Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

A Christmas Prince (2017) – Filmsack Show Notes


oh hi,

You have reached the palace of Mandovia, how may I help you?

Ahhh, I do believe you have mistaken us for Aldovia. Yes, if you are looking to fulfill your fairy tale dream of marrying a prince by Christmas you will need to contact them there. Hold on…I think I have their number.

What’s that? Any Single and ready to Mingle royalty in Mandovia. No, I am afraid not. We have 2 kings and they are happily married to one another.

Well what kind of question is would I know if they are gay.

Look lady, I just answer the phones around here because I lost to every other man at the ‘arm wrestle for a job’ job fair last summer. Alas, I have no upper body strength. Well i have enough to lift the receiver of this phone and hopefully enough to wipe away my tears every night. But nothing more.

Anywho, I probably shouldn’t even be talking to you. They banned woman from the manland long ago after the men folk ran Queen Mary out of town for her ‘All Hallmark Channel All The Time’ decree.

And now for something really masculine, Randy



A Christmas Prince (2017) – Like a love poem riddled with gibberish that will eventually leave you feeling like “there is for sure going to be a part 2.” Yep. That is it in a nutshell… hanging on a Christmas Tree made by King Dick


  • Am I going to cry?
  • Inter-rickdum. 1 year.
  • “his royal hotness.”
  • Dec 18th. Presser
  • Gay Co-Worker and/or POC Friend role in Fashion or News Career
  • Usual Christmas is Corndogs…this time. 5 alarm Chili. Dad owns a cafe. Diner
  • Mom is dead?
  • Stay true to your dreams…and success will follow.
  • Aldovia…nobody can say it.
  • The coronation will happen on Christmas Eve at the ball. Duh.
  • King Richard wouldn’t have done this.
  • From 1st time reporter to illegal entry
  • “Ahhh…American” – Classic comedy…mistaken identity and lies.
  • The other lady wasn’t due for another 2 weeks.
  • …something about a mouse in her bed.
  • This plucky music.
  • You look like a derelict Santa clause
  • Tutor from Minnesota. Oh I thought you said Tudors from the 16th Century. We are kind of primed for royal shit around here…watch out for my 15 century Ming porcelain Vase…ok…gone
  • We live in a castle/palace
  • 2 to 3 weeks jail for the deception
  • ohh…a tutor…I thought you said Tudor
  • “There is nothing loose about this goose.”
  • Math is hard!
  • Spina Bifida…and there is no cure.
  • Poor little rich girl….Brave little girl is what I was thinking.
  • Jellied meat?
  • cookies > jellied meats
  • Richard then the deuce
  • He lost his dad. She lost her mom. They are soul mates!
  • Holidays are the worst.
  • Where was king Richard hiding that giant acorn ornament. His other was a bear/elephant.
  • Busted. Now 2 know her secret.
  • For someone who hates Christmas he sure does like to play Christmas Music.
  • Time for the Royal Fair! It is unfair.
  • 3 days till Christmas…time for an Adventure.
  • Time to drag the Spina Bifida kid and rocket her down a hill.
  • Uh oh….time for a sexy snowball fight.
  • fancy hair horse
  • Her scary stalker diary is scary.
  • All this guy does is Prince stuff
  • Horse trouble…turned into wolf trouble…”Someday my prince will come.”
  • He used a gun to scare it off…pretty sure he was supposed to fight it with fistacuffs.
  • He (King) wrote a poem to go with the acorn. Winter’s Harvest…Acorn’s gift. A Poem riddle! He hid the acorn up his ass.
  • That horse is a cock blocker. The horse says neigh
  • Look here Nancy Drew….you better stop nosing around the King’s cabin.
  • Scandal! The prince is adopted! How can a prince be adopted…people be watching that shit…lineage is very important to the Royals.
  • nothing be Sofi-er and me. Sofi-ar…
  • According to this movie…gay men want a prince.
  • Kiss her in the garden! Now the truth has a cost.
  • Could these Bad Royals be more maniacal.
  • He said some bad things on Father’s death day. I don’t want your crown.
  • They have the 3 person “Works” team are here…so you can fit in.
  • Princess up top. Red Converses on the bottom.
  • Sure…they could have stepped in before the coronation….but no…that wasn’t dickish enough.
  • The Fraudulent Christmas Prince…Murmur…murmur
  • Oh it is a soap opera
  • This is the tale of the Paparazzi and the Prince.
  • Emily was an oopsie.
  • I forgive you for adopting me and not telling me and letting me make a fool of myself.
  • Keeping my bracelet though!
  • Failure Plants the Seed….just when you think all is lost…a Christmas miracle.
  • Once we have Quorum.
  • Throw them in the dungeon…no dungeon! Found the dungeon.
  • that is one large acorn.
  • Not my King.
  • Would someone please crown a king already!
  • If any would care to dispute…son of a bitch…stop!
  • She is lying…like before.
  • Wait…can a king just decree that shit.
  • are crying.
  • The order is marked with the kings official seal…see that!
  • Sofia is out.
  • No more disputing!!
  • Bippity Boppity Boop. You da king…Finally.
  • King Richard the 2nd.
  • Good people surrounded by shit people. High Ground.
  • He’s a Prince…he smells good…she smells like a diner.
  • Uh oh…he moves fast….
  • How long do you plan to keep a King on his knees.
  • ahhhh…they gonna get married…I wonder if part 2 will run into marriage problems.

Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

2012 (2009) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

It’s the end of the world as we know it…..and I feel brine’d… like this pickle we find ourselves in…which reminds me, would you like a pickle from my pocket? No? It’s still warm! Not a selling point? Ok, I’ll save it for later… and then we’ll just see how you feel about a pickle from my pocket. A pocket pickle. Oh grow up.

Also, the good news is….if there is any good news…. that no matter how sweaty I get down there…. you’ll never know if this pickle is any saltier because of it’s ride in my pocket verses how salty it would have been had it came straight from the jar… That’s the power of the pocket pickle!

Ok ok, enough about the pickle! Let’s get onto the intro. Oh, I’m out of time?! Fine. Shortened intro: Doctor Gor-don bring me my Boobie Slave so she may bring me my Mingo-Phone. Oh… I have goosebumps… nope that’s just pickle juice running down my leg!



2012 (2009) – Push the button. Don’t push the button. Whatever. Read my new blog. Period Two spaces. #RandyGoNuts2012


  • but it is 2009!
  • Earth. Saturn. Planets. Sun….solar flares!
  • All good disaster movies start abroad!
  • India – Fish Curry
  • How deep do we need to go….apparently…really ? 11 Thousand Feet!
  • Why is it so hot so deep put your Indian but to sleep
  • Highest Neutrino Count
  • Like an old hot man 11 Thousand feet below the surface of India.
  • It was always the Earth’s Core with disaster movies for a while.
  • Meanwhile in Washington.
  • It’s a black tie event…not a 600 dollar jacket party
  • Let me guess…National Geology Crisis…chuckle chuckle snort snort.
  • Meanwhile in British Columbia (2010)
  • 6 months prior. I wasn’t buying it…now I am…
  • Meanwhile in Tibet…we have jobs for you all!
  • Meanwhile in London (2011) I have a large family!
  • Meanwhile in Paris….da Mona Lisa is replicated!
  • 21st of December 2012 is coming.
  • Meanwhile in LA Cusack is a dead man.
  • Yeah Randy…I’m sick of these mini-shakes!
  • Trope…new douche husband…who will probably turn out to be an alright kind of a guy but will soon be out of the picture.
  • Let’s go to Yellowstone kids! Camping and a Limo.
  • We have been following your schedule…your schedule is wrong.
  • The Presidents daughter…she is about to have a bad day
  • “Don’t you see the signs” – The Kid asks
  • Suddenly…a helicopter appears and the US Army
  • Woody Harrelson’s trekking snack of choice is giant pickles.
  • Leaving Atlantis book?
  • A book within a movie about the thing in the book
  • The earth’s crust is destabilizing.
  • The book caused the divorce…
  • Pickled everything.
  • The Market…Boom…The Economy…Boom! These guys…Boom! Boom!
  • The new guy is a boob man…you get it for free
  • Baked Ruffles…it is the end of the world
  • 422 copies of the book?
  • Talk about your Illuminati…all these heads of states have similar setups on the Brady bunch screen
  • Yuri is all like…leave this world behind…
  • How come the mosquitoes just ate up the kids.
  • Gordon touches boobs all day…you can’t compete with that.
  • How is he late for work if he brought the kids home early
  • The twins!
  • “We have tickets to go on a big ship…we will live and you will die.”
  • An Arnold look alike.
  • I can’t believe they wouldn’t save Arnold
  • 2 old bags in a car….thank goodness for the 2 old bags
  • Randy’s Donuts
  • This is an impossible task of disaster navigation.
  • 10.9 quake.
  • The pilot is dead!
  • Gordon…you are the guy…trust me…you are the guy.
  • I love how people falling 1000s of feet are honking their horns. Beeep Beeeep!
  • The earth is like “Get off me”
  • This part makes it human. Give me a double…I am going to sing the blues
  • Guard the ship and I am going to go talk to the pirate.
  • Fly birdies!
  • “I have goosebumps people! and pickle juice in my pant. I wish you could see what I am seeing!”
  • Cusack’s only answer to obstacles is…more gas and hold on!
  • Wow…that’s a big plane…it’s Russian.
  • This is the 3rd bad takeoff.
  • C’mon baby…lift your big arse for Sasha
  • The tiny Eiffle Tower in Vegas
  • This Tibetian Chicken is like…just get it over with lady!
  • A Russian plane full of exotic cars.
  • The subtle forces of nature that turn catastrophic.
  • Prophetic ending after prophetic ending.
  • Have you changed since our divorce? Tunnel Vision!
  • I love him enough…
  • Promise we won’t die…or at least you won’t know I was lying
  • Ladies stay down stairs…us men will go upstairs and do the man thing…you watch the kids.
  • Sasha is the best. Sasha is a sexy beast with his sacrifice and sexy accent. Also, Russian Catholic? Sasha has spectacular death.
  • Wait…you taking them animals and not me! I’m worth a giraffe!
  • He has a red card.
  • An ice cream cone for every book he read.
  • Is it green card or red card…I thought he said red
  • So many convenient meetings
  • The women and children as always napping.
  • Ship 3 is good enough….get on it.
  • Always punching people to get what he wants Yuri
  • They aren’t spaceships…they are arcs! But no one would have come to see…modern day arcs movie
  • Boat 3 must have been capable of holding a lot of people.
  • Caesar the dog…he’s coming…somebody is always going back for the dog.
  • She almost lost that birdie finger
  • Button Boy…worst job on the arc. Push the button…don’t you dare! I’M PUSHING THE BUTTON!
  • The leaders of the ships are letting the people in.
  • Yay! We bought a Zoo on the arc of doom.
  • Cusack has a Robin or Batgirl moment…who do you save…Gordon or the other guy!
  • A bowl full of pedals.
  • We see a lot of people “die” but you know some of those people lived for a bit..
  • He finally lost it. I’ve been patient with you people…but now we are all dead
  • This was not a good plan…all these ships so close together.
  • Suicide mission! Doing it.
  • Now stay here guy.
  • Gordon is dead…but that’s ok…she has a backup plan.
  • So for 2012 they just made all disaster movies into one. But they forgot towering inferno!
  • Cover your ears…
  • Oh geez…really we gonna do the let’s wait and see if he shows up scene?
  • yay! we did it…we lived…
  • Poor booby man. He did all the hard work and did all the dying
  • Day 27, Month 1, 0000
  • We all have relatives in Wisconsin. The South Pole?
  • 4, 6, and 7 made it.
  • Those arcs seem sorta dirty.
  • Cape of Good hope probably never even sunk.
  • So the Europeans and American’s are invading southern Africa?
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

GoldenEye (1995) – Filmsack Show Notes


oh hi,

Hold on just a second. They just delivered my mid 1990s v0ice activated Russian virtual assistant that is programmed to only respond to English performed in bad Russian accents.

Wow, it’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be! It’s like the size of a microwave. In fact…I think it is a microwave. No wonder shipping was like 7000 Rubles. But hey! Hot lunch!

Ok, there is a sticky note attached…”To activate…just ask your stupid American question….slug head…” oh…how rude… “flip note” … “just kidding, we are totally not always listening. Please use the wake word ‘Hey Natalya’ followed by your request.” oh…ok…I think I get it.

Hey Natalya, set timer for 6 minutes. No…I said 6 minutes. 6…minutes… Ok guys, this thing must be broken it keeps setting the timer to 3 minutes. Which is fine for a baked potato but not if you are trying not to burn the Beans, Sean Beans. Shaken but not dead. Oh sorry…wait…and…now he’s dead.

Alright guys, For England…

oh yeah and…“screw you, I said no Odd Job” or something like that.



Goldeneye (1995) – Like making your safe word “Xenia, I can’t breath.” Meanwhile in Cuba, unnecessary Crotch shot!


  • Hey is that Remington Steele?
  • Bring on that sweet James Bond Intro!
  • Oh…it’s a quickie…just gun and blood.
  • Dam plane
  • Is that Tom Cruise? He is running like he needs to be Tom Cruise
  • We need some bells shaking for this intense Dam jump…weeee
  • Bungie!
  • Meanwhile at the Chemical weapons shot in the USSR 1995
  • That gun can do everything!
  • Oh yeah…it’s 1995…nobody shits with a newspaper anymore
  • We all wanted Pierce Brosnan to be James Bond…how was his tenure?
  • 006 Sean Bean…shake them bells! For England Alec!
  • He would have been sooner but he had to stop off in the lou!
  • Alec just shot that Russian scientist in the back. Poor Show old man..poor show
  • Alec thinks half of everything is luck…and fate the other half.
  • Set timer for 6 minutes. Is that going to be enough time?
  • The double 0 teamup
  • The Sean Bean kill to death ratio is pretty good.
  • bump to 3 minutes
  • Gee I wonder if they will fake Alec’s death
  • Don’t shoot…you’ll blow the gas tanks.
  • A bum rush would solve this shoot…don’t shoot. Squeek…squeek
  • Geez man…why were those barrels under so much pressure…they came flying out of there.
  • All these poor Russian guys just doing their job at the plant and 007 is just doing his thing.
  • This Russian bad guy is the king of “Wait…let’s just see where this goes…” A little too easy.
  • So which half was luck and which half was fate?
  • Pluck pluck pluck pluck!
  • Ahhh…here we go…the intro. Funky
  • Goldeneye! I hope the bad guy really has a Goldeneye…you just never know with a bond movie.
  • Do I need to listen to the lyrics to predict the story.
  • 2 faced girl! Is she a double agent!?
  • Honey trap…it’s in the song..
  • 9 years later! Why he has hardly aged a day. So that would set the opening scene around 1986…Russia
  • Hey, it’s the next girl…Funky beat…funky beat
  • Scratch that record…weee
  • Can I tell you the number of times I have gotten into a “size of my penis” contest while driving?
  • Those cyclist are lame.
  • Leather seat frolicking and smooching are my least favorite sounds in a movie.
  • France? Countryside?
  • High stakes poker game for them high stakes car drivers…tuxes and fancy dresses
  • Those cards have no numbers or backs!
  • None of these French words sound French. is it French? Italian?
  • Vodka Martini…shaken and not stirred…or straight up with a twist…oh…On A Top!
  • Damnit…mimes! Why does it always have to be open air theater mimes in France!
  • use my monoscope to tack Yatch Manticore! On A Top
  • Note…that helicopter
  • No contact! Don’t do it James
  • Xenia Warrior Princess of the crazy bed lady.
  • Apparently their safe word “Xenia, I can’t breath” was a poor choice….for him!
  • These French workers are very French…
  • odd…she ended up being On A Bottom
  • The electronic Battlefield. The Tiger is Stealth and Hardened against EMP and so forth
  • You know the French and their airforce
  • Meanwhile Space Weapons Russia…a bunch of dogs
  • Select Mir…space station
  • This computer is voice
  • Boris would not know a woman if she came and sat on his head.
  • You know Russians…they like to sit around and use English with heavy Russian accents.
  • They are right in front of you and they can open doors
  • password: Knockers
  • The American’s are slug heads….they will never detect me.
  • You sit on it…but you can’t take it with you…the password. No way…I spiked them.
  • This movie is like one long “That’s what she said” gag.
  • Boris sent them a spike
  • A lot of voice recognition software in Russian in 1995
  • ahhh…Test fire GoldenEye…it’s a weapon then!
  • 2 satellites available
  • Fire the GoldenEye…I am timing you.
  • To fire the Golden Eye you need 2 keys and a UMD disc?
  • She likes killing a little too much.
  • They just hiding the GoldenEye in a space box?
  • Durn Russians and their Nesting Doll Satellite technology
  • Their best response time is 19 minutes..they’ll be late
  • Did she just lick that coffee off the floor! gross!
  • Moneypenny actress is played by Bond…Samantha Bond
  • Sarcasm I would talk to my Children…thank you very much
  • Space based weapon GoldenEye
  • This lady is a cat! 9 Lives and all that.
  • They EMP’d their own place. Also, I don’t think EMP works like that.
  • Natalia…that computer is off.
  • Why is everything trying to kill Natalia!
  • GoldenEye is a nuclear explosion in the upper atmosphere to generate an EMP
  • oh thank God! The puppies are ok!
  • Boris and the girl are alive!
  • Air Bag Phone Booth
  • 3 click explosive pen
  • I promise to buy a lot of IBMs…I just need to test them first
  • Crazy American.
  • Durn drafty churches.
  • Nothing better than Russian interpretation of “Stand By Your Man.”
  • Onnatop spends a lot of time on the thigh master
  • James Bond nap to the back of the neck
  • Where we gonna store all this Soviet stuff?
  • This whole Sean Bean story is twisted around and around.
  • I said 6 minutes! Not 3 minutes
  • haha! Bond saving himself and the girl using his head…literally using his head to eject from the Eurocopter
  • The only way to calm a hysterical lady is with a Bond Hug
  • Bond uses a lot of spray and pray
  • Trust me…this belt will only hold my weight….so long lady
  • Love the Tank Chase! Who else could make that look cool?
  • I think our mid-tier bad guy may have a drinking problem
  • that is one bad ass soviet era train!
  • James Bond and his sneaky tank…how the hell did he get ahead of them?
  • Ramming speed
  • That is always the solution with a train…full speed! Ram him!
  • “Why can’t you just be a good boy and die.”
  • Tastes like strawberries.
  • Arse, Butt, CHAIR
  • Boys with Toys
  • Meanwhile in Cuba. Crotch shot!
  • It took a helicopter to squeeze Onnatop out
  • Hidden Dish
  • This was nominated for special effects? miniatures and reverse video
  • Target is London Baby!
  • It’s all about da money
  • So I know what you are thinking…did I click this pen 3 times or 20?
  • Boris would be a faster coder if he used both hands
  • Did we establish that Bond was a good card counter earlier to imply that he could count the number of pen clicks?
  • “I am invincible!”
  • Apparently nobody ever just wants to kill Bond…they want to talk about killing bond….
  • Killing Sean Bean is not enough…no we have to smash him as well.
  • Yes! I am invincible!


Miami Vice (2006) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Hold on a sec…how do you even operate this stupid old style cell phone…ahh… you flip this…and flip this… and boop “Yeah Hello, This is Detective “Sonny” Crocket of Miami-Dade PD. Patch me through to your SAC. Hello? Weird it sounds like I’m talking to someones crotch…Hello, if you can hear me…I need to talk to your SAC…. The Special Agent in Charge… oh good….he heard me.”

“Yeah hello, what’s my badge number and birth date? Listen, I ain’t got time for that…it’s 11:47 o’clock on Saturday night and Neptune is downstairs handing out booty slaves like an attactive bartender handing out Mojitos. That’s the hand we have been dealt.”

“What’s that? Hold on…I can’t hear you…Tubbs…C’mon man. I’m on the phone. You can’t stand next to me and make 3 and 4 phone calls while I am talking on my phone….It’s distracting…go stand over there….further…keep going…ahh shit. Listen SAC…I gotta call you back…Tubbs just went over the side of the building… HEY TUBBS! YOU CAN’T NEGOTIATE WITH GRAVITY!”

Stupid…talking while I’m talking. Now I really do need a Mojito.



Miami Vice (2006) – Like Trudy would say. “I ain’t playing.” also like a 2 hour starring contest set to music.


Mighty Mighty Mullet

Meanwhile….Glaring at the club.

This club seems too hot to be wearing full body silver suits

“You got your tan in Miami.” – Sonny

What is up with 3? I’ll go with 2.

The guy getting the prostitutes is wearing Sonny’s TV suit.

2006 video phones.

I kind of dig this film grain look they got going on. Feel like I am watching it on a 19″ TV with OTA

Patch us through to your sack? Pretty sure I heard it wrong. Is that what Sonny told the Miami FBI Office?

2 phone calls at the same time on a roof!! No way man….Everything in this movie is either 100 miles an hour or a flat dead stare stop

at 11:47 o’clock on a Saturday night…that is the case we have been handed

What about Neptune!! It’s his lucky night. Lucky Pimping

How slow was Elonzo going that Miami Vices had time to get off the roof of a building and get their car and hit the highway and catch up with him.

You don’t have to go home. Hey, watch out for that Semi.

Roof top meetings, Highway Side Meetings, Parking Lot Meetings, Harbor Meetings.

Meanwhile, that don’t track.

Go-fast boats. GO FAST

Noooo…not the go fast boats…you bastards!

Hey…we need a reason to see a couple people naked. Weird Shower to Sex Scene…

“Tubbs…your place smells like the booty sex.”

That USB Drive has seen a lot of hands. I would for sure be Purelling my hands. A lot of people are touching the drive who don’t even need to touch the drive.

What is up with your interview (interrogation) room painting? That is a lot of teeth.

“You didn’t do time with us then you don’t do crime with us.” Sonny Undercover

“You must do that thing exactly.” “The thing we say” – Hair with glasses

Miami Vice should be called “So What’s In A Look Anyways?”

1 blip 1 plane

“You don’t like us finding your load.” Sonny

meanwhile in Cuba by the TRex hotel

Sleeping with the enemy…a very dangerous proposition.

Never conduct business in Cuba…instead it is always Mojitos and love making.

2nd shower sex scene.

Always such interesting shots. Everything is a landscape shot. Even the body shots

This movie is shot like Cigarette and Car advertisements you saw in magazines during the 60s, 70s and 80s. Kind of like a perfume commercial as well.

So is Chris Cornell her love making music?

Down in the mean Streets of Styrofoam

I’m watching you watching them…watching…dancing…music…watching

“Probability is like Gravity. You can’t negotiate with Gravity.” – Sonnie (Foreshadowing?)

Tubbs is worried I am in too deep.

Does the lightning signify anything?

“Try Paradise Trailer Park Near The Airport” – Captain

and the most ridiculous explosion of a trailer goes to Miami Vice 2006

Trudy has been through it.

Like Trudy would say. “I ain’t playing.”

Man, this movie delivered on the Miami Vice Vibe