G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

[ppp_patron_only level=”1″ silent=”no”]You are seeing this hidden section because you are a Patreon Supporter. Thank you!

Oh hi,

This week on Filmsack, we really put the bruh in Hasbruh’s 2009 G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA…. Yo Joe, why you let your girlfriend’s brother get killed and start a supervillain club. Because now your Ex has done colored her hair Baroness Black and learned how to kick your trash all while killing my childhood cartoon memories by turning it into a soap opera. Yeah that’s right, just ride away on your little Indian Chief motorcycle in the rain, Duke. Like a big wet Tatum Poop now streaming down Paramount’s leg. Gross. Man. that intro took a turn. Sometimes I don’t write ’em as much as I just feel ’em.

Anywho, Snake Eye’s Black face. You wrong for that Hasbro….. Less for reasons and more for freaking me out. 

Randy, The procedure involves 8 needles to the face… will it hurt… yeah… probably.

[/ppp_patron_only]

BRIEF

When elite operatives Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) stumble into an attack on a convoy carrying dangerous nanotech weapons, they’re recruited by the secret G.I. Joe task force. As they try to stop the shadowy Cobra organization from plunging the world into chaos, alliances are tested, fortresses explode, and ninja rivalries escalate. It’s good guys vs. bad guys—but with global reach, billion-dollar tech, and one very confused Dennis Quaid.

Rated: PG-13 | 2009 | Action/Sci-Fi | 1h 58m

[ppp_patron_only level=”1″ silent=”no”]You are seeing this hidden section because you are a Patreon Supporter. Thank you!

Social Media Post

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) – “Knowing is half the battle”—but good CGI should be the other half! C’mon. #Like8NeedlesToTheFace

SHOW NOTES

• Go Joe Tatum?
• We can Haz Bro?
• We were a year after Iron Man 1 and a few years before Avengers. And a few years after Transformers 1 and same year as Transformers 2
• Who gave Hasbro all this cinematic money?
• Meanwhile, France 1641
• James McCullen you Scottish Pig… 
• Sale of military arms!
• Clan McCullen is way more strong….my sons… their sons… and maybe their sons.
• Rise of Cobra goes way back.
• In the near future.
• nanomites. Was made for cancer…. but why not war.
• Where do those nanomites poop all their poop?
• MARS the military Armer something something
• Hey sexy tatum
• I want to be in the Air Force.
• All we brought was guns to this plasma rifle fight.
• Ana?
• Snake eyes and his weird ass face paint.
• The ladies military wear needs to be skin tight… just like the comics.
• Flat Quaid Projected
• Duke wasn’t born. He was government issued.
• Oh boy… that 2009 CG 
• Good job Joes…. even those he said… don’t tell them who they are.
• Technically.. GI Joe doesn’t exist… when all else fails… we don’t
• haha… he said Know is half the battle.
• 529440
• Storm Shadow has a Throwing Star Fidget Spinner.
• We hide in Desert mountains and underwater science lab hideout.
• Nanobites are good for everything.
• Take us out of Chaos for one guy in complete control.
• Our underwater lab needs more money… just sell 1 weapon. Come on.
• You don’t ask to be part of GI JOE. GI Joe asks you..
• Duke carrying a photo in his uniform… A lot has changed in 4 years.
• She used to be a blonde
• She is a literal Baroness.
• Lab work 
• Meanwhile 4 years earlier and fewer scars and blonde hair.
• Genius egghead brother. Promise me. No hurt.
• We used to all be friends… Trope… now a misunderstanding has them 
• What does it accelerate
• GI Joe is Rock and Roll
• You gonna shoot something. Kill it.. otherwise take up knitting.
•  Oh that’s right. You don’t kill women… for you I would make an exception.
• I don’t recall GI Joe being so deadly.
• Hello Brother.
• Best Smacktalk. “Hey Genius.”
• This movie likes to have fair fights. Ninja v Ninja. Girl v Girl. Big Guy v Big Guy.
• My father taught me to win.
• Tokyo… 20 years earlier… more character backstory.
• We need to invite him in and show him the way. They called him Destro. 
• Never get caught selling to both sides.
• Fear is a great motivator.
• The procedure? 8 needles to the face…
• Meanwhile… inside a Joe’s head.. memories and back story.
• I hate it when you level with me.
• Pro tip. Do not take your SO’s brother into battle and promise to protect him. Duh.
• We need weaponizing protocols… not this science bullshit.
• GI Joe is an American Hero… Not a French hero….. who cares about the locals?
• They are in France… where do you think they are going… duh Eiffel Tower
• That redhead is really starting to piss me off.
• She likes to blow heads up.
• Just use those plasma guns… they are kicking the Joes assess.
• I told you to read the manual. There’s a manual?
• A woman scorned. 
• Damn that Ninja’s fast. Go ninja go ninja go.
• Congratulations duke. You just saved Paris.
• Well everybody is sorry about something.
• Master had it coming. Praising the outsider and never recognizing white ninja
• The frozen HQ reminds me of Agent Cody Banks.
• two guys can have a stare down for who gets the girl
• The perfect location.
• ha. Called him a genius… it is her brother.
• The Sword and The Shield
• Dr. Mindbender
• … or you can just stab it.
• Moscow first! Nooo.. Great American Hero.
• Just what we need more conspiracies. Replacement President
• But what is she doing with her?
• A moment of silence for our hero.
• Did it work? Good… because I think I am about to get arrested… again.
• I’m finally taken my place in a long line of McCullens
• You will call me Commander.
• Weird ubiquitous standing prisons.
• man we look good.
• Yo Joe
• When they finally stop screaming.
• The Mummy!!
• Channing Tatum was in his “action himbo” era.
• Marlon Wayans as comic relief—unironically gets most of the best lines.
• The “accelerator suits” – definitely not Iron Man knockoffs.
• Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow: the only fight we cared about.
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt goes full cartoon villain.
• Zartan subplot quietly setting up the sequel.
• Dennis Quaid’s scenery chewing as General Hawk.
• The film’s love of nanotech borders on obsessive.
• The “pit” base—part HQ, part Nerf battlefield.
• CGI-heavy action that was very 2009.
• Nostalgia meets overblown blockbuster energy.
• “Knowing is half the battle”—but CGI is the other half.
• Somehow got a sequel. Somehow made money.
• Surprisingly faithful to some G.I. Joe lore (in between explosions).
• Paris sequence = proof that no landmark is safe.

[/ppp_patron_only]