C.H.U.D. (1984)  80 min  Rated R

C.H.U.D. is a 1984 American horror film produced by Andrew Bonime, and directed by Douglas Cheek with Peter Stein as the director of photography and William Bilowit as production designer. The cast includes Daniel Stern and John Heard and features an early appearance by John Goodman as a police officer. It was followed in 1989 by C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D.

C.H.U.D. is an acronym for “Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller”. However, the alternate acronym “Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal” was mentioned in the film.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087015/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C.H.U.D.

Opener: Oh sweet….Free Ground Geiger…what…yeah this Geiger Counter is free.. Just like when you find a burger on the street. Ground stuff is always free. Except, dog crap….that’s not yours…that’s for the hobo’s. They need it to smear all over their bodies for their street tans. No…that’s not sun exposure…that’s dog crap. That’s why they smell so bad. CHUD

Twitter: C.H.U.D. – I can’t be held responsible for everything that shows up in the sewer….wink wink…nod nod…

Stuff I Loved:

Longest walk ever

I like playing phone games.

Ass pimples. No better way to introduce the sexy lead lady

“Hi Derrick…I totally wasn’t avoiding you.”

Angry photographers are always getting the police called on them…cause they always end their phone calls with “I’m shooting so and so”

That is one nasty street.

Pixie hair of the 80s

Cheap props…Cardboard boxes. You are welcome.

I don’t want to bore you with Crime Statistics…buuuuut…. Kirby doesn’t like to make toys. He’s DEAD!

Why is Bosch looking directly into the camera when talking on the phone….red phone at that.

Audio abruption is horrible.

That bag lady has a dirt tan.

Posing “noood”

They know what’s in it..they can smell it.

Angriest photographer ever. Such morals.

There are a lot of bad phone machine jokes in this movie

Hello, this is Derrick. I can’t get no respect.

What has he been doing? Cleaning chimneys with Mary Poppins?

It’s the wet bandits.

They have the power to shut the sky?

Where did he get a knife like that? I always think of Croc-o-dile Dundee when there is knife discussion in a movie

Bandages…nobody ever wants stinking bandages.

can’t be held responsible for everything that shows up in the sewer….wink wink…nod nod.

You have a gun but no bandages. What kind of person are you?

You afraid of heights? No…I’m afraid of widths and dirty ole bag ladies.

Holy crap…you don’t need bandages…you need superglue

Buck Dancer’s Choice? I don’t get it either.

Ooooh…that was your wife Bosch. I thought she was a street walker. With a dog…yeah…guess it seems odd now.

They’re undergrounders

Information exchange is key in this movie

Oh look. Free Ground Geiger. Free as a Ground Burger…if it’s on the ground…it’s free.

I’m pregnant.

That kid in the phonebooth….No love loss there.

hahaha….The kid is hysterical…Someone did not read the script…

I want every outhouse…shithouse…

I went to this man’s soup kitchen last night…oh Bosch….I didn’t know things were that bad. we’ll get you a raise.

I only wear nude colored clothes…so it looks like I am always nude.

Everybody goes by their last names in this movie

You must be a pretty important fella…fella.

CHUD…the sound your shower drain makes when it clogs up.

Splatter drain!! Blood everywhere….Nah…I’m cool…just busted a main artery in the drain line.

Pump the gas!!

 

The Frightners (1996) (110 min – Rated: R)

The Frighteners is a 1996 comedy horror film directed by Peter Jackson and co-written with his wife, Fran Walsh. The film stars Michael J. Fox, Trini Alvarado, Peter Dobson, John Astin, Dee Wallace Stone, Jeffrey Combs, R. Lee Ermey, Jim Fyfe, and Jake Busey. The Frighteners tells the story of Frank Bannister (Fox), an architect who develops psychic abilities allowing him to see, hear, and communicate with ghosts after his wife’s murder. He initially uses his new abilities to work with various spirits to cheat money out of customers for his “ghosthunting” business. However, the spirit of a mass murderer comes back from Hell, able to attack the living and the dead, as the ghost of the Grim Reaper, prompting Frank to investigate the supernatural presence.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Frighteners

Opener:

Wait Frank!…don’t kill yourself…… Let me do it… I think I have Kevin Bacon and Keifer Southerland on speeddial. Get it…Where they kill themselves. Flatliners….no? screw you.

Twitter:  The Frightners – Somewhere between ghostbusters and Doc Hollywood you will find a creepy necro-phelia scene. Just like Doc Hollywood. nice shooting Tex.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116365/

 

Stuff I Loved:

Who better to bring you a monster movie than Universal

• That is one creepy house

What is up with the lady bowl cuts?

• Music by Danny Elfman…yeah.  Peter Jackson

What kind of car is that? is it New Zealand like Peter Jackson

The most direct way down a mountain. A straight line apparently

• Didn’t he do this at the start of Doc Hollywood?

• What a young Busey. Jake Busey that is.

The family home is a Sanatorium? No wonder.

• Raggedy Ann doll pillow beatdown

• If a poltergeist can lift a bed. Why don’t they just go ahead and smoosh you.

• I used to never could relate to the Suburban Husband and his obsession with his fence. I’m older now. I can totally relate. Get off my lawn you shyster!

Bathroom conversation about the food? No thanks.

• The bulging wall effect. I loved this back in the day. Still very effective.

• Michael J Foxes tearing through the backroom looking for Death was awesome.

The Death Corridor is kind of like a worm hole.

• Hitler Hair.

Love the idea of puking because you can’t handle being yelled at by a woman.

• You are violating my territorial bubble

• Is this the first movie after Teen Wolf? Bannister making the basetball court in the back yard with his long hair looks like a teenwolf followup. Remember TeenWolf 2?

• Want to pull my heart strings? Kill the Judge.

• I was a little disturbed by the necrophilia with the Judge and the mummy

• Man. These cops have a little bit of reckless regard for public safety.

• Good on ya. A Ghost Busters reference…hooo hooo hooo…nice shooting Tex.

• Vovlos are safe cars. Thank goodness Bannister drives them. Cause he is kind of wreckless.

• How come all my accidents involve stitches and not super powers?

• Trope: Kick the dog to protect it. Punch the Big Foot so he will return to the woods. Say mean things to the girl so she will be safe.

• Piss on my hushpuppies

• Gary Buseys dad used to say “OMG. look at those teeth. This is your fault woman.”

• This is one of those. “Nobody is safe movies.” Even if you are dead you can still be killed.

• The cops are the “stupid parents” in this movie. If you involve the cops as your primary unbelieving foil then you have no one to turn to. Usually Parents, Adults, Cops or the Military. Occasionally a spouse. Why is it never your kids. I would totally watch a movie where your teenage kids turn you over to the authorities and eventually die at the end of the movie because they think you are lame when you tell them there is a talking possum that is trying to take over the city.

• Wait…don’t kill yourself…… Let me do it… I think I have Kevin Bacon and Keifer Southerland on speeddial. Get it…Where they kill themselves. Flatliners….no? screw you.

• Watching MJ Fox getting run over while out of body was painful.

• Your shotgun has unlimited ammo. Nice upgrade…ohh…and a flashlight.

• Yeah…let’s not find a regular church…no…let’s go to the abandoned hospital and find the chapel where all those people died. Why can’t you hear me! I am screaming at the TV.

I have an uzi. and I’m crazy!

Supercop (1992) – Hi, This is Jackie Chan and I would just like to apologize to you Americans for the chinese snuff film that was rolled during the end credits. No chinese actors were harmed during the filming of this movie…. just the 6 china men deaths. But no more! Also, I hope to one day work with greatest American Actor. Chris Tucker.

and if you think this voice is offensive. Wait till you hear the dub of Jackie Chan’s Mammie

Twitter:

Supercop – Like being drowned by  2 china-men in speedos for an hour and a half. It’s exciting in parts. Offensive in others.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercop

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104558/

 

Stuff I Loved:

• I don’t really need my opening credits kungfu’ing me. They were Kung Fu Fighting! They were giving me the credits.

• We need a supercop!

• That’s a lot of blue jean material Mr. Chan

Well this dude must be important. Look at all those trophies

• I don’t think these guys are really speaking English.

• Jackie Chan’s uncle actor

Hey, I wanted to come back and talk to you after your conversation with your nephew. But I didn’t want to come back inside. So I hung out in the garden and crept back in through the window.

• For a rated R movie I sure ain’t seeing no booty action.

• Crazy asian lady drivers! She’s on the wrong side. Unless she is driving a postal car.

• Supercop Chan.

• what kind of crazy training facility is this?

• Geez man. This place is like some kind of communist regime. I wonder how you get on the suit and tie department

• Don’t walk right into my coal shoveling and then punch me.

What is the dog barking at? How the hell should I know…it’s your dog.

Man. Coal really makes your teeth look white.

Please do not encourage me from your coal cart. Running uphill is not as easy as it looks.

Can beat up 12 guards at once. Can’t go 50 feet up a 35% incline.

Is that one thugs name “FishCake?” Pretty sure that is what I heard.

Just do it. That is how we do it in the country.

Grannie mamaa is the most offensive asian voice over acting I have ever heard in any language

Hey Grannie Mama. Your boobs hit the floor

“Want a cigarette?”

I’ve seen that beard before. Sweet.

Good thing Headquarters is on the same channel as the street cops and they are listening.

That is one seriously cool looking taser.

Geez man. If the Hong Kong police is so freaking good at spotting bad guys why the heck do they need to let this drug lord free to just follow him.

Like the occasional use of gangsta rap.

You are interrupting my sega Tetris time. Throw them into the sea.

Sucks to drown. But really sucks to be drownd’ed at the hands of dudes in speedos

Did they even dub the American drug dealer.

No violence! Too late for that.

That is right. We got dynamite and bazooka. We brings a pimp gun to a bazooka fight?

“Why so serious?” That is awesome.

Man. Dude really love their speedos

Bye May. You stupid crap you just spilled the beans on the elevator.

It seems your pal is working for the Hong Kong DA.

Event Horizon (1997)  96 min  Rated R

Event Horizon is an American science fiction horror film released on August 15th 1997. The screenplay was written by Philip Eisner (with an uncredited rewrite by Andrew Kevin Walker) and directed by Paul W. S. Anderson. The film stars Laurence Fishburne and Sam Neill. It reached No. 1 at the box office in the UK.[2]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Event_Horizon_(film)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119081/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Opener:  I was just having the weirdest dream about dinosaurs and a very condescending Jeff Goldblum or as I like to call him Regular Goldblum….wait a second…was I naked when I entered stasis. What’s that?  No…No I don’t want any of your coffee…wait…did make coffee just to make a sex jokes?

Twitter: Event Horizon – Proving You can’t punch evil. You have to hit it really hard with a baseball bat and even then…results may vary. also, explosive decompression

 

Stuff I Loved:

Most communication between ship crew is done in rhyme.

Space computer printouts…boooda boooda booooda boop

Sam Neil. CLAIRE!!

Why the black man got to serve coffee….oooh…cause he wanted to make a sex joke.

Funky Space Man.

Layman’s terms….try harder

Sam Neil is always explaining stuff to the dummies. It’s his schtick.

Always passing crazy audio through some filters. Do you hear that?

Nasa has had audio file for almost a year…2 listens by ships crew. Bam…got it solved. Liberace me.

Bad stuff…bad stuff…bad stuff…we are here. Calm!

Lawrence Fishburne looks like a freak in that captains chair.  I would rather turn my seat rather my my neck.

“We have ice crystals everywhere.” Ice crystals of what?

Wonder if those flashing bombs will blow up?

Not to worry. The meat grinding tube is totally safe. It also opens and closes with spikey doors. Most dangerous designed ship ever.

How does a cd-rom get stuck.

Got some blood here…nooo..you have a butcher shop floor is what you have.

explosive decompression. I had that once. Got some Pepto and all was cool.

The gravity drive core has some pretty intricate design work on it.

Don’t touch the goo stupid

Space ship instrument panel explosions are the most common space injury.

Scrubbers are always bad. Always got to make the scrubbers.

Got to love a medical table with a drain on it.

Air Lock death in space movies

No Baby Bear…

Is it really a good idea to have the Inner Door/Outer Door buttons so close.

We’re leaving!! Did you see that crap…LEAVE!!

always watch where you are going

All the safety overrides they have do not work.

Fishburne is always a little bit behind. Run. Run. Nope…too late. Run!

Where we are going we won’t need eyes

Evil knows how to be evil. But not so good at ship management.

Man…tha/t Fishburn crawl to safety was awesome!!

Fishurne makes a lot of promises he can’t keep

Man this music is gooooood

This is the 90s Alien

You can’t stop any process that starts on this ship

You can’t punch evil. You have to hit it with a baseball bat and even then…results may vary.

The Rundown (2003)

The Rundown (also known as Welcome to the Jungle) is a 2003 American action comedy film starring The Rock and Seann William Scott about a bounty hunter who must head for Brazil to retrieve his employer’s renegade son. It was directed by Peter Berg. The film received positive reviews but failed at the box office.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0327850/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rundown

Opener: Throw me the stifler…I throw you the whip

Hey honey…PACK YOUR BAGS! We are heading to Brazil! I know! It’s crazy…and your mom said I would never be able to find a job using my bachelors degree in whips. Kiss it mildred! South American here we come! Now let’s head to the bedroom and practice throw me the idol I’ll throw me the whip.

Wooooo

Twitter: The Rundown –  like being a  guest in another man’s house..don’t reach into his refrigerator without asking. Cause you might grab what the rock is cooking. Throw me the stifler…I throw you the whip.

 

Stuff I Loved:

porcini fat and earthy

Option A or Option B

Bad ass opening fight scene

The Rock is a great physical actor

Like working out 12 hours a day and getting your ass kicked with an aussie with a bean bag gun

is that sarcasm? you do it to your monkey friends. you don’t do it to me.

don’t take your guns to town

Stiffler!

gauto

No…I don’t like guns.

This movie lives on quick cuts

Hey…it’s that dude what is Christopher Walken and more cowbell

When I am a guest in another man’s house..I don’t reach into his refrigerator without asking. Unlike Randy.

When a rapper gets a shiny new tooth.

Their representation of hell is awesome!

We don’t call them Brazil Nuts. They are just nuts

        

so angry

oooohhh…goody…a short person joke. Run….for a long time

Stiffler uses the dreaded copy me annoyance.

Throw me the stifler…I will throw you the whip

at the bottom of that hill slide/fall I was really hoping the rock would land in stiflers crotch.

Little Thunder….a little lightening.

The Devil’s cat…you mean every cat?

Mention of The Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause

I find it amusing that walken successfully predicts the Rocks film…The tooth fairy

Santa Claus doesn’t give any breaks

this movie makes me feel out of shape

Firestick to the head

On The Run movies. The hunter becomes the hunted.

Tough guy gets beat up a lot.

Don’t pee in the water…it will swim up you ding dong.

Penis eating minnows

Flying fornification

Option B is always….I Make you

Have you seen stifler lately. He done got chubby

Ears Eyes Foot Face

Rock has Hypersenses

Double handed shotgun cocking…use your pits…use fruit stands…use whatever you can.

Ahhh…yeah…explosion walk away

What! Are you kidding me…you just doomed that small town to death…you busted down their watertower.

Wonder if they went to whip school? or just got a weekend training course with a certificate? What does that job app look like?

I tried counting how many times the rock got that spin around in the air thing. It was a lot

You got the moves…- Chistopher Walken

Slow motion cut scene. Bam.

 The Man From Planet X is a 1951 science fiction film.  starring Robert Clarke, Margaret Field and William Schallert. It was directed by Edgar G. Ulmer.

A spaceship from a previously unknown planet lands in the Scottish moors, bringing an alien creature to earth near the observatory of Professor Elliot (Raymond Bond), just days before the planet will pass closest to the earth. When the professor and his friend, American reporter John Lawrence (Robert Clarke), discover the creature, they help it when it is in distress and try to communicate with it, but fail. They leave, and the alien follows them home. A colleague of the professor, the unscrupulous and ambitious scientist Dr. Mears (William Schallert), discovers how to communicate with the creature and tries to get from it by force the formula for the metal the spaceship is made of. He shuts off the alien’s breathing apparatus and leaves it for dead, telling the professor that communication was hopeless.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1549920/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_from_Planet_X

Opener: Ok. It’s been a while since I have starred in my own movie…so which one of these ladies gets to sleep with me? Ehhh…ehhh…what…that’s not a thing anymore…that makes me so mad….Gaaaaah…at least I get to star alongside Laurence Fishburne. What…Forrest Whitaker….seriously? I thought that was Laurence Fishburne…are you sure it’s not at least Samuel L. Jackson. Gaaaaah…that makes me so mad…. I want to punch windows instead of rolling them down before shooting. pew pew pew…get in the car….pew pew pew

 

Twitter: The Last Stand – A movie about an old flabby action star trying to stop the lead singer of Foo Fighters from crossing the mexican border…or something like that…I fell asleep after they shot the old guy on the tractor

Sommerton Junction

Stuff I Loved:

dave grohl look alike

Laurence Fishburne just needs to look up and see those zip lines and this would all be over

Orange track suits. Smart.

Hey hippie agent…get over here and tell us what kind of car this is.

Convenience factor

Cartel boy races in South America.

Helicopters are slower than supe’d up Corvettes. Unless they are….then they are…faster

Where is everybody going? Oh….the whole town is leaving.

Gee…I wonder if Mayor douchbag’s car is going to take a bad spill. yep.

Johnny Knoxville…yay…big gun!

Old Man Farmer. take the silver…or the lead.

No time to roll down the window….gaaaaaah….pew pew pew…get in the car….pew pew pew

Nooo…they killed the sweet kid cop!

Great squibs in this movie

Pretty sure if you mow down about 8 cops…they call in the military.

When does Arnold get to use some of his old lines.

Old people don’t give a shit

Welcome to Sommerton Junction…can we please name this town something cooler. I sound like an idiot

Drop the weapon (This one?)

Sweet. MMA fight on the bridge…Old vs. New