Yes this is 12 year old me calling from 1984 I just wanted to tell the older more experienced me in 2018….do not crap on my favorite things. You just keep your big mouth shut old man…and who are these people you are hanging out with in the future anyway…and where are my best friends Chuck and Amy…we said we would be friends forever and watch The Ice Pirates every day and play D&D every Friday night and drink Jolt Cola until we puked and then do it all over again!
Whatever, I don’t have time for this…The Ice Pirates is starting and we just got something called a “microwave” and I hear it is going to change how we make popcorn forever.
May all you haters end in thirst. Power to the people.
…and now it’s time for “What you talkin’ about Theme Song?”
Where I will do my best to present talking points and avoid singing along the way.
Here he comes, Here comes Speed Racer.
Hey, thanks for the heads up song writer. That’s not ominous at all.
He’s a demon on wheels, He’s a demon and he’s gonna be chasin’ after someone.
Let’s break that down. A “Demon on wheels;” Well, that is a thing we say about people who are driven.
However, the second mention of demon is not qualified with any sort of type. Which leads me to believe that this song is implying that Speed Racer is an actual demon. Well that changes things.
Oh what did you do Papa Racer!?
He’s gainin’ on you so you better look alive.
Holy crap. The “chasin’ someone” is now no longer in question. It’s “you” who the demon racer is chasing!
Oh man!
Also, there are rumors circulating that Speed Racer lures little kids and monkey’s with Candy into the trunk of his car!
You nothing but evil Speed Racer!
He’s busy revvin’ up a powerful Mach 5.
And when the odds are against him
And there’s dangerous work to do
You bet your life
Speed Racer, Will see it through.
A Life wager! Nope! Nuh uh! Nope!
Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer, Go!
This week’s Film disaster tries to destroy my dream of owning a home with Tom Hanks, the last known decent human being in Hollywood and living bobble head.
So bring in your Mad Max wrecking crew and do your worst. Tom and I will find a way to survive an onslaught of Karmic like retribution brought on by the sins of the father.
let’s keep this brief, I have a chic waiting in the Jacuzzi and a turkey in a bucket.
Hey Randy, how long do you think it will take you to complete your intro?
Oh hi and welcome Cadets to Project X or as I like to call it Project “What Could Possibly Go Wrong.” Here we have assembled an elite force of Air Force pilots to train a team of carefully vetted primates who we will be working with to test the effects of radiation exposure on pilots in case of a second strike scenario.
Just kidding, we actually gathered the Bad News Bears of flying military personnel to train some chimps picked by a guy on a dock somewhere… what was wearing a “sorting hat.” We then takes those chimps and have them fly through some “bad juju” complete with a Jack In The Box style Global Thermal Nuclear Device that I use to heat my coffee. Shall we play a game? Goliath, my coffee is getting cold. Give it 2 more rads, ya damn dirty ape.
Project X (1987) – Like an actual portrayal of the Air Force; bunch of flying chimps! Just kidding, don’t bomb my house ya damn dirty apes.
Show Notes:
Roll that beautiful stock footage!
Poomba!
That is one serious giraffe. Shoo…fly away bird
Do you ever feel like a giraffe is staring at you?
I know what you did last summer
Meanwhile down at the “Apes for Ants” cafe.
“eat the bug off my stick! eat it! ”
It’s a brush full of men!
‘Don’t shock the monkey! Cause he’s an ape!”
James Horner does the music! it’s been a while!
Let’s make a deal with the overly enthusiastic animal poacher.
Who is this guy? The monkey whisperer? The Calaban of apes….he’s the sorting man. Kind of reminds me of Curious George and the man in the banana suit…HAT!
Aww…look how young…no…not the ape… Helen Hunt.
gif by Scott Johnson
Virgil.
This means apple…also, pointing to this apple means apple.
Is it a good idea to eat the monkey’s apple?
Why does the sign for apple look like “She’s abusing me in the face officer.”
“What time is it?” Half past a freckle on a monkey’s ass.
Virgil wants to fly! Just like back at the “I’m Ape For Ants Cafe”
Wonder if that is a real monkey making noises or if it is Helen Hunt?
“No, it’s not play time.” This movie could be subtitled that. Space X: It’s Not Play Time.
gif by Scott Johnson
That is not a real clock dude….what is the sign for “dumbass.”
Virgil is hairy; not stupid.
The National Health Foundation.
Man, I thought cats were expensive. 15k to buy. 10k yearly upkeep.
“Virgil, Fly…like bird…like in Wizard of Oz. Cept with Apes. Why should monkeys have all the fun. Helen Hunt kind of looks like the wicked witch.”
How convenient…Virgil joins the air force. The monkey dreams of flying one day…joins the air force…oh c’mon!
Them monkey are excited to see Virgil. FRESH MEAT!
They ain’t ever going to let him fly again…not in that shirt.
Bueller doesn’t seem like a screw up. wait..
Cue the silly music.
Rule: pound for pound 7 times stronger than us.
“No funny stuff mister” – Do we still say that?
gif by Scott Johnson
Clapping monkey doesn’t know when to clap. “Yay! oh wait…YAY!”
up…up…
Lady with the blond hair…all lady with blond hair look the same to Virgil.
What is Broderick mopping? Is it ape pee? I hope it’s ape pee. or is Broderick sort of the Clarice in this situation. Whenever you walks by the cage/cells Goofy throws ape goo at him.
Moon is in the seventh house but I’m still knocking on the 6th door. Pretty sure that is a rock ballad from the 70s
Circus Chimp. They are the worst. Smoking. Trying to get me to win a prize for my pretty lady.
Humans are stupid. End sentence
captured by Scott Johnson
Thank goodness for sign language lady from United Way who quickly taught Broderick basic sign language.
I don’t believe it! You must have been a united way ape!
dumbass…what did he expect the monkey to be signing. Of course he is signed out. He’s in a cage…you think he is going to be signing “Penthouse Magazine?” That is a totally different gesture.
A new girl in the neighborhood! Let us out…what is the sign for making it like a couple of apes?
gif by Scott Johnson
All of this sign language could been resolved with pointing. Teach an ape to point.
Virgil is making friends with everyone! He’s fulfilling all of the ape desires! Virgil knows all…he even knows Broderick wants to fly. He’s more than smart..he’s the wishmaster.
He’s an ape genie.
The Joy Of Signing. We’ve all read it?
Diamond shaped smile ape freaks me out. Make my Diamond face.
great…now my nickname is razzleberry. What would be your Ape Nick name?
Maybe we rename Goofy to Homicidal maniac.
gif by Brian Dunaway
Virgil just got his blue belt…err…collar…TOTALLY not ape slaves.
Pretty sure kissing your trainee is frowned upon. That is like teacher/student loving right there…and that is wrong…right there.
What happened to Watts? Man in the Bucket.
Blue Beard. Walking the mile…walking the ape/chimp mile.
Before drones…apes were our best bet to mitigate human losses?
“Trainer evacuate chamber.” – me when playing pokemon go and taking a poo
Slow motion staring ape is scary as hell.
mmm…that’s some good radiated coffee. “How many rads is this coffee son? Give it two more rads would ja”
gif by Brian Dunaway
“Lord of the Apes.”
gif by Scott Johnson
Giving our Apes cute nicknames was probably not a good idea. Unless you want to call them things like Chicken Nuggets. Bag of Popcorn. Defrost.
Come on Virgil. Straighten up…You are making it so easy for me to want to zap fry you Virgil.
Jimmy fell for the oldest trick in the book…”lemmie see your BIC pen for a minute. GO GET IT BOY!”
“Red Collar equals gurney nap.” – Virgil’s mind
Virgil is a tattletale! “GUESS WHAT I SAW! Hoo hoo hoo! Screech! Gurney Naps For All! hoo hoo hoo”
Trope/True – Old white men are evil.
Not the red neck! Anything but the red neck Jimmy!
Movie Logic: Cause I learned sign language…I am smart at other things as well. I am practically human now.
No way if you break into a room of your superiors and run your mouth do you not get thrown in the brigg.
Off Hour Entry – EpPPpppPpp
Apes stakes good! <- what?
“Way to go Jimmy…we had everything under control until you set off the alarm. Now our sky light escape is ruined Jimmy…Ruined!” – Virgil Ape
Who was Goofy calling on the phone? “Hello, I would like 2 dozen pizzas delivered to the lab the air force base.”
Goofy Bird to you Doctor!
Does Clappy have a nickname…cause I’m calling him Clappy.
Oh how the tables have turned. Good thing we have guns in the locker room.
Quick. Throw away that soda and pizza plate! The doc is here!
Lights Off…Light on…Lights Off….sure I fly experimental planes all day…but this….Lights on…Lights off…this satisfies my OCD…Lights on…Lights off.
…and you wonder why we lock up apes…look what happens when you let them out…they go all Planet of the apes on ya!
Uh oh…you released the radiation pod you fools!
Well..that is what happens when you go all 2001 on the radiation pod Goliath
You want a cig Goliath? Too bad Spock face. Now live short and die.
Virgil is way smarter than Goliath. Cause…sign language!
What is the end game here? You are still a bunch of monkey’s in a plane. It’s not like the Air force is going to just let you go.
How much gas did that plane have? like a gallon. Monkey’s never had to fuel up in the SIM.
“Sir the bottom is too soft.” – please capture audio Scott!
You are free Slave Apes…now form a society of intellectual apes and enslave us humans one day.
Monkey names first in the credits. What about the humans!
Pretty sure this is how Planet of the apes starts.
Oh no. It’s happening. it’s happening. it’s The Sackening!
oh hi, The little man who lives in my butt is back. He’s telling me about this week’s movie. Oh….By the way, I’ve never watched a FilmSack movie in my life. I just say what my butt goblin Toby tells me.
What’s that Toby? Ok, I’ll tell them:
He says: Poor old Head Chef Scatman was just trying to enjoy some well deserved rest in his bachelor pad down in Miami. Then that white boy invaded his headspace with his “Shining.”
And, what does Scatman do? (hehe…Scatman Doo)…
Scatman do hop a plane, take a cab, rent a Snow Cat, brave a Blizzard and wander the halls of the Overlook hotel. His reward? An axe wound to the chest.
Scatman should have stayed in bed… maybe spent a little more time starring at his sweet foxxy mama posters. Ahhh yeah…that is some sweet chocolate candy there.
Thank you Toby for your insight.
Wow, It’s almost like I pulled that intro out of my butt!
LINKS:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081505
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shining_(film)
Trailer:
Clips:
TWITTER:
The Shining (1980) – Like shoving popcorn down your pants. You’ll be thinking about it for decades. I could really use some floss.
like (event = experience)
Events:
a tiny bathroom window.
Freezing in a maze
writing a novel with the same phrase over and over for a month
sucking face with a dead woman
trading your soul for a beer
getting locked in a food pantry
getting hit in the head by your wife
cabin fever
always being the caretaker.
Movie Experience:
2 and a half hours long
Unsettling
Disgusting
Beautiful locations
Shocking
Layered
Thought provoking.
For decades.
NOTES:
What is that out in the water! and island…what is going to happen!
Nice long shot.
Flying my copter over a tiny yellow foreign car in some beautiful landsca.!!!! WHAT THE DUCK IS THAT! IT’S STANLEY KUBRICK in giant blue font!
Interesting opening scene…lens flare! Not photoshop!
This music is music to freak out by.
So if you didn’t get it…we are waaaay in the mountains
“The Interview”
Secretary Suzy
Trip in 3.5 hours.
Want some coffee? Why you looking at Suzy…Suzy aint’ getting the coffee!
The Catcher In The Rye…eating white bread.
I dig that kids Bug Bunny shirt.
Tony is a freak! and a bit of a kids stinky finger.
Jack was formely a school teacher…now I am a writer! “I’m looking for a change.”
May 15-Oct 30th The Season
25 mile stretch of road.
Built in 1907…no interest in Winter sports. Early 80s…we wanted to ski!
From Denver…3.5 hours away.
The Tragedy of Winter of 1970 – Charles Grady..Wife and 2 little girls…8 and 10…Ran Amuck…killed his family with an axe. Stacked them neatly in the west wing and put both barrels of a shotgun in his mouth…the old timers called it cabin fever.
I hope you can appreciate…that I felt like I needed to tell you that.
Wife is a ghost story and horror film addict
Tony is clairvoyant…Tony don’t want to tell you why you don’t want to go to the hotel.
Blood bath!
Smelled anything funny or saw flashing bright lights while brushing your teeth?
Tony is a little boy who lives in my mouth.
Where doe Tony hide? In your stomach?
I don’t want to talk about Tony anymore!
gif by Scott Johnson
Their house sure is white….like renters white.
Book “The Wish Child”
Germany, 1939. Two children watch as their parents become immersed in the puzzling mechanisms of power. Siggi lives in the affluent ignorance of middle-class Berlin, her father a censor who excises prohibited words (‘promise’, ‘love’, ‘mercy’). Erich is an only child living a lush rural life, aware that he is shadowed by strange, unanswered questions.
3 months in Denver.
Flick that ash!
A history of violence…drunk dad…injured Danny’s arm.
Drunk Dad is now sober…5 months
“Closing”
hehe…the Donner Party…nom.
Set-lars.
see…It’s ok…he saw it on the television.
Turtleneck and Sports Jacket…don’t mind if I do.
Everything Shelley Duvall always sounds sarcastic when she is impressed
The Overlook started in 1907 finished 1909 built on a indian burial ground
Snowcat!
Pink and Gold are my favorite colors! Shelley
Remove the booze! When we leave!
Dick is the head chef…and ohhh that is just great.
Suzy gets coffee and retrieves your kids when they get lost.
Are you a Winnie or a Fred? Nope…Wendy!
You like Ham Doc? My name is Danny..
Dick is about to tell Doc about The Shinning
Grandma had The Shining…I got the Shining…and you got the shinning too Danny.
Tony puts me to sleep…and tells me stuff…but when I wake up I can’t remember it all.
Places are people…Some shine…some don’t…the overlook shines.
Bad things that are happening are like burnt toast.
Some people who shine can see things from way back
Room 237
You are scared of Room 237…No I ain’t
Stay out of 237
gif by Scott Johnson
“A Month Later”
We got this whole hotel. I’m going to make use of the food cart!
Big Wheel!!
That thing makes a horrible noise on the hardwood floors…then carpet…then floor…then carpet…DANNY! I bet that was tough following him around with a camera.
A month in and he is still getting breakfast in bed…that shit would have ended the first week.
Scott is grossed out by dipping bacon in runny yolks.
“You did real good keeping the place straight…but who the hell put all them ball marks on the wall? and what the hell…on the ceiling!”
The Overlook Maze sure has a lot of lights?
What would you do if you have a gigantic hotel to roam?
I would sleep in a different room every night and never make up the bed.
He is the master of puppets looking over the maze…cool transition from model to overhead shot.
“Tuesday” – Bonk!
talking about 1968 shooting…missing lady with her husband…fore shading?
No room 237…no!
This kid is a great actor…or perhaps Kubrick is a great director…or maybe both.
You can just feel Shelley Duvall coming to wreck is day with her bubbli-ness.
Shelley Duvall telling me not to be grouchy would make me grouchy.
You are distracting me!
“Thursday” – No fanfare
The Tea Kettle noise indicates the shining in Danny and his father’s case.
“Saturday” – The shining bleeds in.
The Shining…brought to you by 7up
Over…Over…this conversation is dumb…over.
Danny…come play with us…forever and ever…also, this is the wing that has the really shitty wallpaper.
It’s just like Peaches in the book?
“Monday” no fanfare
What is Danny & his mom watching in the lobby? It’s a lot of coffee talk….I mean a lot of coffee talk. Right before lunch…but dad is still sleeping and Danny wants his fire truck! Don’t…wake…Daddy…now that is scary..
Oh hi dad! It looks like you are awake!
The worst…the abusive dad…who shows you some attention…
Echo’s of the twins…I wish we could stay here forever and ever…
Danny is asking the hard questions. “You wouldn’t hurt me and mommy would you?”
“Wendnesday” cymbals crash
Pink and blue and green was a popular color for toys in Danny’s collection.
Danny has an Apollo sweater on…crocheted…did his mom knit that? Is he going to the moon?
Who da hell opened 237!!
So Dad has just become totally useless now…so mom has to go do all the work in the dirty overalls.
Jack Torrance is having day terrors!
Grote…Jack had some slobbering going on.
Damnit Wendy! I told you not to come in here when I am screaming!
Most horrible dream he has ever had.
Wendy’s comfort is even unbearable
Dreaming of killing your family…and chopping them up…might want to keep that to yourself.
Wendy is surrounded by crazy.
Danny is sucking his thumb and has neck abrasions.
What? I did’t do nuffin.
The walk of crazy…slashing in the air…
The bartender who is not there…or a ghost…how about a robot? Passengers?
uh oh…he sold his soul right there at the bar….would give his soul for a glass of beer. Lloyd…
2 20s in his pocket. Nope
White Man’s Burden.
He said 5 miserable months on the wagon…but that doesn’t jive if he was at 5 months at closing according to Wendy. It’s been at least a month or more at the hotel.
Jack still maintains he would never hurt Danny…and is convinced that Wendy will never forgive him. But he can’t forgive himself. 3 years ago….after Danny threw his papers all over the floor.
Jack goes to sleep like Danny when he talks to Lloyd.
Wendy saw a lady try to strangle Danny.
Channel 10 in Miami…and some Chef feet. Maybe gross for Scott?
Chef has a luxurious lady with a boufant hairdo over the TV and another one over his bed. Yeah he is single. Meanwhile back in Colorado…bad weather…
Halloran is having a moment in room 237 thanks to Danny’s call out powers…more drool
Those Chicago people who came in and decorated have horrible taste in colors
or is that just room 237
Naked lady in the tub! Hot damn says Jack! Man she is tall. Pretty tame bush for early 80s
Slow motion naked lady is just what Jack ordered.
That bathroom has no toilet paper.
Would you let a fairly attractive naked lady touch you and kiss you in a bathroom.
I thought those sores were tattoos at first.
That old lady has been doing some lady ‘scaping down there.
How many numbers you going to dial Scatman?
Wendy snorts when she cries
Ahh come on Jack…you don’t want to tell your wife about making out with the old lady shape shifter?
So is the lady is 237 the crazy man’s wife? She looks too old for that. Is she another lady?
Maybe Danny did it to himself? yeah..that’s it!
Danny is silent screaming.
Shoveling out Driveways…Working at the carwash…are those his only other qualifications?
Damnit Wendy….you screw up everything.
He is tearing through the kitchen…you think Scatman is going to clean that up? Hell nah.
Navajo artwork on the walls and ballons in the halls
I’m the chef at the Overlook Hotel…and I need to talk to the Hotel! He did bring it around to relevance by saying his worry was about them starving to death…LIKE THE DONNOR PARTY!
We are implying a party during the 20s…they heyday of the hotel perhaps?
Hair of the dog that bit me…Burbon on the rocks.
No charge? My money is no good eh? Orders from the house, huh?
Who is buying my drinks Lloyd? Who’s the puppet master? Doesn’t matter yet Jack.
What was the waiter serving? Advocaat? It stains…is it made of jizz? cause I just wiped mine off on you Jeeves.
Red bathroom is red.
Delbert Grady was the first caretaker at the Overlook under Ullman’s management, in the winter of 1970-71. Like Jack, he was an alcoholic. Also like Jack, he tries to murder his family – a wife and two young daughters. Unlike Jack, he succeeds.
I know who you are Mr. Grady
This is my house Jack!
There is about to be a Caretaker Battle in the Red Room
Jack has always been the caretaker according to 20s Grady.
Grady reveals Danny is trying to bring in the chef…and they said the N word 3 times in a row! That in a bathroom…that is sure to summon Candyman.
Grady reveals that Danny has a great talent.
Danny is a very willful boy.
Jack blames Wendy for interfering with his will.
One of Grady’s kids tried to burn down something…then Grady “corrected” them.
Who really unlocked the door? Was it Danny/Tony since Danny was in a trance at the time? Or was it the spirit of Grady?
Mirroring is prominent in this movie…from Redrum (murder) to shots in mirrors..to Danny mirroring his father?
You would think they would take all the axes with them during Winter break
Damn tiny bathroom windows….give me a full window please!
What Kubrick had to say on The Shining: https://www.visual-memory.co.uk/amk/doc/interview.ts.html
Dick was on his bed minding his own business in Miami…watching TV and being turned on by his 70s wall hangings of foxxy ladies. When he gets a person to person head call from the white kid in the cold snowy mountain. He then places a call to the mountain Rangers. Hops a plane. Rents a car. Calls in a favor to get a snow cat. Braves a blizzard. Walks the halls of a huge hotel. Takes an axe to the chest. Dies. Should have stayed in bed.
Theory: Danny transfers his conscience into Dick and rides his body all the way back to the hotel. When Danny contacts Dick; Tony occupies Danny’s body until Dick arrives at the hotel and is axed. At which time Jack starts calling for Danny and he takes off.
Mmmm….me here today cause Cookie Monster trapped by suburban Witch? Notice cookies on floor of cage look more ‘crushed’ than ”e’ate’…look like furry blue Muppet with no functioning esophagus went to tooowwn. Me like Mick Jagger, can’t get no… can’t get no satisfaction.
Back off! Cookie Monster no taste good. How about me read you story instead. Once upon time. 4 guys sacked movie…NO! NO EAT COOKIE MONSTER! COOKIE MONSTER EAT YOU….nom nom nom…tastes like dirty heroin.
