Mission Impossible

Mission Impossible (1996) (110 min – Rated: PG-13)

Mission: Impossible (also known in the Blu-ray release as M:I) is a 1996 American spy film directed by Brian De Palma and starring Tom Cruise. Based on the television series of the same name, the plot follows a new agent, Ethan Hunt and his mission to uncover the mole who has framed him for the murders of his entire IMF team. Work on the script had begun early with filmmaker Sydney Pollack on board, before De Palma, Steven Zaillian, David Koepp, and Robert Towne were brought in. Mission: Impossible went into pre-production without a shooting script. De Palma came up with some action sequences, but Koepp and Towne were dissatisfied with the story that led up to those events.

Opener: Oh man. I got some serious lasagna breath going on here and I still have that really hard mission to accomplish where I have to talk to a bunch of high falootin senators at that dinner party. Let’s see what I have in my pockets. Oh good. hmm… Where did I get gum. oh well… nom nom nom. oh that guy look like a fat deniro.

Twitter:  Mission Impossible –  like a Kristin Scott Thomas ventiliquist show. You can totally see the directors lips moving while watching this movie.

 

Stuff I Loved:

Fat Deniro

Cinema Of The Ukraine.

Voice of Andorian in Enterprise…Kitrick

This tape will self destruct. How old is this movie? Should that CD Self Destruct

I’m telling ya. Emilio Estavez. He is not credited.

Coffee jokes.

You could fit a VHS camera in those glasses.

John Voight. Not since Anaconda.

Is that Netscape

Austa Lasagna Don’t get any on ya.

Would not want bomb gum. I would totally forget. Mmmm….Fruit Stripe!

Best Elevator Death scene.

Watching Emilio Estevez hack with his laptop encouraged me to buy my first laptop.

Man. Hard drives used to be really loud.

She would make a terrible ventriliquist.

A really cool cutout video

A knocked over chair. There must have been a struggle.

very film noir in some of these shots

Somebody hates your team Ethan.

No public phones now a days. What do you do about that? Cell Phones.

my name is The Max

Let’s meet in a fish aquarium cafe.

Tom Cruise run. He has it in his contract. every movie. I must have a run scene. Cause I run really fast…watch me!! Weeeeeee

Tom cruise in the bathroom looking for money is like me looking for money. Lots of throwing stuff around

Searching Usenet Groups. You ain’t gonna find nothing there cept porn and warez

OMG…that email format would never work. Job 3:14 is not a valid domain.

Jim is dead!! He’s dead Jim.

Claire and the sexy frisk down.

‘They are trained to be ghosts.” Like the new  movie

Disco Glasses with built in VHS camera

Cool. A list of Disavowed!

Vighn Raines.

John Voight must have had money….she is way too hot for him

That dude that used to play all the Russian roles.

Phenos Freak.

Thinking Machine Laptops. 386 Risc Chips. Oh boy.

No modem access to the main frame. dur.

Love voice over descriptions over video footage of what is actually happening Very commom in the heist films.

The Octagon

The Octagon (1980)  103 min Rated R

The Octagon is a 1980 action film starring Chuck Norris, Karen Carlson and Lee Van Cleef. It was directed by Eric Karson and written by Paul Aaron and Leigh Chapman. It was filmed in Los Angeles, California and released on August 14, 1980. It is notable for its inventive use of ‘voice over’ effects to portray the inner life of Chuck Norris’s character, Scott James. This was actor Richard Norton’s film debut.[2]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081259/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Octagon_(film)

Opener: Alright….I know as Ninjas…we aren’t suppose to talk to each other…buuuuut…Van Cleef is down there shooting a ninja in the back as we repel down. we need a better ninja escape plan. NINJA SMARTER!

Twitter: The Octagon – Like a good childhood Hog story shared with chuck norris….at first it amuses you…then you feel sad ….cause you remembered you ate him..and he was delicious

Stuff I Loved:

Does anyone know? How can they, at the beginning. There is no perspective

Clever title logo – the O in Octagon is AN OCTAGON

Time for a little drummer boy…that means the soldiers!

Uh oh…Tree Ninjas. the Irish vs Ninjas?

There ain’t no French Ninjas…they are too snooty.

Hey man…this ninja is eyeballing me.

“These new round of recruits you brought me are not asian!”

Hey look…it’s one of them haunted baby strollers…nope…they got the mini guns…pew pew pew.

Cut to Norris enjoying a show. Bomp Bomp…Bu-da…Bomp Bomp…

Pretty but not too pretty…just like Ibbott

A.J. did you call me a space cadet?

My pickup line. “I really enjoyed your performance.” Only Chuck norris could pick up a chic on that lame line.

If a girl tells you people tell her…shes a psychic…run…no…run faster

Margarita!

Salt keeps me from puking! Porcelain Worship…what a horrible first dinner date conversation.

There is someone here…haha…inner monologue…now tell me who is crazy.

This was back in the day…when you got stabbed…you died in a movie. Always. Today you have to do the gut move.

I guess that lady wasn’t too psychic. Did she see that knife to the gut?

OMG….NINJA! But they don’t exist anymore

For a minute I thought this movie was going to take a different turn. I thought Chuck had killed that ladies family because he had some kind of ninja flash back

Step forward…haha…sucka! Into the bitching pit.

Terrorists!

The coffee shop next to the gym.

2 hours in the sound booth with Chuck Norris whispering inner monologue

Have you hugged your rifle today?

Lee Van Cleef is wearing one of his wife’s earrings.

“So…I ran into some Ninjas last night.”

Look here Winston….go catch some ghosts.

Hey…popped collar…you are next.

Damsel in distress in a fur coat.

“Provided our bumpers match.” I was wrong…that was the worst pickup line.

Dumbass….let a lady take your car.

Wouldn’t it have been easier to just shoot him.

That bitch took my keys!

This is the Ninja weapons rundown montage.

Sai….Nunchucks…

Don’t you miss the days when Dobermans were the bad ass dogs

Would you like to come in….uh lady….I am already in.

LLoyd Liverpool was my Beetles Cover Band name

Dooble dee dooble dee…piano music for tense foot chases. add a moraca for flavor

If you got enough air to scream…you don’t enough air to breathe

mmm….pontiac firebird. Always wanted one.

Do you know what we do to dead people in our ninja drill. Kick your ass.

I’m a Ninja in a tree.Tree Ninja

“I have the most confident looking cheekbones.”

Neen-ja

“It makes me stupid…and you a whore.” What an ass.

They are using words that I don’t even know. Rock Heart?

French Ninja! Hey French ninja…say it in English…for the audience…cause I am Asian

Ninja throwing star to the neck!! This has all the best ninja weapons.

They turned my Dojo into a hoe down. wTH

Are you beedy…beedy beedy beedy.

Could Beedy be anymore creepy.

Yeah…give him a chance..let him sit…get your crotch display chair

Gold ole Frenchie.

What the hell does that mean…the constipated type?

I’m with Chuck’s brother…he was a cheater..he was all pushing and stuff.

Wow…it don’t take much to be rejected by your Ninja daddy.

See ya Ninjas….remember…we are watching.

Wow…I don’t feel like a ninja.

2nd week in a row we have seen a movie with a brown cargo van.

Did you just hiss at me?

Fur Mart Building…hehe..what the hell kind of name is that.

Don’t blow on the fur.

A lot of dead brothers.

Chuck Norris wanted to change the world

We have seen some bad ninjas in movies…are these the worst?

Ding Ding Ding…somebody knows how to heighten tension with a triangle.

Nnja Pillow fight!!

You attack Chuck Norris while he sleeps…cause you think he is at this weakest. You are wrong…he is never weak.

Ninja Escape Plan? Get shot in the back as you repel down the building. There is no Ninja Escape Plan.

heheh…forget it…I’ll loan you my shampoo…have you seen my hair

Hey..ole senior one arm is playing chess against the old man in UP

Hey….your truck aint’ got no windshield…or doors!

Everyone assumes Chuck Norris is sleeping with these ladies…but he is a virgin.

Your Hog story amuses me…now I am sad.

Sorry…I don’t have sex…it saps my Ninja Strength…oh what the hell. BOOBIES!

How you reckon you gonna sneak up on Ninja Camp. We are Ninja Camp!!

Awww….the classic…Just stay here in the car woman. Nope…

“Always feel like…Ninja’s watching me!.Invading my Privacy…hiyaa hiyaaa”

“They were Ninja fighting!! Those dudes were fast as…gah…throwing star in my neck! *collapse”

what advantage would it be to the ninjas attacking Norris in their camp to be ninja quite…see this is why the Ninja way is extinct.

What were those dudes doing in the dunkers that required zipping up.

“Don’t kill him!!” Like you could kill Chuck Norris

Chick in the bucket. An actually Octagon!

Expected him to demask the one hissing ninja and him to be a gila monster

You just knew that ninja was going to come back out on fire..

Finally, I didn’t think anyone was ever going to kill A.J.

I see your monkey claw style fighting….I give you…foot to the balls.

Is that Rudy! OMG I’m pretty sure that is Samwise

Wow…that was kind of anticlimactic.

The Man From Planet X

 The Man From Planet X is a 1951 science fiction film.  starring Robert Clarke, Margaret Field and William Schallert. It was directed by Edgar G. Ulmer.

A spaceship from a previously unknown planet lands in the Scottish moors, bringing an alien creature to earth near the observatory of Professor Elliot (Raymond Bond), just days before the planet will pass closest to the earth. When the professor and his friend, American reporter John Lawrence (Robert Clarke), discover the creature, they help it when it is in distress and try to communicate with it, but fail. They leave, and the alien follows them home. A colleague of the professor, the unscrupulous and ambitious scientist Dr. Mears (William Schallert), discovers how to communicate with the creature and tries to get from it by force the formula for the metal the spaceship is made of. He shuts off the alien’s breathing apparatus and leaves it for dead, telling the professor that communication was hopeless.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1549920/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_from_Planet_X

Opener: Ok. It’s been a while since I have starred in my own movie…so which one of these ladies gets to sleep with me? Ehhh…ehhh…what…that’s not a thing anymore…that makes me so mad….Gaaaaah…at least I get to star alongside Laurence Fishburne. What…Forrest Whitaker….seriously? I thought that was Laurence Fishburne…are you sure it’s not at least Samuel L. Jackson. Gaaaaah…that makes me so mad…. I want to punch windows instead of rolling them down before shooting. pew pew pew…get in the car….pew pew pew

 

Twitter: The Last Stand – A movie about an old flabby action star trying to stop the lead singer of Foo Fighters from crossing the mexican border…or something like that…I fell asleep after they shot the old guy on the tractor

Sommerton Junction

Stuff I Loved:

dave grohl look alike

Laurence Fishburne just needs to look up and see those zip lines and this would all be over

Orange track suits. Smart.

Hey hippie agent…get over here and tell us what kind of car this is.

Convenience factor

Cartel boy races in South America.

Helicopters are slower than supe’d up Corvettes. Unless they are….then they are…faster

Where is everybody going? Oh….the whole town is leaving.

Gee…I wonder if Mayor douchbag’s car is going to take a bad spill. yep.

Johnny Knoxville…yay…big gun!

Old Man Farmer. take the silver…or the lead.

No time to roll down the window….gaaaaaah….pew pew pew…get in the car….pew pew pew

Nooo…they killed the sweet kid cop!

Great squibs in this movie

Pretty sure if you mow down about 8 cops…they call in the military.

When does Arnold get to use some of his old lines.

Old people don’t give a shit

Welcome to Sommerton Junction…can we please name this town something cooler. I sound like an idiot

Drop the weapon (This one?)

Sweet. MMA fight on the bridge…Old vs. New

Event Horizon

Event Horizon (1997)  96 min  Rated R

Event Horizon is an American science fiction horror film released on August 15th 1997. The screenplay was written by Philip Eisner (with an uncredited rewrite by Andrew Kevin Walker) and directed by Paul W. S. Anderson. The film stars Laurence Fishburne and Sam Neill. It reached No. 1 at the box office in the UK.[2]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Event_Horizon_(film)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119081/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Opener:  I was just having the weirdest dream about dinosaurs and a very condescending Jeff Goldblum or as I like to call him Regular Goldblum….wait a second…was I naked when I entered stasis. What’s that?  No…No I don’t want any of your coffee…wait…did make coffee just to make a sex jokes?

Twitter: Event Horizon – Proving You can’t punch evil. You have to hit it really hard with a baseball bat and even then…results may vary. also, explosive decompression

 

Stuff I Loved:

Most communication between ship crew is done in rhyme.

Space computer printouts…boooda boooda booooda boop

Sam Neil. CLAIRE!!

Why the black man got to serve coffee….oooh…cause he wanted to make a sex joke.

Funky Space Man.

Layman’s terms….try harder

Sam Neil is always explaining stuff to the dummies. It’s his schtick.

Always passing crazy audio through some filters. Do you hear that?

Nasa has had audio file for almost a year…2 listens by ships crew. Bam…got it solved. Liberace me.

Bad stuff…bad stuff…bad stuff…we are here. Calm!

Lawrence Fishburne looks like a freak in that captains chair.  I would rather turn my seat rather my my neck.

“We have ice crystals everywhere.” Ice crystals of what?

Wonder if those flashing bombs will blow up?

Not to worry. The meat grinding tube is totally safe. It also opens and closes with spikey doors. Most dangerous designed ship ever.

How does a cd-rom get stuck.

Got some blood here…nooo..you have a butcher shop floor is what you have.

explosive decompression. I had that once. Got some Pepto and all was cool.

The gravity drive core has some pretty intricate design work on it.

Don’t touch the goo stupid

Space ship instrument panel explosions are the most common space injury.

Scrubbers are always bad. Always got to make the scrubbers.

Got to love a medical table with a drain on it.

Air Lock death in space movies

No Baby Bear…

Is it really a good idea to have the Inner Door/Outer Door buttons so close.

We’re leaving!! Did you see that crap…LEAVE!!

always watch where you are going

All the safety overrides they have do not work.

Fishburne is always a little bit behind. Run. Run. Nope…too late. Run!

Where we are going we won’t need eyes

Evil knows how to be evil. But not so good at ship management.

Man…tha/t Fishburn crawl to safety was awesome!!

Fishurne makes a lot of promises he can’t keep

Man this music is gooooood

This is the 90s Alien

You can’t stop any process that starts on this ship

You can’t punch evil. You have to hit it with a baseball bat and even then…results may vary.

The Rundown

The Rundown (2003)

The Rundown (also known as Welcome to the Jungle) is a 2003 American action comedy film starring The Rock and Seann William Scott about a bounty hunter who must head for Brazil to retrieve his employer’s renegade son. It was directed by Peter Berg. The film received positive reviews but failed at the box office.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0327850/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rundown

Opener: Throw me the stifler…I throw you the whip

Hey honey…PACK YOUR BAGS! We are heading to Brazil! I know! It’s crazy…and your mom said I would never be able to find a job using my bachelors degree in whips. Kiss it mildred! South American here we come! Now let’s head to the bedroom and practice throw me the idol I’ll throw me the whip.

Wooooo

Twitter: The Rundown –  like being a  guest in another man’s house..don’t reach into his refrigerator without asking. Cause you might grab what the rock is cooking. Throw me the stifler…I throw you the whip.

 

Stuff I Loved:

porcini fat and earthy

Option A or Option B

Bad ass opening fight scene

The Rock is a great physical actor

Like working out 12 hours a day and getting your ass kicked with an aussie with a bean bag gun

is that sarcasm? you do it to your monkey friends. you don’t do it to me.

don’t take your guns to town

Stiffler!

gauto

No…I don’t like guns.

This movie lives on quick cuts

Hey…it’s that dude what is Christopher Walken and more cowbell

When I am a guest in another man’s house..I don’t reach into his refrigerator without asking. Unlike Randy.

When a rapper gets a shiny new tooth.

Their representation of hell is awesome!

We don’t call them Brazil Nuts. They are just nuts

        

so angry

oooohhh…goody…a short person joke. Run….for a long time

Stiffler uses the dreaded copy me annoyance.

Throw me the stifler…I will throw you the whip

at the bottom of that hill slide/fall I was really hoping the rock would land in stiflers crotch.

Little Thunder….a little lightening.

The Devil’s cat…you mean every cat?

Mention of The Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause

I find it amusing that walken successfully predicts the Rocks film…The tooth fairy

Santa Claus doesn’t give any breaks

this movie makes me feel out of shape

Firestick to the head

On The Run movies. The hunter becomes the hunted.

Tough guy gets beat up a lot.

Don’t pee in the water…it will swim up you ding dong.

Penis eating minnows

Flying fornification

Option B is always….I Make you

Have you seen stifler lately. He done got chubby

Ears Eyes Foot Face

Rock has Hypersenses

Double handed shotgun cocking…use your pits…use fruit stands…use whatever you can.

Ahhh…yeah…explosion walk away

What! Are you kidding me…you just doomed that small town to death…you busted down their watertower.

Wonder if they went to whip school? or just got a weekend training course with a certificate? What does that job app look like?

I tried counting how many times the rock got that spin around in the air thing. It was a lot

You got the moves…- Chistopher Walken

Slow motion cut scene. Bam.

SuperCop

Supercop (1992) – Hi, This is Jackie Chan and I would just like to apologize to you Americans for the chinese snuff film that was rolled during the end credits. No chinese actors were harmed during the filming of this movie…. just the 6 china men deaths. But no more! Also, I hope to one day work with greatest American Actor. Chris Tucker.

and if you think this voice is offensive. Wait till you hear the dub of Jackie Chan’s Mammie

Twitter:

Supercop – Like being drowned by  2 china-men in speedos for an hour and a half. It’s exciting in parts. Offensive in others.  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercop

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104558/

 

Stuff I Loved:

  • I don’t really need my opening credits kungfu’ing me. They were Kung Fu Fighting! They were giving me the credits.
  • We need a supercop!
  • That’s a lot of blue jean material Mr. Chan

Well this dude must be important. Look at all those trophies

  • I don’t think these guys are really speaking English.
  • Jackie Chan’s uncle actor

Hey, I wanted to come back and talk to you after your conversation with your nephew. But I didn’t want to come back inside. So I hung out in the garden and crept back in through the window.

  • For a rated R movie I sure ain’t seeing no booty action.
  • Crazy asian lady drivers! She’s on the wrong side. Unless she is driving a postal car.
  • Supercop Chan.
  • what kind of crazy training facility is this?
  • Geez man. This place is like some kind of communist regime. I wonder how you get on the suit and tie department
  • Don’t walk right into my coal shoveling and then punch me.

What is the dog barking at? How the hell should I know…it’s your dog.

Man. Coal really makes your teeth look white.

Please do not encourage me from your coal cart. Running uphill is not as easy as it looks.

Can beat up 12 guards at once. Can’t go 50 feet up a 35% incline.

Is that one thugs name “FishCake?” Pretty sure that is what I heard.

Just do it. That is how we do it in the country.

Grannie mamaa is the most offensive asian voice over acting I have ever heard in any language

Hey Grannie Mama. Your boobs hit the floor

“Want a cigarette?”

I’ve seen that beard before. Sweet.

Good thing Headquarters is on the same channel as the street cops and they are listening.

That is one seriously cool looking taser.

Geez man. If the Hong Kong police is so freaking good at spotting bad guys why the heck do they need to let this drug lord free to just follow him.

Like the occasional use of gangsta rap.

You are interrupting my sega Tetris time. Throw them into the sea.

Sucks to drown. But really sucks to be drownd’ed at the hands of dudes in speedos

Did they even dub the American drug dealer.

No violence! Too late for that.

That is right. We got dynamite and bazooka. We brings a pimp gun to a bazooka fight?

“Why so serious?” That is awesome.

Man. Dude really love their speedos

Bye May. You stupid crap you just spilled the beans on the elevator.

It seems your pal is working for the Hong Kong DA.