This week on LeatherSack we cannibalize a horror classic.
5 youths hop in their hipster van on a quest to uncover the answer to the mystery “Is grandpa where we buried him?” Things really escalate when the gang runs out of gas and must spend the night in an old dilapidated house next door to a family of cannibals.
The action really picks up when Fred and Daphne stumble into some real horror when they follow the “sounds of gas” right into the neighbor’s kill room.
“is that gas? I hear gas”
After Fred and Daphne fail to return, Velma dispatches as a search party of one. Uncharacteristically, Jerry…er…Velma..doesn’t lose his glasses but does take a hatchet to the face while screaming like a girl…because…she is one.
Finally, Shaggy and Scooby are left all alone and must decide between their friends and food but since Jerry…er…Velma took the damn keys the duo heads over to…you guessed it…the neighbor’s house. On the way there Scooby takes a Chain Saw to the chest, ruining his appetite for BBQ for at least a week and Shaggy fails to unmask the Villain but does manage to get away by running in and out of rooms while being chased by vampires, mummies and other baddies.
It’s hilariously horrific.
The End. and in the words of the great Douglas “Duddits” – Scooby Dooby Doo we got some work to do now.. Chain Saw Dance.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – “Come on Brian, It’s going to be a fun movie.” Phtllll…Phtllll…
Is it Tobe like Lobe or Tobe like Toby?
This intro sounds like Law and Order…
Why does that voice sound familiar?
The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of five youths, in particular Sally Hardesty and her invalid brother, Franklin. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But, had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that day. For them an idyllic summer afternoon drive became a nightmare. The events of that day were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
Sally and Franklin. Sally and Frank. Frank and Sally. One can walk. The other not so much. Raspberries.
So more tragic for the young!
Anals of American history.
August 18th, 1973 ….It’s a date!
mmm…crunchy noises in the dark.
There is an iconic sound. Supposed to be bulb flashes. Violin?
This is disturbing…them is dead body parts.
…fade in…news caster talking about indictment….Grave Robbing in Texas!
That don’t look like grave robbing….it looks like art…oh it is art!
The head or extremities were removed.
Hausus ain’t saying nothing!
Damn you Texaco! You done blew up your storage lockers!
San Francisco has Cholera.
Atlanta has a building fall. Tragedy all over the country. Even in Gary Indiana.
This is the worst road trip ever.
more news: Police in Dallas arrested a young couple today…18 month old daughter chained in the attack of a dilapidated house…
If you are already outside…and I don’t mean to be insensitive here…would you pee in an old rusty coffee canister if you were in a wheelchair? Is anybody looking?
The wind and dirt from that semi pushed Franklin down the hill….AND I AM TRYING NOT TO LAUGH.
Poor Franklin…look at that
Saturn is a bad influence…in retrograde! We saw retrograde. It was worse than this.
So are we saying these day workers like to listen to day worker music?
I’m already super uncomfortable. Feel like I am some place I don’t want to be.
“He didn’t look dug up to me.”
Road Trip “Guess the smell!” FRANKLIN!
That cow looks sick…all these cows look sick…nom nom nom
“They usually wouldn’t kill them on the first lick.” Foreshadowing?
Franklin may have no mobility below his waist…but he sure makes use of his upper body gestures.
Franklin don’t like hot heat.
Let’s pick up hitchhikers! This was 74…you could and still did do that.
“I think we just picked up Dracula.”
Hitcher’s family works at the slaughter house.
Making the headcheese. Except for the tongue…you don’t want to use the tongue…but the tendons and jowls!
Dude took Franklin’s knife.
Hitcher is a cutter.
Is that an old timer pocket knife?
So they ride for hours with news shit…then pick up a hitcher and start listening to good time music.
Want to see my knife?
This hitcher is special…
Yes Franklin…he took your picture.
My brother makes a good headcheese…you would like it!.
Pay me 2 dollars! Pay me 2 dollars!!
Fine…you don’t want my picture. I’ll burn it in my convenient fire foil. FIREWORKS and then cut ya!! 2 dollars!!
more raspberries than grandma’s raspberry pie with headcheese crust.
F*ing Frankin. Stop getting hurt.
…and that was the last GD hitcher they picked up. FORESHADOW!
Will you stop reading from the book of foreshadows and astrology
Hey Trump. Don’t stare at the sun.
Gulf…there is a place I haven’t bought gas from in 20 years.
“I got no gas.” – Gas Guy …. “How about a sign.” – me
Alien Opie is doing a fine job washing that windshield…and grill…and my eyes.
Frank you maniac…You are tearing up the Van! Ya goober.
You think that is blood on my knife?
Yes Franklin. You did say something to make that crazy guy mad.
Alright! Driver got us some BBQ!
Uh oh…he wrote something on the Van in blood. It’s been marked.
Everybody is always wanting to touch Franklin’s knife…that is one nice knife.
What the hell is Franklin eating. That does not look like BBQ…or a pickle….or anything that I would put in my mouth. It’s headcheese ain’t it…but where did he get headcheese? He is in a wheelchair.
All that bat shit crazy
Birth place of Bela Lugosi. Lot’s of Vampire references in this movie. Are we implying we are dealing with vampires.
What the hell is he eating!
Durn..that is the creepiest spider nest ever
Sally was fascinated with Zebras.
Hey Franklin can get around the old house right….yeah…let’s leave him hear.
Franklin is taking on the personality of the hitchhiker.
“If I have anymore fun today I don’t think I am going to be able to take it.” – Franklin
Franklin is both the comedy and the drama around here.
Hey! Who put this pillow over here with chicken bones on it? Saaaallleeey.
Franklin has been in that chair since he was a kid.
“Gasoline! I hear gasoline!” “I know…I’ll sell my guitar!”…maybe if it was a banjo.
“Hey honey…c’mere and look at this…it’s cars under a tarp….” We should keep looking around!”
Those piggie noises do not sound piggi….OMG! WHAT JUST HAPPENED!
Wow…Kirk…you stumbled right into that.
I am assuming that is how cattle do when you hammer them…is that what we are implying.
…hammer hammer…shut the door.
alright….I’m gonna need a worm’s eye view of some shorty shorts here. Sex…Violence
Dude…if there was that much death in that house there is no way you would be able to stand the stench..
Who’s your decorator? Martha Leatherface?
Some of these bones are human….and TURTLE!
This is the horror decor montage you are looking for.
I thought that was shag carpet…that is feathers ain’t it.
Wait…you ain’t KIRK!
no no no…not the meathook…no…noo noo….ouch.
Oh look…it’s a chainsaw…oh…and here comes the massacre.
I bet people shit their pants back in 1974
Sally is always pulling this bad sister shit…lost my knife.
“There is a trail down there better those two old sheds”….hell…even I know how to get there now.
Dissonance. clang clang. Dissonance clang clang
Come on Jerry…just go back…nobody is “goofing” on you Jerry.
Is that Leatherface playing a kazoo.
I need a room visible from my front door that is scary as fook.
Ok…was she awake in the freezer or not…she can’t shake the freezer and then wake up when the door is opened.
Leatherface is paranoid…SO MANY HIPPIES TO HAMMER! Must hammer hippies!
Leatherface needs fewer gums.
Dang it…it is in retrograde.
Siblings stick together live.
C’mon Sally…leave without Jerry!
Check out the lungs on ole Franklin. JERRY!
Sally…we ought to go to that gas station…also, Sally…we ought to go to that gas station.
Franklin…do not give Sally that flashlight…she loses everything…remember the knife.
“Sally they took the keys! Sally we don’t got the keys.”
Sally has had enough!
I can only imagine how hard it is to push a wheel chair through the woods.
Franklin was easy work for Leatherface. Kinda hated to see ole Franklin go out so easy.
I wonder if Leatherface i multitasking while chasing Sally. I mean his dad has been after him to clear out that thicket for weeks. Two tasks one saw.
Sally screams real good…and that run.
Ain’t no screen door going to keep me out of a house if I am being chased by a dude with a chainsaw.
Oh no…Leatherface is locked out of his house.
Wait…is he cutting out that shape into the door they drew on the van?
Sally kind of startled Jerry.
Now see…that jump out of that window for Sally…that is what I would have done on instinct.
hahah…sally running by the camera screaming..that is gold Jerry…gold!
You know…typically you hate thickets in the woods….but when running from a chainsaw wielding nut…kind of good.
It’s hard to run with a chainsaw. props.
We ain’t got no phone or gas here…what the hell do we have in this gas station…sacks, rope, brooms and BBQ…lots of human BBQ. FRANKLIN ATE HUMAN!
Beaten with a broom.
Yeah…he is such a dad…even murdering Dad makes Dad jokes and worry about power consumption.
Half wits! What did screw to make those kids.
“You nap haired idiot. ”
So the hitcher was the grave robber. He’s the artist. Photographer.
Dad is yelling at his youngin’ like he forgot to get the groceries out of the car…and look what you did to the door!
Where are the children? Chicklettes in the bucket?
Hey Leatherface…give me a hand with grandpa….
I thought that dude was dead what was dead.
Seems a bit inefficient to keep grandpa upstairs in a chair. Wait…was grandpa making all those piggie noises…or is it just that room.
oh…gross….grandpa is a blood junkie baby…and Sally is out. No thanks…prefer to not be here…going nappy time now.
Hey they have a Armadillo/Chicken/Goat/Ducken.
c’mon hitcher…I gave you a ride!
Grandpa is riding low in that chair.
Pa…don’t do no killing…just cooking.
Now Pa don’t got no control.
She seems to escalate…then resolve.
That is some close up.
60 in 5 minutes…Grandpa is the best…won’t hurt a bit.
I wonder if Grandpa even understands that he is killing people.
Grandpa be like…I need a lighter hammer….no…I don’t wanna…
shit…even a glancing blow would hurt like a mother fucker.
Sally be swinging arms and jumping out windows…cause Sally is a survivor!
I be this actress was tired of screaming by the end of this movie.
Hitcher slashing at Sally’s back…that is brutal.
Hurley the truck driver…be like…nope…out.
Live by the saw…get chopped by the saw.
What about the poor chicken truck driver?
You just know that pickup driver is another one of them.
Sally laughing it up.
Leatherface….needs something to saw…Leatherface saw the sky!!