INTRO
oh hi,
Hold on just a second. They just delivered my mid 1990s v0ice activated Russian virtual assistant that is programmed to only respond to English performed in bad Russian accents.
Wow, it’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be! It’s like the size of a microwave. In fact…I think it is a microwave. No wonder shipping was like 7000 Rubles. But hey! Hot lunch!
Ok, there is a sticky note attached…”To activate…just ask your stupid American question….slug head…” oh…how rude… “flip note” … “just kidding, we are totally not always listening. Please use the wake word ‘Hey Natalya’ followed by your request.” oh…ok…I think I get it.
Hey Natalya, set timer for 6 minutes. No…I said 6 minutes. 6…minutes… Ok guys, this thing must be broken it keeps setting the timer to 3 minutes. Which is fine for a baked potato but not if you are trying not to burn the Beans, Sean Beans. Shaken but not dead. Oh sorry…wait…and…now he’s dead.
Alright guys, For England…
oh yeah and…“screw you, I said no Odd Job” or something like that.
LINKS
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113189/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GoldenEye
Goldeneye (1995) – Like making your safe word “Xenia, I can’t breath.” Meanwhile in Cuba, unnecessary Crotch shot!
SHOW NOTES
- Hey is that Remington Steele?
- Bring on that sweet James Bond Intro!
- Oh…it’s a quickie…just gun and blood.
- Dam plane
- Is that Tom Cruise? He is running like he needs to be Tom Cruise
- We need some bells shaking for this intense Dam jump…weeee
- Bungie!
- Meanwhile at the Chemical weapons shot in the USSR 1995
- That gun can do everything!
- Oh yeah…it’s 1995…nobody shits with a newspaper anymore
- We all wanted Pierce Brosnan to be James Bond…how was his tenure?
- 006 Sean Bean…shake them bells! For England Alec!
- He would have been sooner but he had to stop off in the lou!
- Alec just shot that Russian scientist in the back. Poor Show old man..poor show
- Alec thinks half of everything is luck…and fate the other half.
- Set timer for 6 minutes. Is that going to be enough time?
- The double 0 teamup
- The Sean Bean kill to death ratio is pretty good.
- bump to 3 minutes
- Gee I wonder if they will fake Alec’s death
- Don’t shoot…you’ll blow the gas tanks.
- A bum rush would solve this shoot…don’t shoot. Squeek…squeek
- Geez man…why were those barrels under so much pressure…they came flying out of there.
- All these poor Russian guys just doing their job at the plant and 007 is just doing his thing.
- This Russian bad guy is the king of “Wait…let’s just see where this goes…” A little too easy.
- So which half was luck and which half was fate?
- Pluck pluck pluck pluck!
- Ahhh…here we go…the intro. Funky
- Goldeneye! I hope the bad guy really has a Goldeneye…you just never know with a bond movie.
- Do I need to listen to the lyrics to predict the story.
- 2 faced girl! Is she a double agent!?
- Honey trap…it’s in the song..
- 9 years later! Why he has hardly aged a day. So that would set the opening scene around 1986…Russia
- Hey, it’s the next girl…Funky beat…funky beat
- Scratch that record…weee
- Can I tell you the number of times I have gotten into a “size of my penis” contest while driving?
- Those cyclist are lame.
- Leather seat frolicking and smooching are my least favorite sounds in a movie.
- France? Countryside?
- High stakes poker game for them high stakes car drivers…tuxes and fancy dresses
- Those cards have no numbers or backs!
- None of these French words sound French. is it French? Italian?
- Vodka Martini…shaken and not stirred…or straight up with a twist…oh…On A Top!
- Damnit…mimes! Why does it always have to be open air theater mimes in France!
- use my monoscope to tack Yatch Manticore! On A Top
- Note…that helicopter
- No contact! Don’t do it James
- Xenia Warrior Princess of the crazy bed lady.
- Apparently their safe word “Xenia, I can’t breath” was a poor choice….for him!
- These French workers are very French…
- odd…she ended up being On A Bottom
- The electronic Battlefield. The Tiger is Stealth and Hardened against EMP and so forth
- You know the French and their airforce
- Meanwhile Space Weapons Russia…a bunch of dogs
- Select Mir…space station
- This computer is voice
- Boris would not know a woman if she came and sat on his head.
- You know Russians…they like to sit around and use English with heavy Russian accents.
- They are right in front of you and they can open doors
- password: Knockers
- The American’s are slug heads….they will never detect me.
- You sit on it…but you can’t take it with you…the password. No way…I spiked them.
- This movie is like one long “That’s what she said” gag.
- Boris sent them a spike
- A lot of voice recognition software in Russian in 1995
- ahhh…Test fire GoldenEye…it’s a weapon then!
- 2 satellites available
- Fire the GoldenEye…I am timing you.
- To fire the Golden Eye you need 2 keys and a UMD disc?
- She likes killing a little too much.
- They just hiding the GoldenEye in a space box?
- Durn Russians and their Nesting Doll Satellite technology
- Their best response time is 19 minutes..they’ll be late
- Did she just lick that coffee off the floor! gross!
- Moneypenny actress is played by Bond…Samantha Bond
- Sarcasm I would talk to my Children…thank you very much
- Space based weapon GoldenEye
- This lady is a cat! 9 Lives and all that.
- They EMP’d their own place. Also, I don’t think EMP works like that.
- Natalia…that computer is off.
- Why is everything trying to kill Natalia!
- GoldenEye is a nuclear explosion in the upper atmosphere to generate an EMP
- oh thank God! The puppies are ok!
- Boris and the girl are alive!
- Air Bag Phone Booth
- 3 click explosive pen
- I promise to buy a lot of IBMs…I just need to test them first
- Crazy American.
- Durn drafty churches.
- Nothing better than Russian interpretation of “Stand By Your Man.”
- Onnatop spends a lot of time on the thigh master
- James Bond nap to the back of the neck
- Where we gonna store all this Soviet stuff?
- This whole Sean Bean story is twisted around and around.
- I said 6 minutes! Not 3 minutes
- haha! Bond saving himself and the girl using his head…literally using his head to eject from the Eurocopter
- The only way to calm a hysterical lady is with a Bond Hug
- Bond uses a lot of spray and pray
- Trust me…this belt will only hold my weight….so long lady
- Love the Tank Chase! Who else could make that look cool?
- I think our mid-tier bad guy may have a drinking problem
- that is one bad ass soviet era train!
- James Bond and his sneaky tank…how the hell did he get ahead of them?
- Ramming speed
- That is always the solution with a train…full speed! Ram him!
- “Why can’t you just be a good boy and die.”
- Tastes like strawberries.
- Arse, Butt, CHAIR
- Boys with Toys
- Meanwhile in Cuba. Crotch shot!
- It took a helicopter to squeeze Onnatop out
- Hidden Dish
- This was nominated for special effects? miniatures and reverse video
- Target is London Baby!
- It’s all about da money
- So I know what you are thinking…did I click this pen 3 times or 20?
- Boris would be a faster coder if he used both hands
- Did we establish that Bond was a good card counter earlier to imply that he could count the number of pen clicks?
- “I am invincible!”
- Apparently nobody ever just wants to kill Bond…they want to talk about killing bond….
- Killing Sean Bean is not enough…no we have to smash him as well.
- Yes! I am invincible!