INTRO Oh hi, Dear Blackout Diary, Today, I saw a baby checking the mail with his chubby little baby hands. Oh Baby, what could you possibly be expecting in the mail? Baby Food samples? Gerber life insurance for your questionable high risk baby lifestyle? Meh….maybe baby was just trying to Read more…
And thank you for agreeing to meet me in the woods of Transylvania to execute the worst plan ever. Ok, so here is the deal, we are going to tie my brother up to that stake over there in the clearing to lure out the Lycan…that’s a werewolf or “wolfman” for you basic village folk. By the way, I learned that word on the set of Underworld…oh and this….I learned this too…look at my bottom…look at it…ok…stop…Where did you guys get guns? I thought you were pitchfork and sickle people.
Well it doesn’t really matter, because I only brought the one silver bullet. So don’t shoot your guns. I repeat. Do not shoot your guns. as a matter of fact just give me the guns. give them to me. The only real harm you can create with those guns is if you shoot my brother or the elaborate pulley system we have set up. So don’t do it.
Alright, speaking of Pulleys…The pulley system is the hottest tech going in Transylvania today. In fact we will be showcasing it a lot in our movie…err…everyday tragic lives. So get used to these overly complex and often broken Pulley systems and by the end of this movie you will beg the Devil to never see another Pulley stunt again.
“In the name of God. Stop this movie!”
Oh, hi meow.
Midnight talent agency how may I claw your eyes out today? Purr Purr.
Oh my yes, Mrs. Berry would love to be in your movie. Meow Meow
What’s that? What are her qualifications? Meow Meow.
Well she has 10’s of minutes of experience with cats. Meow. I would even go so far as to say she is a sort of cat-spert. Meow. Why I saw her just this morning looking at cat pics on the internet. Meow. It’s Caturday after all…Meow Meow.
Excellent I’ll let her know. and yes we do accept payment in the form of cans of tuna. Purr Purr.
What’s that? Sharon Stone is also casted. Hiss. Well then we are going to need some extra cans of tuna and a scratching post in Mrs. Berry’s dressing room. but no need for a shower in her trailer. She is going to mouth bathe herself after eating 8 cans of tuna on her bed. So sexy. Meow Meow
Alright, I got to go lick my butt for 2 hours. Talk to you later meow.
Thinner (1996) – Like having Stephen King poke out your mook eyes and shoving a chicken down down your gullet. Everything is bea-au-tiful.
Stand By Me (1986) – Like Patrick Beja knocking up my cat & knocking over my trash. At first I would be pissed…but then I would have Beja Kitties to cuddle so it’s all good. [usr 5.0] *WARNING : My show notes are unrated. I do not censor my thoughts while Read more…
National Treasure (2004) – Like sitting through the entire movie credits roll….just in case there is a Sean Bean death scene. No? how about Like 2 hours of Adam West Batman trying to help Robin get there…I could condescend for hours. [usr 5.0] *WARNING : My show notes are unrated. Read more…