Small Soldiers

Small Soldiers (1998) (108 minutes – Rated: PG-13)


The Commando Elite are toy action figures programmed to annihilate another toy group, the Gorgonites. But before the Elite have been tested, the son of a toy store owner opens them, causing the Elite to attack the children playing with them.


Directed by        Joe Dante

Produced by        Michael Finnell

Colin Wilson

Written by        Gavin Scott

Adam Rifkin

Ted Elliott

Terry Rossio

Starring                Kirsten Dunst

Gregory Smith

Jay Mohr

Phil Hartman

Kevin Dunn

Denis Leary

Frank Langella

Tommy Lee Jones

Music by        Jerry Goldsmith

Release date(s)                July 10, 1998

Budget                $40 million

Box office        $54,682,547


Opener: I got 2 words for you Alan. Friend Zone! Pretty sure Joe the pervert truck driver prefers older boys. Like Brett. also, your dad is a real jerk.

Twitter:  Small Soldiers – Weird Science, Toy Story (1&2) , Gremlins and being puked on by an encarta full of popular culture terms….lies this movie.


Stuff I Loved:


Was Tobias always bald.

Zoot Suit Riot on Moyer

The real world sucks…except for the boss lady who has a name that sounds like a lady parts exercise.

Are those 12” action figures?

It’s called multimedia Erwin.

Nick Nitro needs some dental work.

Hello Mr. Chips. X1000

Hey dude. 3d printers in 98…that was pretty forward thinking.

Goodbye microbrewerys

The military always screws up stuff.

Why are we obsessed with bringing toys to life.

Trucker Joe is not a very reliable employee

What kind of currency is….a lot

Friendzoned dude. No way is she picking your nerdy toy store over motocycle dude.

Is this the first time anyone saw a bagged salad in a movie?

All these toys are pretty ripped.

Trope: Say name followed by another term. Now your name is Alan Shutup

Keeper of Encarta. Sweeeet

Ergo Keyboards

This is going to be the friendzone movie. I can feel it.

Oh you were dusting…with a crochet mallet.

Your dad is a douche

How can you compete with Brett the atheletic motocycler

educational toys the Gorgonites 

Are you on drugs Crank, Crystal Meth,

Christy Fimple


EMP…that means Eletromagnetic Impluse

The Brain movie cameo…now that is a filmsack movie

This chic likes Led Zeplin and Rush.


build montage. Queen!!

Good ole Phil Hartman. Miss him

“It’s a Trap”

I could have done with some longer music montages. Just when the rock and roll was getting good they cut it.

Every word that the Commado Elite utters is a phrase from popular culture.Started to give me a headache.

That is one mean motorscooter Kirsten Dunst has. It totally E.T.s it over that ditch.

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