Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh ho ho ho no,

Welcome Kids to Santa’s Workshop! A magical place so wonderful and weird that a Martian could walk right  through that door  and no one would even blink. Speaking of Blinking, let’s head over here and meet Santa’s little Blinky. Currently he is sanding down wooden toys for the boys and girls of the free loving 60s. Oh no, what’s wrong Blinky? Do you have something in your eye? Blink once for yes. Twice for no. ok…all you are doing is blinking a whole lot. Put on some safety goggles ya weird little elf.

and over here is Slinky the elf. The elf who makes the toy that walks down stairs alone or in pairs and everybody loves it. Be careful Slinky don’t fall off that stool! Oh he’s falling off so slowly…I can’t stop watching! Fall faster Slinky!

Oh hey look! IT’S SANTA’S LITTLE WINKY! HEY SANTA’S LITTLE WINKY!  Come on out here. What are you doing? Making something phallic shaped for all the good little boys and girls? no? Checking the naughty list? Twice! Am I on there? Yeah I am.

Bye Santa’s Little Winky! What a dick.

LINKS

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – IMDb

Directed by Nicholas Webster. With John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Beck, Bill McCutcheon. The Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians – Wikipedia

The film regularly appears on lists of the worst films ever made, is regularly featured in the “bottom 100” list on the Internet Movie Database, and was featured in an episode of the 1986 syndicated series the Canned Film Festival .

 

TWITTER

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – Like exactly what you would expect but with 100% more Chochem. Eat not, sleep not while watching this movie. Chochem out! #smoked

SHOW NOTES

Is this Austin Powers level Santa? Shagadelic!

Hooray for Santie Claus…Yeah yah…Yeah yah…You’ll soon be hearing…Ho Ho Ho. S-A-N-T-A  C-L-A-U-S

KID TV…duh.

A person to person interview…91 degrees below zero!

Those kids are not kids!

Good old Andy Henderson? Anderson Henderson….he has the jokes…this won’t play well with the elves…they are notoriously grumpy. Just one Jolly Elf…Santa.

This guy is a pretty good Santa…he don’t know names…can’t get the reindeer names…can’t get the reporters name right either…keeps calling him Mr. Anderson. Even though he calls him Mr Anderson…or is his accent that bad.

Mrs. Claus. is Aunt Bea.

Why is this bearded child named Winky planing toys.

Oh…Winky made that…Wow-Wee-Wow

Meanwhile on Mars.

Lazy Martian takes a nap on the floor.

All Martians use their tickle rays.

Oh…she went to the food pill center…

How long does it take for earth programs to reach Mars?

This Martian headgear…it’s 2 antennas and some ribbed copper gas piping. Are their brains made of gas? gas brains?

No wonder the kids can’t sleep. Who can sleep on a square pillow on a flat table under a triangle being played by your father.

Hello Dropel…I see you are twisting the knob thing again. which controls the roomba?

Hamburger Food Pill, Buttered Asparagus, Mashed Potatoes (why would you pill form mashed potatoes…they are pretty much reduced to their lowest denominator already) and a special treat…Chocolate Layered Cake Pills. This pill most is most pleased with.

I had to use the sleep spray on them again…aka…Martian Nyquil.

Yeah…go to the forest and see Chochum…he’ll know what to do!!

When will us earthlings realize that smart watches are not the future…smart belts are. Bing…

…Voldar Reporting…I don’t like it….but Voldar reporting.

Meanwhile in the creepy ass Martian wilderness…a kindergarten class. 800 years old!

“…You can’t dismiss the wisdom of centuries….” Martian voice of reason  “I can (Deep voice).” – Voldar

Everything is bubbly on Mars…is that a thing?

Mars calling Chochum…come in Chochum..it’s the council chiefs.

Wow…I got to say…Chochum does not disappoint.

They eat not. They sleep not.

Middle of Septober!! no no…on Earth.

What is a Christmas?

WE HAVE NO CHILDREN ON MARS! Adult minds in kids bodies.

Our electronic teaching machines.

ahh…the Children are rebelling…going to reject those food pills.

Hey…where did Chochem go?

Haha…I laugh…I guess that takes care of that – Voldar

Ahh…the old 60s era space ships were always controlled with little turny nobs.

“So that is what the Earth People call cities.” – Voldar

Turn to 4th Power…Turn to 5th Power

“It’s like looking for a spec of space dust in a comet’s tail…WAIT! I SEE HIM! I SEE SANTA CLAUS!!” – also Voldar V-07

We have a slight case of Droppo!

Voldar’s disgust is my favorite disgust in any movie ever.

This is quite the show of military force for the Earth.

Was this funded by the US Govt?

Lowering landing legs is hard as F on the Martian Ship.

Billy and Betty of Earth. Billy is a believer!

Voldar don’t take no shit from earth kids.

Droppo…Loose lips sink ships.

Taking a nap in the radar box….

…Now…or never?! -Voldar

We don’t need Torg!

Is a ladder leading out of the rocket exhaust really the best place?

uh oh…Betty sounds like she has hypothermia

haha…love that polar bear! loooove

Crush them Torg!…Crush ’em real good!

Billy’s smacktalk is lacking…you martians.

Mars used to be the planet of war – Voldar

Torg only listens to me. Just like Alexa

Santa is a goober…but he has great power. Turned Torg into a toy.

haha…what kind of porp gun is that…porp…porp.  Why…why did you do that to my helpers?

Oh no…you do not porp Mrs Claus! You think Voldar has a bad attitude.

Santa locked up Torg with a command.

Van Green…the Starshot project. We are going to forget about the testing.

Martianmellows…Voldar is not amused.

haha…Billy and Betty only laugh at Santa’s jokes when it means presents.

Droppo! Soup, Beef Stew and Chocolate Ice Cream.

Voldar is about to eject the earthlings.

Thanks Billy for telling us all about airlocks and space.

How is Santa gonna fit in there?

haha…Voltar made a joke. Who’s in the airlock? No one now….hahah…now who is funny!

Martian Fist Fight!

Air ducts are like Chimneys

Never thought about how creepy it is that Santa never comes into houses through doors.

The power of 12 megatrons

Head kisses.

Santa is laughing at you…you dumb Martian kids

So Santa’s power is to give away infectious laughs?

Elves put out of work by robots and automation? But Santa doesn’t even like the idea of a Rocket Sled.

So do Martians use mail?

These dolls look like earthlings. Don’t you have any Martian Sensitive dolls?

Billy and Better really wear their emotions on their sleeve.

Droppo is going to overdose on food pills

How can they not tell that is Droppo

Put on the Nuclear Curtain!

You can’t outsmart Droppo…he’s too clever

Santa doesn’t fist fight…he just makes you feel like you are losing your mind until you beg for mercy.

yay Droppo wins

 

 

 

Published by Brian Dunaway

Hey everybody! It's me. Brian-O! I hope you are enjoying the website. SNARF!

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