The Legend Of Zorro (2005) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

This week on Filmsack we swing back to 2005 for some old school swashbuckling action and nearly knock out Scott’s wooden teeth in the process.

Oh, hold on a second. I’m getting a message on my super secret personal telegraph machine I keep under my desk. Oh yeah…that’s the stuff. Keep telegraphing…almost there…ok. “Collect call from the 1850s era California Prison System…Do you accept the charges…” Of course!

“To whom it may concern, I don’t know how I ended up in prison. The last thing I remember was getting drunk with my horse in the alley and then making out with a beautiful lady with deep rich black hair, large brown expressive eyes, big teeth and oh yeah…hooves. Ok. well that makes sense.

Anywho, I got a plan on how to get out of here and since nobody leaves my tequila worm dangling in the wind for long I’m going to need you to send me about 20 boxes of glycerin soap. Preferably on a ropes. If you keep the soap on a rope you don’t have to worry about dropping it in the prison shower and taking a hot poker to the ass. prison changes a man. Also, Please send more Lemon Pledge. My teeth need cleaning. 2 wooden teeth jokes in one intro! I’m on fire! Full Stop.”

Hey do you hear that? Randy, Put on your mask. It’s either 5 o’clock or the people need us.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386140/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Legend_of_Zorro

TWITTER

The Legend of Zorro (2005) – Like a runaway train barreling down on a Clean Shaven Lincoln. A Clean Shaven Lincoln that what I call it when I make out with my drunk horse. Zorro Rides Again!

SHOW NOTES

  • That horse is fire
  • Do the stompy dance!
  • 1850 : The People of California – Poor, Desperate – Are on the verge of joining the union as its thirty-first state… (stomp stomp guitar strums) Under Proclamation of the Governor an historic vote holds the key to their fate… and the promise of freedom. FREEDUMB!
  • That kid is pulling some pretty big bells. 5 rings to summon Zorro…I’m batman! He is probably already here.
  • 3 Amigos in voting booths! This vote is invalid…it is marked with a Z
  • Can you have pamphlet handlers that close to the voting.
  • Make sure he carves a Z on your backside…REALLY!!
  • He hates those hats and these signs.
  • I shot your hat off…do I have your attention.
  • Mike Gibbons? Mike Givens… Polls have already closed. He has a cross for a face.
  • Hat to the head of Mike
  • He done stole the votes! What are we gonna do!! Vote again? But how…we are all already here.
  • That is how to steal a vote.
  • I miss these kind of high adventures that do not involve super heroes…but heroes who are super.
  • Poor ole Mike…he can’t catch a break.
  • Nuts to beam…down he goes.
  • Here are the votes…the masked man brought them…totally legit.
  • These stunts are hot. Parquor…
  • He unmasked Zorro!
  • Cactus to the face – He is the hellraiser.
  • No Mask…no problem…
  • Over the hill to the Govenor’s mansion…I said…English not so good.
  • That is a lot of people in that town.
  • Abraham Lincoln lackey
  • Finally can call themselves American’s… Then… yay Zorro… 2016… Nooo Zorro. why!
  • You saddle is getting a little too tight Amigo! Horsey
  • Tell me we have won. Tell me we are free…
  • Can women not vote? Maybe?
  • Take a trip to Spain with the kid.
  • 3 month until statehood.
  • Here is me…here is quitting…we are this far apart. Husband promises to quit…
  • Love rift…we have to so we can fall back in love.
  • 10 years they have fought for freedom
  • Wait is it 5AM or are they calling me…Twice a day he shows up and goes…where are they?
  • Ultimatum…walk out that door…no sleeping here…
  • I hope you and the horse are happy together…here is your suitcase.
  • Ohhh…so the kid doesn’t know the secret?
  • The music is amazing and ever present in this movie.
  • Close up Face Zoom!
  • I spy something with my eye that started with H…is it horse! It is horse!!
  • The kid thinks he is a Don and meets with other Dons. Hi Don. Let’s talk money!
  • So much for your secret.
  • Zorro’s wife is pretty good.
  • Holy Crap. I did not realize Michael Emerson was in this!
  • Pruning in a tub with naked guys….or begging for forgiveness
  • You have been served! Divorce Papers!!!
  • 3 Months later on a Wednesday. Don’t sleep past 2.
  • Lupe has to go to confession now.
  • Who wants a Dunce cap for interrupting my lecture to go to the rest room. That kid really has to pee now.
  • What does Statehood mean to you. The flaming poker…it fits…in your butt.
  • The Tyranny of the teacher must be met…I am tiny student Zorro. School is for Chumps..out!
  • We are totally setting up Son of Zorro.
  • Cactus face has a way. 500 for your rancho. Wooden Tooth. I would remember a man with wooden teeth.
  • Like slapping Zorro around…turn the other cheek…slap
  • Respects to your office…respects respects.
  • Speaking in Spanish…
  • …and now is the part of the movie we dance!
  • Brother Father has 1 vice to keep in touch with the people. Wine.
  • I don’t know why they call it a wine tasting…after 2 drinks you can’t taste anything.
  • The rich guys there are up to something.
  • He stole my wife!!…oh…fireworks…neat…aww now I am sad…I can’t afford fireworks.
  • They met in Spain…at finishing school. Now she is with the Count.
  • Rich good looking and royalty.
  • She slaps like a Muppet
  • Zorro may have a drinking problem.
  • Spewing your wine on your horses back is probably a bad idea…is this the best drunk horse in a movie?
  • ..with is fancy wine and frue frue
  • Nobody leaves my tequila worm dangling in the wind.
  • On second thought…who needs another hat…how about a pipe!
  • The Count is one fast shopper.
  • Dang that Count is playing for keeps…broken
  • What kind of game is made up of 2 scores…one being if you fall off your horse you lose.
  • Wooden Teeth and a cross for a face.
  • He is a bit of a supremist
  • Hey Zorro….he literally knows where they live…you gonna stay there all the time?
  • Cortez carries a big gun.
  • Ha! A hot poker to the ass…just like kid Zorro predicted.
  • My biscuits are burning!
  • Well…we lost the baby and my wife and burned down the barn…but at least we saved the house and the deed.
  • Guillermo dead! Looks like Zorro is about to inherit a wife and a kid.
  • Moment of crisis of faith. I have always listened to my heart…so tell me God…
  • Allow Zorro 1 last ride please.
  • Man servant Ibbott with a mustache
  • She is the Honeypot.
  • I don’t smoke…oh my pipe!
  • A hidden bookcase!
  • He is building a vineyard! ok.
  • Their whole family is always adventuring.
  • Orbis Unum…Latin…One World… THE NEW WORLD ORDER!
  • He is a knight…
  • Preacher Brother uses his finger to read.
  • With the soap?
  • They kidnapped the Zorro.
  • We’re the Pinkertons…operatives for the government.
  • Why would they tell him about his ex-wife
  • Zorro is a relic of the past…the times are a changing…no room for Zorro in the new world.
  • the best Odd Job
  • How did you get an E and a Z on your underwear…good thing they are clean.
  • America is divided.
  • Soap Glycerin to Nitro!
  • Oh no…not the Confederate Army!
  • The Knights of Aragon
  • Ripped from the headlines.
  • They blew up the Doctor
  • Nooo! Not the Father
  • Hat humor.
  • Release the hounds!
  • Pigeon…I ate pigeon!..and the Pinkertons!!
  • Nooo…not my pearls!
  • This soap is explosive…wait till you try the wine
  • Wooden Teeth McGee takes a lot of abuse.
  • Papi…you are Zorro…and now we are dying.
  • The bad guy suddenly gets the whole story and is touched and releases them all. Nah…just kidding.
  • Kill him now!
  • Sweet. They have a backup Padre.
  • You can’t beat Zorro at hand to hand or sword play
  • Trope…I had on a bullet proof thing…I not dead.
  • I have a hook for a hand.
  • Trope…Runaway train. You on a train…it got to runaway.
  • I think when you try to jump on a moving train with your horse that you and that horse are going to have to agree to disagree.
  • Nickers…is that a thing horses say?
  • Horse whistle language.
  • Get the boy!! What about the woman?
  • They dropped the name of the upcoming sequel! Son of Zorro!
  • Don’t fight around the nitro.
  • This henchman has a lot of cool gadgets.
  • Wow…Double penis…I mean sword. Are you going to Darth Maul this?
  • A Z on your vest so the devil will know who sent you? The Devil is like? Thank you Zorro. Hail Zorro.
  • The Confederate Army is toast.
  • Train full of Boom Boom
  • Ha! People are stupid in crowds…running around in circles.
  • I want to go to Universal and ride the Zorro Train ride.
  • Uh oh…looks like you are out of track.
  • Almost took her head off with that train on his whip swing.
  • Clean Shaving Lincoln.
  • She is a hero and so is the kid…but this is the old days and they don’t get to be up top with the mens. But they can see him from the crowd.
  • Oh never promise a kid you won’t do something ever…you are f’ing up.
  • Is he a saint yet. He did 1 miracle.
  • Oh that is bullshit…they spent the whole movie convincing me he needs to be a better husband and father…and instead the only thing we learned is that now his wife and kid understand him. booo.
  • Don’t wait up.