Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

GoldenEye (1995) – Filmsack Show Notes


oh hi,

Hold on just a second. They just delivered my mid 1990s v0ice activated Russian virtual assistant that is programmed to only respond to English performed in bad Russian accents.

Wow, it’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be! It’s like the size of a microwave. In fact…I think it is a microwave. No wonder shipping was like 7000 Rubles. But hey! Hot lunch!

Ok, there is a sticky note attached…”To activate…just ask your stupid American question….slug head…” oh…how rude… “flip note” … “just kidding, we are totally not always listening. Please use the wake word ‘Hey Natalya’ followed by your request.” oh…ok…I think I get it.

Hey Natalya, set timer for 6 minutes. No…I said 6 minutes. 6…minutes… Ok guys, this thing must be broken it keeps setting the timer to 3 minutes. Which is fine for a baked potato but not if you are trying not to burn the Beans, Sean Beans. Shaken but not dead. Oh sorry…wait…and…now he’s dead.

Alright guys, For England…

oh yeah and…“screw you, I said no Odd Job” or something like that.



Goldeneye (1995) – Like making your safe word “Xenia, I can’t breath.” Meanwhile in Cuba, unnecessary Crotch shot!


  • Hey is that Remington Steele?
  • Bring on that sweet James Bond Intro!
  • Oh…it’s a quickie…just gun and blood.
  • Dam plane
  • Is that Tom Cruise? He is running like he needs to be Tom Cruise
  • We need some bells shaking for this intense Dam jump…weeee
  • Bungie!
  • Meanwhile at the Chemical weapons shot in the USSR 1995
  • That gun can do everything!
  • Oh yeah…it’s 1995…nobody shits with a newspaper anymore
  • We all wanted Pierce Brosnan to be James Bond…how was his tenure?
  • 006 Sean Bean…shake them bells! For England Alec!
  • He would have been sooner but he had to stop off in the lou!
  • Alec just shot that Russian scientist in the back. Poor Show old man..poor show
  • Alec thinks half of everything is luck…and fate the other half.
  • Set timer for 6 minutes. Is that going to be enough time?
  • The double 0 teamup
  • The Sean Bean kill to death ratio is pretty good.
  • bump to 3 minutes
  • Gee I wonder if they will fake Alec’s death
  • Don’t shoot…you’ll blow the gas tanks.
  • A bum rush would solve this shoot…don’t shoot. Squeek…squeek
  • Geez man…why were those barrels under so much pressure…they came flying out of there.
  • All these poor Russian guys just doing their job at the plant and 007 is just doing his thing.
  • This Russian bad guy is the king of “Wait…let’s just see where this goes…” A little too easy.
  • So which half was luck and which half was fate?
  • Pluck pluck pluck pluck!
  • Ahhh…here we go…the intro. Funky
  • Goldeneye! I hope the bad guy really has a Goldeneye…you just never know with a bond movie.
  • Do I need to listen to the lyrics to predict the story.
  • 2 faced girl! Is she a double agent!?
  • Honey trap…it’s in the song..
  • 9 years later! Why he has hardly aged a day. So that would set the opening scene around 1986…Russia
  • Hey, it’s the next girl…Funky beat…funky beat
  • Scratch that record…weee
  • Can I tell you the number of times I have gotten into a “size of my penis” contest while driving?
  • Those cyclist are lame.
  • Leather seat frolicking and smooching are my least favorite sounds in a movie.
  • France? Countryside?
  • High stakes poker game for them high stakes car drivers…tuxes and fancy dresses
  • Those cards have no numbers or backs!
  • None of these French words sound French. is it French? Italian?
  • Vodka Martini…shaken and not stirred…or straight up with a twist…oh…On A Top!
  • Damnit…mimes! Why does it always have to be open air theater mimes in France!
  • use my monoscope to tack Yatch Manticore! On A Top
  • Note…that helicopter
  • No contact! Don’t do it James
  • Xenia Warrior Princess of the crazy bed lady.
  • Apparently their safe word “Xenia, I can’t breath” was a poor choice….for him!
  • These French workers are very French…
  • odd…she ended up being On A Bottom
  • The electronic Battlefield. The Tiger is Stealth and Hardened against EMP and so forth
  • You know the French and their airforce
  • Meanwhile Space Weapons Russia…a bunch of dogs
  • Select Mir…space station
  • This computer is voice
  • Boris would not know a woman if she came and sat on his head.
  • You know Russians…they like to sit around and use English with heavy Russian accents.
  • They are right in front of you and they can open doors
  • password: Knockers
  • The American’s are slug heads….they will never detect me.
  • You sit on it…but you can’t take it with you…the password. No way…I spiked them.
  • This movie is like one long “That’s what she said” gag.
  • Boris sent them a spike
  • A lot of voice recognition software in Russian in 1995
  • ahhh…Test fire GoldenEye…it’s a weapon then!
  • 2 satellites available
  • Fire the GoldenEye…I am timing you.
  • To fire the Golden Eye you need 2 keys and a UMD disc?
  • She likes killing a little too much.
  • They just hiding the GoldenEye in a space box?
  • Durn Russians and their Nesting Doll Satellite technology
  • Their best response time is 19 minutes..they’ll be late
  • Did she just lick that coffee off the floor! gross!
  • Moneypenny actress is played by Bond…Samantha Bond
  • Sarcasm I would talk to my Children…thank you very much
  • Space based weapon GoldenEye
  • This lady is a cat! 9 Lives and all that.
  • They EMP’d their own place. Also, I don’t think EMP works like that.
  • Natalia…that computer is off.
  • Why is everything trying to kill Natalia!
  • GoldenEye is a nuclear explosion in the upper atmosphere to generate an EMP
  • oh thank God! The puppies are ok!
  • Boris and the girl are alive!
  • Air Bag Phone Booth
  • 3 click explosive pen
  • I promise to buy a lot of IBMs…I just need to test them first
  • Crazy American.
  • Durn drafty churches.
  • Nothing better than Russian interpretation of “Stand By Your Man.”
  • Onnatop spends a lot of time on the thigh master
  • James Bond nap to the back of the neck
  • Where we gonna store all this Soviet stuff?
  • This whole Sean Bean story is twisted around and around.
  • I said 6 minutes! Not 3 minutes
  • haha! Bond saving himself and the girl using his head…literally using his head to eject from the Eurocopter
  • The only way to calm a hysterical lady is with a Bond Hug
  • Bond uses a lot of spray and pray
  • Trust me…this belt will only hold my weight….so long lady
  • Love the Tank Chase! Who else could make that look cool?
  • I think our mid-tier bad guy may have a drinking problem
  • that is one bad ass soviet era train!
  • James Bond and his sneaky tank…how the hell did he get ahead of them?
  • Ramming speed
  • That is always the solution with a train…full speed! Ram him!
  • “Why can’t you just be a good boy and die.”
  • Tastes like strawberries.
  • Arse, Butt, CHAIR
  • Boys with Toys
  • Meanwhile in Cuba. Crotch shot!
  • It took a helicopter to squeeze Onnatop out
  • Hidden Dish
  • This was nominated for special effects? miniatures and reverse video
  • Target is London Baby!
  • It’s all about da money
  • So I know what you are thinking…did I click this pen 3 times or 20?
  • Boris would be a faster coder if he used both hands
  • Did we establish that Bond was a good card counter earlier to imply that he could count the number of pen clicks?
  • “I am invincible!”
  • Apparently nobody ever just wants to kill Bond…they want to talk about killing bond….
  • Killing Sean Bean is not enough…no we have to smash him as well.
  • Yes! I am invincible!

Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

The Mask Of Zorro (1998) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

and come right on in Senoritas. I am your party host Capt. Harrison Love and I welcome to you to my humble little abode….. “The Love Shack.” ahhh right.. come on in. Let me take your coat and any sharp pointy sticks you may have…

Now I can see some of you look a little confused. You may be asking yourself “where is that smooth talking, sun kissed god of a guy in the mask” that my soldiers may have promised would be at this party. Obviously, I am not he…no..not this loud splotchy peckerwood you see before you…but don’t fret… I’m about to change all of that….cause we are about to get so hammered that by the end of the night I will have gone from a 2 to a woooo…

Now, would you ladies care for something to drink? I have a tea pitcher full of Tequila with a man’s head in it. No? How about a pickle jar with Three Fingers of Jack…literally…those are the three fingers of jack.

Well boys it looks like it is just another night of angry faces and Settlers of Catan…drink up!…. ptt…pttt… Oh I got a hair..



The Mask of Zorro (1998) – Like hugging a giant cactus with your junk. A bit painful at first but so exciting!


  • Mask of Zorro
  • It’s Zorro and Amblin! The Mask Of Zorro
  • clip clomp clip clip clomp clippity clippity clippity! faster!
  • Like eye holes in a leather tent thing.
  • I think they are yelling for Freedom.
  • “What are you doing cutting holes in my Wagon!? – Senior Lopez!
  • Senior Lopez makes the funeral boxes.
  • yay! it’s the leader! We are cheering!
  • Snuff box…snuff!!
  • All the Dons get their lands!
  • The Children want to see! But we don’t want the children to see!
  • 3 peasants pulled at random from the crowd to lure Zorro!
  • these 2 kids love some Zorrrro
  • oh no! The ass poke of Zorro.
  • Zorro is good at making his opponents appear foolish
  • Balcony full of sharp shooters…no match for these two young men.
  • Zorro wins because the people love him and support him
  • Zorro does math and acrobatics!
  • It was a good day…now give me the pendant…I wear the pendant of Zorro on Tuesday and Wednesdays.
  • Tornado is the horse. Way better name than Roach…and he has been using the curling wand. Zorro is way to busy with the fancy
  • Zorro had a baby…and has to settle down. It happens
  • Zorro is a Prince!
  • She broke the little clay horse! That little Zorro shit kid.
  • 5 Children…will he make it? Not at that age.
  • Don Raphel in my home!
  • Zorro was the Batman of his time.
  • “Blood never lies…Zorro” Traitor his County and his Class…Class warfare!
  • Zorro is better with his mask
  • you shot our love…stab the chunky guy
  • Your child should have been mine! Too bad
  • Well I guess he is just taking the baby.
  • Hairy Banderas
  • Nobody is tuff as Jack
  • Horse Thieves! The Murrieta Brothers
  • When Bulls start wearing …something something.
  • 3 Fingered Jack and his 2 toilet roll fingers
  • hugging a cactus bush neek’id that ain’t no good
  • That fella is a pretty good shot.
  • Spit and shoot yourself in the chest. This ain’t no kid’s move.
  • Bury the body…Bring the head.
  • The warden was trying to get some sleep!
  • Silence I am Zorro! I am Zorro!
  • Poor record keeping down at the jail
  • I am Torro! I am Gorro!
  • I see Zorro has been using his yard time for working out.
  • Time to play the deadman! Didn’t they do this in the 3 musketeers?
  • ha! Made me jump when he burst from the grave with that weird cat scream.
  • Don Hector. Don. Don…oh hi Don.
  • Can we stop clapping now? This is the best fake clap we got.
  • How much did they pay for that clap? Is that a 5 peso clap?
  • Where is your Zorro now? He is among us.
  • Lets be Californians!
  • Ready for some blood shed until he sees his daughter.
  • This flower only grows in California…it’s the Californian.
  • What about this? Silver!!!
  • Old man strength
  • You are trained to drink…ya drunk
  • Zorro was dead
  • My revenge is complicated.
  • “The pointy end goes into the other man.”
  • The master’s circle is like battle royal
  • Practice…drink…gymnastics
  • pushup over candles; boots on the back.
  • Learn by the whip
  • Lesson Number 1: Never attack with anger.
  • Lesson Number 2: come with me..I’ll give you bath
  • Lesson Number 3: get to lesson number 4
  • Horse Whisperer
  • Be careful senorita …there are dangerous men about.
  • Zorro likes to run to the top of steps and twirl around for one last look before he zips off.
  • “Listen…I am going to give you the great honor of being my horse.”
  • This horse is feisty
  • Son…You done wrecked our clubhouse…get ’em
  • Always so much fun with the Zorro fight scenes. Which one is your favorite? Clubhouse?
  • The big guy….shaking up Zorro. Hilarious
  • mouth full of teeth..spit
  • Zorro the legend has returned…a simple horse heist turned into a full on assault.
  • 3 days since my last confession. How many sins could you have completed in 3 days.
  • 4th commandment – Dishonor your father
  • Outsmarted by a horse.
  • Don’t forget to leave your mark
  • Ole Zorro likes to smoke and whip. Whip it real good.
  • Stop undressing me with your whip!
  • Learning to fight…no worries. Charm…now that is going to take a lot of work
  • Here hold my tray of drinks while I hack up a lung. Punch
  • The silly woman routine.
  • oh crap. He let the Dons get gone while dancing with Zorro’s daughter.
  • Smoldering dancing!
  • She was dancing…he was trying.
  • Real dad is cool with it…kidnap dad is a bit bent.
  • That is how they are dancing in Madrid these days.
  • Buy California from Santa Anna . I have gold bars!
  • El Dorado. Shame on you to cheat Santa Anna
  • Gold from his own land!
  • Who me? Just a kid with a basket strapped on my filthy head.
  • 3 fingered Jack.
  • You steal people’s lives….Damn ya and the horse that brung you. Ahhhhhhh…Suicide by Peckerwood
  • Peckerwood?
  • She recognizes her daddy’s voice…isn’t that sweet.
  • heads in jars and hands in wine pitchers
  • Pretty sure it would be a horrible idea to drink alcohol from a pickled head jar.
  • What! that mustache was fake! and apparently held on by spit.
  • Captain Love!
  • What do you do with hate? You hide it with a mask.
  • Hate mask
  • Captain Love knows then why does he not act.
  • Zorro in the beams stealing maps
  • The much debated Zorro
  • Bend down and touch your toes so I can kick your ass
  • Such exciting swords play…and when that doesn’t work…gymnastics!
  • swordplay like a dance…like a making love.
  • He was young and vigorous…he was very vigorous.
  • such exciting horse riding.
  • I don’t think his horse likes him very much.
  • old Z taught new Z so he could be free to do his own thing
  • at the tip of the sword a man will apparently do anything
  • now she knows…
  • The only way to light a fuse…shoot it
  • Love is so stupid…he has a gun and sword…he is a great shot…why play Zorro’s game.
  • Shovel slalom
  • Love has entered his circle
  • a most spectacular end to the bad guys.
  • old Zorro can’t die! Dad gives his blessing. No pressure.
  • Little Wookie! They named the baby Wookie!
  • Fighting as safely as possible
Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Christmas Evil (1980) – Filmsack Show Notes

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Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Dante’s Peak (1997) – Filmsack Show Notes


oh hi,

C’mon Ruth this is your best dog pal Roughy barking and freaking out because you just gotta open that door and let me lead you down this mountain to safety! I mean c’mon Ruth what do you want…do you just want to take a lava bath Ruth…well ole Roughy here has too much life to live to tread molten hot lava death…Now open the fricken door ya stubborn old lady! Listen…someone is here! Oh good, it’s grandkids….they’ll talk some sense into you Ruth and then I can lead you all down the mountain to safety. Door’s open… Enough talk…follow me… rough rough roughy

Don’t worry fam. I got ya. I know a path down the mountain that leads straight out of town. Oh man. Did you guys see what happened to those Twonset Hot Springs lovers…Burnt Bubble Butts Up in the air without a care in the world…well I guess that’s one way to go…right fam…..fam? Ruh Roh Roughy.

Ok Roughy….I guess it’s just me against this mountain. One lone dog on a journey to freedom. Woo…Lava flow…hup…Let’s see if I can get a better look at things from up here on this rock. ..oh good…there is the Vulcanologist with the great hair and the carefree willingness to drive through anything no matter what the insurance cost. He really is quite dreamy though. and Jump! Hey fam…have you seen Ruth? Wait, what smells like burnt up old lady legs? oh…I guess that closes the chapter on that part of my life. Say…could you guys do me a favor and not tie me up until we get out of here…Roughy thanks you.

Hey is that Coffee…Coffee Coffee Coffee



Dante’s Peak (1997) – Like


  • Where is Tommy Lee Jones when you need him?
  • This Music and intro…awesome! That Volcano eruption is startling at any audio level
  • Bikes, Umbrellas, Suitcases and crosses…oh my
  • Muddy Bloody mess
  • Marria didn’t make it.
  • 4 Years Later
  • Those are the worst push-ups ever
  • Meanwhile in Washington
  • Foreshadowing…Going on Vacation isn’t going to kill ya
  • The Devil’s Face in the eruption on the posted newspaper on the wall.
  • Yellow Balloon…good…Red Balloon Bad
  • Earth Nipples. Erupting Nipples
  • Second most desirable place under 20K
  • Linda Hamilton the softer side.
  • Pierce Bronson the Vulcan side….doing his best Dr. Grant
  • Pioneer Town…on Pioneer celebration
  • Hey…Money Magazine! We have things
  • Twonset “Too” Hot Springs.
  • Gram is in so much trouble….go home boys.
  • He hates kids! He’s not a family man…
  • Ruth is such a pleasant ex-mother in law. Where is the Ex?
  • Like a pool man…Yes…just like a pool man.
  • Do you know when those trees died? Yeah…just let me check my dead tree journal.
  • This movie plays like a Richard Donnor film.
  • Last active 7 thousand years ago.
  • Screaming kids…don’t help us screaming kids.
  • Ruth says the Squirrels are dying..more clues…I’ve seen this before.
  • A hot dip and some hot nookie.
  • Bubble Butts
  • Acid Lakes…Carbon Dioxide oozing out of the ground…Paul…listen to me Paul.
  • No one wants to believe. Harry is just an alarmist.
  • Norman…get the evac plans…
  • The Politics of science.
  • USGS is a lot more cautious of
  • We will be bouncing laser beams off of it…and checking it’s gases….hell we even have a robot.
  • You need a vacation…I’ll see you in 2 weeks.
  • Pizza Stein Bar
  • Politics and Economics
  • This town is all about being the best.
  • Holy Hell…she just burnt his hand with that coffee…most painful
  • Do you like EggPlant Parm? For Breakfast? No…for Dinner!
  • Greedy Helicopter Pilot…Overtime! Whatever TV
  • Professional Volcanologist / Amateur Hanky Magician and Domino Designer
  • Vulcan Life…got too close to the show.
  • Dr. Espresso from New York
  • Coffee…Coffee Coffee
  • Spider Legs. Gas Readings Up front.
  • turn around while I remove the ELF
  • Terry’s Masterpierce
  • The pilot is a dick? or…is he taking hazard pay for increasing his rates after an accident?
  • Your favorite movie glorification of a mundane scientific job? Twister, Dante’s Peak, Jurassic Park…
  • The Frog in boiling water analogy.
  • I promised you 2 days…I gave it a week.
  • One Lane Bridge
  • She is always making the coffee…
  • I am not a fan of the “past battle” discussion… Just like back in 85 at Mount Something
  • “I tole you so”
  • Why is the hotel owner and Paul wearing the same shirt?
  • oh no The Gas & Lube is on Fire
  • The roads are gone! Where we are going we don’t need roads
  • He keeps saying it is ok…it’s not ok
  • Get real Bevis. She’s just clearing her throat.
  • Up at Mirror Lake.
  • Harry sure trusts his vehicles…how is that working out for you.
  • Who invited the lava!?
  • now…a round of Row Row Row your boat
  • 2nd round…same as the first.
  • oh shit.
  • He has some pretty good
  • Damn-it Ruth…she got the acid legs
  • Grandma. Dead. Row Row your acid legs
  • Uh oh…a house…hit the bridge…bad timing
  • Better to be in a Humvee than that crappy cargo van…come on Paul…see ya Paul. Really…a Wilhelm scram on Paul’s death
  • The sin of inaction. You die.
  • Do you think we can drive over this lava in this truck? Sure…how hot is Lava? like 100 degrees
  • Ruffie……can’t let the dog die! Grandma…sure…dog…no f’ing way!
  • 8 years to get this town on it’s feet.
  • ELF…you got to have the ELF. Chekhov’s Elf.
  • How tight is everyone’s butthole in that truck while they are running from the fire cloud.
  • So long Harry…oh…he’s a magician. He’s skilled…not lucky.
  • Let’s go deep sea fishing. A fisherman of men
  • Why the hell would you tie up Ruffie…Ruffie needs to be free to run from the bad things.
  • This movie moves from a larger to smaller and smaller world until he is literally in a box.
  • Gotta have faith a faith a faith…baby
  • This Volcano really really wants to kill Harry.
  • Trope…all machines are broken until you kick them. Work damn you…work.
  • That damn light has been flashing for a day or two….hey asshole…check flashing red lights more often.
  • Thank you Nasa!
  • At least Paul got to see the show….bye Paul

Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

I Am Legend (2007) – Filmsack Show Notes

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Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Doom (2005) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

Yes? yes, this is Sarge…What am I doing? right now? Oh Nothing much, Just sitting here shirtless in front of my computer shopping for shirts that I will most likely outgrow in a month. What’s that? Semper Fi, Shop or Die? oh yes…very clever sir.

So, what can we do for you today? Are my guys up for a quick trip to Mars by way of the bowels of the Nevada desert? Yeah, we can do that. Hey, has anyone told Elon Musk we found that portal? No, so he’s still shooting his cars into space? Man, he’s gonna be so bummed when he finds out. Sorry rocket man, maybe smoking pot can be your new hobby..

Anywho, Hey, while I have you on the line sir….can you look into getting me access to one of those BFGs for the barracks. The other guys here never invite me to indoor batting practice anymore and I feel like a Big Friendly Gun would really go a long way towards making things right.

Hey! Wait a minute…Reaper! As in Grimm Reaper…because his last name is Grimm….ohhhh…I just got that.  Now my handle seems kind of lazy….Sarge… Doot Doot




Doom (2005) – Like an extra chromosome of bad movie making. Doot Doot


Year 2026 Portal to Mars (The Ark) In Nevada…who made it? Musk?

Mars has gotten a lot of bad movies about it.

How did that portal work the first time? You go in…you are on mars…and dead.

Lab coats run!

Doctor Carmack…hehe…he is out of here…just like ID software

LVL 5 Break! Quarantine.

Just computing shirtless.

That is some weak game system or 2026

Pretty sure you should not be taking batting practice in the barracks.


You hesitate…people die.

Stairway to heaven. Elevator to hell. It’s always easier to go to hell.

standard quarantine…6 hours.

Portal Ball…

Wheels! He lost his ass to another universe.

What…they don’t have bras on Mars?

Reaper Grimm…I GET IT!

Got to mark the way.

This movie is dark.

dummy…don’t touch stuff when an asshole tells you to touch it…electrified!

Who had the BFG schematics pulled up.

Lucy…found on Mars!

Who was Daddy Grimm? Why did he teach them to look at how many chromosomes?

“You don’t shield a baby from time” -Grimm Speak

Just gonna Van Gogh myself real quick. Rip my ear off.

Carmack. Logic before emotion. I wonder what Carmack thought about his namesake character?

Little green pills! Doot Doot. Let’s get jacked. Doot Doot. Adrenaline. Doot Doot.

ow…arm gore. I took him name in vain…so going to poke my vein

Nah Nah… I don’t do Nano Walls.

“A Monkey…Some kind of monkey!”

Look at the size of that needle they are taking his blood out with. LOOK AT IT!

Everybody is always talking about bagging and tagging…but I never see the bagging or the tagging.

Portman is weird…did they dub all of his dialogue?

Grimm lost his parents.

Pinky no legs. pinky wheels.

Dr. Willittits!! NOOOOO

Great melee move Reaper

He dead

is she going to scream every time Goat bangs his head on the glass?

BFG Big Friendly Gun

Portman has nervous bowel

haha…Destroyer cage match with what used to be lab assistant Johnson.

Destroyer got destroyed.

Why do they have test animals if it is archaeological research.

Chromosome 24

Carmack is a rocket scientist

Chromosome will either make you an angel or a devil

Pinky must have been extra evil

Everything after Grimm’s C-24 injection was a dream?

The whole movie should have been like the last 20 minutes