and now the final thoughts of a deer crossing a snowy road on Christmas Eve.
You know what…I think I could totally be a reindeer. Those guys have it made. Oh Man…I wish…I mean working only one day a year and then just hanging out with short pointy eared humans the rest of the time and eating cookies and…. hey…what’s that! It’s so bright…is that the sun? I thought it was like almost midnight. Well you know what? I think I will just stop right here in the middle of the road and enjoy this unexpected miracle sunrise….oh shit! What’s happening! I’m in the air! Did my Christmas Wish come true! Am I reindeer!? Look at me momma deer! I’m flying! Odd…why does flying hurt so much!? Perhaps if I flail and kick about really hard I can gain some altitude…nope…here comes the ground. ouch. Life is pain.
Well this is unfortunate. Perhaps the dream of being a reindeer was oversold by the deer media. Merry Freaking Christmas to me. Oh deer, I am pretty sure I broke every bone in my body. Hey, a human angel with flashing earlobes approaches. Perhaps she will heal me with her magical heal-y powers…nope…neck broken. Merry Christmas to all and to all a long kiss my ass goodnight.
No animals were harmed in the making of this intro. However, Earl dead.
The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) – Like an intense episode of Who’s the Father on Maury. Timothy…you …are…TOTALLY THE FATHER….look at them eyes…you’ll die screaming.
- Mystery opening montage with flashing clues…girl name? Locations
- Elvis! Christmas time parade
- Mrs Clause is hot! and Santa is drunk
- Samantha King (kane or king)
- A key on her charm bracelet
- 8 years ago…2 months pregnant
- Focal Retrograde Amnesia
- We named the teddy bear Mr. Perkins
- She’s got amnesia..too weird.
- Genna Davis has a great smile.
- Ugly Sweater Contest
- May the best of your past be the worst of your future.
- I used to hire the expensive detectives
- ahhh “She Kissed her goodnight” the woman she was. A long kiss
- you make an ass out of “u” and umption? ass out of u and me? what does that mean anyways?
- I can see from your choice here you are not a wealthy man.
- A detective scam artist on the side
- Why is Santa Earl so drunk.
- Man…she can’t catch a break…Amnesia and now runs into a dear and kills Earl
- snap that deer neck and take a dead deer nap
- Santa really got what he wanted.
- That is one angry inmate
- Hell-raiser nightmare
- My name is Charlie and I smoke and I got slicked back blonde hair.
- She is dangerous with that knife. Fire up the saxophone..and chop up some stuff. and…nope…Chef’s do that.
- One Eye’d Jack is out.
- Life is pain…now skate you little shit…get used to that fractured wrist
- That is some terrible caroling…ahh…by gunpoint!
- Ha! Home alone fall..
- holy hell…what kind of gun is that. Blowing holes in the wall.
- I want my eye back bitch?
- so One-Eye Jack picked up his name after Genna poked it out…how the crap did he recognize her in that tv prison in a prison TV with one good eye?
- What the hell was in that pie?
- Chef’s do that?
- Throw the kid out of the house.
- Hubby didn’t stand a chance
- Trained in counter assassination.
- Can you say healthcare? You spent our funding on healthcare!!
- ahh..tit talk with Geena and Samuel
- The long kiss goodnight is about the dog licking his ass
- I sing the things I do so I don’t forget them. Dun dun dun dun dun
- Oh Phoey I burned the muffins…what up with that
- Put that gun together gump
- Take your money…I’m out…now give me my money
- dun dun dun dun…put my keys in my left pocket….put my gun in the right.
- a million one liners
- Your father was Royal Ranger. It’s a lot of info.
- haha…you thinking what I’m thinking…I hope not…I’m thinking my balls are hurting.
- Your daughter Cat-Head?
- That’s a duck not a dick.
- Who are you William Shatner?
- Take a deep breath…we are going to do the torture thing.
- Davis plays both the damsel and hero
- You can’t drown Charlie.
- Gross…don’t depants dead dude for a crotch gun.
- Poor naked Jackson in a hole.
- Blondie Davis
- Deflowering virgins…distract from the pain
- Daniel pee’ing himself…gross?
- The Kitty Cat – Bad Hair Day.
- Do you have any idea how long it takes to put on ice skates.
- He’s got the kid!
- Time to use the phone company
- Niagara Falls…Operation Honeymoon.
- I am not a complete Ogre! Here is a stupid doll this kid is too old for.
- Should have called it operation Elf Drop
- This is the last time I will be pretty
- Candle in the window…
- What the crap was that for?
- Molotov Doll
- Budget Cuts…I had to recruit the bad guys.
- Oh shit. They are my eyes!
- We are going to take a nap together…a really cold nap.
- You are going to die screamng…called it.
- Geez…classic henchman mistake….leave someone to die in an elaborate way….we ain’t got time to watch you die.
- Good thing Macgyver had a plan. Gas Baby Pee Pee Pants.
- Gimmie that spark!
- Mommy…do you need a match?
- Genna be snapping necks.
- Kids do the stupidest things
- Dangit Mitch..
- Not the best plan.
- He has a gun. He has a knife. Gun…Knife
- He has to die screaming.
- He died…nope…he did scream though
- Caitlin is running….
- Life is pain…get used to it….get to moving. You ain’t dead.
- So dramatic
- This is the most walking dead heroes shit I have seen. All of these people should be dead…and they look dead too
- Burning man
- Geez…how much did that guy weigh
- They are headed for the border!
- ha…this has turned into a disaster movie
- Thelma and Louis.