WRONG!
- He programmed a cake. “What is the reason!” All that matters is the feeling. We are out of control and cake. Progasm.
- Peeing on a waterfall. GET OUT
- He used to be like you Neo
- A kiss? That is my man!! Why? who cares…how does it feel. Prograsm
- Never trust a lady in a restroom insisting on a kiss in front of a waterfall pisser.
- You guys would have never found that place.
- They were from a much older Matrix … they were vampires or were wolves?
- The keymaker is out. He sits in that closet makng keys.
- There must have been a sale down at the Sunglasses hut.
- Talk Talk Talk …. Fight fight fight.
- All these doors only go to the mountains…unless you have the key.
- That Albino wraith is a terrible shot.
- Most of my plans involve motorcycles and jumping
- Morpheus killing it Monkey Style
- In the source…if one fails all fails… so Christmas tree lights…the source is Christmas tree lights.
- The 3 captains are here and it is providence.
- That key did what Superman could not. Got rid of all nukes…no wait…he did do that.
- What was that motorcycle made out of? Booom
- A hall of backdoors.
- I bet it is tough typing in a gimp suit
- Well little key man…you have outlived your usefulness.
- The architect is Colonel Sanders? How many herbs in recipes?
- This is only the 6th iteration.
- The problem is choice.
- The oracle is the mother.
- Denial is the most basic of human. Bullshit!
- If only he had not spent so much time shooting the shit with his buddies…he could have saved her for real.
- It was her choice. Not his.
- No…not the Nebekenezer
- Da Da Dum!
Morpheus: [Morpheus addresses the people of Zion] Zion, hear me! It is true, what many of you have heard. The machines have gathered an army and as I speak, that army is drawing nearer to our home.
[the Zion crowd becomes louder]
Morpheus: Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember. I remember that I am here not because of the path that lies before me but because of the path that lies behind me. I remember that for 100 years we have fought these machines. I remember that for 100 years they have sent their armies to destroy us, and after a century of war I remember that which matters most… We are still here! Today, let us send a message to that army. Tonight, let us shake this cave. Tonight, let us tremble these halls of earth, steel, and stone, let us be heard from red core to black sky. Tonight, let us make them remember, THIS IS ZION AND WE ARE NOT AFRAID!