INTRO
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Oh hi,
This week on Filmsack, we can’t count of THE COUNT OF MONTE … I want to say… Crisco? no no.. CRISTO (Chris-Toe)… as in the Italian island namesake from this story… not the producers of whipped fat in a can. Fat in a can…turning grandmas into heroes for over a 100 years. Ok Ok, I may have gotten offtrack… this week we are betrayed by Hulu when they start inserting ads into some of our premium 2002 Adventure/Drama content about a French moron who is tricked by… I want to say… Neapolitan? no no… Napoleon… the dynamite dresser on a private island who just wants to get you imprisoned for treason… not the segregated ice cream in a box. Segregated Ice-cream in a box. Trying to please everyone while pleasing no one for over a 100 years. Is nobody going to eat the strawberry? We can’t get a new box until somebody eats the strawberry. Wait. Am I the bad guy?
Anywho, In this life you are either A King or a Pawn? Hold on, you guys think that chess is only played with Kings and Pawns. What about the queen. the rooks and the little pointy hat guys and the horseys. annnd Check and Mate… now King me ya morons… I’m about to steal your money like I steal your wife.
Good-bye Randy, you did please me some of the time. Also, I hope your kid grows into that super enormous head of his. Brain Fever!
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BRIEF
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002) tells the classic story of Edmond Dantès, a young sailor betrayed by his closest friends and falsely imprisoned in the grim Chateau d’If. After a daring escape, Dantès reinvents himself as the enigmatic Count of Monte Cristo. With wealth, cunning, and an unquenchable thirst for justice, he sets out to exact revenge on those who ruined his life, while navigating a world of treachery, lost love, and ultimate redemption.
Rated: PG-13
2002 ‧ Adventure/Drama ‧ Approximately 2h 19m
LINKS
IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0245844/
WIKIPEDIA: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Count_of_Monte_Cristo_(2002_film)
Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1110288-count_of_monte_cristo
TVTropes: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/TheCountOfMonteCristo2002
WHERE TO WATCH
Hulu : https://www.hulu.com/movie/ece1c2ff-3eca-4830-8b0b-e433f5a285ca
Just Watch: https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/the-count-of-monte-cristo
TRAILER/CLIPS
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Social Media Post
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002) – Like digging a tunnel to escape an island prison with Dumbledore number 1. What games are you playing with me Wizard? Just poof us out of here. #RichardHarrisNakedByCandlelight GAH
SHOW NOTES
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- Counting the Full Monty Crisco
- Alexandre Dumbass
- In 1814, the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled to the island of Elba, off the coast of Italy. Fearing an attempt to rescue him, his British captors would shoot anyone who came ashore…
…no matter how innocent or desperate. - I live on my Elba…
- Row Boats… we all row… but not me… I drink…
- I do not abandoned my friends
- Don’t expect me to do this sober.
- We come in peace… we mean no harm.
- Hey… I have an idea… we as Frenchmen should fire into the air at the English soldiers on horseback to get their attention… bad plan.
- Guy Pearce is here to save his 2nd mate… and the ship owners rep.
- Our captain has brain fever.
- If his coma is genuine… he won’t feel this…. deep cut.
- This guy playing Napoleon is pretty cool.
- Being your friend is always an adventure.
- 1806 is the finer vintage.
- What is the chess piece? King of the moment! In life you are King or Pawns.
- Friends since childhood… but for how long.
- Napoleon done found him a sucker… Just a sentimental letter… Charge for my doctor… keep from the British soldiers.
- Time for you to leave… your captain has been dead for half an hour.
- Kings and Pawns. Emperors and Fools.
- Meanwhile, in Marsailes… pretty lady in a cart.
- Morell & Co Shipping…
- It should have been your idea.
- You presume to demote me! .. First mated…
- To the rocks… where my friend and lover are to tell them of the good news.
- Who me? Just a guy with a cane with Napoleons head on it.
- Make love to me… he doesn’t have to know.
- He got a whistle… you got a pony… you wanted the whistle… f’ that pony.
- He get’s his captains papers… then in 2 years… I got it today! We getting married!
- The missing is over now.
- Kings to me! You are still the best man.
- Do you keep secrets from me? No… Ask me anything… I will tell you.
- As soon as I can afford the ring…
- Promises of a ring that will never come off her finger.
- The Best Man and the 1st Mate are drunks.
- He has the audacity to keep secrets from me. ooooh… say more drunken sailor… say more. What secrets… ominous music plays.
- All I am, I owe to you father.
- Every movie of this time period that starts with this amount of enthusiasm and joy… always ends in tragedy.
- Arrest? That information is privileged.
- Say what… Napoleon is a user.
- Count Mondego’s son. Fernand. is a recent aquintance.
- Marseilles.
- No Sir… I can’t read.
- Oh… Napoleon swore its content was innocent… no you are foolish.
- You are no traitor. Just a fool.
- Monsieur Clarion…. you almost made it out.
- Can I offer you my carriage home… sure… it looks like a prison cart.. Mister Villefort… Misieur.. buh bye.
- I am allowed to go home….
- Your prison is home now. Hell nah.
- Do you need money…. yes thank you.
- I gave Napoleon my word.
- You… you can read?
- Why are you doing this? It’s complicated.
- ohh… do not grab the sharp sword.
- Why… whyyy
- Because you are the son of a clerk and I am not supposed to want to be you.
- You were born with the genetics… I was born with the money.
- I told you it wasn’t always going to be this way.
- In the end… Treason is a matter of dates.
- Our fates are intertwined…
- Chatueau d’lf .. house of the elf?
- You mock me?
- God will give me justice… or they keep calendars… motivational prison wall.
- Every year on the anniversary of their first day…. we hurt them.
- Why me God. God has nothing to do with it… plus he is never in France during this time of year.
- Napoleon has escaped and he is marching on Paris.
- That is government business.
- Dude can see through this ruse and gave him what he wanted.
- I see you motivations now…sexy lady.
- What’s my crime? I am innocent.
- I got your honey… meanwhile… you are carving God in a prison wall.
- Happy Anniversary… until next year… The pain… I look to the pain.
- God Give me Justice…. and the strength to hang myself… gah.
- 4 years later. God will give me Justice… or not…
- Floor soup is here… sluuurp.
- The floor moves! I must escape… oh hi… floor guy here. Forgive my intrusion I was under the impression I was digging towards the outer wall.
- I always mis-remember this as Christian Bale and Brad Pitt.
- Abbe Faria … for 11 years… 5 has been digging this tunnel. 72,519 stones in my falls… but have you named them yet. … I crack me up.. and now you are crying.
- May I stay on your shoulders? That is some smelly man stacking.
- What has replaced God in your heart? REVENGE!
- These 7 years.
- Where do they put the shit?
- Your room has a chair and a table!! mmm… sit face.
- We could do it in 8 years… something priceless. Knowledge… Freedom can be taken away.
- The slot opens twice a day… once for your toilet bucket and once for your plate… Dirt goes out the poop bucket.
- He was in Napoleons army…
- I burnt the church down… then deserted and repentance.
- Spada’s treasure… Mercedes
- Tonight we eat rat!
- Compute this…
- You were a soldier priest… teach me or dig alone.
- Mmm… Dumbledore by candlelight.
- The stronger swordsman does not always win.
- He is going to wax on wax off his training… be faster… hand eye coordination.
- Happy Christmas Edmond… a dead rat… give or take a month or so.
- Every action has an equal but opposite reaction.
- Ahhh… he burned the letter…
- Do not flip my table…
- Bravo Edmond. Bravo.
- I am going to king that mofo.
- Where they getting all that wax? for birdhead candles.
- If these are plant roots… we are only months away… training over.
- Oh man… this tunnel gives me anxiety.
- When I told them I did not know where the treasure was. I lied.
- I’m a priest… not a saint.
- Use it for good… only for good… nope… I will only use it for Revenge.
- Do not commit the crime of what you are sentenced.
- We got a dead one.
- First time in 12 years he hasn’t said “Thank you”
- Bird and Rat head necklace.
- Goodbye Priest.
- I haven’t got all day… actually I do. I got all the time in the world.
- Time to pull a Houdini…
- I sure hope one of these keys is the one.
- I will do all kinds of new crimes… like kill the Warden.
- We could have handled that a bit better.
- Out of the frying pan and into the Pirates.
- Bury alive a thief.
- I would love to kill your maggot.
- Knife fight on the beach
- You negotiate as well as your knife fight.
- Zatarra… it means driftwood
- 3 months later.
- Fortune continues to shine upon him.
- We are kings or pawns a man once said… Bonaparte.
- A man is always in need of a good friend.
- On the shores of Marsailles. With Maggot in tow.
- His father hanged himself.
- Danglar forced me out. Perhaps your luck is about to change.
- A month after… Mercedes wed his best friend.
- Everybody moved to Paris.
- Couldn’t afford a sloop.
- Edmond is dead!
- Oh yeah… well then I shall make myself a Count… suck it Duke Dookie
- Cavern with no roof… Elephant foot… inside the mask it awaits.
- Sail to an island… hide your treasure… at the bottom of a lagoon. make a map… profit.
- That is one rich maggot.
- The boat can not hold no more.
- You are wealthier than any man I have ever heard of. What do you want to buy? Revenge.
- We kill these people and then spend the treasure.
- Death is too good for them.
- You are going to need a better name than Driftwood.
- Then I shall become a count.
- I shall have you horsewhipped.
- Dressed up Maggot.
- I would instantly become bored with revenge if I had all those distractions.
- Ladies and gentlemen… I present… cue hot air balloon dangerously close to the fireworks… The Count of Monte … ohh… acrobats! Suck my Duke! As I lord over you. Greetings…
- Count Mondego has a duel at dawn for the honor.
- I was neither happy nor ignorant.
- He has a gambling and lady habit.
- Find alternate means of shipping.
- Danglars back..
- Mondego has a son!! Waaaa
- come in Tiny Superman.
- ROME!
- Never chase a girl into the backstreets of Rome…dummy.
- Why are we doing this? We are bad men and we want the money.
- Do your worst…
- Woo the Duke’s son…. I think I see where this is going… he is your son fool.
- Those food people are just standing in the hall waiting for the dong. Dooong.
- Gold… sorry your grace… I meant shipment in front of the young man who will tell his daddy.
- You don’t recognize me… I have a new haircut and facial hair…. also, the countess doesn’t recognize me…. even though we have been friends and lovers since children.
- I’m sure within a month you will not even remember my name.
- Can I steal your wife… I mean for the Waltz.
- Randy, I thought we agreed to not meet socially.
- He heard the word Gold and Spada.
- I require 70 percent.. you will get 50… DONE DUMBASS!
- What you do when the storm comes. Do your worst…
- He is playing with is hair! I know that hair fiddling… it is you!
- Madame I am only thinking of your reputation.
- That isn’t fair… How long after he died did you marry?
- Take your money and your woman… you won.
- I will finish what I started that day.
- From an innocent fool to a well educated fool.
- Everybody gets a cut… too bad you hired the pirates on his payroll.
- I will not hang… but I did..
- Wait… why did he cut him down… he knows who you are.
- Is it getting hot in here? Putting the steam in this room.
- Bonapartists. Strangers on a train… we hate our fathers.
- You have no proof… I only need your heated confession…
- A courtesy for a gentleman. Surprise mofo… just kidding… I don’t make shit easy.
- You said the name Dantes… the name I had never mentioned.
- I want to be free of you as you are free of me.
- see this rotted cloth ring… it will never leave my finger.
- Don’t rob me of my hate…
- God… can I never escape him. He is in everything. Even in a kiss.
- Randy, don’t rob me of my hate.
- Oh and by the way… I can’t sleep in the bed…
- All the men in her life are early risers.
- Also, I am to be arrested.
- He is not your son… son of a bitch… why did she go back.
- She got married so quickly cause she was pregnant… ooooh. So she decided she will get her revenge… dummy. Just kept her mouth shut.
- Good-bye Randy, you did please me some of the time.
- hey… my boxes of gold are boxes of dirt… what the what.
- King me… ohhh… clever.
- Monte Cristo… you shaved… ooooooh.
- Why are you doing this? It’s complicated.
- I see someone has taught you sword.
- Why did you have to brag to Villemont.
- How many more people are going to show up at the last second
- WTF… why did she tell the bad guy first about her son. ID10T
- I hate the man I called father…but still… father!
- Should I tear it down… nah… let’s just leave the Island.
- Jim Caviezel as Edmond Dantès: The journey from naïve sailor to the vengeful Count.
- Transformation & Revenge: A tale of betrayal, false imprisonment, and a meticulously plotted plan for retribution.
- Supporting Cast: Featuring standout performances that add depth to a world of treachery and lost love.
- Period Drama Aesthetics: Lavish costumes, sumptuous set pieces, and meticulously recreated 19th-century settings.
- Themes: The cost of revenge, the corrupting influence of power, and the possibility of redemption.
- Moral Complexity: How Dantès’ quest for justice blurs the line between heroism and villainy.
- Direction & Cinematography: A visual feast that brings Alexandre Dumas’ classic novel to life with emotional intensity.
- Key Scenes: Dantès’ escape from the Chateau d’If, his transformation into the Count, and the calculated takedowns of his betrayers.
- Score & Soundtrack: The music that amplifies the dramatic highs and lows of this epic saga.
- Legacy: Why The Count of Monte Cristo remains a timeless tale of revenge and transformation.
- Fun Trivia: Inspired by Dumas’ classic novel, the film condenses a sprawling epic into a tightly woven narrative full of intrigue and passion.
- Cultural Impact: Its enduring relevance as a story of how the human spirit can rise from the ashes of betrayal.
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