Categories
Filmsack Notes

Angry Red Planet

Angry Red Planet (1959)  83 min  Unrated

The Angry Red Planet (aka Invasion of Mars and Journey to Planet Four) is a 1959 science fiction film starring Gerald Mohr and directed by Ib Melchior. Melchior was only given 10 days and a budget of $200,000 to make the film.[1]

This necessitated the use of a CineMagic technique, which involved using hand drawn animations together with live action footage, and was used for all scenes on the surface of Mars. Although this process was largely unsuccessful, producer Norman Maurer would attempt the same technique again in The Three Stooges in Orbit.[2]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Angry_Red_Planet

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052564/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Opener:

Tandem Telescope. It takes a couple of nerds to operate that.

The rad men. Who volunteers to go scan for radiation? is that a safe job?

No…stop it sam…stop! you are winding too  fast. slow down…like this…around one rotation per second…stop! stop!  you know what sam…screw you….I hate you talked me into Tandem Telescope as a job. Screw the radiation! It’s a girl.

 NOW THROUGH THE NEXT AUDIO MICARCLE – SACK-O-MAGIC….which is not being broadcasting to you now.

Now through the next audio miracle – Sack-O-Magic…

Sack-O-Magic is not being broadcasted to you now.

Feel the fire hot breath of a 40 foot monster.

Twitter: Angry Red Planet – Like an888888888888888888888888000000000000000000000000000000000000 3 eye’d peeper behind a space rock. You’ll crap when you see it. or scream and pass out.

Stuff I Loved:

I will just point at this map until the other actors get here

MR1 appears to be a dead ship

This table is too high!

That’s a tall order George!

Professor Whiner…can you please complain about how hard this will be to retrieve the ship?

This is a room about space…see the posters we have on the wall.

Are you seriously drawing on the radar screen with that permanent marker?

You have to talk like this in the control room.

Newspaper cut scenes

The only way a lady can make it in the field of man is if her dad was already in it.

Tandem Telescope. It takes a couple of nerds to operate that.

The rad men. Who volunteers to go scan for radiation? is that a safe job?

The girl. The hell with radiation. It’s a girl!!

The girl is our only hope.

For a second I was thinking we were going to do the Fantastic Four Origin Story

Do you mind. I am trying to look at this space port…i do not need you to stand half a foot behind me.

I think that dude just made up a song about 2 moons.

Who takes a red head to space…with a popped collar.

All these dudes are meatballs.

Easy Fox Baker

When is Chow…now I know why they brought the lady. Somebody had to cook.

Really…they made the lady do all the secretary work.

Surprised they didn’t have her patching the spacesuits.

Just have to put my perfume on in between

47 days with this crowd.

Should we go out and claim the planet in the name of brooklyn.

Turn up the outside microphones.

You do not want Oxygen Consumption to go to Extreme

Well I got my exploring pipe ready.

That port hole should be called the “uncomfortable area.” Everybody gets in real tight and looks dreamy out the port hole.

What beings could possibly know how to be quiet.

Takes a brave man to admit he is scared. It also takes a big loser. loser.

Old fashioned woman hater.

oooh…amnesia…and a quality of un-reality

I could really use some Morgan Freeman to dumb down the science.

Who ya gonna call….GHOSTBUSTERS! look at those uniforms

3 eyes…what a crazy peeping Tom!

My first experience with Cinemagic….was underwhelming.

Well…aren’t we just pleased with ourselves. Mr. Freeze and the fantastic gun slap man.

You guys couldn’t hear that whipperwhil?

Really…had to come all the way to mars to find a damsel in distress

Did you just kiss your freeze ray gun? That’s sounds unsafe.

Neuro Vege Muscular Creature

Cleopatra the freeze gun and engineer

Shake it like a polaroid picture

Breakfast. Hot coffee and vitamins

Oh wait…that aint’ a Tree…I just chopped off your crab feeler….

Other than this annoying noise….how can I tell if this stupid freeze gun is working?

Insta Blind!! Great jorb.

Wait a minute irish…before we have another tree chopping incident on our hands. Let me scan that lake before you touch it.

At least not life as we know it.

Rat-Bat-Spider Nightmare.

Are we flying yet?

The control

Grab the lifeboat out of the spaceship….we did bring a lifeboat right?

Paddle faster!

The 3 eyed peeper!

Geez…your answer is always freeze gun.

Rotating eyeball. that makes sense.

Just one last freeze…goodbye.

Oh look…you can see him being digested.

Stop rubbing my helmet…I’m a big girl.

Tom sure is proud of his hairy chest.

“Check me out.”

Why is tom going righty tighty on that panel.

It’s alright…It’s just a little chest pain.

DId you catch that last message Iris? You didn’t? cause you passed out? Typical 50s woman.

Tom’s lick lipping makes me uncomfortable.

Only kind of woman in this movie….redhead. The first professional woman.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Prince Of Darkness

Prince Of Darkness (1987) – Alright, the end of times is over. All you hobos can go home now. Oh wait. Carry on. Has anyone seen Susan? The Radiologist. With  Glasses. Homosexual Panic

Twitter:

Prince Of Darkness –  Like a Test tube antichrist spitting up evil mouth squirts this movie will make you puke. Panic.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093777/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_of_Darkness_(film)

 

Stuff I Loved:

Latin!

Did The Prince Of Darkness give you that moustache?

Homosexual Panic

The father of Satan!

Crazy Christ

Susan is very forgettable. (The radiologist…with glasses)

Ok. The anti christ has been banished. All the hobos can go home now. oh wait. they don’t have a home.

Got an anti-god complex

apparently in the future…aka 1999 we can send messages back through time. at least as far back as the 80’s. Also, We took to calling the year’s by one-9-9-9…hey…the mark of the beast..upside down plus 1!

The middle child of John Carpenter’s apolyptic triology

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Damnation Alley

Damnation Alley (1977) –  Things you never heard after this movie in 1977. Thank the gods this movie has good special effects to make up for the bad accents. Just watch my style son

Twitter:

Damnation Alley – Perry is dead. It don’t mean this movie is good or bad. It just means Perry is dead.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075909/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damnation_Alley_(film)

 

Stuff I Loved:

Is that mustache for real?

Just watch my style son

Those scorpions look real good

Stop drop and roll was not a thing during the 70s apparently

Who doesn’t want a triangle of wheels on their vehicles. All Terrain!

What accent is it that Peppard is using? He only uses it part of the time. Is it the mustache?

You have 2. Trucks. and everybody else is dead. Do you really need codenames for the trucks to announce who you are when you are talking to each other. LandMaster 1 to LandMaster 2.

Just like your family car…cept…well…nothing like your family car.

“Just call me when you want me to drive this mother”

XERE

Good thing this movie has good special effects to make up for the bad accents.

Great, We spent 2 days on naming these stupid vehicles and practice calling each other and 30 minutes into our trip we kill Perry and only have 1 truck.

I can just imagine them coming home from the grocery store. Stalker!

Bad Point Of View Actor. Actor who can not see the 6000 killer cockroaches surrounding them until they see 1 random roach.

This girl is a scream queen.

Roaches hate fire extinguishers.

I’m sure Scott has never seen the Big Salt Lake Gas Station.

That kid has deadly aim. Poor StringFellow Hawke didn’t have a chance.

The “Tour Director” joke is getting old. We get it. We don’t have anything anymore.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Bad Ass

Bad Ass (2012)  90 min  Rated R

Bad Ass is a 2012 American action film written & directed by Craig Moss, the film stars Danny Trejo, Charles S. Dutton, and Ron Perlman.[1][2][3] It is loosely based on the viral AC Transit Bus fight internet video. A sequel is in the works, entitled Bad Asses.

A Vietnam veteran who becomes a local hero after saving a man from attackers on a city bus decides to take action when his best friend is murdered and the police show little interest in solving the crime.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Ass_(film)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1928330/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Opener: Hey, I don’t know about you guys…but I had an interesting week. Usually I just watch my FilmSack assignments at home by myself. But I decided this time I would combine my new year’s resolution of spending more time with the elderly and watching more Trejo movies…. into one giant night….. of mistakes. On a totally unrelated note…can one of you guys come pick me up at the bus station?….. In Colorado.

Twitter: Bad Ass: Seriously, can you guys come pick me up. My backup plan of selling hotdogs at the bus station to get home has fallen through.  What, No I don’t want a viagra

Stuff I Loved:

Places I get my LA News. LANN. You Tube and the news paper, also, graphitti

Skin Heads on the bus!

Treo looked like a normal kid.

60 ACRES! You was land rich.

Football hero. Small town.  Wait…is Trejo the Spanish Superman?

Suddenly, Vietnam!

Also, Forrest Gump has forever ruined me taking the Vietnam war serious. Damn you Tom Hanks Everytime I see someone getting shot in Vietnam I think “Something jumped up and bit me on the butt.”

Geez man, how long was he in Vietnam. Time enough to get knocked up…twice

Do you take advatage of the GI Bill? Nope….suck it.

Your back up plan is a hotdog stand? Crap, that was my backup plan.

I do not need to see Trejo crying. No sir.

That lady’s hinnie was pretty sweet.

How come Skin Heads are always so happy in movies. Until they get their asses handed to them.

Do not kick my ass while I am sitting down.

hehe…the irony. “I don’t want to fight….but I wear a shirt that say, I’m a motherfucker on the back of it.” Also, baby blue is not your color.

“They called it a drive-along.” I call it keeping your eyes on the Treo.

This movie makes me want mexican food…and occasionally street dogs.

It’s going to be alright biscuit? His nickname is biscuit?

What happens when Bad Asses mom dies.

“Street Cleaning” that is your initiative? Street Cleaning?

Behind the green horse

This movie took a turn for the Blue

What! You are moving in with me? I thought you and your masterbasting son were just staying the night.

Biscuit don’t do no computer crap.

I am starting to see what killed dear old mom. Booze and Smokes.

These guys got a ton interesting names.

You brought fists to a gun fight?

Man Biscuit can’t get a break.

Don’t “Gonna do out best” arm slap me.

Bad Ass does it again.

Oh….Mr….Vega….I…AM…So…Sorry…about…how…slow…I….am…talking….

You have to be a Bad Ass to wear that fanny pack.

Official drink of the Cholo.

This TV is so old it only plays old 90s infommercials.

hehe…gold chain in the grass. Who could see that! Talk about your

Sherlock Trejo. Detective Trejo. Trejo-lobo.

“She’s friendly with the wife.” What a horrible term.

Also, can’t miss it. is a horrible navigation term.

hehe…I can’t spell all that bad language in my head

What about Trejo says “Talk to me like a sarcastic asshole so when I kick your ass no one will feel sorry for you..”

This is like an everyday man’s look at the world after the internet. Dropping names like Thumb Drives, YouTube and WikiLeaks, cell phones and emoticons. This movie was totally targeted for the 60+ crowd. Youth sucks.

Ron Perlman has the best voice

Just an old motherfucker looking for revenge. That sounds like a problem to me.

Everybody has a Vietnam nick name.

Then a bond reference for no reason

Things got real with that garbage disposal

Man. The mouth on that kid

Only another old fart can kick bad asses ass

Oh look. Gas rags on gas containers

You just knew it had to end with a game of chicken involving buses

Want me to tell you what night time phone footage uploaded to YouTube looks like. It looks like spotted dick.

Should have stayed at home with no door

Bad Ass the theme song

Haha….slow motion KO…glaaaargh

Ha! Somebody send an ambulance.

This is like a 60 year old’s wet dream

We had boobies in this movie.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Rollerball

RollerBall (1975) (125 min – Rated: R)

Rollerball is a 1975 dystopian science fiction film directed by Norman Jewison from a screenplay by William Harrison,[2] who adapted his own short story “Roller Ball Murder”, which first appeared in the September 1973 issue of Esquiremagazine.[3] Although it had an American cast, a Canadian director, and was released by the American company United Artists,[4] it was produced in London and Munich.[5][6]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollerball_(1975_film)

Opener:

ooooh….Houston we have a problem. Looks like moonpie just took it to the back of the head in turn 3. Domo Arigoto Mr. Roboto.  yes, may I please have another. Has anyone seen his mom cause I’m pretty sure he’s going to need a juicebox…for the rest of his life.  If you bet on red 22. You win! Brainwavez.

Twitter:  Rollerball –  This wasn’t meant to be a game! Narf. “Help!! Help!! My asian masseuse fell on me!! Get it off…Get it off…she’s so short.” Bam! Erased. Now get out of my house!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073631/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

 

Stuff I Loved:

  • You just taught me about a new font.
  • Oh. Fancy music (Phantom of the opery)

double n to n : Are we winning yet?

Look at that Camera Array. It’s everywhere.

Getting a Hockey/Football/Baseball/Roller Derby feel.

Very Vetted.

Those guys are some souped up motobikes.

Madrid vs Houston.

  • It’s good to see in the future that there is still male on male ass harassment in sports
  • Man look at that young James Caan
  • Check out my moustache and flyback hair.
  • Organ music is the future.
  • Controller test his computerized equipment.
  • All sports of the future are played on roller skates.
  • If you need a cannon to launch your game ball….well…maybe you need to rethink your sport.
  • He must hold the ball out in plain view at all times…well that is just bull frap.
  • Motocycles and big silver balls.

It’s good to see the ref is still blind in rollerball

  • Punch people in the face. Fishhooking. Crotch kicking sure. But if you punch a rider on a bike. That gets you the boos.

He shoots he scores! (go high on the end part.)

  • Nothing better than a shirtless rubdown while talking to the rich old whiteman owner.

“I feel mean”

  • Corporate wars. Now that is something I would watch!
  • the corporate wars….”they were nasty!”

man…only James Caan could make an awesome sport like rollerball sound like cricket. Less talk. More punchies.

Woo…Woo…Swoop…Woo

  • Speedball from Manilla.
  • Polyester Onsie!

I love me a Luxury Center. Get me a privilege card.

A lot of 70s cuties in this movie

  • Energy versions of books?

Wood paneling. So out of style. it’s in style.

  • One of them movie moments.
  • I am going to have to be a lot drunker to watch this movie

It’s all about the chest hair. I has it.

Tv’s of the future are not bigger. Just more plentiful.  

Holy crap. I want me some Daphne sunglasses. Those are hoooot.

Rollerball is international

A mess of nerves behind the ears.

Tokyo team is gonna use karate. Cowboy up Houston.

  • This movie is about rules. But there are no rules.
  • Dancing of the future is very reserved. Looks like we are vulcan dancing.

Did he say The Krunk-o-dile?

Let’s see that hit of the week again! Clothes line…Clothes line. What is the future equivalent of clothesline. Washing Machine!! Bam! Washing Machine.

This movie is more about the human experience than about a crazy sport of the future.

  • I want concessions.

Rich people hate trees. I mean like Laser gun hate.

Time to smack my corporate concubine.

Here…talk into my gameshow mic.

“Help!! My asian masseuse fell on me!! Get it off…Get it off.”

  • Hey…Japanese people are short. I get it now.
  • The Japanese anthem sounds like music from the shire. and other Tolkein crap.

These Japanese are creeping me out with their shogun stares. RONIN!

Hey John-na-thon…Don’t stand so close to number 9. It looks silly on TV. “69”

  • Pretty sure it is not a good idea to wear those big ole prescription glasses while playing a contact sport such as RollerBalls
  • Pretty sure you killed that dude you kicked off the motobike
  • How did your buddy die? Punch to the back of the head.
  • Alright…when you go down with your eyes open…does that mean you are dead…or just incapacitated?
  • A game with so much down time you can literally hangout in a corner with some buddies and form a gang to go attack a stray teammember on the other team.
  • Blooood…we want bloood.

Oh no…this turned into soccer. AKA Football for the rest of the world.

Fan in the rink!!

Hey ref….or ball shooter guy. How about stopping the game after you pepsi’s that one dude…you remember…like michael jackson in that pepsi commercial?

“Your teammate is brain dead. But we were unsure if that was how he was when he came in…or if this is a recent injury?”

Holy Crap. They knocked the brain waves out of moonpie

Negative – Computer voice says. Negative.

Don’t understand why Multi-View TV never caught on.

Bam! Erased. Now get out of my house!

and just in case you forget: no penalties and limited player substitutions

Fight Fight Fight!

We need a MASH unit up here!

It wasn’t meant to be a game? then why do I have this Houston Jersey and bobble head doll of Jame Caan!

  • Ahhh…sheet…this ain’t no game. It’s a murder.
  • Murder Ball!
  • Bartholemeul! Were you not entertained!

I feel dystoped

I need some music for my dystopian movie trope. Dystrope!

Bam. I am da man!

Categories
Filmsack Notes

C.H.U.D.

C.H.U.D. (1984)  80 min  Rated R

C.H.U.D. is a 1984 American horror film produced by Andrew Bonime, and directed by Douglas Cheek with Peter Stein as the director of photography and William Bilowit as production designer. The cast includes Daniel Stern and John Heard and features an early appearance by John Goodman as a police officer. It was followed in 1989 by C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D.

C.H.U.D. is an acronym for “Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller”. However, the alternate acronym “Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal” was mentioned in the film.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087015/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C.H.U.D.

Opener: Oh sweet….Free Ground Geiger…what…yeah this Geiger Counter is free.. Just like when you find a burger on the street. Ground stuff is always free. Except, dog crap….that’s not yours…that’s for the hobo’s. They need it to smear all over their bodies for their street tans. No…that’s not sun exposure…that’s dog crap. That’s why they smell so bad. CHUD

Twitter: C.H.U.D. – I can’t be held responsible for everything that shows up in the sewer….wink wink…nod nod…

Stuff I Loved:

Longest walk ever

I like playing phone games.

Ass pimples. No better way to introduce the sexy lead lady

“Hi Derrick…I totally wasn’t avoiding you.”

Angry photographers are always getting the police called on them…cause they always end their phone calls with “I’m shooting so and so”

That is one nasty street.

Pixie hair of the 80s

Cheap props…Cardboard boxes. You are welcome.

I don’t want to bore you with Crime Statistics…buuuuut…. Kirby doesn’t like to make toys. He’s DEAD!

Why is Bosch looking directly into the camera when talking on the phone….red phone at that.

Audio abruption is horrible.

That bag lady has a dirt tan.

Posing “noood”

They know what’s in it..they can smell it.

Angriest photographer ever. Such morals.

There are a lot of bad phone machine jokes in this movie

Hello, this is Derrick. I can’t get no respect.

What has he been doing? Cleaning chimneys with Mary Poppins?

It’s the wet bandits.

They have the power to shut the sky?

Where did he get a knife like that? I always think of Croc-o-dile Dundee when there is knife discussion in a movie

Bandages…nobody ever wants stinking bandages.

can’t be held responsible for everything that shows up in the sewer….wink wink…nod nod.

You have a gun but no bandages. What kind of person are you?

You afraid of heights? No…I’m afraid of widths and dirty ole bag ladies.

Holy crap…you don’t need bandages…you need superglue

Buck Dancer’s Choice? I don’t get it either.

Ooooh…that was your wife Bosch. I thought she was a street walker. With a dog…yeah…guess it seems odd now.

They’re undergrounders

Information exchange is key in this movie

Oh look. Free Ground Geiger. Free as a Ground Burger…if it’s on the ground…it’s free.

I’m pregnant.

That kid in the phonebooth….No love loss there.

hahaha….The kid is hysterical…Someone did not read the script…

I want every outhouse…shithouse…

I went to this man’s soup kitchen last night…oh Bosch….I didn’t know things were that bad. we’ll get you a raise.

I only wear nude colored clothes…so it looks like I am always nude.

Everybody goes by their last names in this movie

You must be a pretty important fella…fella.

CHUD…the sound your shower drain makes when it clogs up.

Splatter drain!! Blood everywhere….Nah…I’m cool…just busted a main artery in the drain line.

Pump the gas!!