INTRO
Oh hi,
Good morning…. or afternoon or whatever the crap time it is on this blustery trash planet.
Thank you for rescuing me and bringing me to your home made of human waste. I am a man of few words; A soldier. If you have questions, I have face tattoos to answer them.
But….yeah here comes the but….I’m in the next room laying in the pile of trash you call the “guest bed” recovering from my near death coma when I am awoken by the sound of what can best be described as a flesh trumpet. Explain before I kill you and your family.
A Zerbert War. I’m in. Point me to these Zerberts and I will destroy them all. Sir, please remove your lips from my tummy. and that is how Todd learned to stop warring and to start loving.
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120157/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soldier_(1998_American_film)
Soldier (1998) – “My daddy was in maintenance and he used to say if it ain’t broke don’t fix it ….and something about nipples on a man…I don’t know…he was really hard to understand…. he had a lot of teeth.”
SHOW NOTES
- Computers sure were noisy back in 1998. Flup flup flup…print
- 1996 – Year Zero.
- Meanwhile down at the Crybaby Bank.
- A1 Sauce! 1A
- Year 5 of Adam Project.
- Weakness is death…and that boar is yummy!
- ‘Don’t look away Todd! Look a the doberman pincher boar meat
- Year 8! Solve a puzzle.
- Love this music!
- Year Twelve….run a little
- Oh slow kid…you are so dead.
- That kid really looks like Kurt Russell.Run Slow..Die Fast.
- Year 16 or 18? Shoot ’em all
- 2013 Year 17. Training is over…time to get the face tat
- Year 38….time to have a War of Six Cities…5 Cities
- The Moscow Incident…it was snowy.
- 2036…Year 40…to space! I feel like we missed a few things.
- Present Status: Between Wars…in the middle of a centipede massage.
- Our soldiers are more hairless than yours…except my mustache.
- Manufactured Soldiers.
- “My daddy was in maintenance…if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”
- Shoot the ball son. 99%…that is very good…but not 100%
- What a weird gym for manufactured soldiers.
- My man left 20 minutes after yours…make a note chump.
- C’mon old man!
- The mind controls the body after all…and we do such wonderful things with the mind.
- Send him up the chain rope!
- What about spirit…stamina…
- Chain fight!
- No fair biting!
- Do you know how much it cost to train you, feed you moron.
- “Todd was our best man.”
- A training accident…oops..dump these bodies far from here!
- P376 Waste Disposal Ship
- Seems like a lot of trouble when burning would be cheaper.
- Arcadia 234 Waste Disposal Planet
- Guess I live on Acadia 234 now. A real shit show. Hey people!
- Storm!
- Children of Arcadia
- Hang on Jimmy’s back!
- You keep an eye on him Mac!
- oh…cds!
- War tats
- Send your most attractive woman to take care of the handsome stranger….
- Shanghai 2012
- Todd has never seen a double decker zerbert before. I must kill you all!
- I made you something! It looks like a weapon…but it is to help you walk…see
- Time to eat like you are ravenous. Ok…in this scene I need you to eat like you haven’t seen food in a year.
- Uh oh…them are fighting words. Don’t call me a deserter.
- He has lost his memory. Oh he does remember…he was replaced. By a better soldier sir.
- Now how you feel?
- They left Earth 12 years ago…when they crashed their ship.
- Trinity Moons…
- oh hi nipples.
- Foreshadow…who would like to fight for a god forsaken place like this.
- Have you seen my tiny mustache!
- Time for our bi annual security sweep of the Arcadia … and we haven’t found anything in 12 years…but who knows!
- The kids can’t speak because he got bit by a snake and was sick for a long time.
- Use that Call Box!
- I guess Arcadia used to be inhabited.
- Uh oh…Jimmy chose the wrong day to be in front of a body mower on a windy day.
- Oh man…that planet is out to kill them…wind only blew as long as it thought it was going to eat Jimmy…once that was off the table…no more wind.
- Todd POS
- They are dumpers…come every 20 or 30 days…we are unsure…cause we have only been here for 12 years
- Musical Lust Montage.
- Oh he knows…he knows
- Carrot…Carrot…finger…Blood Carrot
- Fear and Discipline….always….Free Hugs
- Scary Space Santa
- He is doing exercises….AKA punching a thing repeatedly
- Flashback…and another Flashback.
- Remember that time we killed people….good times.
- Never interrupt me when I am hitting a thing.
- I’m pretty tired…I think I will go home with my bloody fists
- Kill the snake. Smash it with the boot!
- Sorry Soldier…move along. You too scary for us…the Trash Owners Association board voted you out.
- Take this scarf and go!
- He crying! Stupid tears! Punch the tears
- I live in a fuselage now! It is warm but full of tears.
- This place is made up of green trash snakes…
- Don’t worry daddy…I like to watch you and mommy sleep…I booted the snake real good
- We all voted….wrong!
- What…was Todd out there like one night…
- Get your hands down fool.
- Know what we haven’t done in a while? Ran a security sweep on planet trash.
- This story is flimsy as hell.
- We must not allow trespassers to steal our trash!!
- You got no leg…no problem…I’ll drag you around stumpy
- You done killed my best good friend…now I am going to punch you like a gas tank
- Sir…how should I kill this one lady…well…with a rocket of course.
- You don’t get a gun…and you don’t have to salute anymore…you are in charge of setting up the directv.
- You brought a flamethrower to a rocket launcher fight..
- Unit 703 growl.
- My daddy always said…when you want to put a nail into a piece of wood. Pound it.
- Nathan…your daddy is ded
- 17 more! Body count!
- Soldiers deserve Soldiers Sir.
- Those new soldiers are hairless except for pit hair. What is your purpose!
- Say hello to my snake pit. Do the new soldiers scream? the old soldiers did not
- Welcome to my swimming pool of death. It is fireproof
- Seems a little short sighted not to think of the weather.
- Maybe you should have made them smarter instead of fast
- Old 1 eye is pretty good at pushing buttons and flipping switches
- You can’t just blow up a trash planet!
- Shoot up some drugs and get up…We loved the rain fights in the 80s and 90s
- Surely this depth perception will come into play.
- I see it…do you see it…just kidding…..Helicopter blade to the gut…and double punch.
- Finally got to crack his neck…
- Fiery fire in the rain!
- Ronnie’s not back…Fuck ’em…let’s go.
- No! Not Busey!
- Kill the Nazi like guy…he pee pee himself.
- 67 or 76..it was 67…sortest dream code ever.
- Instant families. Soldiers, Widows and kids.
- Trinity Moons! Let us go!
- From salutes to hold me’s
- We have a new mission sir.
