Timeline (2003)  116 min  Rated PG-13

Timeline is a 2003 science fiction adventure film directed by Richard Donner, based on the novel of the same name by Michael Crichton. A team of present-day archaeologists are sent back in time to rescue their professor from medieval France in the middle of a battle. It stars Paul Walker, Frances O’Connor, Gerard Butler, Billy Connolly, David Thewlis and Anna Friel among others.

Jerry Goldsmith composed the original score, which would have been his last before his death in 2004, but it was replaced with a new score by Brian Tyler, after the first cut was re-edited and Goldsmith’s increasing health problems did not allow him to continue. The film was poorly received by critics and fans of the book and was a box office failure.



Opener: It’s not like a fax machine! The Book Wasn’t any Better

Twitter: Timeline – If you like movies that involve fax machines and time travel…doesn’t matter.  This is the movie for you…doesn’t matter

 if you like movies with horses and lots of foot chases…this movie is for you!


Stuff I Loved:

I never realized that was Gerald Butler

I thought we had already went back in time when I saw that ipod

It’s always tough sacking a film so close to an actors real life death. So, insert bad joke here!

Of course I carbon dated the object. Dur

Time/Fax Machine

So wait….explain it better….So wait…what are you saying…So wait…this makes no sense…so wait….my fax machine is a time machine? So wait….

Do we look like quantum wormhole specialist…or fax machines repairman.

Trope: Tech/Doctor guy who doesn’t trust technology. Especially the type that break you down on a molecular level.

Everybody know what to do when they see Deckard.

If they compare their technology to a fax machine. Say no….I don’t want anything that is like a fax machine.

ok…no glasses in the past…I get that…but give me some freaking contacts then…how about a little laser surgery. You made a time machine…you telling you can’t laser my eyes before I go.

Changed my mind! I want out!

I wonder if anyone would have ever ridden in an elevator if it was that painful.

Oh…hey…we traveled back in time…now I will explain the markers to you. I mean…there wasn’t enough time before we left…we had to go in a hurry…cause…wormhole..

My best 2 men…aren’t even as savvy as the nerdiest scientist.

Trope: If we have a rule about not taking weapons with us…some ass hole will bring one…and get himself killed and royally screw us over. EVERY DAMN TIME!

Shutup! Yes, we have a backup plan. It’s called the Home Depot. GET SOME MORE MIRRORS!

The past is very dangerous

I was trying to avoid the English….which apparently it is possible

We always think we are smarter than people in history because we have some kind of knowledge they do not. Historicism

usually when women go back in time…they have been raped by now.

We are going to escape with our superior intelligence…nope…gonna gang bang the guard!

We are going back NOW…I don’t care where Maerek is. I don’t care so hard…that when we get back home…I’m going to get a shirt that says “I don’t give a shit where Maerek is” and I’m going to wear it everyday and when people ask me when I am going to stop wearing that stupid filthy shirt. I am going take it off and make them eat it and then I am going to follow them around shirtless until they poop it out and then I’m gonna put it back on. Now let’s go. I got a shirt to order….there…i just wrote your movie some better dialog. go whisper loudly about that.

Go Fax your momma about that.

Red vs Blue

if you like movies with horses and lots of foot chases…this movie is for you!

If you like movies that involve faxes and time travel. This is the movie for you.

Movie OCD. There is Greek Fire, Fax Machines, Markers, Trebuchets…says it one more time motherfucker…

hehe…night arrows…aka…regular arrows…shot at night.


Damnit Krammer….It’s million dollar baby all over again.

This movie is a lot of screaming. 2 hours of screaming. Good luck

More body hair than a Beiber concert…not that ain’t right…more screams than a beiber concert

Due to Paul Walker’s recent death my Twitter post will not be : Timeline: more screaming than a car ride with Paul Walker. Instead it will be this. Timeline: We miss you and love you Paul Walker you were taken too soon thanks for all the entertainment.



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