Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Soldier (1998) Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Good morning…. or afternoon or whatever the crap time it is on this blustery trash planet.

Thank you for rescuing me and bringing me to your home made of human waste. I am a man of few words; A soldier. If you have questions, I have face tattoos to answer them.

But….yeah here comes the but….I’m in the next room laying in the pile of trash you call the “guest bed” recovering from my near death coma when I am awoken by the sound of what can best be described as a flesh trumpet. Explain before I kill you and your family.

A Zerbert War. I’m in. Point me to these Zerberts and I will destroy them all. Sir, please remove your lips from my tummy. and that is how Todd learned to stop warring and to start loving.



Soldier (1998) – “My daddy was in maintenance and he used to say if it ain’t broke don’t fix it ….and something about nipples on a man…I don’t know…he was really hard to understand…. he had a lot of teeth.”


  • Computers sure were noisy back in 1998. Flup flup flup…print
  • 1996 – Year Zero.
  • Meanwhile down at the Crybaby Bank.
  • A1 Sauce! 1A
  • Year 5 of Adam Project.
  • Weakness is death…and that boar is yummy!
  • ‘Don’t look away Todd! Look a the doberman pincher boar meat
  • Year 8! Solve a puzzle.
  • Love this music!
  • Year Twelve….run a little
  • Oh slow kid…you are so dead.
  • That kid really looks like Kurt Russell.Run Slow..Die Fast.
  • Year 16 or 18? Shoot ’em all
  • 2013 Year 17. Training is over…time to get the face tat
  • Year 38….time to have a War of Six Cities…5 Cities
  • The Moscow Incident…it was snowy.
  • 2036…Year 40…to space! I feel like we missed a few things.
  • Present Status: Between Wars…in the middle of a centipede massage.
  • Our soldiers are more hairless than yours…except my mustache.
  • Manufactured Soldiers.
  • “My daddy was in maintenance…if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”
  • Shoot the ball son. 99%…that is very good…but not 100%
  • What a weird gym for manufactured soldiers.
  • My man left 20 minutes after yours…make a note chump.
  • C’mon old man!
  • The mind controls the body after all…and we do such wonderful things with the mind.
  • Send him up the chain rope!
  • What about spirit…stamina…
  • Chain fight!
  • No fair biting!
  • Do you know how much it cost to train you, feed you moron.
  • “Todd was our best man.”
  • A training accident…oops..dump these bodies far from here!
  • P376 Waste Disposal Ship
  • Seems like a lot of trouble when burning would be cheaper.
  • Arcadia 234 Waste Disposal Planet
  • Guess I live on Acadia 234 now. A real shit show. Hey people!
  • Storm!
  • Children of Arcadia
  • Hang on Jimmy’s back!
  • You keep an eye on him Mac!
  • oh…cds!
  • War tats
  • Send your most attractive woman to take care of the handsome stranger….
  • Shanghai 2012
  • Todd has never seen a double decker zerbert before. I must kill you all!
  • I made you something! It looks like a weapon…but it is to help you walk…see
  • Time to eat like you are ravenous. Ok…in this scene I need you to eat like you haven’t seen food in a year.
  • Uh oh…them are fighting words. Don’t call me a deserter.
  • He has lost his memory. Oh he does remember…he was replaced. By a better soldier sir.
  • Now how you feel?
  • They left Earth 12 years ago…when they crashed their ship.
  • Trinity Moons…
  • oh hi nipples.
  • Foreshadow…who would like to fight for a god forsaken place like this.
  • Have you seen my tiny mustache!
  • Time for our bi annual security sweep of the Arcadia … and we haven’t found anything in 12 years…but who knows!
  • The kids can’t speak because he got bit by a snake and was sick for a long time.
  • Use that Call Box!
  • I guess Arcadia used to be inhabited.
  • Uh oh…Jimmy chose the wrong day to be in front of a body mower on a windy day.
  • Oh man…that planet is out to kill them…wind only blew as long as it thought it was going to eat Jimmy…once that was off the table…no more wind.
  • Todd POS
  • They are dumpers…come every 20 or 30 days…we are unsure…cause we have only been here for 12 years
  • Musical Lust Montage.
  • Oh he knows…he knows
  • Carrot…Carrot…finger…Blood Carrot
  • Fear and Discipline….always….Free Hugs
  • Scary Space Santa
  • He is doing exercises….AKA punching a thing repeatedly
  • Flashback…and another Flashback.
  • Remember that time we killed people….good times.
  • Never interrupt me when I am hitting a thing.
  • I’m pretty tired…I think I will go home with my bloody fists
  • Kill the snake. Smash it with the boot!
  • Sorry Soldier…move along. You too scary for us…the Trash Owners Association board voted you out.
  • Take this scarf and go!
  • He crying! Stupid tears! Punch the tears
  • I live in a fuselage now! It is warm but full of tears.
  • This place is made up of green trash snakes…
  • Don’t worry daddy…I like to watch you and mommy sleep…I booted the snake real good
  • We all voted….wrong!
  • What…was Todd out there like one night…
  • Get your hands down fool.
  • Know what we haven’t done in a while? Ran a security sweep on planet trash.
  • This story is flimsy as hell.
  • We must not allow trespassers to steal our trash!!
  • You got no leg…no problem…I’ll drag you around stumpy
  • You done killed my best good friend…now I am going to punch you like a gas tank
  • Sir…how should I kill this one lady…well…with a rocket of course.
  • You don’t get a gun…and you don’t have to salute anymore…you are in charge of setting up the directv.
  • You brought a flamethrower to a rocket launcher fight..
  • Unit 703 growl.
  • My daddy always said…when you want to put a nail into a piece of wood. Pound it.
  • Nathan…your daddy is ded
  • 17 more! Body count!
  • Soldiers deserve Soldiers Sir.
  • Those new soldiers are hairless except for pit hair. What is your purpose!
  • Say hello to my snake pit. Do the new soldiers scream? the old soldiers did not
  • Welcome to my swimming pool of death. It is fireproof
  • Seems a little short sighted not to think of the weather.
  • Maybe you should have made them smarter instead of fast
  • Old 1 eye is pretty good at pushing buttons and flipping switches
  • You can’t just blow up a trash planet!
  • Shoot up some drugs and get up…We loved the rain fights in the 80s and 90s
  • Surely this depth perception will come into play.
  • I see it…do you see it…just kidding…..Helicopter blade to the gut…and double punch.
  • Finally got to crack his neck…
  • Fiery fire in the rain!
  • Ronnie’s not back…Fuck ’em…let’s go.
  • No! Not Busey!
  • Kill the Nazi like guy…he pee pee himself.
  • 67 or was 67…sortest dream code ever.
  • Instant families. Soldiers, Widows and kids.
  • Trinity Moons! Let us go!
  • From salutes to hold me’s
  • We have a new mission sir.

Filmsack Notes Podcasts The Final Score

The Green Hornet (2011) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

911 what is the nature of you emergency? Uh huh. Right. Ok. Sir you do realize that sounds a bit racist. What does Jewish Humor Guy and Bruce Lee type even mean? Right. Right. So what is your emergency?

You were walking your dog on the street outside of the Jewish Humor Guy’s house and you were nearly ran over by the Bruce Lee type when the bushes and a parked car split open and the duo suddenly came flying out in their death machine of a car barely missing you and your dog?

Oh my, that does sound terrifying! Did you confront them? You did and what happened? The Bruce Lee type one inch punched your dog when it barked at him and the Jewish Humor Guy dry humped your unconscious dog’s body before running away screaming ‘Green Horny?’

Ok. Wow. Hold on one second and I will patch you through to McGriff The Crime Canine and he will come out with his giant cartoon dog head and flasher type trench coat and resolve this cartoon type problem you are having. Click. Take a Bite Outta Crime.


Watch on Netflix (07/02/2020)


The Green Hornet (2011) – A man boy and his boy man take on crime in L.A. by becoming criminals themselves! Mind blown. Now make me some coffee.


  • Is this the Bruce Lee one?
  • Weee! My Ken doll looks like a flying hero!
  • The Chauffer is too
  • Tell the major I am insulted!
  • Sent home again…after another school yard fight…I know you miss your mommy
  • Dad is the Sentinel
  • 750 Employees and you have to take care of yourself.
  • Trying doesn’t matter when you always fail?
  • My Ken doll!
  • 20 years later
  • I am very important…to the back of the club!
  • Now sit in one of my very comfortable chairs
  • I’m in charge of all the crime in the city of los angeles. I worked very hard.
  • Chud-Nofs-Ski
  • I got a see thru piano
  • My gun has 2 barrels …that’s not boring. It was very hard to make.
  • Hey you forgot your briefcase
  • Doing it in the the cars…on the cars…fast motion. We out!
  • Slurp-o-Chin-o
  • Dad died of a bee sting
  • Trying doesn’t matter when you always fail
  • Hey! Where is my leaf!
  • Kato…works on his father’s cars and makes the good coffee.
  • Kato made the coffee machine and the coffee
  • Sit with me Kato…tell my your tale.
  • Parents died. Shared life.
  • Shoot the car…
  • Kato is a beer top slinging master
  • Kato is a human swiss army knife.
  • Dad was getting paranoid
  • Chopping dad’s statue head ought to be good.
  • Hey look…it is some street toughs…witness it! Be a hero!
  • He has the spirit of a hero…and a sense morality…Kato has the skills.
  • Is Kato a robot?or just a fighting genius?
  • Head Statue to the shin.
  • Ahhh…I haven’t seen a good car launch in a while.
  • The Green Bee
  • The Green Hornet and Stinger
  • Ego Maniac or Power Maniac
  • You are old. Temp to permanent.
  • Rich Man Boy hooks up with Super Genius Skilled Mechanic guy.
  • Rich man with the plan.
  • What year is this? Car fax. Car Record Player.
  • Those green headlights.
  • Hanging shoes…I think we are in the hood Kato.
  • Business Affected
  • Ha! Daniel is the IT Crowd. Who is Daniel?
  • Smash Meth labs.
  • You so special. You have a gas gun.
  • 11 days hornet gas gun. See you in an hour.
  • Make me coffee is putting him back in his place. It was the gesture that freed him from servitude to brotherhood.
  • If I can’t have her then the boys can hang out. Conflict
  • Easily hurt feelings Crime boss.
  • We got an email.
  • How did he tape that phone to his hairy chest?
  • Ego Maniac like your father.
  • This fight between friends is great. I haven’t seen one this good since They Live.
  • Kato can’t swim….his one weakness.
  • When they are their weakest…give daggers out to everyone a million dollars.
  • Don’t be wearing or driving green.
  • Know what happens when you corner a hornet? You get stung.
  • Sushi Drive USB
  • I recorded this intro on my Sushi USB dummies.
  • Let us get honest. You know Karate.
  • Suicide Door Guns..Awesome
  • 3 Black cars
  • nuchucks were my idea
  • 2011 you couldn’t upload things to the internet from your usb drive recording device.
  • Bag o bombs
  • Is that gas mask? Just for yourself?
  • Paper Roll Robots.
  • I’m un gasable
  • Does the USB only fit in one computer?
  • OMG he didn’t even record anything!
  • Lock vision.
  • Double Dagger Death Eye
  • Fighting the police as much as the bad guys.
  • Ejector Seats. Good Idea.
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

The Mummy (1999) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

I know as a priest and as a member of the gold man group here; I’m not really supposed to chit chat..however, does this body paint make me look fat? No? It’s all those cheeseburgers from the Burger Pharaoh? Well, that’s rather honest. Your Strength gives me strength i guess?

Hey…don’t poke me in the belly.. Look what’cha did. You smudged my belly paint. Come here. Come on….so we can rub belly’s together like a couple of pigs in the mud. ooooh yeah…this is inappropriate as hell.

UH oh, hi Mr. Pharaoh sir. Us…oh nothing just some priestly rituals you wouldn’t care about….uhh…what’s that now… Have we seen your Mistress? Um…no…but if you are so concerned about her where abouts you really should have put a ring on it. No…I have not heard of the Hom Dai. aaaah…gotcha. In that case..c’mon on in My Pharaoh sir and head back to the catuary behind that thin veil there.

Really starting to see why they don’t let us talk. Hom Dai indeed.




The Mummy (1999) – Like reading from the Book of the Dead…Nooooo…Don’t read from the book! Watch the movie instead! It’s still Juicy.


Is anybody else hot? I’m hot. and I think I got sand in my underwear. Wait…I’m not wearing any!

Somebody has a furry obsession. Look it’s a man with a wolf head…no it’s a cat with a man’s head…no wait…that guy is wearing a beak!

Egypt is always about the big brass and drums and the tiny little wood winds…

Thebes…City of the living…5 blocks (Dunes) down from Not So Thebes…city of the damned

Hey I run Seti on my computer! I ain’t found squat.

Imhotep…bubba..the Pharaoh’s high priest…sup…I’m a high priest…sup..and keeper of the dead…sup. Do these brownies taste high to you?

No man is allowed to touch the Pharaohs mistress…should o’ put a ring on it!

A lot of bald heads and booty in this movie Golden!


“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” …. “nothing…just petting this cat…oh wait…this is just a statue.” Has that cat been touching you?

Cheap ass rub on tattoos

Some people should not be painted in gold…like a group of middle aged white guys with bellies pretending to be Egyptian. Who are these guys anyways? They just hang out at Imhoteps place opening and closing doors and eating too much?

Priesthood is not good for the abs in Egypt.

Hamunaptra, city of the dead – 1290 BC and the Black Book of the dead

He’s gonna get the Hom-Dia

Ummm…why would you kill someone by Hom-Dia if it meant they could come back with such great power?

Modern Day 1923?

Magi…the Pharaoh’s Body Guards ….Why are they so much more pale than their ancestors?

“Your Strength gives me strength” This guy

Don’t you close that door Beni…Hold Door! Hold Door!

Sand Face Sinkhole!

Star Wars wipe

Actually…Modern day 3 years later. 1926

3 volumes of Seth! That is 3 too many!

Who sets up library shelfs in a dominoes layout?

Erick Avari is always in the desert

Hi Sis! Stupid spoiled rich kids.

It’s the map to the place of the dead!

Oops I burnt it! Lies!

He looks like George of the jungle.

Now we have to watch him strangle…

He cleans up nice.

She wants to bring her parents back with the book of the dead? More valuable than gold.

She is hung up on that kiss.

he is the map… I’m the map

The Magi are very flammable

Race to the treasure

“Guess who’s got all the horses!!?” -“Hey Beni! You’re on the wrong side of the river!!”

“500 cash bucks” bet

Ancient Egyptian Secret.

Awww…he got her a brush kit

I hate bugs…What do you mean bugs? I hate bugs

For the record….don’t put me down for mummification.

Bugs under the skin is always a horror show.

Pressurized salt acid to the face!

The Umbrella man. Always running with his umbrella.

Don’t make me blow us up with this dynamite

Librarians need adventure too.

Death will come on swift wings for whoever watches this movie.

Be sure to read the Egyptian curse in an ominous voice.

“This mummy is still juicy.”

That key opens everything!

The librarian is going to Library that book.

“Nooooo! You must not read from the book!”

The 10 plagues of Egypt.

oh c’mon Daphne. Get your glasses on.

Ha…he’s walking like the old school universal mummy

That is not how taking eyes and tongues work.

Also, if you are going to steal some eyes…best probably not to steal the eyes of a guy with poor vision.That is why he thinks the Librarian is his love.

I have the same reaction when my cat plays on my piano.

Thanks for the Plague Report. 100% Chance of plague locust and boils.

Like sands through a keyhole.

Why did his face decay when he kissed her? is she cursed? has seen been kissing her cats?

I like Winston. Ha uh ha ha

“Hey Winston. Peddle faster!”

Poor Winston. Died what he loved doing….

This movie has a lot of mummy smashing.

love the sound and music in this movie. So good.

Still trying to escape with his gold.



Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2004) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Dear Mr. Zissou (Zee-sue), my name is Brian and I’m 11 and a half years old.

Today my mom took me to see your latest documentary. As you can imagine, I have questions. Most are related to oceanic curiosity and others, well nipples.

I couldn’t help but notice that you have nipples around the size of tic tac’s while others in your crew have nipples up to and exceeding pepperonis. Why is this? Is there an evolutionary reasoning behind this phenomenon? Also, my mother requests that “The Harlette” put on a t-shirt. I assume she is talking about the guy maxing out to dinner plate size.

Well, I think that about covers my nipple questions. Now onto more Aquatic type queries.

Do fish have nipples? My mom says no. Her boyfriend says maybe.


Also, Possibly your son, Brian for now Zee-Sue

Sept 19th, 1983



Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts Thoughts

Gremlins (1984) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Ok Ok. Kate is 9 now and she is losing her faith in Santa Clause and as her dad and I have to fix that.

So I’ve climbed up here on the roof of our house on Christmas Eve and I am going to shimmy…..down the chimmy…hehe…chimmy…AND deliver these age appropriate Christmas gifts for my darling Kate. Who hates Thanksgiving. Weirdo

Ok ok, Straighten up Santa…time to take inventory.

Let’s see, Weird pet from ChinaTown. Check.

Santa Clause Suit 2 sizes too big from ChristmasTown aka JC Penny. Check.

Belly full of Egg Nog  from Dorry’s Tavern. Check. Check Checkity Check.

Ok, Ho ho ho, Here we go.

*Grunting and squeezing…a little too fat.

Oh, Hey little fellow what are you doing out of your box. Eww and why are you all slimy and gross.

Move you stupid thing you are gonna make me fall and break my neck. Oh no no no

The end. Merry Christmas Kate!


Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Adventures In Babysitting (1987) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

This week in Adventures in Filmsacking we leave the comforts of Netflix & Chill and head down to the mean streets of YouTube comments where Randy has gotten into a spot of trouble after an Internet troll who has stolen Randy’s identity (and his fancy rose colored Snachat specs (FANCY!)) and starts posting racially insensitive rhymes in the form of the blues. Bud da da da dum. No one leaves YouTube without lip-syncing the blues!

Anywho, time to hop in Ibbott’s rusted out 1997 Mazda Miata and see if we can save Randy before he has to fight a hobo for a wiener in the Apple store. Man I sure hope we don’t run into any trouble along the way!

Hey, has anyone seen my cleaning gloves? I think I saw Elisabeth Shue wearing them earlier.