Clash of the Titans (2010) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

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Oh hi,

This week on Filmsack, we tell Zeus and the other little g’s in the sky to go suck it! Then we push his giant stone likeness into the sea minus his sandaled feet… and very nearly kill a family on a boat like some kind of mythological Boston Tea party gone wrong. But worry not, for underworld dweller and miners lung halitosis sufferer Hades will take care of them with this remake of a CLASH OF THE TITANS that nobody asked for but brought everything including a clockwork owl and  3d glasses, as was the style at the time, complete with fecal matter smear and pink eye for your viewing displeasure. Crap on this movie not the glasses!  

Anywho, The oldest stories ever told are written in the stars. You know the ones. Where you live on a house boat and you sleep in a totally normal single bed hole family pile on the house boat. You catch and eat fish on the houseboat … until you eat all the fish in the sea feeding your growing demigod of a son you rescued as a baby… then one day a giant symbol of the boy’s real father falls on your houseboat and you ded. callback. Man, Is this what we used to do before the internet? Look at the stars and connect the dots. Ahhh a simpler time.   

Randy, there is a god in you. Be sure to bring it. End of lesson.

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BRIEF

Clash of the Titans (2010) is a big-budget remake of the 1981 classic, reimagining the myth of Perseus, a demigod caught in the eternal power struggle between men and gods. When Hades (Ralph Fiennes) threatens to unleash the Kraken upon mankind, Perseus (Sam Worthington) embarks on a perilous quest to retrieve the head of Medusa and prove that destiny is what you make it—preferably while scowling.

Rated: PG-13 | 2010 | Action/Fantasy | 1h 46m

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Clash of the Titans (2010) – daddy issues have never felt more stupid. Also, them 1 eye’d witches hate 3d. #ReleaseMyKraken

SHOW NOTES

• • • • There better be a mechanical owl or I am out.
      • Brief Nudity? How brief we talking? Do we have any Extreme Nudity or Extended Nudity.
      • “The oldest story ever told are written in the stars. Stories of time before man and gods, when Titans ruled the earth. The Titans were powerful but their reign was ended by their own sons: Zeus, Poseiden, and Hades. Zeus convinced his brother Hades to create a beast so strong it could defeat their parents. And from his own flesh Hades gave birth to an unspeakable horror… the Kraken. Zeus became king of the heavens. Posieden, king of the sea. And Hades, tricked by Zeus, was left to rule the underworld in darkness and in misery. It was Zeus who created man and man’s prayers fed the gods’ immortality. But in time, mankind grew restless. They began to question the gods and, finally, rise up against them. Into this world, a child was born. A boy who would change everything.”
      • Oh boy! A baby from the sea… a sea baby.
      • This sea box is full of dead mom and screaming baby. Perseus… like Zeus… but smaller.
      • Lightening indicates a brother or a sister… 
      • I am no ones son.
      • It is that love that gods and kings fight over.
      • I don’t know the reason why we saved you… but someday… far from here. Now eat your fish… we are the fish eaters… the eaters of fish.
      • Another day, nothing!
      • I’m tired of being thankful for scraps… them gods want us to love them… phttlll… one day… we are going to show the gods what is what. enough.
      • Between the sky and the sea… Perseus lives.
      • We used to tell more stories about fishermen… the heroes of the sea.
      • We live on the sea in our sea house… now excuse us while we sleep in the only bed we have… also, we all smell like fish… feeeesh.
      • The soldiers… what are they doing?  Collateral damage.
      • They declared War… War against the gods. ooopsie… talk to the king… this is not my business.
      • We should leave father… nope… do nothing… lets see how this plays out… ohh…  form of a sky guy… with this face… guh.
      • Underwater Ship Punchies… 
      • A Zeus Truce.. noooo..
      • Reward for my love?
      • Hades has a wicked case of miners lung. whispers.
      • Created them so their love and prayers give us immortality.
      • Hades has learned to live on their fear and pain.
      • Mortals power the gods.
      • Let loose the Hades.
      • Meanwhile in Argos
      • Let the palace figure out what to do with him.
      • man cannot rule man. says the smelly man.
      • The streets are poor. The palace is rich.
      • to the king and queen… no… to you… don’t get me in the middle of this.
      • We have starved them of our prayers.
      • The Era of man.
      • Andromeda… that frown does not suit you… smile bitch.
      • Our daughter the missionary…
      • Here is drink… nope!
      • Should we be trembling and soiling ourselves in fear.
      • Do not brag about my face to the gods… oh… look what you done did.
      • Dum dum dum dum… Hades is here. Sucking up what is left of the guard.
      • “Interesting…” this one did not get sucked in.
      • You are specs of dust beneath our fingernails.
      • I am Hades… kneel.
      • Not now Perseus… you will have your chance.
      • In 10 days when the sun is eclipsed… I will release the Kraken. Unless you sacrifice the princess.
      • Destruction or sacrifice… the will of your father… do it… dooo it.
      • there is a demigod in argos… he is yours… oopsie… oh yeah… the sea wench.
      • This son knows no love of me.
      • Draco is a hot head.
      • Excellent… the son of Zeus is here… in our city… cool cool.
      • Bastard son of a god. 
      • Everyone I loved was killed by a god. I mend nets not wield a sword.
      • My name is Io… I have been watching you. There are gods and men… and those inbetween.
      • She was approached by a god but refused… now she is cursed with immortality and the knowledge.
      • Meanwhile… in a previous life… a siege on Olympus.
      • Zeus loved man too much… so he slept with the wife of those who would deny him.
      • Oh yeah… well I will kill my wife and your child.
      • You were born to kill the Kraken!
      • I do not know why I was born.. or what I am… but I know it is not the Kraken I want to kill… 
      • Release the Kraken… ha! Release me.
      • We are off to see the witches.
      • Bunch of braided men.
      • A colossal elemental beast…
      • What should we bring? Bring Everything.
      • haha… the mechanical owl… fuk yeah.
      • Maybe they are tired of being thankgful.
      • It is death that should be afraid of us.
      • Crazy haired priest.
      •  The old king was struck by lightening and is now cursed… who now lives in a swamp. 
      • Until I possess my full power… you will be my weapon.
      • Give me the halitosis of hades and I will kill the boy and eat a mint.
      • 4 days to the witches… we only got 10 days.
      • Giving the demigod the business with the honor guard of soldiers… and a couple of brothers.
      • put that recorder away… gimmie that… snap… this a no recorder area.
      • Time for some woodsy training. You fall. You die. 
      • No need to train when you are a demigod. 
      • Randy, there is a god in you. Be sure to bring it. End of lesson.
      • A gift from the gods… don’t want it… I can do it as a man… just kidding… gimmie the sword..
      • How about some flying horses… hey… you looking at my horsey ladies… step off mortal… oh hi Demigod.
      • No man has ever ridden a pegasus… but you are no man.
      • I have conquered the sea… and the land… now I conquer the sky.
      • Pegasus out.
      • You reek of your father.
      • oh… he bites! oooowwweee
      • Scorpion hand! 
      • Just follow the blood.. his blood brings all the scorpeens to the yard.
      • I told you to let it go… but nooo… you happy now.
      • Give me the god sword.
      • Am I supposed to be laughing at the scorpion dispatching with the soldiers? perhaps.
      • Does his belief curry the favor of the gods? Spear!
      • I killed it from the inside!
      • Djinn have entered the battlefield. This is their desert. Enemy of my enemy is my friend.
      • Pray to Zeus for strength…nope… I’m not doing it… venom of hades!
      • The princess has yummy bread…
      • The preacher was all like… I have seen Hades…. and I am all about him. Now sacrifice the princess. FIRE HAND CHALLENGE!
      • replace limbs with charwood and magic!!
      • Drink this backwash… oh. I’ll get more water.
      • hey no worries… the DJINN got your back brother.
      • the Djinn is no friends of the humans… but we got this… screw the gods. “Together”
      • Your pride is killing my men.
      • I do it as a man. A man can not do this. Who says? The gods?
      • Us Djinn are quick… we not ride the scorpions. Scorpion Caravan!! ride out!! also, these guys are slow.
      • When I spit in the eyes of the gods… then I will smile… dark.
      • This is where the Kraken defeated the titans.
      • Only ask of the witches what you need to know… nothing else… them witches be chatty.
      • Where do the witches hang out? At the Kraken hole. Give me the eye.
      • Witches with the hag bags.
      • Knowledge demands payment.
      • I got your eye… 
      • But wait. There’s more… don’t you want to know more.
      • Medusa. Titan vs a Titan.
      • Oh yeah… BTDubs. You will die…. cool cool… thanks witches.
      • Who are you? Just Zeus in a robe.
      • It is expensive where you are going. It requires a token.
      • We can fight anywhere… but not in the underworld… see ya.
      • Charred Wood man like what you said… rawr.
      • These are places you can just walk to. The River Styx. Charon…  ferries the dead… any volunteers…
      • Does the Djinn have to do everything around here.. a bribe to the ferryman… take it you turd..
      • A ferry pulled by the dead… hop aboard!
      • All of you? 
      • Medusa was beautiful once… but then Poseidon had his way and the goddess gave her to yuck face. 
      • No women in the temple!!
      • Medusa’s got a tail… belly of the boat and some medusa training… ooohh… look at all these coins.
      • Ease your storm.
      • Why do you fight? What god pissed you off?
      • Someday. Someone has to take a stand. This could be the day.
      • Don’t look this bitch in the eye.
      • Laughing Medusa
      • Lost 3 out of 4 men to Medusa.
      • Djinn haircut. He has that explosive heart.
      • Let them know. Men did this. 
      • He finally smiled. To stone.
      • Hey, I’m back. I got a bag of head. and IO is dead?
      • Just you and me Son of Zeus.
      • Perseus… don’t become one of them.
      • The eclipse… how timely.
      • My fate is certain…
      • Randy, this part of the journey you must do alone.
      • now I must whisp away… oh… and here is a flying horse.
      • They went with a black horse… instead of the white… however they did give a nod.
      • So the Kraken is Hades child?
      • Release the Kraken.
      • Will it take us or Andromeda? The people have spoke… and screamed.
      • New City… who dis? 
      • Argos has fallen… this is all the people in the world.
      • Just couldn’t get his dumb Zeus mouth shut could he.
      • I got your bag!!
      • The witch scene was the best scene in this movie. Even if it did have a LOTR vibe to it.
      • Scorpions just reminds me of Scorpion king.
      • Hades just split himself up.
      • The Kraken is a lobster Kaiju
      • Freeze Frame… Freeze Frame.
      • I am a god. I will live forever… not here… byeee eee
      • I have saved the city… and its princess… and rode the beast that is currently counting next to me on the beach.
      • The King is dead. Long live the Queen.
      • What we going to do with these giant statue feet? Should we scrub them? let them rot?
      • It always was. gods ain’t so bad right? 
      • Best of man… best of gods.
      • I return IO to you… from the demi god pet cemetery… don’t worry… she is totally chill and not some sort of reincarnated demon.
    •  
      • Why Remake a Classic? Breaking down the differences between the 1981 original and the CGI-heavy 2010 reboot.
      • Sam Worthington: Brooding Demigod or Boreding Demigod? The man, the myth, the monotone.
      • Zeus is Shiny, Hades is Smoky – The film’s visual approach to Greek mythology and why Olympus looks like an Apple Store.
      • Big Monsters, Big Battles – From the Kraken to Medusa, does bigger mean better in this CGI spectacle?
      • Greek Mythology Accuracy Score: 0/10 – Let’s talk about how much this movie doesn’t care about actual mythology.
      • The Liam Neeson Effect – How one man and four words gave this movie its most iconic moment.
      • Did 3D Ruin This Movie? A look at how the post-conversion 3D craze impacted the film’s reception.
      • Legacy of the Titans – Where this film stands in the pantheon of Greek mythology movies.
      • Best Quotes and Moments – Spoiler: It’s mostly “Release the Kraken.”
      • Was It Worthy of the Gods? – Final verdict: Clash of the Titans or Trash of the Titans?

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