INTRO oh hi, Filmsackers get out of the water! NO! What are you doing! I said get OUT of the water not cannon ball right on in! NO! There are bad movies and detachable penises down there! Fly, you fools! before it is too late! Uh oh. There it is…now Read more…
Psst…Ben…over here…it’s me…your pal Harry…Listen..dying here on the cellar floor has got me thinking about what’s important in life and our roles in society.
It’s like the universe is trying to tell us something man.
I mean, the dead are coming back to life and You, a black man, shooting me, a bald white man named Harry…irony… and my ghoul of a child eating my flesh…. and then there is my wife…she’s been on me all day like some kind dingle berry caught in my ass hair. Oh I’m “Harry” down there let me tell ya… in a very non ironic way…I wanna see Morissette sing about that, don’t ya think.
Anywho, what was I babbling on about? oh yeah…I just can’t die and come back to life and eat your flesh without telling you something first.
cough cough…I just want you to know…clear throat…I told ya so.
CELLAR FOR THE WIN. You’re in my house now bitch.
“Let’s stay upstairs…board up the windows and doors…blah blah blah…” How is that working out for ya Ben.
Ok Ok. Kate is 9 now and she is losing her faith in Santa Clause and as her dad and I have to fix that.
So I’ve climbed up here on the roof of our house on Christmas Eve and I am going to shimmy…..down the chimmy…hehe…chimmy…AND deliver these age appropriate Christmas gifts for my darling Kate. Who hates Thanksgiving. Weirdo
Ok ok, Straighten up Santa…time to take inventory.
Let’s see, Weird pet from ChinaTown. Check.
Santa Clause Suit 2 sizes too big from ChristmasTown aka JC Penny. Check.
Belly full of Egg Nog from Dorry’s Tavern. Check. Check Checkity Check.
Ok, Ho ho ho, Here we go.
*Grunting and squeezing…a little too fat.
Oh, Hey little fellow what are you doing out of your box. Eww and why are you all slimy and gross.
Move you stupid thing you are gonna make me fall and break my neck. Oh no no no
The end. Merry Christmas Kate!
Well Alice, this is our life now. Yep, Void as far as the eye can see. except for that giant Pyramid…wait. is that The Void? I mean I was thinking of The Void as more of a location or state of mind than an actual object. Hey…do you hear that?
Hmm…I wonder what they do with our mail? I mean do they pick it up here or do we have to go someplace triangle shaped to drop it off. We still need to do Christmas cards right? I mean this doesn’t get us out of that does it? Do you hear that?
Hey Alice, Sorry about chopping you up earlier.
Seriously, you don’t hear that? Hey look…it’s Bev! Awkward!
This week on LeatherSack we cannibalize a horror classic.
5 youths hop in their hipster van on a quest to uncover the answer to the mystery “Is grandpa where we buried him?” Things really escalate when the gang runs out of gas and must spend the night in an old dilapidated house next door to a family of cannibals.
The action really picks up when Fred and Daphne stumble into some real horror when they follow the “sounds of gas” right into the neighbor’s kill room.
“is that gas? I hear gas”
After Fred and Daphne fail to return, Velma dispatches as a search party of one. Uncharacteristically, Jerry…er…Velma..doesn’t lose his glasses but does take a hatchet to the face while screaming like a girl…because…she is one.
Finally, Shaggy and Scooby are left all alone and must decide between their friends and food but since Jerry…er…Velma took the damn keys the duo heads over to…you guessed it…the neighbor’s house. On the way there Scooby takes a Chain Saw to the chest, ruining his appetite for BBQ for at least a week and Shaggy fails to unmask the Villain but does manage to get away by running in and out of rooms while being chased by vampires, mummies and other baddies.
It’s hilariously horrific.
The End. and in the words of the great Douglas “Duddits” – Scooby Dooby Doo we got some work to do now.. Chain Saw Dance.
INTRO: Oh no. It’s happening. it’s happening. it’s The Sackening! oh hi, The little man who lives in my butt is back. He’s telling me about this week’s movie. Oh….By the way, I’ve never watched a FilmSack movie in my life. I just say what my butt goblin Toby tells Read more…