Prince Of Darkness

Prince Of Darkness (1987) – Alright, the end of times is over. All you hobos can go home now. Oh wait. Carry on. Has anyone seen Susan? The Radiologist. With  Glasses. Homosexual Panic


Prince Of Darkness –  Like a Test tube antichrist spitting up evil mouth squirts this movie will make you puke. Panic.


Stuff I Loved:


Did The Prince Of Darkness give you that moustache?

Homosexual Panic

The father of Satan!

Crazy Christ

Susan is very forgettable. (The radiologist…with glasses)

Ok. The anti christ has been banished. All the hobos can go home now. oh wait. they don’t have a home.

Got an anti-god complex

apparently in the future…aka 1999 we can send messages back through time. at least as far back as the 80’s. Also, We took to calling the year’s by one-9-9-9…hey…the mark of the beast..upside down plus 1!

The middle child of John Carpenter’s apolyptic triology

Damnation Alley

Damnation Alley (1977) –  Things you never heard after this movie in 1977. Thank the gods this movie has good special effects to make up for the bad accents. Just watch my style son


Damnation Alley – Perry is dead. It don’t mean this movie is good or bad. It just means Perry is dead.


Stuff I Loved:

Is that mustache for real?

Just watch my style son

Those scorpions look real good

Stop drop and roll was not a thing during the 70s apparently

Who doesn’t want a triangle of wheels on their vehicles. All Terrain!

What accent is it that Peppard is using? He only uses it part of the time. Is it the mustache?

You have 2. Trucks. and everybody else is dead. Do you really need codenames for the trucks to announce who you are when you are talking to each other. LandMaster 1 to LandMaster 2.

Just like your family car…cept…well…nothing like your family car.

“Just call me when you want me to drive this mother”


Good thing this movie has good special effects to make up for the bad accents.

Great, We spent 2 days on naming these stupid vehicles and practice calling each other and 30 minutes into our trip we kill Perry and only have 1 truck.

I can just imagine them coming home from the grocery store. Stalker!

Bad Point Of View Actor. Actor who can not see the 6000 killer cockroaches surrounding them until they see 1 random roach.

This girl is a scream queen.

Roaches hate fire extinguishers.

I’m sure Scott has never seen the Big Salt Lake Gas Station.

That kid has deadly aim. Poor StringFellow Hawke didn’t have a chance.

The “Tour Director” joke is getting old. We get it. We don’t have anything anymore.


XXX (2002)  124 min  Rated PG-13

xXx, pronounced “Triple X”, is a 2002 American action film directed by Rob Cohen and starring Vin Diesel as Xander Cage, a thrill seeking extreme sports enthusiast, stuntman and rebellious extreme sport athlete-turned-reluctant spy for theNational Security Agency who is sent on a dangerous mission to infiltrate a group of potential terrorists in Central Europe. xXx also stars Asia Argento, Samuel L. Jackson, and Marton Csokas.

Opener: What…this ain’t no fancy secret agent party like usual. It’s a German Rave with special guest band Rammenstien. Hmmm…no matinis and I may be over dressed. ahhh…I’ve been shot…oh great…now the crowdsurfing …I should never have deviated from set parameters. Damn you suit!! Why didn’t I listen to my wife and wear my gucci beaver pelt pimp suit.  

Twitter: XXX – James Bond goes all X-games in this spy thriller from the early 2000’s and not once did it Deviate from set parameters. expect that one part throughout the whole movie.

Stuff I Loved:

Death to Bond like heroes by the new bad ass’eries

“What…this is a fancy secret service ball…this is some kind of German Rave.

Two Face Jackson

“Deviated from set parameters.” – who talks like that.

Anarchy 99…they can smell the training on our agents…because they show up to Raves in a 3 piece suit.

Who goes to spy school…for reals.

Apparently, the old way doesn’t cut it. We need the new hotness…not the old and busted…dang…I wish we could have watched Bad Boys instead.

Hey, that dude has a tattoo like all the brand marketing for this movie.

Hodgekiss…Senator Hodgekiss.

Man..this movie looks old. Who uses cameras anymore…he would totes be using an iphone steaming it like to youtubes today.

The Zander Zone? Can I get you a zine to read?

This movie is full of rock. Let the bodies hit the floor….we just had that in the movie last week.

Moral is…Don’t be a Dick….Dick.

Who invited Tony Hawk and crew.

Superman Seat Grab Barrel Roll

Keeping it real…this whole movie.

I got an underground website.

I live for this shit? what… jerked out of the back of a plane.

I am going to throw you a beating.

Superman Seat Grab To The Face….

Somebody might want to calibrate the mini guns on the helicopter.

When Samuel L. Jackson ask you if you want to get on a plane. You say…are there snakes involved? Then you get on the plane no matter the answer.

Anarchy 99 Game.

Good Guy XXX – shows disenchanted teen Anarchy 99 and some parental attention he ain’t getting from his mom and new step dad…who’s a douche for snoring..

cranberry club soda…shaken….noooo!

My friends call me X….since triple X is too hard

“bitches come.”

Check out my old lady fur jacket. Pimp Jacket

x-ray glasses….clothes…oh….can see bra….ooo…wait….too far…i can see her colon/spleen

How hard is it to get european cars in Europe.

This is no time for being fun.

Oh she is making the money sign.

Vin Diesel likes the old cars

Worst cop ever.

Perv’s. You are looking for 1 hour 3 minutes in.

Addendum….1 hour and 7 minutes in….if you are into a pile of naked ladies.

Well what do you know…xXx is not good at taking orders….Go home Xander.

What are they building? A land speeder?

awww…solar powered death weapon. How green.

Blue and Green makes…Death.

I sure hope he don’t need those scientists.

Oh…now you run….

Yo…dudes…you got some diesel in your cave ceiling.

Junction box for alarm includes entire underground lair lights.

If you have a revolver…you have to spin it after you check the chambers…even if the chambers are contains bullets that range from paint to explosives.

All I want is Samuel L. Jackson’s Approval.

I think I should start walking into to room and asking stuff like “Does anybody know how to fly a plane….” “Is anyone here a doctor?….” What other things do people ask a group of people out of desperation.

Would like to see this same philosophy in a kindergarten class.

Snowboarding. Yeah!!

Avalanche!! If you see a mountain of ice in a movie…you know there is going to be an avalanche…or some kinky sex…occasionally you will get an amputation…it’s never a happy story…well….maybe the kinky sex. But as a rule…if they lug the camera equipment to the snowy peaks…something big is going to happen.

You have a bazooka

Yeah…how accurate is that heat seeking missile…but at least they did follow their own rules…they set up the smoking thing pretty early on.

Love the music.


That dude has a remote for everything…how does he keep up with all of them.

isn’t every hard top convertable pretty much have the ejectable roof when you unlatch it at 60 mph

What’cha talking about Vin Diesel. – When he says he wants a video camera

Save us Vin Deisel

Aww…all those poor people are about to be like white lab mice. UNLESS!!

Wait…was this all a test?

What can you do under the water for 3 minutes…I mean…besides die.


Mission Impossible

Mission Impossible (1996) (110 min – Rated: PG-13)

Mission: Impossible (also known in the Blu-ray release as M:I) is a 1996 American spy film directed by Brian De Palma and starring Tom Cruise. Based on the television series of the same name, the plot follows a new agent, Ethan Hunt and his mission to uncover the mole who has framed him for the murders of his entire IMF team. Work on the script had begun early with filmmaker Sydney Pollack on board, before De Palma, Steven Zaillian, David Koepp, and Robert Towne were brought in. Mission: Impossible went into pre-production without a shooting script. De Palma came up with some action sequences, but Koepp and Towne were dissatisfied with the story that led up to those events.

Opener: Oh man. I got some serious lasagna breath going on here and I still have that really hard mission to accomplish where I have to talk to a bunch of high falootin senators at that dinner party. Let’s see what I have in my pockets. Oh good. hmm… Where did I get gum. oh well… nom nom nom. oh that guy look like a fat deniro.

Twitter:  Mission Impossible –  like a Kristin Scott Thomas ventiliquist show. You can totally see the directors lips moving while watching this movie.


Stuff I Loved:

Fat Deniro

Cinema Of The Ukraine.

Voice of Andorian in Enterprise…Kitrick

This tape will self destruct. How old is this movie? Should that CD Self Destruct

I’m telling ya. Emilio Estavez. He is not credited.

Coffee jokes.

You could fit a VHS camera in those glasses.

John Voight. Not since Anaconda.

Is that Netscape

Austa Lasagna Don’t get any on ya.

Would not want bomb gum. I would totally forget. Mmmm….Fruit Stripe!

Best Elevator Death scene.

Watching Emilio Estevez hack with his laptop encouraged me to buy my first laptop.

Man. Hard drives used to be really loud.

She would make a terrible ventriliquist.

A really cool cutout video

A knocked over chair. There must have been a struggle.

very film noir in some of these shots

Somebody hates your team Ethan.

No public phones now a days. What do you do about that? Cell Phones.

my name is The Max

Let’s meet in a fish aquarium cafe.

Tom Cruise run. He has it in his contract. every movie. I must have a run scene. Cause I run really fast…watch me!! Weeeeeee

Tom cruise in the bathroom looking for money is like me looking for money. Lots of throwing stuff around

Searching Usenet Groups. You ain’t gonna find nothing there cept porn and warez

OMG…that email format would never work. Job 3:14 is not a valid domain.

Jim is dead!! He’s dead Jim.

Claire and the sexy frisk down.

‘They are trained to be ghosts.” Like the new  movie

Disco Glasses with built in VHS camera

Cool. A list of Disavowed!

Vighn Raines.

John Voight must have had money….she is way too hot for him

That dude that used to play all the Russian roles.

Phenos Freak.

Thinking Machine Laptops. 386 Risc Chips. Oh boy.

No modem access to the main frame. dur.

Love voice over descriptions over video footage of what is actually happening Very commom in the heist films.

The Octagon

The Octagon (1980)  103 min Rated R

The Octagon is a 1980 action film starring Chuck Norris, Karen Carlson and Lee Van Cleef. It was directed by Eric Karson and written by Paul Aaron and Leigh Chapman. It was filmed in Los Angeles, California and released on August 14, 1980. It is notable for its inventive use of ‘voice over’ effects to portray the inner life of Chuck Norris’s character, Scott James. This was actor Richard Norton’s film debut.[2]

Opener: Alright….I know as Ninjas…we aren’t suppose to talk to each other…buuuuut…Van Cleef is down there shooting a ninja in the back as we repel down. we need a better ninja escape plan. NINJA SMARTER!

Twitter: The Octagon – Like a good childhood Hog story shared with chuck norris….at first it amuses you…then you feel sad ….cause you remembered you ate him..and he was delicious

Stuff I Loved:

Does anyone know? How can they, at the beginning. There is no perspective

Clever title logo – the O in Octagon is AN OCTAGON

Time for a little drummer boy…that means the soldiers!

Uh oh…Tree Ninjas. the Irish vs Ninjas?

There ain’t no French Ninjas…they are too snooty.

Hey man…this ninja is eyeballing me.

“These new round of recruits you brought me are not asian!”

Hey look…it’s one of them haunted baby strollers…nope…they got the mini guns…pew pew pew.

Cut to Norris enjoying a show. Bomp Bomp…Bu-da…Bomp Bomp…

Pretty but not too pretty…just like Ibbott

A.J. did you call me a space cadet?

My pickup line. “I really enjoyed your performance.” Only Chuck norris could pick up a chic on that lame line.

If a girl tells you people tell her…shes a psychic…run…no…run faster


Salt keeps me from puking! Porcelain Worship…what a horrible first dinner date conversation.

There is someone here…haha…inner monologue…now tell me who is crazy.

This was back in the day…when you got stabbed…you died in a movie. Always. Today you have to do the gut move.

I guess that lady wasn’t too psychic. Did she see that knife to the gut?

OMG….NINJA! But they don’t exist anymore

For a minute I thought this movie was going to take a different turn. I thought Chuck had killed that ladies family because he had some kind of ninja flash back

Step forward…haha…sucka! Into the bitching pit.


The coffee shop next to the gym.

2 hours in the sound booth with Chuck Norris whispering inner monologue

Have you hugged your rifle today?

Lee Van Cleef is wearing one of his wife’s earrings.

“So…I ran into some Ninjas last night.”

Look here Winston….go catch some ghosts.

Hey…popped collar…you are next.

Damsel in distress in a fur coat.

“Provided our bumpers match.” I was wrong…that was the worst pickup line.

Dumbass….let a lady take your car.

Wouldn’t it have been easier to just shoot him.

That bitch took my keys!

This is the Ninja weapons rundown montage.


Don’t you miss the days when Dobermans were the bad ass dogs

Would you like to come in….uh lady….I am already in.

LLoyd Liverpool was my Beetles Cover Band name

Dooble dee dooble dee…piano music for tense foot chases. add a moraca for flavor

If you got enough air to scream…you don’t enough air to breathe

mmm….pontiac firebird. Always wanted one.

Do you know what we do to dead people in our ninja drill. Kick your ass.

I’m a Ninja in a tree.Tree Ninja

“I have the most confident looking cheekbones.”


“It makes me stupid…and you a whore.” What an ass.

They are using words that I don’t even know. Rock Heart?

French Ninja! Hey French ninja…say it in English…for the audience…cause I am Asian

Ninja throwing star to the neck!! This has all the best ninja weapons.

They turned my Dojo into a hoe down. wTH

Are you beedy…beedy beedy beedy.

Could Beedy be anymore creepy.

Yeah…give him a chance..let him sit…get your crotch display chair

Gold ole Frenchie.

What the hell does that mean…the constipated type?

I’m with Chuck’s brother…he was a cheater..he was all pushing and stuff.

Wow…it don’t take much to be rejected by your Ninja daddy.

See ya Ninjas….remember…we are watching.

Wow…I don’t feel like a ninja.

2nd week in a row we have seen a movie with a brown cargo van.

Did you just hiss at me?

Fur Mart Building…hehe..what the hell kind of name is that.

Don’t blow on the fur.

A lot of dead brothers.

Chuck Norris wanted to change the world

We have seen some bad ninjas in movies…are these the worst?

Ding Ding Ding…somebody knows how to heighten tension with a triangle.

Nnja Pillow fight!!

You attack Chuck Norris while he sleeps…cause you think he is at this weakest. You are wrong…he is never weak.

Ninja Escape Plan? Get shot in the back as you repel down the building. There is no Ninja Escape Plan.

heheh…forget it…I’ll loan you my shampoo…have you seen my hair

Hey..ole senior one arm is playing chess against the old man in UP

Hey….your truck aint’ got no windshield…or doors!

Everyone assumes Chuck Norris is sleeping with these ladies…but he is a virgin.

Your Hog story amuses me…now I am sad.

Sorry…I don’t have sex…it saps my Ninja Strength…oh what the hell. BOOBIES!

How you reckon you gonna sneak up on Ninja Camp. We are Ninja Camp!!

Awww….the classic…Just stay here in the car woman. Nope…

“Always feel like…Ninja’s watching me!.Invading my Privacy…hiyaa hiyaaa”

“They were Ninja fighting!! Those dudes were fast as…gah…throwing star in my neck! *collapse”

what advantage would it be to the ninjas attacking Norris in their camp to be ninja quite…see this is why the Ninja way is extinct.

What were those dudes doing in the dunkers that required zipping up.

“Don’t kill him!!” Like you could kill Chuck Norris

Chick in the bucket. An actually Octagon!

Expected him to demask the one hissing ninja and him to be a gila monster

You just knew that ninja was going to come back out on fire..

Finally, I didn’t think anyone was ever going to kill A.J.

I see your monkey claw style fighting….I give you…foot to the balls.

Is that Rudy! OMG I’m pretty sure that is Samwise

Wow…that was kind of anticlimactic.


RollerBall (1975) (125 min – Rated: R)

Rollerball is a 1975 dystopian science fiction film directed by Norman Jewison from a screenplay by William Harrison,[2] who adapted his own short story “Roller Ball Murder”, which first appeared in the September 1973 issue of Esquiremagazine.[3] Although it had an American cast, a Canadian director, and was released by the American company United Artists,[4] it was produced in London and Munich.[5][6]


ooooh….Houston we have a problem. Looks like moonpie just took it to the back of the head in turn 3. Domo Arigoto Mr. Roboto.  yes, may I please have another. Has anyone seen his mom cause I’m pretty sure he’s going to need a juicebox…for the rest of his life.  If you bet on red 22. You win! Brainwavez.

Twitter:  Rollerball –  This wasn’t meant to be a game! Narf. “Help!! Help!! My asian masseuse fell on me!! Get it off…Get it off…she’s so short.” Bam! Erased. Now get out of my house!


Stuff I Loved:

  • You just taught me about a new font.
  • Oh. Fancy music (Phantom of the opery)

double n to n : Are we winning yet?

Look at that Camera Array. It’s everywhere.

Getting a Hockey/Football/Baseball/Roller Derby feel.

Very Vetted.

Those guys are some souped up motobikes.

Madrid vs Houston.

  • It’s good to see in the future that there is still male on male ass harassment in sports
  • Man look at that young James Caan
  • Check out my moustache and flyback hair.
  • Organ music is the future.
  • Controller test his computerized equipment.
  • All sports of the future are played on roller skates.
  • If you need a cannon to launch your game ball….well…maybe you need to rethink your sport.
  • He must hold the ball out in plain view at all times…well that is just bull frap.
  • Motocycles and big silver balls.

It’s good to see the ref is still blind in rollerball

  • Punch people in the face. Fishhooking. Crotch kicking sure. But if you punch a rider on a bike. That gets you the boos.

He shoots he scores! (go high on the end part.)

  • Nothing better than a shirtless rubdown while talking to the rich old whiteman owner.

“I feel mean”

  • Corporate wars. Now that is something I would watch!
  • the corporate wars….”they were nasty!”

man…only James Caan could make an awesome sport like rollerball sound like cricket. Less talk. More punchies.


  • Speedball from Manilla.
  • Polyester Onsie!

I love me a Luxury Center. Get me a privilege card.

A lot of 70s cuties in this movie

  • Energy versions of books?

Wood paneling. So out of style. it’s in style.

  • One of them movie moments.
  • I am going to have to be a lot drunker to watch this movie

It’s all about the chest hair. I has it.

Tv’s of the future are not bigger. Just more plentiful.  

Holy crap. I want me some Daphne sunglasses. Those are hoooot.

Rollerball is international

A mess of nerves behind the ears.

Tokyo team is gonna use karate. Cowboy up Houston.

  • This movie is about rules. But there are no rules.
  • Dancing of the future is very reserved. Looks like we are vulcan dancing.

Did he say The Krunk-o-dile?

Let’s see that hit of the week again! Clothes line…Clothes line. What is the future equivalent of clothesline. Washing Machine!! Bam! Washing Machine.

This movie is more about the human experience than about a crazy sport of the future.

  • I want concessions.

Rich people hate trees. I mean like Laser gun hate.

Time to smack my corporate concubine.

Here…talk into my gameshow mic.

“Help!! My asian masseuse fell on me!! Get it off…Get it off.”

  • Hey…Japanese people are short. I get it now.
  • The Japanese anthem sounds like music from the shire. and other Tolkein crap.

These Japanese are creeping me out with their shogun stares. RONIN!

Hey John-na-thon…Don’t stand so close to number 9. It looks silly on TV. “69”

  • Pretty sure it is not a good idea to wear those big ole prescription glasses while playing a contact sport such as RollerBalls
  • Pretty sure you killed that dude you kicked off the motobike
  • How did your buddy die? Punch to the back of the head.
  • Alright…when you go down with your eyes open…does that mean you are dead…or just incapacitated?
  • A game with so much down time you can literally hangout in a corner with some buddies and form a gang to go attack a stray teammember on the other team.
  • Blooood…we want bloood.

Oh no…this turned into soccer. AKA Football for the rest of the world.

Fan in the rink!!

Hey ref….or ball shooter guy. How about stopping the game after you pepsi’s that one dude…you remember…like michael jackson in that pepsi commercial?

“Your teammate is brain dead. But we were unsure if that was how he was when he came in…or if this is a recent injury?”

Holy Crap. They knocked the brain waves out of moonpie

Negative – Computer voice says. Negative.

Don’t understand why Multi-View TV never caught on.

Bam! Erased. Now get out of my house!

and just in case you forget: no penalties and limited player substitutions

Fight Fight Fight!

We need a MASH unit up here!

It wasn’t meant to be a game? then why do I have this Houston Jersey and bobble head doll of Jame Caan!

  • Ahhh…sheet…this ain’t no game. It’s a murder.
  • Murder Ball!
  • Bartholemeul! Were you not entertained!

I feel dystoped

I need some music for my dystopian movie trope. Dystrope!

Bam. I am da man!