Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Doom (2005) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Yes? yes, this is Sarge…What am I doing? right now? Oh Nothing much, Just sitting here shirtless in front of my computer shopping for shirts that I will most likely outgrow in a month. What’s that? Semper Fi, Shop or Die? oh yes…very clever sir.

So, what can we do for you today? Are my guys up for a quick trip to Mars by way of the bowels of the Nevada desert? Yeah, we can do that. Hey, has anyone told Elon Musk we found that portal? No, so he’s still shooting his cars into space? Man, he’s gonna be so bummed when he finds out. Sorry rocket man, maybe smoking pot can be your new hobby..

Anywho, Hey, while I have you on the line sir….can you look into getting me access to one of those BFGs for the barracks. The other guys here never invite me to indoor batting practice anymore and I feel like a Big Friendly Gun would really go a long way towards making things right.

Hey! Wait a minute…Reaper! As in Grimm Reaper…because his last name is Grimm….ohhhh…I just got that.  Now my handle seems kind of lazy….Sarge… Doot Doot




Doom (2005) – Like an extra chromosome of bad movie making. Doot Doot


Year 2026 Portal to Mars (The Ark) In Nevada…who made it? Musk?

Mars has gotten a lot of bad movies about it.

How did that portal work the first time? You go in…you are on mars…and dead.

Lab coats run!

Doctor Carmack…hehe…he is out of here…just like ID software

LVL 5 Break! Quarantine.

Just computing shirtless.

That is some weak game system or 2026

Pretty sure you should not be taking batting practice in the barracks.


You hesitate…people die.

Stairway to heaven. Elevator to hell. It’s always easier to go to hell.

standard quarantine…6 hours.

Portal Ball…

Wheels! He lost his ass to another universe.

What…they don’t have bras on Mars?

Reaper Grimm…I GET IT!

Got to mark the way.

This movie is dark.

dummy…don’t touch stuff when an asshole tells you to touch it…electrified!

Who had the BFG schematics pulled up.

Lucy…found on Mars!

Who was Daddy Grimm? Why did he teach them to look at how many chromosomes?

“You don’t shield a baby from time” -Grimm Speak

Just gonna Van Gogh myself real quick. Rip my ear off.

Carmack. Logic before emotion. I wonder what Carmack thought about his namesake character?

Little green pills! Doot Doot. Let’s get jacked. Doot Doot. Adrenaline. Doot Doot.

ow…arm gore. I took him name in vain…so going to poke my vein

Nah Nah… I don’t do Nano Walls.

“A Monkey…Some kind of monkey!”

Look at the size of that needle they are taking his blood out with. LOOK AT IT!

Everybody is always talking about bagging and tagging…but I never see the bagging or the tagging.

Portman is weird…did they dub all of his dialogue?

Grimm lost his parents.

Pinky no legs. pinky wheels.

Dr. Willittits!! NOOOOO

Great melee move Reaper

He dead

is she going to scream every time Goat bangs his head on the glass?

BFG Big Friendly Gun

Portman has nervous bowel

haha…Destroyer cage match with what used to be lab assistant Johnson.

Destroyer got destroyed.

Why do they have test animals if it is archaeological research.

Chromosome 24

Carmack is a rocket scientist

Chromosome will either make you an angel or a devil

Pinky must have been extra evil

Everything after Grimm’s C-24 injection was a dream?

The whole movie should have been like the last 20 minutes




Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Young Guns (1988) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Look, no intro that I could write imo would be funnier than us live sacking the Time-Life Books “The Old West” Commercial from the 80s.

Scott, Roll that beautiful bean footage.

Hmmm, well apparently I was wrong. Maybe I should have went with a “where are they now” angle…winning.

This has been great experiments in Sacking! that can’t all be great.



Young Guns (1988) – Like a game of “hey don’t look now….but Emilio is showing you his finger penis and now you are violated.” A game nobody wants to play in 2018.


Were these credits filmed in the 1800s….nope…the 1980s

I dig this chill music.

These are the most pretty cowboys I done seen.

now shoot the guns!

Uh oh…looks like another hanging.

Keifer is Doc

Fight fight. Navajo…Navajo. Mexican Indian.

“Who are them?” – William

Chavez has 3 throwing knives.

Pigs are smart as dogs. will this come into play?

Chavez Chavez. Why do they keep repeating his names.

Regulators mount up. I can’t hear that whole spill without singing the song.

Charley Bowdre: We work for Mr. Tunstall as regulators. We regulate any stealing off his property – we’re damn good too! Mr. Tunstall’s got a soft spot for runaways, dareless, vagrant types. But you can’t be any geek off the street, gotta be handy with the steel, if you know what I mean, earn your keep.

William can read!

Stop hacking on me.

Billy does not do well with hogs

Jack Palance always eats up the scenery.

That’s a Farging lie and you know it! – Dick Brewer

It’s always about the government beef deals.

or…is it a family thing? Old school mafia.

Let’s go talk private like over by the pig stalls…

Kicking Chickens! This guy! – Jay (one of murphy’s boys.)

We done made gentlemen out of William.

Spinning guns…it’s a hobby in the old west.

Shooting shit ain’t funny Billy.

Emilio Estavez laughing is always upsetting.

Was this the first time I heard the term Talywacker?

Some of this is somewhat true…very somewhat….as far a legend goes. It helps this movie if you know cowboy lore?

I actually like how Keifer is playing Doc.

“Dance with Susan…it’s safer” – Locke

The proper use of You and I has been the subject of many fist-a-cuffs.

No fireworks for the New Year? No problem. We all have guns and bullets are cheap…apparently. Pew pew pew.

That is one fance bird.


Boys will be boys… Yeah…this music has taken a turn…nothing good can happen here.

There are too many and we are still drunk! Get out of here.

Deputize these fools. Are you crazy

Bad Medicine? Is it time to break out the Bon Jovi?

When you want somebody killed…you send in Billy….if you want him retrieved… send someone else.

Billy takes a little too much pleasure in the killing.

Penis Pistol Shot

Did Billy land in the pee and shit outside the lean to toilet?

You weren’t supposed to smoke anyone. We are the law.

Blood, Brains and Balls.

How much Chaw is McDermont going through in a day.

oh man.. Doc does not take “no” very well.

Well that escalated slowly.

Can they not cover up the murders? I mean…surely you could hide a few bodies.

Chavez Chavez gonna take the boys on a trip.

Keifer is tripping balls

Prolly not a good idea to do guns and Peyote.

Cocka doodle damn doo…hey guys! Hey guys!

I’m here butterfly.

Don’t Peyote and mount up.

Hey dog…dog…did you see the size of that chicken?

I have a feeling them Native American’s have seen some shit.

Peyote makes Dermont hungry.

Chavez is sitting right there! Don’t call it a heathen religion.

When the Young Guns meet the Old Gun.

Regulators done f’ed up.

We got to keep the gang together.

“Hey Steve!” … Whaaaat!?

Has Doc killed anyone yet? or just the horse?

i seen red smitty hang

“does a horse piss where she pleases?” guy in a bar

It’s John Kenny! Ride!!

Sow the wind. Reap the Whirlwind and it’s a whirlwind out there.

…It’s a 100 against 5

Pals is like family and it ain’t easy having pals.

Oh Charlie…you should have stayed.

Thank you very much Charlie.

Now that was overkill shooting Locke with a Gatlin Gun.



Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Cabin Fever (2002) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

What’s that? Do I have a scary story to tell around the campfire after a long day of being clueless college students on a rampage of ignorance, sexual desires and general tom foolery all in the name of Nuguet? Why Yes…yes I do.

Here then, let me tell you a tale about that one time I heard a weird and unsettling story about my local bowling alley…. or as I like to call it….every story I have ever heard about the local bowling alley.

But first. Look everyone, the director of our movie has decided to inject himself directly into the movie and play the part of Marijuana Jesus; see how he brings enough pot to feed the 5000. Duuude…I’m totally gonna be Smokey the clown.

Anywho, does anyone else feel like they have the cooties? because my crotch is feeling more cootirific than usual. Say, can you guys check me for crotch cooties? I’m sure they are fine to touch. Go ahead….touch my cooties. HA HA…now you have the crotch cooties as well. Hey, let’s go wash them off in the stream!





Cabin Fever (2002) – like a movie you are pretty sure that the entire cast was paid in pot and bottled water…Faced


This looks like it was filmed with film…scary!

Quiet opening…with flies and dirty shit… DECAYING…FASTER…

Nooo…PEter Rabbit!

That is a woods of death.

Duuude…your dog is not snoozing. Also, you gonna smoke that swisher sweet or chaw it?

aww…PSA…don’t go to college…it fucking sucks. I got news for you….

Don’t bogart the smokes or that GBA

The Backseat is not happy.

Put ‘er there sport….yep…I would bite his ass as well.

“Everybody knows….” You don’t sit next to Dennis.

Hey Pal….Hey Mister…Hey Kid…names they call people in horror movies.

Pretty sure washing your hand off in the creek after getting bit…not a good idea. Patient Zero.

He hates humans but likes dogs…go figure.

That store clerk is a bit talky….AND RACIST!

You see that empty spot…used to keep Shirley Temple Glasses…but not since the lady for the Palsey…poor soul.

“Boy, you wanna give me one good reason why you would steal a Snickers bar?” “The Nouget?”


These kids are really the worst. We got the party animal? The lawyer? The just along for the ride…and a couple of chics with no personality thus far.

Bunyan Mountain Getaways

Paul is the worst. 5th wheel?

man…this movie should be called…Stuff you Eli Roth shouldn’t say. Using the word gay as a slur. The N word…twice! and Retard…

Oooh…We are going to approach the subject of Friend Zone as well.

Good…at least Karen is a photographer…it’s not much…and we learned that Paul and Karen have been friends for a very long time.

ok…weird sex scene. At least it’s fun…I suppose? lighthearted?

This is uncomfortable to watch. Especially with patchy chest hair and pits. Is this the 70s? 2002 you could man groom right?

haha…why did you shoot me? is your name chuck? first name wood?  Whoa

“Are you fucking Smokey the Clown.” – Brent

Is that your cabin? NO!

Bert gonna just leave the guy in the ditch.

Brighton Bowl story.

Ball-Peen…Hammer to the head…tied in a circle.

Slut…more words.

The Bald Guy…they are talking about Ibbott….smiling in the ball return.

haha…the I’m cool dude. “I’m cool…I’m cool.”

haha…Scratch-moded. and his dog. yeah…he’s cool…this is Dr. Mambo. “Yeah…he’s a professor…OF BEING A DOG! oooh! faced…”

This is exactly how Eli Roth auditions go… “no…I don’t want to be in your movie…oh…is that pot…awesome.”

Oh…so you are like a skater…that is your occupation? Grim. Justin….

Burn the hermit…shoot the hermit…don’t touch me hermit.

Nothing but beer may work out if the water is contaminated.

I specially requested water with no Hermit flesh in it.

The guys went in the entirely opposite direction of the girl.

You city boys never seen a country girl gut a pig. Now listen to my hollering.

We already been to town today.

haha…it was totally Henry…Henry the Hermit! We burnt his ass up. Your cousin is so dead.

You should always wear a life preserver while on a boat…unless you have your own built in.

good one…great use of the Butt cam. What a weird shot…I mean the movement slowed down and the audio ramped up….we couldn’t even see the house in the background.

Officer Winston/Olsen is a creep.

“They all know you got 5 pounds of dangling meat…” “Yeah I know that phrase.”

Hey…when I go party up in Wambusau

Dr. Mambo is back…and

This is all Jeff’s mom’s idea. Let’s get a cabin.

Under the gun… faster Bert.

Well…this is inappropriate behavior…also, gross…I do not need that much audio during unrequested fingering.

Say what you like about Bert. He’s a dick…but he’s the only one with any survival skills. Good Guy Bert…trying to save everyone.

Karen…you are making our point with your grossy face sores.

Jeff is dick.

Shit Bert…you just lost the bet…and your life.

They did not stay outside for Karen.

The disease works for the inside out and attacks the groin first.

haha…something about that truck…that is when everyone starts spewing blood.

Bert…man of action. While everyone else is talking and cowering

Her reaction to stressful situations is to have the sex? Yeah…that’s not a thing…haha…I’m healthy…and I’m just gonna wash my dick off with fire.

Pancakes!!! Pancakes!! Damnit Dennis….don’t kung fu at me with Pancake style.

Lucille’s problem! Fenster…Rifle.

Fenster…We’ll need the kit. Whats in the kit?

It’s in the water! Now you are in the water!!

Marcy does some weird shit to handle stress.

Dr. Mambo ate all that he loved.

Faced…he had to face her…Faced! His love was so superficial.

He done gone kill crazy

Wait…if they killed the director…who is making the movie!!

Now he’s killing the wildlife…he’s on a rampage!

haha…Winston…what about the Tow Truck…

Shoot ’em on site.

You heard that Walkie Talkie Dude…

Swallowing a harmonica…could be worse…no…no it couldn’t

At this point he is making no effort to NOT spew on everyone.

Harmonica Tooting.

haha…wheel chair nope guy…nope…

He looked like Bert’s Marshmallow.

Paul is taking a trip.

Why did you go back to the cabin fool?

Why does Winston think there is another one in the basement?

Who are these people drinking all the creek water.

Yep….5 cent lemonade is what you should pay for creek water lemonade.

So the Hillbillies are the good guys?

The Bunny Man in the credits is listed as We will never tell.

Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Pearl Harbor (2001) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

and welcome volunteer suckers….err…sackers. This week you may have made the bad life choice of agreeing to follow us into battle against Michael Bay’s 3 hour epic love story meets shoot ’em up meets I need another cup of coffee so I can stay awake until one of these stupid  childhood friends dies for good so I can go to bed already! Will he…won’t he…will he…oh shutup I stop caring 2 hours ago.

Anywho, You know who needs a beating? Rafe, A kid that nearly destroys half of the crops by messing around in his dad’s expensive crop duster on the tails of the Great Depression! That’s deserves a face paddling. In fact, this whole movie deserves a whooping! We need to head down to the hangers and replace the props on a few of those planes with paddles…. and then line these suckers up and administer some high rpm whoopings! You want a second dose of that Affleck? Here…have another…have all ya want!

Oh man…when did I become such an angry old man of 46…I used to pull for the spirited youth in movies…now I just want to punch ’em. I want to head over to Clint Eastwood’s house and grab a beer and a bat….. and march down to Affleck’s house and….oooooo..

alright…no more late night movies with coffee for me…I may have a problem.

Hey Affleck…Surprise attack!



Pearl Harbor (2001) – Like Batman doing batman shit in a WWII Fighter Plane. It’s Bullshit..but it’s very very good bullshit.


MICHAEL BAY! I wonder if this film will have stuff blowing up. Wait…it’s Pearl Harbor…it better have stuff blowing up!

Dogfight! in the backseat Spell it right Rafe. You can’t spell Ruder. Rafe is a fucking genius.

This is why I yell at my kids….

Mess with Dad’s stuff…that’s a beatin…ya Nazi

Man…this movie sounds great. I miss the days of Spielberg and Lucas.

Fast forward to WWII…soldiers and nurses in a far away land.

Batman doing batman shit. It’s Bullshit..but it’s very good bullshit.

Come on guys! We got nurses waiting! also, nurses can dance by themselves.

Is stuttering or speech impediments funny?

All these soldiers have issues.

Ma’am don’t take my wings. if he wasn’t as cute he would have failed.

These nurses are fancy.

Waiting on an animal cracker scene

Why would I want  to fall in love with any of these characters since I know this is a war movie…who’s gonna die?

A drop…not a smear!

A magical movie moment kiss. Ruined. Going down

Something to fight for. Something to live for.

Some really epic shots in this movie.

You shouldn’t test your loves. She loves me.

Dear Rafe, I’m on the beach getting some rays…hope you are enjoying your cold ass war.

Remember…he slapped your momma.

Backwards Stuff Sometimes Is. No worries. Nurse needs a project.

Bunch of Hooligans.

Noo…WWII Flying ace!

Going down!

ugh…letters keep coming.

For 3 or 4 months these soldiers and nurses had it pretty great.

You do not scoop up your brother’s girl when he is Dead

Do a Barrel Role.

Uh oh. Morning sickness

Spine tingles…goosebumps….a guess

Here comes the real surprise attack. Rafe is back!

Shoot ’em from behind!

Bar brawl!! I’m back from the dead and I’m mad as hell.

Why are these kids out playing Little League? How early is that? On A Saturday? Nope Sunday.

Ahh…the roller coaster of having a brother


Let me show you how to Cook! Pew Pew Pew. How do you like your Sushi? Raw…Pew pew pew…SAKE

We took a lot of damage.

I’m helping these patients! and It’s gonna hurt.

Get some guns in that tower!

Playing chicken with these Jap suckers.

Can not say I am enjoying watching Ben Affleck doing his midwest trash talk.

Fight tha fight. Give the blood. Rescue the harbor.

Oh it’s on now. You can’t attack Merica. Time to fire up the industrial machine.

This is not going to go well.

I like sub commanders…they don’t have time for bullshit

Cuba…earning respect by punching faces and shooting guns.

oh boo hoo…you made a deal with God. You got what you wanted

Rafe..I’m pregnant…what!? Is it mine? Wait…we ain’t ever done nothing! waaait a minutes…is that Danny’s baby!

God…if you just let me not drown here in this plane and let me get back home to see my beautiful, faithful girlfriend….and my amazing best friend Danny. I promise I will never look at plane porn again or drink cheap whiskey.

What’s in Rafe’s little box? awww…bummer…just some letters.

We are the tip of the swrod

Is that one anti-aircraft assistant pointing with a knife?

Really gonna piss off the Chinese if you land in their rice paddies.

Rafe…I think I got sumptin in my neck.

This movie sucks.

Oh come on universe! Every time I send a man off to war he gets killed. I got to suffer through it twice!?

OH NO! The Family Drama. He better live…You know Bay likes his surprise happy endings. Wait…whose the daddy?




Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Full Metal Jacket (1987) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Movie Sergeant Dunaway here, your Senior
Sack Instructor. From now on, you will speak
only when spoken to, and the first and last
words out of your filthy mouth holes will be “Huh!”

Do you basic grubs understand that?

(Huh) Exactly.

Also, I can’t hear you. Sound off like you watched this weeks movie and enjoyed it.

Johnson, your new name is Grossman. Cause you think stuff’s gross. Good job.

Ibbott, I’m gonna call you Boris …cause you do a really funny Russian accent and also  because you are a little squirrelly. Like moose and squirrel. Say the thing!

Jordan, you will now answer to  Dicks…because that one time you made me laugh when you said something about a bag of dicks.

Now choke yourself. That’s it….ahhhh yeah.

Dicks, tell us about your job this week.


Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

“Local South African dance choreographer and ass blaster impersonator Chance Naidoo here.

Please step back white people. I am about to blow your collective minds as I light my ass on fire and rocket skyward as if….well… as if my ass were on fire. Be envious as I do those really sweet vertical leaps using only my crazy strong calf muscles…yes…just like in National Geographic.

Uh oh. Things have gone horribly wrong! It appears instead of lighting the fuse to my home made phosphorus device… which I have stuck in my bum… I have mistakenly lit my penis on fire. Which I sometimes refer to as my “Graboid.” Damn these authentic South African Tribal Dance Attire and their crotchless fashion sense.”

Said no South African ever. Always be running.