[usr 5.0] *WARNING : My show notes are unrated. I do not censor my thoughts while making notes. Listen Now

Scorcher (2002)

– FilmSack Edition

Opener:   Hey, What’s that captain Ryan? What is our vehicle stat? Well sir, vehicle 1 was shot in the face which is too bad cause it had 6 kids back home and vehicle 2 appears to be on fire. Of course you could just turn around and see that for yourself but I suppose that would not be very military of you. Also, here is a weird saying we also don’t use in the military  Cash and Carry only! Move Out!

Hi, I’m Stan the tunnel builder man. I’m in charge of all the tunnel building here in L.A. where we build all of our tunnels out of gas pipes and lighter fluid. This particular tunnel is designed to go up like  a fire bazooka during an earthquake. Is that common here in L.A.? Who the hell knows. Cash and Carry People! Cash and Carry!

Hey, does this turtleneck make me look like a bad guy?

Twitter:  Scorcher (2002) -Like  Stealing Randy’s twitter post 5 minutes into an episode. Who cares this movie sucks.  hey, does this turtleneck make me look evil?

 

Stuff I Loved:

Starting off like an episode of SG1

Yeah…that snow fall looks believable.

Fire and Ice Baby

I was expecting polarbears

Mmmm…fleshy

California and their dern wildfires

Even the thermastat is on fire

Ahhh…the headline montage…intersperced with sweaty flesh and fire. Must be scorcher.

One more fly in please…and by all means…flip the music again.

All the in your face weather

Looks like you got the marshmallows on your head.

All copter pilots are essentric and mostly from the 70s

If you are waiting until the lava is flowing past your research facility…maybe you are cutting things too close.

Listen Jerk-o

Strong lady lead who makes a fool of herself by being too

How do you get a job as loose dirt thrower in this movie…cause they are throwing a lot of it at the truck.

Geez. Dante’s Peak much.

Trope. Teens past their teen years are always doing stuff they shouldn’t be.

Wireless instant messenger…wicked progressive.

Mrs. Green Jeans.

Ohhh…Tommy Lange Said.

Does anyone use that alarm in real life?

Another flyover. It’s the only way we can introduce location changes.

Military drums…good thing…cause I would not have realized we were in a military base without it.

Scientist all wonder…what’s up with Mother Nature.

Natural Disaster Scientist always have a tough time getting in touch with the gov’t Until it is too late…and then it is time to be smug.

Damn you China.

A catastrophic global event….

Speak English Trope.

Shut up Gimli

We gotta use nukes.

Sweat! we finally get to blow up L.A.

Oh…the ole…dad and daughter in the same field trope.

Radio News Audio Montage.

The Presidental bummer announcement.

Ahhh…more family connections

Does she only have brightly colored pants.

Motorcade…they even got people on foot…how far did they run?

Yay! We got our crack team of badasses who are gonna save us.

2nd F bomb in 10 minutes

Never trust a guy in a turtleneck.

Your fireworks story was a dud

quick…zoom in on the bad guy from Police Academy.

Gee…a traffic jam while trying to escape a disaster.

Blackberry!

Damn…I can’t even defrost stuff in the microwave.

Quake!!

Why are tunnels always so flammable.

Hi…I design tunnels for LA. They are mostly made of gas leaks and lighter fluid easily set off by quakes. Wait…do they have quakes in California?

Uh…there was enough room in that trunk for both of you.

Mike and Ike nukes…not even clever.

Jesus!

Your daughter ain’t dead….nooooo

A leader we need.

Is that what the police were looking for? an empty alleyway? Nope…nothing…carry on.

Their location on that GPS looks like a couple of balls.

Styles? Is the Face of this team.

Riddled with bullets

Quick…arm these summer sausages that double as grenades.

– do do do…Leather Avenue…oh no…and then we’ll take you higher : take me down to Leather Avenue

man the president has lousy timing

Jackers! typical Jackers.

What is our vehicle’s stat? Do you mean…is the truck capable of running? no…our truck was shot in the face..it don’t run no more captain. also,  it’s on fire right behind you. Alright people, cash and carry only….whatever the hell that means.

Awww….I have the feels cause he has a wallet full of kids pictures…no..wait…I could care less.

Why is he showing the dead guy the pictures of his kids but the camera is showing us the pics like he is looking at them.

Balls!

Why didn’t they just fly the bombs in?

awww…religious extreme. L.A.s greatest fear.

Eeeek! you is hideous.

This guy might actually be scary if he wasn’t wrapped up in this crappy movie.

Pyromaniac.

Hot damn! a whole shelf of blackberrys! She has a problem.

ooooh…6 wheeled Buggies…not enough buggies in movies with the military.

Tried a pay phone.

ahhh…the ole movie joke punchline with no joke.

If not for the music cues I might not know when to feel?

Alright people, cash and carry only….whatever the hell that means.

If they had helicopters…why the hell didn’t they just fly the damn shit in.

This guy…get on the bus gus. He is full of weird sayings that don’t mean anything.

shouldn’t a person covered in gas burst into flames when tasered

Man those is some ugly shoes.

This fanatic is a better movie than the other movie.

Bad Dad Scientist

irrational women!

Could be solved with a cell phone. A better cell phone.

Colonel we don’t have time to dig a second hole.

We all thought all the cell towers were down as well.

Daddy loves you.

Dude…do you even martial arts.

How to recognize a bad guy…turtleneck

The bullets got stronger…that last one knocked him way back.

You a God Fearing Man? Feels like a question that I will have no right answer for.

Oh…do I have blood on my sleeve?

Phone to the face. Gimli!

Typical Sewer…too shallow.

There is a real deep hole. I saw it with Matt and Christy. Good thing I don’t have a dirty mind.

Duggle bag full of nuke stuff

6 miles in a hour.

It’s a fricken electric train…it’s not a plane…it’s on rails! how hard could the controls be!

I thought this nuke was like the size of a shoe. What the hell is in that duffle bag. If it ain’t at least the size of a duffle bag I am going to be disappointed.

Ok…that is way bigger than the duggle bag and looks like it must weigh at leat a couple hundred pounds. Now I am thinking that dude may have been struggling more with that that bag.

We were going to have 3 bad guys…but we ran out of turtleneck money

Emperor go down the hole.

Sure…we can outrun a nuke.

Good thing we  brought 2 nukes…

Boost the signal? Try again…well shouldn’t you have the signal boosted all the way already…what are you holding back for?

We have twin detonation. I just thought that  up.

How are they measuring plate movement?

Celebrate! We did it…music swell! We saved the planet…we will never do that horrible thing we did again.

Freeze Frame! Freeze Frame.

Meltdown Days Of Destruction looks like a better movie.