Congratulations… you found a crappy movie….on Netflix. Alright…sorry…sarcasm it’s kind of our go to thing around here. But to answer your question Mr. Ferry Man. Yes. The Filmsack Crew would be more than happy to help you recover the crappy movie you saw floating around on Netflix. It’s practically all we do!
So can you describe the movie for us? A giant floating turd. Ok…Well, I think that is all I need to know.
Say….could you Excuse us Mr. Ferry Man…I just need a quick Filmsack Crew Sidebar. Hey guys…I don’t think we should do this one. It sounds like this Mr. Ferry Man wants us to watch a giant floating turd. I mean I know that is what we do week in and week out…but what if it’s one of those Ghost Turds…You know what I’m talking about…you do all the prep work but then when you look back…poof …nothing…just an empty bowl. Wait…what was I talking about. Sorry guys…I’ve been constipated for 2 weeks…I think I think I may be septic.
Now get off my damn TugBoat
Ghost Ship (2002) – Like a box full of gold hording rats. What tha… Two decapitated thumbs up. oh no. Thumbs down.
- Get off my damn tug boat
- A punch in the port bloater?
- Congratulations…you found a boat..in the ocean.
- Heading down to the docks and gonna get myself a crew.
- Oh no…the straights
- Well that came up quickly..OCEAN LINER!
- It’s the Antonio
- We named our TugBoat Artic Warrior
- Under the Law of the Sea…she’s ours
- 40 years…all the life boats are gone…and no one every found anyone.
- Yay…Jump Scare Clock Chime
- Rich Folks from Europe died here.
- That Rubic Rope is the best.
- Everything is trying to kill Karl Urban…including Karl Urban
- Karl Urban…Chewing Gum and Smoking Cigarette’s…I think they told him to act annoying.
- Spooky Ghost Ship Story by the Captain
- There was a shootout in the pool!
- A digital watch!
- That pool drank her blood and then oozed it back out.
- Pretty sure you don’t drink an open glass on a 40 year old table.
- “That’s the happy version”
- Dead bodies come dumping out like dead body diarrhea.
- These rats are hording gold! You do not want to take the rat horde’s box of gold bars.
- Mr. Giggle Time Ferriman..the box is going to be full of gold..yep!
- Somebody has to say…and it might as well be me…this ship is f*ck’d up
- This is less Ghost Ship and more Final Destination Ship
- Tug Tug no more…Tug Boat on down
- Emily Browning tried to tell you
- This first mate is no Gilligan. He will pump you in the face.
- Shelf life of a can of beans…1 year…that is like 39 years too long…do not eat 40 year old beans because they are probably maggots.
- Poor bored Emily Browning…you think you are bored during a 2 hour dance…wait till you are stuck on a Ghost Ship for 40 years…
- She hung herself
- Why are they clapping for the First Mate.
- When you are dead you know when someone is dead.
- 1 survivor on the Loralyedele
- ?When he has filled his quota…we set sail…Katie is not like the others.
- Santos thought he had 1000 virgins at the pearly gates?
- Ghost Tits get you dead every time.
- Karl Urban always plays rock…
- A ship of theives
- She got fish hooked.
- Not sure if I have ever seen a rock montage like this to explain everything
- is he the devil of the sea?
- Murphy looks like a dead beta fish.
- Oh Dodge…no Gold baby…no gold.
- Ferriman is really good at flipping his switch
- The souls are free!!
- What constitutes a full boat?
- So she didn’t kill herself? They hung her?
- the effects were very scooby doo movie
What’s that? Do I have a scary story to tell around the campfire after a long day of being clueless college students on a rampage of ignorance, sexual desires and general tom foolery all in the name of Nuguet? Why Yes…yes I do.
Here then, let me tell you a tale about that one time I heard a weird and unsettling story about my local bowling alley…. or as I like to call it….every story I have ever heard about the local bowling alley.
But first. Look everyone, the director of our movie has decided to inject himself directly into the movie and play the part of Marijuana Jesus; see how he brings enough pot to feed the 5000. Duuude…I’m totally gonna be Smokey the clown.
Anywho, does anyone else feel like they have the cooties? because my crotch is feeling more cootirific than usual. Say, can you guys check me for crotch cooties? I’m sure they are fine to touch. Go ahead….touch my cooties. HA HA…now you have the crotch cooties as well. Hey, let’s go wash them off in the stream!
Cabin Fever (2002) – like a movie you are pretty sure that the entire cast was paid in pot and bottled water…Faced
This looks like it was filmed with film…scary!
Quiet opening…with flies and dirty shit… DECAYING…FASTER…
That is a woods of death.
Duuude…your dog is not snoozing. Also, you gonna smoke that swisher sweet or chaw it?
aww…PSA…don’t go to college…it fucking sucks. I got news for you….
Don’t bogart the smokes or that GBA
The Backseat is not happy.
Put ‘er there sport….yep…I would bite his ass as well.
“Everybody knows….” You don’t sit next to Dennis.
Hey Pal….Hey Mister…Hey Kid…names they call people in horror movies.
Pretty sure washing your hand off in the creek after getting bit…not a good idea. Patient Zero.
He hates humans but likes dogs…go figure.
That store clerk is a bit talky….AND RACIST!
You see that empty spot…used to keep Shirley Temple Glasses…but not since the lady for the Palsey…poor soul.
“Boy, you wanna give me one good reason why you would steal a Snickers bar?” “The Nouget?”
STOP! I LEFT MY MOM’S APPLE JUICE BACK AT THE STORE!
These kids are really the worst. We got the party animal? The lawyer? The just along for the ride…and a couple of chics with no personality thus far.
Bunyan Mountain Getaways
Paul is the worst. 5th wheel?
man…this movie should be called…Stuff you Eli Roth shouldn’t say. Using the word gay as a slur. The N word…twice! and Retard…
Oooh…We are going to approach the subject of Friend Zone as well.
Good…at least Karen is a photographer…it’s not much…and we learned that Paul and Karen have been friends for a very long time.
ok…weird sex scene. At least it’s fun…I suppose? lighthearted?
This is uncomfortable to watch. Especially with patchy chest hair and pits. Is this the 70s? 2002 you could man groom right?
haha…why did you shoot me? is your name chuck? first name wood? Whoa
“Are you fucking Smokey the Clown.” – Brent
Is that your cabin? NO!
Bert gonna just leave the guy in the ditch.
Brighton Bowl story.
Ball-Peen…Hammer to the head…tied in a circle.
The Bald Guy…they are talking about Ibbott….smiling in the ball return.
haha…the I’m cool dude. “I’m cool…I’m cool.”
haha…Scratch-moded. and his dog. yeah…he’s cool…this is Dr. Mambo. “Yeah…he’s a professor…OF BEING A DOG! oooh! faced…”
This is exactly how Eli Roth auditions go… “no…I don’t want to be in your movie…oh…is that pot…awesome.”
Oh…so you are like a skater…that is your occupation? Grim. Justin….
Burn the hermit…shoot the hermit…don’t touch me hermit.
Nothing but beer may work out if the water is contaminated.
I specially requested water with no Hermit flesh in it.
The guys went in the entirely opposite direction of the girl.
You city boys never seen a country girl gut a pig. Now listen to my hollering.
We already been to town today.
haha…it was totally Henry…Henry the Hermit! We burnt his ass up. Your cousin is so dead.
You should always wear a life preserver while on a boat…unless you have your own built in.
good one…great use of the Butt cam. What a weird shot…I mean the movement slowed down and the audio ramped up….we couldn’t even see the house in the background.
Officer Winston/Olsen is a creep.
“They all know you got 5 pounds of dangling meat…” “Yeah I know that phrase.”
Hey…when I go party up in Wambusau
Dr. Mambo is back…and
This is all Jeff’s mom’s idea. Let’s get a cabin.
Under the gun…literally..work faster Bert.
Well…this is inappropriate behavior…also, gross…I do not need that much audio during unrequested fingering.
Say what you like about Bert. He’s a dick…but he’s the only one with any survival skills. Good Guy Bert…trying to save everyone.
Karen…you are making our point with your grossy face sores.
Jeff is dick.
Shit Bert…you just lost the bet…and your life.
They did not stay outside for Karen.
The disease works for the inside out and attacks the groin first.
haha…something about that truck…that is when everyone starts spewing blood.
Bert…man of action. While everyone else is talking and cowering
Her reaction to stressful situations is to have the sex? Yeah…that’s not a thing…haha…I’m healthy…and I’m just gonna wash my dick off with fire.
Pancakes!!! Pancakes!! Damnit Dennis….don’t kung fu at me with Pancake style.
Lucille’s problem! Fenster…Rifle.
Fenster…We’ll need the kit. Whats in the kit?
It’s in the water! Now you are in the water!!
Marcy does some weird shit to handle stress.
Dr. Mambo ate all that he loved.
Faced…he had to face her…Faced! His love was so superficial.
He done gone kill crazy
Wait…if they killed the director…who is making the movie!!
Now he’s killing the wildlife…he’s on a rampage!
haha…Winston…what about the Tow Truck…
Shoot ’em on site.
You heard that Walkie Talkie Dude…
Swallowing a harmonica…could be worse…no…no it couldn’t
At this point he is making no effort to NOT spew on everyone.
haha…wheel chair nope guy…nope…
He looked like Bert’s Marshmallow.
Paul is taking a trip.
Why did you go back to the cabin fool?
Why does Winston think there is another one in the basement?
Who are these people drinking all the creek water.
Yep….5 cent lemonade is what you should pay for creek water lemonade.
So the Hillbillies are the good guys?
The Bunny Man in the credits is listed as We will never tell.
This week on Filmsack, the gang invites you to hop into their shagging wagon for a totally PG ride down to the coast to help solve the mystery of Scooby-Doo two thousand and two and the case of the “there’s somethings rotten about these tomato scores, man.”
Hey sackers in the back! Mind your manners and be careful around Randy’s vegetarian hash bar. Randy Randy Roo, how high are you?
Scott, can you pull over here. I got to take care of a situation brewing in my pants. Earlier, Ibbott and I were having a not so friendly farting contest and I think there may be a disembodied turtle head leaking protoplasm into my scooby-doo under-roos. If you know what I mean.
Wait! come back. Friends don’t quit. ohh.