INTRO Oh hi Filmsack, Chronologically, you’re episode 4-0-1 today. Physically, you’re still 400. No, I didn’t expect us to wake up transformed. I just thought that turning 4-0-1 is so major that we’d wake up with an improved mental state that would show on our faces. All that shows is Read more…
Movie Sergeant Dunaway here, your Senior
Sack Instructor. From now on, you will speak
only when spoken to, and the first and last
words out of your filthy mouth holes will be “Huh!”
Do you basic grubs understand that?
Also, I can’t hear you. Sound off like you watched this weeks movie and enjoyed it.
Johnson, your new name is Grossman. Cause you think stuff’s gross. Good job.
Ibbott, I’m gonna call you Boris …cause you do a really funny Russian accent and also because you are a little squirrelly. Like moose and squirrel. Say the thing!
Jordan, you will now answer to Dicks…because that one time you made me laugh when you said something about a bag of dicks.
Now choke yourself. That’s it….ahhhh yeah.
Dicks, tell us about your job this week.
Yes this is 12 year old me calling from 1984 I just wanted to tell the older more experienced me in 2018….do not crap on my favorite things. You just keep your big mouth shut old man…and who are these people you are hanging out with in the future anyway…and where are my best friends Chuck and Amy…we said we would be friends forever and watch The Ice Pirates every day and play D&D every Friday night and drink Jolt Cola until we puked and then do it all over again!
Whatever, I don’t have time for this…The Ice Pirates is starting and we just got something called a “microwave” and I hear it is going to change how we make popcorn forever.
May all you haters end in thirst. Power to the people.
This week’s Film disaster tries to destroy my dream of owning a home with Tom Hanks, the last known decent human being in Hollywood and living bobble head.
So bring in your Mad Max wrecking crew and do your worst. Tom and I will find a way to survive an onslaught of Karmic like retribution brought on by the sins of the father.
let’s keep this brief, I have a chic waiting in the Jacuzzi and a turkey in a bucket.
Hey Randy, how long do you think it will take you to complete your intro?
Hasta La Vista
Ok Ok. Kate is 9 now and she is losing her faith in Santa Clause and as her dad and I have to fix that.
So I’ve climbed up here on the roof of our house on Christmas Eve and I am going to shimmy…..down the chimmy…hehe…chimmy…AND deliver these age appropriate Christmas gifts for my darling Kate. Who hates Thanksgiving. Weirdo
Ok ok, Straighten up Santa…time to take inventory.
Let’s see, Weird pet from ChinaTown. Check.
Santa Clause Suit 2 sizes too big from ChristmasTown aka JC Penny. Check.
Belly full of Egg Nog from Dorry’s Tavern. Check. Check Checkity Check.
Ok, Ho ho ho, Here we go.
*Grunting and squeezing…a little too fat.
Oh, Hey little fellow what are you doing out of your box. Eww and why are you all slimy and gross.
Move you stupid thing you are gonna make me fall and break my neck. Oh no no no
The end. Merry Christmas Kate!
This week in Adventures in Filmsacking we leave the comforts of Netflix & Chill and head down to the mean streets of YouTube comments where Randy has gotten into a spot of trouble after an Internet troll who has stolen Randy’s identity (and his fancy rose colored Snachat specs (FANCY!)) and starts posting racially insensitive rhymes in the form of the blues. Bud da da da dum. No one leaves YouTube without lip-syncing the blues!
Anywho, time to hop in Ibbott’s rusted out 1997 Mazda Miata and see if we can save Randy before he has to fight a hobo for a wiener in the Apple store. Man I sure hope we don’t run into any trouble along the way!
Hey, has anyone seen my cleaning gloves? I think I saw Elisabeth Shue wearing them earlier.