Categories
Filmsack Notes

Predators

Predators (2010) –

eeeek….I’m falling from the sky!!! Oh dear lord…wait…I see other people…phew. oh good…they seem to have parachutes…and yes they are opening…phew…I’m going to be alright….splat. oh no…does my arm look bad. I mean it is in a really awkward way.

Did I remember to pack that one guys parachute….hmmm…meh…who cares. Hey…ya know what…we oughta equip the dogs with those inviso-suits…that would really mess with ‘em

Twitter:

Predators: It’s no Predator in the city….but a Russian guy in a mime shirt on an alien planet with a big gun always makes for the good time. Falling Machette

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predators_(film)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1424381/

 

Stuff I Loved:

Falling Brody.

What a way to wake up….screeeeeam.

Love this music. Classic action film fare. Is that a harp…strings…reminds me of some old school movie music.

Bloody Brody

Hey…a dude on the forrest floor trying to figure out what is going on…didn’t we see this in lost.

Machetties falling from the sky.

Dud…that dude’s shoot didn’t open…sucks!!!

Coool…Big Gun homage to the original Predator? remember that guy….Big gun….big gun chase me.

Jingo!

Why is the french guy have on a french mime shirt.

These people are a bunch of NRA card carrying mofos

Let’s see….we got us….White guy (american…who is really not……mysterious Asian guy…woman (latino)…(…French Mime.)….Black dude (south african)…white guy criminal skin-head..Mexican…Russian…Wonder what ethnicity the dude was that splatted?

Hey is that what’s his face from That 70’s show

Nothing like military fatigues to accent your latin ass.

I am all about a scifi mixed ensemble.

Who would do this? Who would make a big structure in the middle of the woods with writing on it.

Having trouble buying into dumbass from 70s show being the professor

Really…we are on an island…are we in hell…are we already dead? Sheesh…steel Lost much..oh well…I love this kind of story…so I’m rolling with it. Plus the music is awesome.

Scenery is pretty damn cool….love the Amazon kind of look.

Why would a doctor know about botantical crap…is he a general practicioner…what kind of doctor is he.

Coooool. Love the river rocks.

Always on the journey movies…heavy breathing and talk of rest…while one guy who wants to walk the fuck out of wherever he is.

Are we even on the earth?

Magnatism….it’s always about the magnatism. So the people never can find a direction…sun has not moved. This is a little LOST

Everybody holds a piece of the puzzle…and they only give it up to a select few…so all the pieces can’t be put together.

Random drops of stuff as you travel through the forrest. Darma?

Someone dropped an animal. Oh hell…we were chosen…but for what?

There are an ass of them…uh oh.

It’s a booty trap!!

A little bit of Goonies…Indian Jones and Lost…oh yeah…and predator.

Predator Vision….25 minutes in….why are the voices slowed down….guess we must look weird to t he predators

Wait a minute…this ain’t the third rock from the sun

Love when there is 1 guy with no gun…and everybody knows he doesn’t need a gun…cause he really really wants the gun. They are eventually going to give him a gun…so just give him a gun….I guess it is a barometer of how fucked you really are….once he gets a gun…you know it is the suck.

Uh…lost me…Predator dogs.

Looks like Venom almost got it.

Classic close up of dude fighting with a monster…not much has changed in the past 20 years…it’s always some dude holding a puppet and fighting with it.

Hey…Predadogs have one of dem invisible wire thingys.

No man left behind. unless he is a trap. Then fuck ‘em

It’s a trap!

Can they not figure out what tempo human voices are.

What are trackers tasting when they pick up dirt.

We need to know what we are dealing with before we fight them. Nah…fook it…

What kind of bored ass race has nothing better to than fuck with their food. Shutup.

Haha…they pulled a saw on you….that predator in the middle of the room ain’t dead. syke.

Wow…that was long fall…

There is a lot of falling for these guys.

Hey wait…they are in the water…how are they seeing the heat signature.

You would think seeing a camp full of predators would be cool…but it kind of ain’t…kind of like the end of predator 2.

This is my excuse….We needed to know what we were up against….well what did it cost us? one of our own.

I know you have a secret…why don’t you just tell us.

We don’t have a name for them…well…we call them this.

Why would you break down the whole story right in the middle of the movie.

Ok…when the movie started…I thought…yeah…they have a doctor…so if someone gets hurt…the doc can fix them…almost an hour in…dead people everywhere…doc hasn’t saved anyone…he has almost gotten killed at least 3 times….and has identified some botantical plants on an alien planet. Whaaaaa.

Hey!…it’s Laurence Fishburn. Now we can start the movie!

Sleeveless Brody. Do we really need that.

What a crappy way to use Laurence Fisheburn

Flaming Fire hole that looks like a vagina

 What good is a doctor. all he does is complain.

enemy of my enemy is my friend

Alright…you got on the ship…now what? Do you have star charts?

How to catch a predators.

Predators are easier to kill than Predator.

How can predators not get killed with all that HUD crap going on….analyzing stuff.

Brody is kind of buff…and oily.

Predator does the incredible hulk flex roar.

psychopathic botanist

Predators are kind of slow.

They bleed neon green.

Who will survive movies. How good are you at predicting?

Knew Brody would live from the start. Thought maybe Tahoe.

Do like the fact that they didn’t get off the planet.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Empire Of The Ants

Empire Of The Ants (1977) – Alright, The way I see it…we have 3 choices to avoid being brainwashed by the giant ants. One: Fight the humans under the control of the giant ants. Just a reminder…they have guns. Two: Burn the giant controller ant in the gas chamber with this flare I have stuck down my pants which thank the gods has not gone off and charred my man parts or Three: Hold our breaths for 5 seconds and walk out straight out the front door. Flare it is!

Twitter:

Empire Of The Ants – This movie made me feel like Larry dropped by my house and groped me on the couch. GET OFF LARRY!! GET OFF!!

Sorry I’m late…I was getting extra liquor.

Dan the near sighted pirate boat driver…don’t give a damn.

Larry is like…fook it…shouldn’t have twisted your ankle….by the way…if there are killer ants and run on a twisted ankle…gonna run…twisted ankle be damned

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075989/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empire_of_the_Ants_(film)

 

Stuff I Loved:

Treat ants with respect

Warriors! Ant Warriors.

No…I am not frightened.

Am I watching mutal of omaha? When do I see the giant ants?

Obligatory. Mind bending substance.

Ohhh…radioactive waste.

Let’s dump it into the ocean…then we don’t have to look at it.

HG Wells. He’s such a negative nilley.

Unless there are ants at the bottom of the ocean I don’t see where this is going.

I wish I could dump barrels of radioactive waste into the ocean. Can they still do this?

Jaws music….when the barrel is going ashore…this before or after jaws…piano music

Radioactive waste looks like mercury.

Dreamland Shores. Where the waste comes to you

Sorry I’m late…I was getting extra liquor. Cause 1 bag wasn’t enough.

Captain pirate and his earring

Sick people don’t buy property…they barf

She sure likes to remind people about the money she pays people. For boating and sex.

Timeshare cruise

Boozers.  

Cheapskates.

That is a lot of people on that boat….for a 3 hour tour…a 3 hour tour

Sweet. Your worker uniforms look like prison uniforms.

Nobody cares for mrs. collins.

Some ants were drenched in mercury…sheesh.

Are you enjoying all the food I have provided? you are…now buy the land.

Not smart to smile at the girl who is talking to your wife. YOu are riding the boat back alone

Average….1 out of 3 come along just for the ride…aren’t even buyers

Suck it.

Well no wonder…all they are serving is celery. not going to get a lot of buyers with that. How about some meatballs.

Wow…that is forward….groping a girl you just met while on a trip with your wife. Legitimate rape…Knee to the nuts.

Joan Collins was kind of hot back in the day

Piano jaws music…and 50’s alien sound effects.

Apparently ants have really weird vision….looks like a piece of cardboard with holes in it.

Look lady…Why you keep bothering the captain.

Dan the near sighted pirate boat driver…don’t give a damn.

Wow…that lady don’t give up. She has a married man grope her…then feels like going to approach some young guy at a party who won’t talk to you.

Your brain falls out everytime you open your fly.

Hey girly…that is some really high waisted pants.

Sheesh…she doesn’t have a problem with married guys..

His condo is made out of plastic?

Why does Joan Collins have a megaphone. That is like the smallest tram ever…if she uses that…and she did…shit…I would hate to be the front seat of the second cart…shhh…the ants will hear you.

In case you have no imagination…we will post signs where stuff will be…like the pool area…and the shitter. Future Golf course.

Oh…they have sandwiches. This is a fancy trip.

Button fly collars. I need one.

Joan Collins is a sucker…ain’t none of these people got any money.

Why are you looking at the

ants sound like secadas

Giant ant attack was workth it!!

Run…Mary…..wait…I changed my mind…help mary…help..come back.

Best way not to get away from ants…stand there yelling Bob until they eat you.

It’s nothing old man…that noise is nothing…pumping equipment

The Lawson’s are gone.

Oh…I’m an old man…what the hell kind of excuse is that…I can’t look for people cause I’m an old man and something might kill me. You are an old man.

I must save the boat! quick take off my shoes. You got ants on your boat

I have never heard an ant scream…if I knew that shit I wouldn’t step on them

Ants don’t like fire. So…uhhh…let’s just sit around a fire…fuck ‘em

You don’t like me cause I am a woman.

It’s ants…ants aren’t know for waiting around to kill people….now they may be interested in biting your feet…but that is about it.

Ants are sneaky…

All we wanted was to enjoy what was left of our life…

Hey…what are you ….a baby ruth salesman.

Hey…I have an idea…take that candy bar and throw it in the woods…ants love candy bars…just put it on the ground.

You could cover the fire.goobers.

Put the tent over the fire…idiots.

I don’t have to outrun the ants….just the old couple.

Oh good move old people…let’s go this way…away from the rest of the group.

Quick…let’s run into this old shack…we will be safe here.

Why does Joan Collins have a megaphone. That is like the smallest tram ever…if she uses that…and she did…shit…I would hate to be the front seat of the second cart…shhh…the ants will hear you.

Larry is like…fook it…shouldn’t have twisted your ankle….by the way…if there are killer ants and run on a twisted ankle…gonna run…twisted ankle be damned

Women suck at running through the woods.

No wonder all these people died…they like to sit and wait.

Why do the ants scream like girls

Which is worse….alligators in a swamp? or giant ants? Both are pretty dangerous

We lost the old couple…ole what’s their names?

Charlie is dead…I want to stay with him…yeah…no..

It’s time for a good old round of Row Row Your Boat.

You still work for me…is that all she’s got?

Row faster!!

Good thing they gave us the refresher course on ants

See…told you they were gone…let’s just step outside…and…holy hell.

Larry…we aren’t saying it was your fault…we say it was the giant ants…but now…we are starting to think maybe you did have something to do with it.

Which way…it’s fork in the river…one way goes to a waterfall…you just know it

This is a couples movie…everybody has to have a date.

More nipples than a Schumacher  batman movie

Hey….I know…I will head off in this direction by myself.

Oh my God…they are herding us like cattle!! Please tell me Scott captured that.

Uh oh…red vs black…

It must suck to be tiny…can you imagine all the screaming bugs.

Holy hell…you thought the ants were creepy. We just ran into the real creepy people.

These giant ants show up all the time

The sugar factory! Oh shit! Ants love sugar!

“Long Distance Phone!!” Don’t talk to me know…I am peddling sugar. and breaking labor laws.

Car rental place….She gonna bend the rules for you. Locals

Hot wire a car.

Are the old couple the Chick In The Bucket.

How can you stay in  business making that much sugar and not selling it to anyone?

Are the ants paying for the sugar? Couldn’t keep this system up for long.

Are we really taking orders from ants…ants who can’t even walk into a building of sugar without trying to crawl up the wall every few feet and practically falling upside down.

Nom Nom…Sugar covered ants. That has to be worth some money.

Every ant seems to make it’s own noise.

The smoking booth

I counted at least 20 times when these people couldn’t see an ant that was 2 feet in front of them.

Go Joe….ram that truck into the sugar house and set those ants on fire!

ants are exceptionally vulnerable to fire

Women are histarical in the movie….over men they just met like an hour ago.

Joe had a bum leg and could run just fine.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Hardware

Hardware (1990) – No Disassemble, Johnny 5 is alive. No Disassemble. I swear if you disassemble Johnny 5… I will haunt your ass into the dystopian future and destroy you….disassemble.

Twitter:

Hardware – A movie that requires a second viewing but only deserves one. You put me in a no win situation Mr. Stanley. disassemble means dead.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099740/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardware_(film)

https://www.imdb.com/media/rm3735132672/nm0393853

 

Stuff I Loved:

Iggy Pop is Angry Bob

Some cowboy synthetic music to start us off

We are in the sand dunes.

Hand in the sand. It is revealed.

Dude…that barbed wire is so loosely placed…I don’t think snipping one piece in going to really make a difference.

It’s a t2000! or Johnny Number 5

It’s bicential man.

Angry Bob coming at you with no fucking good news. That is the news.

Well if you are going to be a little person. Might as well be fat.

Look at my eyes…do I look crazy…cause…yes…yes I am.

Zone Trooper. I’ve seen his type.

You used to be an elf didn’t you.

Man…lots of little people jokes..being PC I guess don’t count in future world.

The last thing I need in my post apocolypic dystopia world is crazy bob radio man.

Your security is a gang member with a bat. Looks like he came from Electric Boogal00 2.

Bug coffee is the best.

Know what the future dystopia world needs? Artists. Especially the kind that make that fruity yard art.

“You the cabbie?” The guy in the yellow cab boat.

So you been keeping an eye on my girl?

What kind of craphole is this?

Your baby is attached to a dead lady

Stir it around….sex talk.

Look at the size of the lens on that polaroid camera

That dude really needs some internet porn

Grossest fat guy watching porn through a telescope ever.

Stop touching me with your machine hand!

Hey Karma Sutra boy…them candles are going to light your pit hair on fire.

There is a fine line between religion and dropping acid.

This movie thought MTV would still be showing music videos in the future.

It’s in our nature to reproduce

I’m talking about big bucks…savvy

Video phones of the future go static when you hang up

More legs that a spider? I don’t think so…I think spiders have 8 legs right.

Best telescope…is the heat sensor kind…cause nothing looks more like porn than a scramble signal.

Major Good Vibes cigarettes.

Apparently nobody has HD in the future

Relief artist who lives on Welfare. That sounds about right.

All that artist lady does is sleep, weld and sex

Why did the junk dealer record himself  reviewing the security tapes

My heart feels like an alligator.

Johnny Number 5 yes disassemble you.

Too silly for silly town.

Military grade robot. taken down by a dollars worth of spray paint used by a useless welfare artist

Guns are not the most effective way to fight a robot.

Trope…thought you was going to shoot me…not…it was the bad guy behind me.

Hides in apartment to avoid war. Crappy soldier boyfriend brings military grade robot over to apartment.

Asians always flourish in future dystopia world

Am I suppose to know what the fook is going on here at the end?

 I guess we don’t need any help destroying ourselves. Football player cut in half. Shoots his buddy.

Jon Mclain moment. Glass feet in the shower.

Look here Johnny cage….get the hell on with it.

nooooo….not hot water!!

Jill goes all Office Space on the cyborg in the shower

Shades? From Teen Wolf?

After watching this movie I realize the world needs a Stiles and Shades movie.

John Lynch is Shades and Jerry Levine is Stiles…2 of the worst wingmen of all time.

My heart feels like an alligator.

Categories
Filmsack Notes

TimeLine

Timeline (2003)  116 min  Rated PG-13

Timeline is a 2003 science fiction adventure film directed by Richard Donner, based on the novel of the same name by Michael Crichton. A team of present-day archaeologists are sent back in time to rescue their professor from medieval France in the middle of a battle. It stars Paul Walker, Frances O’Connor, Gerard Butler, Billy Connolly, David Thewlis and Anna Friel among others.

Jerry Goldsmith composed the original score, which would have been his last before his death in 2004, but it was replaced with a new score by Brian Tyler, after the first cut was re-edited and Goldsmith’s increasing health problems did not allow him to continue. The film was poorly received by critics and fans of the book and was a box office failure.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_(film)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0300556/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Opener: It’s not like a fax machine! The Book Wasn’t any Better

Twitter: Timeline – If you like movies that involve fax machines and time travel…doesn’t matter.  This is the movie for you…doesn’t matter

 if you like movies with horses and lots of foot chases…this movie is for you!

 

Stuff I Loved:

I never realized that was Gerald Butler

I thought we had already went back in time when I saw that ipod

It’s always tough sacking a film so close to an actors real life death. So, insert bad joke here!

Of course I carbon dated the object. Dur

Time/Fax Machine

So wait….explain it better….So wait…what are you saying…So wait…this makes no sense…so wait….my fax machine is a time machine? So wait….

Do we look like quantum wormhole specialist…or fax machines repairman.

Trope: Tech/Doctor guy who doesn’t trust technology. Especially the type that break you down on a molecular level.

Everybody know what to do when they see Deckard.

If they compare their technology to a fax machine. Say no….I don’t want anything that is like a fax machine.

ok…no glasses in the past…I get that…but give me some freaking contacts then…how about a little laser surgery. You made a time machine…you telling you can’t laser my eyes before I go.

Changed my mind! I want out!

I wonder if anyone would have ever ridden in an elevator if it was that painful.

Oh…hey…we traveled back in time…now I will explain the markers to you. I mean…there wasn’t enough time before we left…we had to go in a hurry…cause…wormhole..

My best 2 men…aren’t even as savvy as the nerdiest scientist.

Trope: If we have a rule about not taking weapons with us…some ass hole will bring one…and get himself killed and royally screw us over. EVERY DAMN TIME!

Shutup! Yes, we have a backup plan. It’s called the Home Depot. GET SOME MORE MIRRORS!

The past is very dangerous

I was trying to avoid the English….which apparently it is possible

We always think we are smarter than people in history because we have some kind of knowledge they do not. Historicism

usually when women go back in time…they have been raped by now.

We are going to escape with our superior intelligence…nope…gonna gang bang the guard!

We are going back NOW…I don’t care where Maerek is. I don’t care so hard…that when we get back home…I’m going to get a shirt that says “I don’t give a shit where Maerek is” and I’m going to wear it everyday and when people ask me when I am going to stop wearing that stupid filthy shirt. I am going take it off and make them eat it and then I am going to follow them around shirtless until they poop it out and then I’m gonna put it back on. Now let’s go. I got a shirt to order….there…i just wrote your movie some better dialog. go whisper loudly about that.

Go Fax your momma about that.

Red vs Blue

if you like movies with horses and lots of foot chases…this movie is for you!

If you like movies that involve faxes and time travel. This is the movie for you.

Movie OCD. There is Greek Fire, Fax Machines, Markers, Trebuchets…says it one more time motherfucker…

hehe…night arrows…aka…regular arrows…shot at night.

I CAN TALK LOUDER THAN YOU!

Damnit Krammer….It’s million dollar baby all over again.

This movie is a lot of screaming. 2 hours of screaming. Good luck

More body hair than a Beiber concert…not that ain’t right…more screams than a beiber concert

Due to Paul Walker’s recent death my Twitter post will not be : Timeline: more screaming than a car ride with Paul Walker. Instead it will be this. Timeline: We miss you and love you Paul Walker you were taken too soon thanks for all the entertainment.

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Categories
Filmsack Notes

The Island

The Island (2005) – alright…in this scene…I need to you to run really fast….and yell…go go go…then we will film a scene where you yell run run run and you…well you get the idea. GO GO GO. I’m Michael Bay!  and there is no Island!

Alright, let’s be for real. If people are doing this…you know people will be doing their pets too. Do you want to go to “The Island?” Huh…yes you do….Going to so send you to the island.

That’s Fair. That’s real fair. That’s so not fair.

Twitter:

The Island – Like Ewan McGregor heading back to the colony after watching a freaked out Michael Clark Duncan. This movie made me sweat.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399201/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Island_(2005_film)

 

Stuff I Loved:

Clones with the education of a 15 year old.

“Hey, How is your world.” Best pickup line ever.

Xbox of the future.

The future is full of flashing lights.

Dood. D-o-o-d

You want to go to the island

Trope: The Future is highly sterilized Black and white.

Women are stupid. They get to go to the island just because they have a baby.

What is that thing on Ewan McGregors forehead.

You do not want to have to chase down a freaked out Michael Clark Duncan

Can not get back to my hole fast enough

Trope: Everybody knows that to brain wash someone you have to have random flashing images of eyes and deers drinking from streams and close up of bees.

Alright, let’s be for real. If people are doing this…you know people will be doing their pets too. Do you want to go to “The Island?” Huh…yes you do….Going to so send you to the island.

You named your clone…Licoln. Do you get to ame your clone?

They are not imprinted with sex…but they are educated to the age of a 15 year old. Where there is your problem. You don’t want a bunch of 15 year olds. Telling them they can’t do something.

Love the Family Cameo

This is by far the best I have ever seen Buscime

What were the 12 stories they imprinted?

Echo generation is 3. Delta means you are 4.

Why would your body pee out those little bots. Wouldn’t it be easier to poop them out?

“Searching The Desert” requires a bunch of rock and roll with camera zooms with fast cuts..and lots of close ups of really sweaty people.

MSN Search. wrong

Apparently in the future you can call a celebrity via video phone just by saying their name

Chick in the box. Ewan’s missing shoe

Categories
Filmsack Notes

Broken Arrow

Broken Arrow (1996) – what do you mean we can set the timer on the thermal nuclear bomb to any length of time with absolutely no code? 99 hours bam. Take your time. Bum Bum Bum.

Twitter:

Broken Arrow – When 2 military buddies suffering from gambling problems go on a road trip in Utah things goes nuclear.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115759/?ref_=sr_6

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broken_Arrow_(1996_film)

 

Stuff I Loved:

The least sweatiest boxing match ever.

Christian Slater’s face is so pretty you can’t even box it ugly

Would someone take the stinking money already

Slo-mo salutes. Ahhhh yeah

Bum bum bum bum.

Go to war against Utah. Gonna kick ass.

Park Ranger…I want to talk to you about your campfire.

Dang. These park rangers are pretty hardcore

Nothing worse than a sit down and buckled up fight. Looks like my kids in the backseat.

Should your seat eject lever really be so close to your co-pilot

Do bombs have parachutes?

We checked for life real good. We probably looked around a good 30 seconds.

Broken Arrow? Crap…let me look that up in the big book of weird military terms.

Christian Slater gets his ass kicked a lot in this movie

No…Howie Long is bad!

I don’t know what the hell is happening….but I am finding $20 dollar bills all over the park.

If the park ranger could get that close to the helicopter…why didn’t she just take the gun and shoot the pilot?

We were carrying nuclear wessles.

Ouch. Howie please do not run me over.

Bullet proof glass…sure. Gas tank made of cheap tin foil. You better believe it.

what do you mean we can set the timer to any length of time with no code?

fully expected burnt corpse travolta to stand up at the end and start shooting