Categories
Filmsack Notes

Death Race 2000

Death Race 2000 (1975)  80 min Rated R

Death Race 2000 is a 1975 cult action film directed by Paul Bartel, and starring David Carradine, Simone Griffeth and Sylvester Stallone. The film takes place in a dystopian American society in the year 2000, where the murderous Transcontinental Road Race has become a form of national entertainment. The screenplay is based on the short story The Racer by Ib Melchior.[3]

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072856/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_Race_2000

Opener: Does this super gimp costume make me look fast? Super gimpy…yeah.

Oh! It’s murder race day. What am I going to wear!? Let’s see…My Ernhart shirt? Hmmm…not sure if he exists in this timeline. How about my Speed Racer shirt? Nah…too french…and we hate the french…or is that japan…the scarf always throws me off…oui oui little monkey…..No wait…I got it…my gimp suit…oh and this cape…SUPER GIMPY! Just need to zip this up…….HOLY BALLS! MY NIPPLE! Holy Nipples My balls!!

Twitter: Death Race 2000 – Like running over the racing pope in your suped up corvette wearing a gimp suit. Wait…it was nothing like that. Creamed and reamed.

Stuff I Loved:

Race pope!

Know what we need. A really real closeup of a marching band.

Beautiful mat painting of the future!!

Great American Multitude.

20th Annual

5 bravest of men and woman.

3 days for American Champion.

Transcontinental Road Race

Alright, Alright. Bruce Buddy Buddy.

Her friends and lovers.

I dream of Jeannie!

There is no cause for alarm. State of Suspended animation.Ewwww…Frankenstein!

How is Mr. President.

It’s good to see the Nazis come back en vogue in the future

Buzz Bomb has a little bit more juice  this year.

Not a lot of fans of Nero

Who was Joe shooting at? Creamed and reamed.

T-Video satellite.

The AntiHero – Frankenstein, Mobsters, Nero, Nazi and Sex pots?

I spit on your car

The president is broadcasting from a smokehouse.

Minority privileged?

TV…the only network.

Mr. President is in Moscow.

The world crash of 79.

Mat Painting for the future

Did she bedazzle that helmet herself?

Howard Cosell  to Junior Bruce

If you win a race you become top dog.

No…they did not speed up the film during the race.

Mr. P loves you…GIVE HER THE D!

Alright alright…and hey hey hey… – Junior Bruce

Don’t you know about my face.

What…are we out a crazy straws?

It’s worse than I thought! You look like David Carradine!

What morons work on the road on transcontinental death race day?

Retard the spark 3 degrees

Not a lot of wind blowing on the outside of a racecar

How fast you move determines how long you live? I would think sitting in a tank would be more effective.

You would think you would get more points for more able bodied people.

A beautiful kill. A neat kill.

We are just going to roll out these old people from the geriatrics ward.

Best ever run over scene..stupid nurses.

What were they feeding that baby!

Start the Jam!!

Future race car Siri…has no information

Dumbasses. Got on the wrong side of the barracade

Get off the rope!!

I got a big ole knife on the front of my car…

and is a spitshine the only kind of car wax of the future? Loogie!

Everybody gets a body builder masseuse except for that one lady. She gets scrawny guy.

Frankenstein…Gimp Suit With A Cape. A good friend of mine.

Your fan club loves you…and we also belong to an astrology group…just saying

Carradine is sporting the skimpy gimp. Everybody will be wearing it.

Is he suggesting the Swiss doctors replace his junk?

Oops, dropped my glove.

Chrysler! Ran over the deacon.

You can’t score religious personalities

Joe…you’re salivating.

Hope that was some high speed film…splat the girl.

Chicken in a basket….chicken in a casket

That’s the oldest prison gang biker I ever done saw.

Oh shit! They closed the hole on him.

Who got the last laugh now.

Who gives a GD shit.

I did it….I’m no smuck!

All I got to do is run through a cyclone fence.

Hey look…it’s another gimp…and he’s waving…he’s like a friendly gimp.

Stupid french. ruining everything…including the phone system.

Does your death race insurance cover the navigator driving the car? I think not. DEATH!

We get a bulldozer and we trim this edge…Shutup!

Pictures of you all over the outhouse.

Hey…here is a plan. Don’t run straight…it’s pretty easy to avoid a car…holy hell…ass blood.

Haaa…They ordered an Acme hole in the wall and put up a detour sign. Totally Wile E Coyote’d the Nazis.

Me? oh nothing pa…I’m just pushing a tire in my overalls and silk shirt.

If the compound is in Japan….ooooh..

Who do you work for?

Replacement Goon Gimp.

What is wrong with Roger?

Joe is a bit of a food slob.

That dude has a lot of pens. The future FBI has a lot of pens.

I told you to stop playing that song!

Clam sauce is nasty.

Super Gimp!

The damn French. So typical. Stinking european allies.

Come on Franky…use some Kung Fu

70s fighting music is the worst…the fighting ain’t much better.

also, 70s love making music ain’t much better.

Native American Know How?

That funny man from Chicago. Ran over his own pit crew.

Calamity Jane always knew the 3 point turn would be the death of her.

hand gernade…get. it…it’s a hand…and it’s a gernade!!

hey, let’s stop for a lengthy moral discussion…we are only racing here.

I’ll just kill the president by running him over with my kill car…why didn’t I think of that!

No more death race…no more ruling abroad…restore free elections…Minority Privilege is revoked…wait…what?

Mr. & Mrs President Frankenstein.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Trick ‘r Treat

Trick ‘r Treat (2007)  82 min  Rated R

Trick ‘r Treat is a 2007 American anthology horror film written and directed by Michael Dougherty, based on his short film Season’s Greetings.

The film is an anthology of four Halloween-related scary stories. One common element that ties the stories together is the presence of Sam, a mysterious pint-sized trick-or-treater wearing shabby orange pajamas with a burlap sack over his head, that makes an appearance in all the stories whenever someone breaks Halloween traditions.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trick_r_treat

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0862856/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Opener: Boop Beep Boo. I am sexy sarcastic orbot shaped like a box.  I hate halloween. Have sex with me…turn on porn. Do not watch it…just listen.  While I get chopped up. Best Halloween ever. Boop Beep Boo….My dad is on the phone. He wants to have a word with you. Cause he is Liam Neeson. Shutup.

Twitter: Trick ‘r Treat – Like the surprise you feel when you pop in a video labeled ‘nature’ at a friends house and suddenly find yourself watching porn. It’s good. if you are into that sort of thing.

 

Stuff I Loved:

During The Spookiest Time Of The Year.

What are you “Sarcastic Robot?”

Rules in a horror movie!!

That dude who is stalking Liam Neeson’s daughter must be wearing one of them cheap ass halloween masks…cause I always hear myself breathing like that in those cheap plastic masks.

Ha! Nature Special! My friend used to call his porn that too.

Wow they have a lot of white sheets. Wonder if those are 200 thread count? Egyptian?

That is one dangerous street with the traffic

You watching porn…well…more like listening to porn…while your chick is outside getting murdered.

What the crap is that in her mouth? That a sucker?

Hobbit language.

another Anthology!

Caught a little bit of ring around the rosie in that intro music

Hey kid! You dragging your sack. It’s getting all gross.

Earlier!

Hey…this ain’t Charlie Brown!

My tits keep popping out.

These girls have horrible memories

Sexy slut costumes…or Fairy Tale chicks

Oh wait! That is your bra size!! not the total price

He hates these pumpkins! It’s Chunk from the Goonies.

It says one piece fat ass.

Does a hot chick really have to show another hot chick how to talk guys into sex. I think she knows how to get the sex.

Stapled to your forehead? is that foreshadowing?

Smashing Pumpkins! Bashing Jack O’ Lanterns

Dude…that is not how you carve a pumpkin!

This 2nd one seems to be dealing with sins. Sex before marriage…gluttony…

We know you are in there!! We can see you!! Nice blood puke on the steps.

HAHA…cat in that bag that kid was carrying/dragging

“Charlie Brown is an asshole.”

I got an NRA card in my pocket and a shotgun over the fireplace.

No…you can not go to the parade with me.

This whole town is full of great parents and teachers.

Sweet…the R word. Nope she is a Savante!

Vampires! Where is the glitter!!

Great music. This totally reminds me of Tales From The Crypt.

Box-o-candy

The bus sank soo deep. It put your ass to sleep.

Yeah…the candles will protect you…ok…unless you knock them over…or leave them burning when you go to sleep. THEN THEY BURN YOU WITH FIRE!

Hey..that kid was trick ’r treating earlier.

Tater Sack Pumpkin Head is my fave.

The old Sacrifice the Virgin. Virgin’s have it tough in horror movies

Warning…there are no treats in this movie. Only tricks. Carve your eyes out fun.

Don’t listen to the advice of sluts.

Gur Gur. Stephen Wilkins. Or…bone out the leg man.

Sweet Greams are made of these. Nothing says sex like Marilyn Manson.

Hey…are these vamps.

Let me pull this skin off like a cheap sweater.

Trick ‘R Treat. Where you are the decorations.

This must be a predominantly white neighborhood.

Asthmatic killer.

My 2 button remote control. Is that Rip Torn?

I don’t think we chain the mentally challenged up in school buses anymore.

The principle and the old man do not have the same relationship as Wilson and Tim Allen did in Home Improvement backyard fence exchanges.

You gonna show that NRA card?

Hey..who put these stairs here?

Like razor blades and candy.

It was the bus driver!!

pretty darn smart

Don’t break the Halloween rules!! Sam will kill you with a sickle shaped pumpkin sucker.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Event Horizon

Event Horizon (1997)  96 min  Rated R

Event Horizon is an American science fiction horror film released on August 15th 1997. The screenplay was written by Philip Eisner (with an uncredited rewrite by Andrew Kevin Walker) and directed by Paul W. S. Anderson. The film stars Laurence Fishburne and Sam Neill. It reached No. 1 at the box office in the UK.[2]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Event_Horizon_(film)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119081/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Opener:  I was just having the weirdest dream about dinosaurs and a very condescending Jeff Goldblum or as I like to call him Regular Goldblum….wait a second…was I naked when I entered stasis. What’s that?  No…No I don’t want any of your coffee…wait…did make coffee just to make a sex jokes?

Twitter: Event Horizon – Proving You can’t punch evil. You have to hit it really hard with a baseball bat and even then…results may vary. also, explosive decompression

 

Stuff I Loved:

Most communication between ship crew is done in rhyme.

Space computer printouts…boooda boooda booooda boop

Sam Neil. CLAIRE!!

Why the black man got to serve coffee….oooh…cause he wanted to make a sex joke.

Funky Space Man.

Layman’s terms….try harder

Sam Neil is always explaining stuff to the dummies. It’s his schtick.

Always passing crazy audio through some filters. Do you hear that?

Nasa has had audio file for almost a year…2 listens by ships crew. Bam…got it solved. Liberace me.

Bad stuff…bad stuff…bad stuff…we are here. Calm!

Lawrence Fishburne looks like a freak in that captains chair.  I would rather turn my seat rather my my neck.

“We have ice crystals everywhere.” Ice crystals of what?

Wonder if those flashing bombs will blow up?

Not to worry. The meat grinding tube is totally safe. It also opens and closes with spikey doors. Most dangerous designed ship ever.

How does a cd-rom get stuck.

Got some blood here…nooo..you have a butcher shop floor is what you have.

explosive decompression. I had that once. Got some Pepto and all was cool.

The gravity drive core has some pretty intricate design work on it.

Don’t touch the goo stupid

Space ship instrument panel explosions are the most common space injury.

Scrubbers are always bad. Always got to make the scrubbers.

Got to love a medical table with a drain on it.

Air Lock death in space movies

No Baby Bear…

Is it really a good idea to have the Inner Door/Outer Door buttons so close.

We’re leaving!! Did you see that crap…LEAVE!!

always watch where you are going

All the safety overrides they have do not work.

Fishburne is always a little bit behind. Run. Run. Nope…too late. Run!

Where we are going we won’t need eyes

Evil knows how to be evil. But not so good at ship management.

Man…tha/t Fishburn crawl to safety was awesome!!

Fishurne makes a lot of promises he can’t keep

Man this music is gooooood

This is the 90s Alien

You can’t stop any process that starts on this ship

You can’t punch evil. You have to hit it with a baseball bat and even then…results may vary.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

The Rundown

The Rundown (2003)

The Rundown (also known as Welcome to the Jungle) is a 2003 American action comedy film starring The Rock and Seann William Scott about a bounty hunter who must head for Brazil to retrieve his employer’s renegade son. It was directed by Peter Berg. The film received positive reviews but failed at the box office.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0327850/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rundown

Opener: Throw me the stifler…I throw you the whip

Hey honey…PACK YOUR BAGS! We are heading to Brazil! I know! It’s crazy…and your mom said I would never be able to find a job using my bachelors degree in whips. Kiss it mildred! South American here we come! Now let’s head to the bedroom and practice throw me the idol I’ll throw me the whip.

Wooooo

Twitter: The Rundown –  like being a  guest in another man’s house..don’t reach into his refrigerator without asking. Cause you might grab what the rock is cooking. Throw me the stifler…I throw you the whip.

 

Stuff I Loved:

porcini fat and earthy

Option A or Option B

Bad ass opening fight scene

The Rock is a great physical actor

Like working out 12 hours a day and getting your ass kicked with an aussie with a bean bag gun

is that sarcasm? you do it to your monkey friends. you don’t do it to me.

don’t take your guns to town

Stiffler!

gauto

No…I don’t like guns.

This movie lives on quick cuts

Hey…it’s that dude what is Christopher Walken and more cowbell

When I am a guest in another man’s house..I don’t reach into his refrigerator without asking. Unlike Randy.

When a rapper gets a shiny new tooth.

Their representation of hell is awesome!

We don’t call them Brazil Nuts. They are just nuts

        

so angry

oooohhh…goody…a short person joke. Run….for a long time

Stiffler uses the dreaded copy me annoyance.

Throw me the stifler…I will throw you the whip

at the bottom of that hill slide/fall I was really hoping the rock would land in stiflers crotch.

Little Thunder….a little lightening.

The Devil’s cat…you mean every cat?

Mention of The Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause

I find it amusing that walken successfully predicts the Rocks film…The tooth fairy

Santa Claus doesn’t give any breaks

this movie makes me feel out of shape

Firestick to the head

On The Run movies. The hunter becomes the hunted.

Tough guy gets beat up a lot.

Don’t pee in the water…it will swim up you ding dong.

Penis eating minnows

Flying fornification

Option B is always….I Make you

Have you seen stifler lately. He done got chubby

Ears Eyes Foot Face

Rock has Hypersenses

Double handed shotgun cocking…use your pits…use fruit stands…use whatever you can.

Ahhh…yeah…explosion walk away

What! Are you kidding me…you just doomed that small town to death…you busted down their watertower.

Wonder if they went to whip school? or just got a weekend training course with a certificate? What does that job app look like?

I tried counting how many times the rock got that spin around in the air thing. It was a lot

You got the moves…- Chistopher Walken

Slow motion cut scene. Bam.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

The Man From Planet X

 The Man From Planet X is a 1951 science fiction film.  starring Robert Clarke, Margaret Field and William Schallert. It was directed by Edgar G. Ulmer.

A spaceship from a previously unknown planet lands in the Scottish moors, bringing an alien creature to earth near the observatory of Professor Elliot (Raymond Bond), just days before the planet will pass closest to the earth. When the professor and his friend, American reporter John Lawrence (Robert Clarke), discover the creature, they help it when it is in distress and try to communicate with it, but fail. They leave, and the alien follows them home. A colleague of the professor, the unscrupulous and ambitious scientist Dr. Mears (William Schallert), discovers how to communicate with the creature and tries to get from it by force the formula for the metal the spaceship is made of. He shuts off the alien’s breathing apparatus and leaves it for dead, telling the professor that communication was hopeless.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1549920/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_from_Planet_X

Opener: Ok. It’s been a while since I have starred in my own movie…so which one of these ladies gets to sleep with me? Ehhh…ehhh…what…that’s not a thing anymore…that makes me so mad….Gaaaaah…at least I get to star alongside Laurence Fishburne. What…Forrest Whitaker….seriously? I thought that was Laurence Fishburne…are you sure it’s not at least Samuel L. Jackson. Gaaaaah…that makes me so mad…. I want to punch windows instead of rolling them down before shooting. pew pew pew…get in the car….pew pew pew

 

Twitter: The Last Stand – A movie about an old flabby action star trying to stop the lead singer of Foo Fighters from crossing the mexican border…or something like that…I fell asleep after they shot the old guy on the tractor

Sommerton Junction

Stuff I Loved:

dave grohl look alike

Laurence Fishburne just needs to look up and see those zip lines and this would all be over

Orange track suits. Smart.

Hey hippie agent…get over here and tell us what kind of car this is.

Convenience factor

Cartel boy races in South America.

Helicopters are slower than supe’d up Corvettes. Unless they are….then they are…faster

Where is everybody going? Oh….the whole town is leaving.

Gee…I wonder if Mayor douchbag’s car is going to take a bad spill. yep.

Johnny Knoxville…yay…big gun!

Old Man Farmer. take the silver…or the lead.

No time to roll down the window….gaaaaaah….pew pew pew…get in the car….pew pew pew

Nooo…they killed the sweet kid cop!

Great squibs in this movie

Pretty sure if you mow down about 8 cops…they call in the military.

When does Arnold get to use some of his old lines.

Old people don’t give a shit

Welcome to Sommerton Junction…can we please name this town something cooler. I sound like an idiot

Drop the weapon (This one?)

Sweet. MMA fight on the bridge…Old vs. New

Categories
Filmsack Notes

SuperCop

Supercop (1992) – Hi, This is Jackie Chan and I would just like to apologize to you Americans for the chinese snuff film that was rolled during the end credits. No chinese actors were harmed during the filming of this movie…. just the 6 china men deaths. But no more! Also, I hope to one day work with greatest American Actor. Chris Tucker.

and if you think this voice is offensive. Wait till you hear the dub of Jackie Chan’s Mammie

Twitter:

Supercop – Like being drowned by  2 china-men in speedos for an hour and a half. It’s exciting in parts. Offensive in others.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercop

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104558/

 

Stuff I Loved:

  • I don’t really need my opening credits kungfu’ing me. They were Kung Fu Fighting! They were giving me the credits.
  • We need a supercop!
  • That’s a lot of blue jean material Mr. Chan

Well this dude must be important. Look at all those trophies

  • I don’t think these guys are really speaking English.
  • Jackie Chan’s uncle actor

Hey, I wanted to come back and talk to you after your conversation with your nephew. But I didn’t want to come back inside. So I hung out in the garden and crept back in through the window.

  • For a rated R movie I sure ain’t seeing no booty action.
  • Crazy asian lady drivers! She’s on the wrong side. Unless she is driving a postal car.
  • Supercop Chan.
  • what kind of crazy training facility is this?
  • Geez man. This place is like some kind of communist regime. I wonder how you get on the suit and tie department
  • Don’t walk right into my coal shoveling and then punch me.

What is the dog barking at? How the hell should I know…it’s your dog.

Man. Coal really makes your teeth look white.

Please do not encourage me from your coal cart. Running uphill is not as easy as it looks.

Can beat up 12 guards at once. Can’t go 50 feet up a 35% incline.

Is that one thugs name “FishCake?” Pretty sure that is what I heard.

Just do it. That is how we do it in the country.

Grannie mamaa is the most offensive asian voice over acting I have ever heard in any language

Hey Grannie Mama. Your boobs hit the floor

“Want a cigarette?”

I’ve seen that beard before. Sweet.

Good thing Headquarters is on the same channel as the street cops and they are listening.

That is one seriously cool looking taser.

Geez man. If the Hong Kong police is so freaking good at spotting bad guys why the heck do they need to let this drug lord free to just follow him.

Like the occasional use of gangsta rap.

You are interrupting my sega Tetris time. Throw them into the sea.

Sucks to drown. But really sucks to be drownd’ed at the hands of dudes in speedos

Did they even dub the American drug dealer.

No violence! Too late for that.

That is right. We got dynamite and bazooka. We brings a pimp gun to a bazooka fight?

“Why so serious?” That is awesome.

Man. Dude really love their speedos

Bye May. You stupid crap you just spilled the beans on the elevator.

It seems your pal is working for the Hong Kong DA.