INTRO
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Oh hi,
This week on FilmSack, we find that ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL goes a long way…. towards answering the question of what happens “after the fall…” when “Christoph Waaall-Eeee-tz” by day (Oh look. E-waste) and “Christoph… Hunter-Warrior” by night… tries to replace his murdered daughter by sewing her new in box replacement body (she never got to use) onto a “cyborg manga core….” which he found in the trash.. and is suffering from…. thyroid disease? DEM SOME BIG EYES! Might want to get that checked out over on HULU since Disney can’t decide what it wants to do with this 2019 Sci-Fi/Action film now using “robot kung-fu” to play a game of “scooty booty wheely battle bots” to distract you from your miserable existence.
Anywho, as I sit here with my best parts harvested (hands, heart, mind and eyes) and put in a bubbly water box for what I assume is a corporate cost cutting measure to save on shipping to the floating city in the sky… geez.. does my body weigh that much.. a girl could get her feelings hurt ya know… but I can’t help but to think… why do they call it MotorBall… more like Misdirected Cyborg Anger Ball.
Randy, let’s look on the bright side… your tears are working… now let’s smack on these oranges really loudly for far too long… mmmmm…. mmmm… yeah… mmmm
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BRIEF
Dr. Ido rescues a discarded cybernetic girl from the scrapyard and brings her back to life as Alita, a powerful warrior with no memory of her past. As she discovers her true nature, Alita becomes entangled with bounty hunters, murder-sports, sky-city conspiracies, and the world’s worst teenage boyfriend.
2019 | PG-13 | Sci-Fi/Action | 2h 2m
LINKS
IMDB: Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Wikipedia: Alita Wiki
Rotten Tomatoes: RT Page
TVTropes: TV Tropes
WHERE TO WATCH
Streaming: [Check availability on JustWatch]
TRAILER/CLIPS
Social Media Post
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Alita: Battle Angel (2019) – Like a City In The Sky pooping out parts onto the junk yard below. If you look hard enough, you may just find some treasure. #2HalvesOfATanjiDoNotMakeAWhole
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SHOW NOTES
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- The year… 2563 … right in the middle of the screen in tiny tiny print. It was a tiny unassuming year.
- Three hundred years after “The Fall….”
- Big Music!! Bigger Scenery… Sky pooper… has anybody seen Wall-E… no how about: Christoph Waltz-E
- oooohh… jackpot! an eyeball!… ooooh… even better.. the upper part of a lady bot… You’re alive!! I will call you… Top Part.
- Cool scene of Christoph holding here up in the sun.
- Randy, what are you dreaming little angel?
- Lose a limb… no problem… we got creepy spider appendages good for sewing and medical work.. beep bop boop.
- My what creep giant eyeballs you have little robot riding hood.
- Yawn… wait a minute… those aren’t my hands…. or arms… … Hey I got robot tats!… ohhhh… and legs… which don’t mostly work.
- At least my face is my own… boop… but who’s hair is this!! Ohhhh… ugly sweater and clothes!
- Come on over by the junk collector robot trash fixer upper and appendage things… pay me when you can… or pay me in more useless fruit.
- My wife works out at Farm 22.
- Robots need the sleep… in a bed… no electrical loadout.
- The flesh part needs the fruits.
- Randy, I don’t mean to be rude… but am I suppose to know you?
- You are a total replacement cyborg. No Records… Good luck! But you very human brain is still intact.
- I gots no memories… I don’t even know my own name.
- Randy, let’s look on the bright side… your tears are working… now let’s smack on these oranges.
- What is that Zalem… The last of the great sky cities.
- What holds it up… magic? nope… engineering… but we live down here in the Iron City… named for its… grittiness.
- After the big war we talked about… The Fall.
- We all work for Zalem… we have a rule… you never go up to Zalem.
- Randy, it’s Motorball.
- Everyone is missing at least 1 appendage… the Cyberdoc got a good business.
- What an odd Flyer… Murder 6 Human Females… sorry.. I don’t take requests. 20, 000 Credits… that will buy a lot of peeled oranges. – Cyborg Grand.
- Just a giant roaming robot – Centurian.
- Gosh lady, you are heavy.
- My core is mine
- Found me in the Scrapyard
- I am so poor I can only afford 1 wheel for my motorcycle… however, it is a very large wheel.
- This guy gonna kill me in the back streets with a sickle.
- ohhh… he is returning in the middle of the night all bloody… he is a murderer!
- durn Jackers taking my limbs
- Hey Jennifer Connelly with a purple stone forehead….
- You gave that girl our daughters body… I thought you were going to throw that out.. duh.
- My Ex-Wife wants to get back up there.. She has some new equipment and she is hanging out with Future Blade.
- Is this Motorball? I think this is motorball… we are motoring our balls.
- Powered skates go vroom.
- Tanji made an enemy that day.
- Hey, He’s a hunter-warrior… check it.
- Randy, I have a favorite food now.
- All guns are outlawed in Iron City. Punishable by death. So we do the swords…
- He is feeding her brain.
- I bet his dream is a motocycle with 2 wheels.
- Everybody wants to get to Zalem. It’s heaven
- Tubes are for Cargo.
- Zalem be dumping a lot of stuff. She used to be up there.
- The doctor who saved me and gave me his dead daughter’s body is stalking ladies of the night.
- Doctor… or should I say Hunter-Warrior…
- I don’t have a gun but I have a jet powered hammer sickle thingy.
- So long as I get his eyes…
- Rip that flea.
- That lady is made out of blades.
- I want to rip you open and see if you are ugly on the inside like the others.
- She got feet of strength.
- Come here little flea so I can rip your head off.
- hi-yay.
- She was 99?
- Grewisha does not forget!
- Hunter Warrior 17739
- Randy, stay here. Don’t kill anyone.
- Doctor by day… hunter-warrior by night… podcaster on the weekend
- Do you do it for the money? I take the money.
- She was fighting on the moon.
- You daughter’s name was Alita.
- You built her a pair of fast legs.
- He made a body of extreme strength…. and it came back to haunt him. For the Roller Balling.
- A normal… healthy teenage girl brain.
- Her heart is from before the fall.
- Sweetheart… you are. Over 300 years old.
- Meanwhile, my ex-wife is sleeping with Future Blade.
- So did she make all the cool equipment.
- Randy, why should I waste my talents on you.
- I can’t remember nothing… BUT THESE SWEET ASS MOVES!
- Nova is talking through the
- It was not the power of the body… it was the power of the mind.
- Panzer Kunst .. The fighting technique
- Randy, I want to be a Hunter-Warrior like you.
- He keeps building monsters.
- Motorball. I very dangerous sport indeed.
- I want to be Final Champion! If you can’t be beaten then you go to Zalem.
- Apparently anything goes… including destroying the other guy.
- I could really use his grindcutters… if you know what I mean.
- Everybody has a sidehustle and a secret.
- Gimmie back my parts!
- Hey mister… I like your parts… gimmie.
- No one is greater than the game
- What’s outside the city… paradise… but nobody wants to go there.
- URM.. The Martians!
- The Battle of Zalem.
- … we can’t get there… it is underwater… wussy.
- How long can she hold her breath… probably for a long time.
- Sure… I got this cool body… but this one is cooler!.. plus I think it is mine..
- I’m a warrior aren’t I
- you are an URM Bezerker. and I ain’t gonna unite you with this body… pftllll.
- Give me my body… or don’t… and I will break this one.
- Randy, you do not deserve such a weapon.
- Thanks Hugo…
- Knock it off… or no more free repairs.
- Duuuude… he killed the dog… now she got to wear his blood.
- I do not stand by in the presence of evil.
- My Master Nova.
- You have the soul of a survivor.
- She got chopped up into little pieces.
- Fuck your mercy.
- Oh… you killed a dog… you lost at least one hunter warrior.
- Alita 2.0
- She growed up over night.
- Rip my arm off an whip me with the wet end.
- You’re with me.
- Randy, you are the most human person I have ever met.
- Why did someone just toss out a perfectly good URM.
- Here is my heart… take it… sell it.. I’ll get a cheap replacement… that was pretty intense huh.
- MotoBall or Hunter-Warrior.
- Can a human love a cyborg? Ahhh yeah..
- Don’t wreck this body… cause I can’t replace it.
- Half a Tanji is better than none? Nope… you need a full Tanji for it to be any good.
- Which ones… All of them.
- A slow Tuesday.
- A face of an angel and a body built for battle.
- The commentary is kind of terrible and hilarious.
- I never killed anyone. I just jacked.
- She is everywhere… how is she everywhere.
- She is a sucker for a love story.
- not my face… nooo… not my face.
- The watcher behind the eyes is Nova.
- You can’t quit the bad thing… if you do. They kill you.
- Thank you father… I am not your daughter… ok.. I’m your daughter.
- Violation…. Violation.
- I always keep my promises to send people up.
- What happened to your ex wife… she is hands… heart and brains… and creepy eyes…. she is going to Zalem.
- Randy, I know what my enemy is.
- So is complete. Started as a core. Got a Body. Got a weapon.
- Security ring!
- Well… that looks fatal.
- Remember. I see everything.
- yeah Hugo… why didn’t anyone think to just climb up the thing.
- Together…. we can be free.
- Stupid cheap junk parts that the doctor put me together with.
- Randy, thank you for saving me.
- Slicing tears and Rolling Balls… I’m going to Zalem.
- Iron City: the only place where the cost of living is low but the likelihood of being dismembered is extremely high.
- Christoph Waltz scavenging the scrapyard like he’s browsing a yard sale for robot parts.
- Alita wakes up with huge anime eyes and zero memories — same as half of FilmSack’s protagonists.
- Ido’s parenting style: “Here’s a body I made from spare parts, go have fun.”
- Alita experiences food for the first time and chooses… oranges. Bold move.
- Hugo appears. Red flag number one: he smiles like a man planning a scam.
- Rollerball/ Motorball / Murderball — pick a name, it’s all future roller derby with casualties.
- Every bounty hunter in this movie thinks they’re starring in their own spin-off.
- Vector (Mahershala Ali) runs Iron City like a fashion mogul who accidentally inherited a crime syndicate.
- Jennifer Connelly always looks like she knows something we don’t. Spoiler: she does.
- Alita vs. Grewishka Round One: she gets punted underground like a cybernetic golf ball.
- Ido and his rocket-powered sledgehammer might be the coolest dad moment ever filmed.
- Alita’s Berserker body reveal: she goes from “lost teen” to “final boss armor set.”
- Alita offering her literal heart to Hugo is the biggest teenage red flag in cinematic history.
- The bar fight scene is a perfect example of “don’t mess with a girl who can punch through concrete.”
- Dog dies. Instant villain upgrade for Grewishka.
- Motorball tryouts look like Mario Kart but with more limb removal.
- Nova watching through other people’s eyes like some kind of cybernetic Instagram lurker.
- Hugo’s side hustle stripping cyborgs for cash — definitely not boyfriend material.
- Alita does heart surgery on a rooftop because why not.
- Hugo tries climbing the sky-tube. Absolutely nothing goes wrong except everything.
- The slicey sky-defense ring sends Hugo back down like malfunctioning luggage.
- Alita’s crying scene proves Rosa Salazar acted her heart out behind all that mocap gear.
- The final Motorball stinger promises a sequel that may never exist. Thanks Hollywood.
- Alita pointing her blade at Nova like “I dare you to greenlight me.”
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