Oh hi and welcome Cadets to Project X or as I like to call it Project “What Could Possibly Go Wrong.” Here we have assembled an elite force of Air Force pilots to train a team of carefully vetted primates who we will be working with to test the effects of radiation exposure on pilots in case of a second strike scenario.
Just kidding, we actually gathered the Bad News Bears of flying military personnel to train some chimps picked by a guy on a dock somewhere… what was wearing a “sorting hat.” We then takes those chimps and have them fly through some “bad juju” complete with a Jack In The Box style Global Thermal Nuclear Device that I use to heat my coffee. Shall we play a game? Goliath, my coffee is getting cold. Give it 2 more rads, ya damn dirty ape.
Project X is a 1987 American science fiction comedy-drama film produced by Walter F. Parkes and Lawrence Lasker, directed by Jonathan Kaplan, and starring Matthew Broderick and Helen Hunt. The plot revolves around a USAF Airman (Broderick) and a graduate student (Hunt) who are assigned to care for chimpanzees used in a secret Air Force project.
Project X (1987) – Like an actual portrayal of the Air Force; bunch of flying chimps! Just kidding, don’t bomb my house ya damn dirty apes.
Roll that beautiful stock footage!
That is one serious giraffe. Shoo…fly away bird
Do you ever feel like a giraffe is staring at you?
Meanwhile down at the “Apes for Ants” cafe.
“eat the bug off my stick! eat it! ”
It’s a brush full of men!
‘Don’t shock the monkey! Cause he’s an ape!”
James Horner does the music! it’s been a while!
Let’s make a deal with the overly enthusiastic animal poacher.
Who is this guy? The monkey whisperer? The Calaban of apes….he’s the sorting man. Kind of reminds me of Curious George and the man in the banana suit…HAT!
Aww…look how young…no…not the ape… Helen Hunt.
This means apple…also, pointing to this apple means apple.
Is it a good idea to eat the monkey’s apple?
Why does the sign for apple look like “She’s abusing me in the face officer.”
“What time is it?” Half past a freckle on a monkey’s ass.
Virgil wants to fly! Just like back at the “I’m Ape For Ants Cafe”
Wonder if that is a real monkey making noises or if it is Helen Hunt?
“No, it’s not play time.” This movie could be subtitled that. Space X: It’s Not Play Time.
That is not a real clock dude….what is the sign for “dumbass.”
Virgil is hairy; not stupid.
The National Health Foundation.
Man, I thought cats were expensive. 15k to buy. 10k yearly upkeep.
“Virgil, Fly…like bird…like in Wizard of Oz. Cept with Apes. Why should monkeys have all the fun. Helen Hunt kind of looks like the wicked witch.”
How convenient…Virgil joins the air force. The monkey dreams of flying one day…joins the air force…oh c’mon!
Them monkey are excited to see Virgil. FRESH MEAT!
They ain’t ever going to let him fly again…not in that shirt.
Bueller doesn’t seem like a screw up. wait..
Cue the silly music.
Rule: pound for pound 7 times stronger than us.
“No funny stuff mister” – Do we still say that?
Clapping monkey doesn’t know when to clap. “Yay! oh wait…YAY!”
Lady with the blond hair…all lady with blond hair look the same to Virgil.
What is Broderick mopping? Is it ape pee? I hope it’s ape pee. or is Broderick sort of the Clarice in this situation. Whenever you walks by the cage/cells Goofy throws ape goo at him.
Moon is in the seventh house but I’m still knocking on the 6th door. Pretty sure that is a rock ballad from the 70s
Circus Chimp. They are the worst. Smoking. Trying to get me to win a prize for my pretty lady.
Humans are stupid. End sentence
Thank goodness for sign language lady from United Way who quickly taught Broderick basic sign language.
I don’t believe it! You must have been a united way ape!
dumbass…what did he expect the monkey to be signing. Of course he is signed out. He’s in a cage…you think he is going to be signing “Penthouse Magazine?” That is a totally different gesture.
A new girl in the neighborhood! Let us out…what is the sign for making it like a couple of apes?
All of this sign language could been resolved with pointing. Teach an ape to point.
Virgil is making friends with everyone! He’s fulfilling all of the ape desires! Virgil knows all…he even knows Broderick wants to fly. He’s more than smart..he’s the wishmaster.
He’s an ape genie.
The Joy Of Signing. We’ve all read it?
Diamond shaped smile ape freaks me out. Make my Diamond face.
great…now my nickname is razzleberry. What would be your Ape Nick name?
Maybe we rename Goofy to Homicidal maniac.
Virgil just got his blue belt…err…collar…TOTALLY not ape slaves.
Pretty sure kissing your trainee is frowned upon. That is like teacher/student loving right there…and that is wrong…right there.
What happened to Watts? Man in the Bucket.
Blue Beard. Walking the mile…walking the ape/chimp mile.
Before drones…apes were our best bet to mitigate human losses?
“Trainer evacuate chamber.” – me when playing pokemon go and taking a poo
Slow motion staring ape is scary as hell.
mmm…that’s some good radiated coffee. “How many rads is this coffee son? Give it two more rads would ja”
“Lord of the Apes.”
Giving our Apes cute nicknames was probably not a good idea. Unless you want to call them things like Chicken Nuggets. Bag of Popcorn. Defrost.
Come on Virgil. Straighten up…You are making it so easy for me to want to zap fry you Virgil.
Jimmy fell for the oldest trick in the book…”lemmie see your BIC pen for a minute. GO GET IT BOY!”
“Red Collar equals gurney nap.” – Virgil’s mind
Virgil is a tattletale! “GUESS WHAT I SAW! Hoo hoo hoo! Screech! Gurney Naps For All! hoo hoo hoo”
Trope/True – Old white men are evil.
Not the red neck! Anything but the red neck Jimmy!
Movie Logic: Cause I learned sign language…I am smart at other things as well. I am practically human now.
No way if you break into a room of your superiors and run your mouth do you not get thrown in the brigg.
Off Hour Entry – EpPPpppPpp
Apes stakes good! <- what?
“Way to go Jimmy…we had everything under control until you set off the alarm. Now our sky light escape is ruined Jimmy…Ruined!” – Virgil Ape
Who was Goofy calling on the phone? “Hello, I would like 2 dozen pizzas delivered to the lab the air force base.”
Goofy Bird to you Doctor!
Does Clappy have a nickname…cause I’m calling him Clappy.
Oh how the tables have turned. Good thing we have guns in the locker room.
Quick. Throw away that soda and pizza plate! The doc is here!
Lights Off…Light on…Lights Off….sure I fly experimental planes all day…but this….Lights on…Lights off…this satisfies my OCD…Lights on…Lights off.
…and you wonder why we lock up apes…look what happens when you let them out…they go all Planet of the apes on ya!
Uh oh…you released the radiation pod you fools!
Well..that is what happens when you go all 2001 on the radiation pod Goliath
You want a cig Goliath? Too bad Spock face. Now live short and die.
Virgil is way smarter than Goliath. Cause…sign language!
What is the end game here? You are still a bunch of monkey’s in a plane. It’s not like the Air force is going to just let you go.
How much gas did that plane have? like a gallon. Monkey’s never had to fuel up in the SIM.
“Sir the bottom is too soft.” – please capture audio Scott!
You are free Slave Apes…now form a society of intellectual apes and enslave us humans one day.
Monkey names first in the credits. What about the humans!
Pretty sure this is how Planet of the apes starts.