Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Soldier (1998) Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Good morning…. or afternoon or whatever the crap time it is on this blustery trash planet.

Thank you for rescuing me and bringing me to your home made of human waste. I am a man of few words; A soldier. If you have questions, I have face tattoos to answer them.

But….yeah here comes the but….I’m in the next room laying in the pile of trash you call the “guest bed” recovering from my near death coma when I am awoken by the sound of what can best be described as a flesh trumpet. Explain before I kill you and your family.

A Zerbert War. I’m in. Point me to these Zerberts and I will destroy them all. Sir, please remove your lips from my tummy. and that is how Todd learned to stop warring and to start loving.



Soldier (1998) – “My daddy was in maintenance and he used to say if it ain’t broke don’t fix it ….and something about nipples on a man…I don’t know…he was really hard to understand…. he had a lot of teeth.”


  • Computers sure were noisy back in 1998. Flup flup flup…print
  • 1996 – Year Zero.
  • Meanwhile down at the Crybaby Bank.
  • A1 Sauce! 1A
  • Year 5 of Adam Project.
  • Weakness is death…and that boar is yummy!
  • ‘Don’t look away Todd! Look a the doberman pincher boar meat
  • Year 8! Solve a puzzle.
  • Love this music!
  • Year Twelve….run a little
  • Oh slow kid…you are so dead.
  • That kid really looks like Kurt Russell.Run Slow..Die Fast.
  • Year 16 or 18? Shoot ’em all
  • 2013 Year 17. Training is over…time to get the face tat
  • Year 38….time to have a War of Six Cities…5 Cities
  • The Moscow Incident…it was snowy.
  • 2036…Year 40…to space! I feel like we missed a few things.
  • Present Status: Between Wars…in the middle of a centipede massage.
  • Our soldiers are more hairless than yours…except my mustache.
  • Manufactured Soldiers.
  • “My daddy was in maintenance…if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”
  • Shoot the ball son. 99%…that is very good…but not 100%
  • What a weird gym for manufactured soldiers.
  • My man left 20 minutes after yours…make a note chump.
  • C’mon old man!
  • The mind controls the body after all…and we do such wonderful things with the mind.
  • Send him up the chain rope!
  • What about spirit…stamina…
  • Chain fight!
  • No fair biting!
  • Do you know how much it cost to train you, feed you moron.
  • “Todd was our best man.”
  • A training accident…oops..dump these bodies far from here!
  • P376 Waste Disposal Ship
  • Seems like a lot of trouble when burning would be cheaper.
  • Arcadia 234 Waste Disposal Planet
  • Guess I live on Acadia 234 now. A real shit show. Hey people!
  • Storm!
  • Children of Arcadia
  • Hang on Jimmy’s back!
  • You keep an eye on him Mac!
  • oh…cds!
  • War tats
  • Send your most attractive woman to take care of the handsome stranger….
  • Shanghai 2012
  • Todd has never seen a double decker zerbert before. I must kill you all!
  • I made you something! It looks like a weapon…but it is to help you walk…see
  • Time to eat like you are ravenous. Ok…in this scene I need you to eat like you haven’t seen food in a year.
  • Uh oh…them are fighting words. Don’t call me a deserter.
  • He has lost his memory. Oh he does remember…he was replaced. By a better soldier sir.
  • Now how you feel?
  • They left Earth 12 years ago…when they crashed their ship.
  • Trinity Moons…
  • oh hi nipples.
  • Foreshadow…who would like to fight for a god forsaken place like this.
  • Have you seen my tiny mustache!
  • Time for our bi annual security sweep of the Arcadia … and we haven’t found anything in 12 years…but who knows!
  • The kids can’t speak because he got bit by a snake and was sick for a long time.
  • Use that Call Box!
  • I guess Arcadia used to be inhabited.
  • Uh oh…Jimmy chose the wrong day to be in front of a body mower on a windy day.
  • Oh man…that planet is out to kill them…wind only blew as long as it thought it was going to eat Jimmy…once that was off the table…no more wind.
  • Todd POS
  • They are dumpers…come every 20 or 30 days…we are unsure…cause we have only been here for 12 years
  • Musical Lust Montage.
  • Oh he knows…he knows
  • Carrot…Carrot…finger…Blood Carrot
  • Fear and Discipline….always….Free Hugs
  • Scary Space Santa
  • He is doing exercises….AKA punching a thing repeatedly
  • Flashback…and another Flashback.
  • Remember that time we killed people….good times.
  • Never interrupt me when I am hitting a thing.
  • I’m pretty tired…I think I will go home with my bloody fists
  • Kill the snake. Smash it with the boot!
  • Sorry Soldier…move along. You too scary for us…the Trash Owners Association board voted you out.
  • Take this scarf and go!
  • He crying! Stupid tears! Punch the tears
  • I live in a fuselage now! It is warm but full of tears.
  • This place is made up of green trash snakes…
  • Don’t worry daddy…I like to watch you and mommy sleep…I booted the snake real good
  • We all voted….wrong!
  • What…was Todd out there like one night…
  • Get your hands down fool.
  • Know what we haven’t done in a while? Ran a security sweep on planet trash.
  • This story is flimsy as hell.
  • We must not allow trespassers to steal our trash!!
  • You got no leg…no problem…I’ll drag you around stumpy
  • You done killed my best good friend…now I am going to punch you like a gas tank
  • Sir…how should I kill this one lady…well…with a rocket of course.
  • You don’t get a gun…and you don’t have to salute anymore…you are in charge of setting up the directv.
  • You brought a flamethrower to a rocket launcher fight..
  • Unit 703 growl.
  • My daddy always said…when you want to put a nail into a piece of wood. Pound it.
  • Nathan…your daddy is ded
  • 17 more! Body count!
  • Soldiers deserve Soldiers Sir.
  • Those new soldiers are hairless except for pit hair. What is your purpose!
  • Say hello to my snake pit. Do the new soldiers scream? the old soldiers did not
  • Welcome to my swimming pool of death. It is fireproof
  • Seems a little short sighted not to think of the weather.
  • Maybe you should have made them smarter instead of fast
  • Old 1 eye is pretty good at pushing buttons and flipping switches
  • You can’t just blow up a trash planet!
  • Shoot up some drugs and get up…We loved the rain fights in the 80s and 90s
  • Surely this depth perception will come into play.
  • I see it…do you see it…just kidding…..Helicopter blade to the gut…and double punch.
  • Finally got to crack his neck…
  • Fiery fire in the rain!
  • Ronnie’s not back…Fuck ’em…let’s go.
  • No! Not Busey!
  • Kill the Nazi like guy…he pee pee himself.
  • 67 or was 67…sortest dream code ever.
  • Instant families. Soldiers, Widows and kids.
  • Trinity Moons! Let us go!
  • From salutes to hold me’s
  • We have a new mission sir.

Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

The Mask Of Zorro (1998) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

and come right on in Senoritas. I am your party host Capt. Harrison Love and I welcome to you to my humble little abode….. “The Love Shack.” ahhh right.. come on in. Let me take your coat and any sharp pointy sticks you may have…

Now I can see some of you look a little confused. You may be asking yourself “where is that smooth talking, sun kissed god of a guy in the mask” that my soldiers may have promised would be at this party. Obviously, I am not he…no..not this loud splotchy peckerwood you see before you…but don’t fret… I’m about to change all of that….cause we are about to get so hammered that by the end of the night I will have gone from a 2 to a woooo…

Now, would you ladies care for something to drink? I have a tea pitcher full of Tequila with a man’s head in it. No? How about a pickle jar with Three Fingers of Jack…literally…those are the three fingers of jack.

Well boys it looks like it is just another night of angry faces and Settlers of Catan…drink up!…. ptt…pttt… Oh I got a hair..



The Mask of Zorro (1998) – Like hugging a giant cactus with your junk. A bit painful at first but so exciting!


  • Mask of Zorro
  • It’s Zorro and Amblin! The Mask Of Zorro
  • clip clomp clip clip clomp clippity clippity clippity! faster!
  • Like eye holes in a leather tent thing.
  • I think they are yelling for Freedom.
  • “What are you doing cutting holes in my Wagon!? – Senior Lopez!
  • Senior Lopez makes the funeral boxes.
  • yay! it’s the leader! We are cheering!
  • Snuff box…snuff!!
  • All the Dons get their lands!
  • The Children want to see! But we don’t want the children to see!
  • 3 peasants pulled at random from the crowd to lure Zorro!
  • these 2 kids love some Zorrrro
  • oh no! The ass poke of Zorro.
  • Zorro is good at making his opponents appear foolish
  • Balcony full of sharp shooters…no match for these two young men.
  • Zorro wins because the people love him and support him
  • Zorro does math and acrobatics!
  • It was a good day…now give me the pendant…I wear the pendant of Zorro on Tuesday and Wednesdays.
  • Tornado is the horse. Way better name than Roach…and he has been using the curling wand. Zorro is way to busy with the fancy
  • Zorro had a baby…and has to settle down. It happens
  • Zorro is a Prince!
  • She broke the little clay horse! That little Zorro shit kid.
  • 5 Children…will he make it? Not at that age.
  • Don Raphel in my home!
  • Zorro was the Batman of his time.
  • “Blood never lies…Zorro” Traitor his County and his Class…Class warfare!
  • Zorro is better with his mask
  • you shot our love…stab the chunky guy
  • Your child should have been mine! Too bad
  • Well I guess he is just taking the baby.
  • Hairy Banderas
  • Nobody is tuff as Jack
  • Horse Thieves! The Murrieta Brothers
  • When Bulls start wearing …something something.
  • 3 Fingered Jack and his 2 toilet roll fingers
  • hugging a cactus bush neek’id that ain’t no good
  • That fella is a pretty good shot.
  • Spit and shoot yourself in the chest. This ain’t no kid’s move.
  • Bury the body…Bring the head.
  • The warden was trying to get some sleep!
  • Silence I am Zorro! I am Zorro!
  • Poor record keeping down at the jail
  • I am Torro! I am Gorro!
  • I see Zorro has been using his yard time for working out.
  • Time to play the deadman! Didn’t they do this in the 3 musketeers?
  • ha! Made me jump when he burst from the grave with that weird cat scream.
  • Don Hector. Don. Don…oh hi Don.
  • Can we stop clapping now? This is the best fake clap we got.
  • How much did they pay for that clap? Is that a 5 peso clap?
  • Where is your Zorro now? He is among us.
  • Lets be Californians!
  • Ready for some blood shed until he sees his daughter.
  • This flower only grows in California…it’s the Californian.
  • What about this? Silver!!!
  • Old man strength
  • You are trained to drink…ya drunk
  • Zorro was dead
  • My revenge is complicated.
  • “The pointy end goes into the other man.”
  • The master’s circle is like battle royal
  • Practice…drink…gymnastics
  • pushup over candles; boots on the back.
  • Learn by the whip
  • Lesson Number 1: Never attack with anger.
  • Lesson Number 2: come with me..I’ll give you bath
  • Lesson Number 3: get to lesson number 4
  • Horse Whisperer
  • Be careful senorita …there are dangerous men about.
  • Zorro likes to run to the top of steps and twirl around for one last look before he zips off.
  • “Listen…I am going to give you the great honor of being my horse.”
  • This horse is feisty
  • Son…You done wrecked our clubhouse…get ’em
  • Always so much fun with the Zorro fight scenes. Which one is your favorite? Clubhouse?
  • The big guy….shaking up Zorro. Hilarious
  • mouth full of teeth..spit
  • Zorro the legend has returned…a simple horse heist turned into a full on assault.
  • 3 days since my last confession. How many sins could you have completed in 3 days.
  • 4th commandment – Dishonor your father
  • Outsmarted by a horse.
  • Don’t forget to leave your mark
  • Ole Zorro likes to smoke and whip. Whip it real good.
  • Stop undressing me with your whip!
  • Learning to fight…no worries. Charm…now that is going to take a lot of work
  • Here hold my tray of drinks while I hack up a lung. Punch
  • The silly woman routine.
  • oh crap. He let the Dons get gone while dancing with Zorro’s daughter.
  • Smoldering dancing!
  • She was dancing…he was trying.
  • Real dad is cool with it…kidnap dad is a bit bent.
  • That is how they are dancing in Madrid these days.
  • Buy California from Santa Anna . I have gold bars!
  • El Dorado. Shame on you to cheat Santa Anna
  • Gold from his own land!
  • Who me? Just a kid with a basket strapped on my filthy head.
  • 3 fingered Jack.
  • You steal people’s lives….Damn ya and the horse that brung you. Ahhhhhhh…Suicide by Peckerwood
  • Peckerwood?
  • She recognizes her daddy’s voice…isn’t that sweet.
  • heads in jars and hands in wine pitchers
  • Pretty sure it would be a horrible idea to drink alcohol from a pickled head jar.
  • What! that mustache was fake! and apparently held on by spit.
  • Captain Love!
  • What do you do with hate? You hide it with a mask.
  • Hate mask
  • Captain Love knows then why does he not act.
  • Zorro in the beams stealing maps
  • The much debated Zorro
  • Bend down and touch your toes so I can kick your ass
  • Such exciting swords play…and when that doesn’t work…gymnastics!
  • swordplay like a dance…like a making love.
  • He was young and vigorous…he was very vigorous.
  • such exciting horse riding.
  • I don’t think his horse likes him very much.
  • old Z taught new Z so he could be free to do his own thing
  • at the tip of the sword a man will apparently do anything
  • now she knows…
  • The only way to light a fuse…shoot it
  • Love is so stupid…he has a gun and sword…he is a great shot…why play Zorro’s game.
  • Shovel slalom
  • Love has entered his circle
  • a most spectacular end to the bad guys.
  • old Zorro can’t die! Dad gives his blessing. No pressure.
  • Little Wookie! They named the baby Wookie!
  • Fighting as safely as possible
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts Thoughts

The Man in the Iron Mask (1998) – Filmsack Show Notes

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Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Godzilla (1998) – Filmsack Show Notes

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Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Lost In Space (1998) – Show Notes


Oh hi,

Danger Scott Johnson. Danger.

Brian doesn’t think he wants to live in a future where robots refer to themselves in the third person and announce every directive, program and subroutine. Robot powering on. Robot defragging. Robot  rebooting.

What if robots today announced what they were doing while they were doing it. “Roomba is cleaning Johnson house. Roomba is sucking a lot of Chili-Cheese Fritos. Roomba does not think this is a normal amount of Chilli-Cheese Frito debris. Please kill Roomba.”

and what’s up with the Robot trash talk.  When Joey attacks Robbie he exclaims. “That was a mistake!”?

Who wrote the re-programming for Robot…Joey Image? “That was a mistake brother…Can you smell what the Robot is cooking?”

Brian powering down. Boop






Lost In Space (1998) – Like an ass sack of baby space spiders. Yep. An Ass Sack Of Baby Space Spiders. Danger


After the countries of the world stop fighting

United Global Space Force

Drinking water and clean air


The Global Sedition

Launch ourselves into the blackness of space.

Did they just have a Jetson noise on that ship?

Transport. 2 blips in your shadow…ooooh…there it is.

Terrorist! Space Terrorist!

Mutant Suicide Squad.  A lot going on here…

Also…A ship made of Gerbels

This bad guy looks like borg. Gen-Techs

Trope – Where is my wingman? I been hit.

Why are they flying bubble gum machines.

“Does this mean we are going steady? You aren’t getting out of buying beers that easy.” That is some bad dialogue

Jupiter Mission

The SGI & Army

Alpha Prime!


Dewey is a bad kid. Hey…this kid ain’t Dewey. I thought that for years. 19 years.

Smart kid causing trouble at school

Penny Vision Digital Diary. Why do we not have this. But man…talk about foreseeing the selfie generation.

Captain Daniels has the flu! The flu…always keeping astronauts from going on space missions.

There is another group headed to Alpha Prime

So that’s a no to family dinner?

“Apology video for Will” – How does that sound? “Super sorry kid.”

“Where is my money!?”

Awkward Le Blanc

Recycling Technology promise is a lie! We are screwed!

They are in a race with Global Sedition. Cold war space race to Alpha Prime. Apparently we are the west still.

The bad guys gave the captain a virus.

Bad Dr. Smith joke ends with a door bell.

Jeb Walker would be perfect…don’t sell Jeb out.

“These tube will be perfect or this ship will not launch.”

Talented older daughter. Brilliant youngest kid. Middle Child..typical teenager.

Tupperware parties in 2050?

I need a space cake. Made with space batter.

Robot is online. Robot is offline. Robot so fine.

Fat head hologram. I hope the future of holograms is Giant Heads.

So their whole plan to kill him was contingent that he would not try to remove the bad Ziggy device from his suit?

Hey! We built a thing…in the top of this building.

Who made those uniforms? They are kind of form fitting…feels a little too close to bat nipples costuming.

Hard to take Le Blanc serious.

I think Le Blanc could have been an action hero. What other action roles could Joey have tackled?

Stasis in movies. Is that how Stasis would really work? What’s the science here?

Up is go…on your command…I am cool man…that is part of the job…sounding like a radio guy.

“and the monkey flips the switch” – Major

I see even in 2050 we like making space junk. Poof…you made a lot more ship than we need.

“Taking the family camper on an interstellar road trip”

The Statis conundrum. Do you all go to sleep? Is 10 years really a reason.

What kind of robot announces it’s program. I mean I love it…but it’s kind of stupid. Executing Program. Empty Trash. Defragging. Shutting Down.

What if all robots announced what they were doing while they were doing it. “Roomba is cleaning room. Roomba is sucking dirt. Roomba is turning.”

Forgot about Oldman and LeBlanc being on friends episode where he is the actor who spits for effect

Robot trash talk. “That was a mistake!” Who wrote the re-programming for Robbie…a wrestler.. “That was a mistake brother…Can you smell what the Robbie is cooking?” Who wrote the robot wrester subroutine?

Us humans typically place robots kill switched in the neck.

DESTROY! DESTROY! (echo “Destroy” goto line 1)

“Robot return to docking back and  power down…also, stop being a dick.”

That is one serious barber chair. In what scenario would you need a chair like that that extends to the ceiling.

Can’t get Judy out. She got a big old booty and it is frozen to her statsis bed.


Either that uniform sucks or it does not. Can you do CPR over it? if you can…it sucks for protection. If you cannot..then take it off.

For a professor he is kind of dumb…”we are way off course.”

Trope: If you can’t pull away…go through…or slingshot around.

Time floaty freeze…jump!

Anywhere…but here…you got to go!

Plot Twist! Lost….wait for it…in…. Space?

ohh…what’s that? A Battle Scar…. nope…a tattoo…apparently Tattoo removal procedures still suck in the future. Better to do a cover up.

She don’t know how tattoos work. She thinks you can cover them with magic marker.

“Some lucky little nerd you left behind.”

Anomoly in progress! A hole in space…and where does it lead?

“I’ll wait later.” I’ll wait to wait.

Joey shows up… “if this is a dream…why can’t there be more girls.”

United Global Spaceforce…UGS

Penny has the hots for Major West.

“Ta Ta…have a wonderful trip.” – The Doctor.

Will hacked into his cpu to scare his dad. “Hey dad! Remember that time Robot nearly killed us all…Destroy Destroy…ha ha ha…good times.” – Will totally not looking for attention.

Robot jump scare.

Now he is just a droid and no longer a robot. You castrated Robbie’s AI.

I do not like it when Evil is aware that it is Evil. I prefer the oblivious evil. “Oh…I’m the evil one…bummer.”

A future ship piloted by Majors old wingman.

Smith is always messing with robots.

Would love to know all the names that Dr. Smith calls the robot.

Major discovered a space monkey.

What kind of Alien ship has spiders and monkeys

Banana Beef. is that a joke about the custard Rachael made in friends.

I would be concerned if Monkey likes Banana Beef.

“I don’t like the sound of that sound”

Robbie Robot says “Mom says get the hell out of there.”

Controls are too slow…gonna need me some holographic interface.

“ewww…they eat their wounded.” – Will

is there anything worse than Space Spiders?

“A million bucks of weaponry and I would trade it all for a lousy can of Raid.” – Commander

Spider scratch…that ain’t gonna be good.

“Save him! Of course…I’ll put it on a cd-rom! The technology of the future!”

A fast DNA reader….that would be cool.


Major is not good at waiting.

Doctor. Professor. Major. Children. Wife.

As humans…we are always crash landing on habitable planets.

The pod and chariot are scrap metal.

Wife says go for the pissing contest. Has anything ever been solved in a pissing contest…and what are the rules? How do you win?

Technology of the future looks like technology of the past when you  get to the insides.

Let’s name the space monkey Blarp…that sounds like a girls name.

Smith has always been good at causing dissent.

“Sarcasm is the recourse of a feeble mind.” -Major

Porky Pig and Bugs Bunny are future past things. Along with Raid, Tupperware, baseball and bad chicken jokes.

Joey always needs the sex.

Men are from Penis and Women are from the Kitchen

Goodnight montage. Thanks John Boy.

Time for plot 2.

Did Joey just take her water?

Time travel is impossible…nope…improbable.

Son. Stick your Flights Of Fancy.

Robinson S17863-3-d

“Drama Bot..can not locate motor control.”

“Warm fuzzy feeling when I think about Baseball.”

“Listening to your heart instead of your mind. Put that in your memory banks.”

“Two moons and a crater the size of Miami.” – Major

No…the question is not where are we…but when!


“Why did the robot cross the road? because he was carbon bonded to the chicken.”

I am confused. You use the same “lock” / “unlock” voice commands for gun safety’s and doors? That could cause a problem.

It’s just like stepping between 2 rooms..except you get hit in the face


Middle Aged Will is bitter Will.

I’m both proud and scared of you right now Will.

Dr. Smith is so aware of his evil and monsterness.

Meanwhile on Level Q…we are making a time machine.

Dr. Spider Smith is very Dark Crystal. Love how he moves in that robe. Also, where did he find all that black robe material?

Robot has no heart!

Back off…Robot got this!

So robot can not do first person? He always has to refer to himself in the 3rd person?

Let’s forget the past Will…

Dr. Spider Smith has a back sack of baby spiders.

Will was saved by Grandpa’s dog tags.

We got to go through! It’s the only answer!