The Panic Log

It’s been an exciting couple of weeks topped off by a few days of zero exercise. Here we are again. Panic’d.

I went to bed a few hours ago with sickness and death on my mind and not surprisingly I woke up with my heart racing and feeling confused.

Before i drifted off to sleep I spent a few hours questioning why my head felt weird…there…I said it…it feels weird…I can’t quite nail it down. Possibly a headache…some allergies most likely. Just a general feeling of bleh and inability to focus because of some pressure behind my eyes and in my sinuses. I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to my ability to think and focus and when I lose that I freak out. Also, when I say focus I mean both with my eyes and my mind. I am having trouble with both. Which is typical of sinus trouble. Geez.

Currently, I am trying to avoid waking up anyone in the house. Another big day tomorrow and I don’t want to add to anyone else’s stress load. So here I sit, typing away into the night, trying not to panic all at once but instead allow just a little bit of anxiety to be addressed one irrational thought at a time until I can rest again.

I have built a toolkit of mental gadgets and processes over the years. Not every tool works every time. But if I fiddle with my panic with enough tools I can usually work past it without too much impact on my day to day life.

The one I am using right now is this blog. I already feel better than I did when I started.

Thanks for listening.


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