[usr 5.0] *WARNING : My show notes are unrated. I do not censor my thoughts while making notes. Listen Now

 

Highlander III: The Sorcerer (1994)

– FilmSack Edition

Opener:   Ah, welcome, sit down highlander. I have some very important things to tell you involving the fine art of sword making IN A CAVE. First, do you know how to make a sword? No? Well, It’s very easy; as long as you have this very special block of steel that I got out of a box of frosted covered Hong Kong Foo’ies. It’s the one with the silly janitor dog on the front. Anyway, The 2nd and most important thing, and where the 1st part will make more sense. Don’t make a sword from Heart and Soul. It’s useless…we tried it…there were a lot of heads lost that millennium…so we added the steel. That seemed to do the trick. Now leave me….I have to gently marinate this sword with my own cave sweat and tears with this cotton ball on a stick.

Twitter:  Highlander III: The Sorcerer (1994) – Like chopping another immortals head off, only to find out the one power you got..is boring Randy to death. Meh. 

 

Stuff I Loved:

Highlander III: The Sorcerer, also known as Highlander III, Highlander III: The Magician, Highlander III: The Final Dimension, Highlander: The Final Dimension and Highlander 3: The Final Conflict,

Looks like someone horse kicked him in the forehead

Oh no…do I have to choose the cup of Christ? Cause I fail at that all the time.

Nope…cave sword maker.

Building swords in a cave.

Sword making is sweaty work.

Time to dob the sword…you know…the most important part…dobbing the sword with a marshmallow.

Mako is so drama

What year is this?

Oh…the world will suffer eternal damnation.

His name is Cain? like Cain and Able? Cain Pebbles….Mario Cain Pebbles.

Hey old man…why you giving me shit…just answer my questions.

TROPE: Cocky old man…going to burn your little village to the ground. Which you conveniently made very flammable.

So I am getting the Wander the earth for answers thing.

People who should not be allowed to do MuHaHa…Mario Van Peebles.

Heart, Soul and Steel. We tried Heart and Soul…but that wasn’t enough…so we added the steel.

Mako’s gift is knowledge.

Time to take a sexy hand and arm bath.

Are you watching highlander? Cause I can’t tell…cause you are behind me..you could be doing anything back there.

Nothing is as it seems…like snake stick.

You have already lost…and in case you were unsure…we will do a solarization of this scene.

I wonder if Mulan is hot on the trail of Mario Van Peebles.

The original Fruit Ninja.

Gord Ninja.

Follow your spirit…and the sword will follow.

Mako seems a little too excited to get his head chopped off.

I don’t want your knowledge Mako.

Man…Christopher Lambert is a little whiney.

The please is always mine…you can’t take that away from me.

Nice door knocker nipples can pebbles.

1 little, 2 little, 3 little Makos.

Trope: Only the real Mako sweats….stupid tropie flaw.

Time for the reaping.

Creepy decapitated Mako making one final threat.

How much later is this?

I ain’t time to be reading all this shit. Just speak English already.

What is that….

Science in a warehouse…my favorite.

Wall to hell…looks like you gonna need a new

Are you still obsessed with the Highlander.

Cost him 400 years….well I hope he spent that time wisely…nope…he is still the same ass. What the hell were they doing in that 400 years?

Well that is one way to do it…chop your fellow immortals head off.

Uh oh….Ishtar that don’t look good…that is highlander lights.

Stupid….how did he think they were dead….he didn’t do the He-Man Can only be one Power collection thing. dumbass.

Bad dates indy…look at all the dates.

NY is the place of the gathering.

Fruit Ninja!

Random energy balls on towers.

Who just drives the police cars into a highly scientific static power collectors.

That is some seriously ugly interior color on that jeep

Who the hell is the set designer on this movie? these places don’t even exist.

Trope: Kid runs to the end of the drive as dad leaves.

Bendayho…ahhh the mean streets of NY.

If you chop the head off of a mexican gang member do you absorb the power to make tasty tacos?

Scotland…that’s a long way from Japan…Well I’m glad we didn’t hire your for your geological knowledge.

Napoleon…crazy

Do crazy people ever think they are Napoleon now? Or have those days past? I know a lot of Jesus posers in the wards…but Napoleon..

Works in a crazy ward…is freaked out by a guy wearing a costume.

That is some industrial sized shit in that hospital.

Is that where they hang the sheets? cause..I’m telling you…some serious infection growing.

This movie has a lot of steam valve release.

Que Omen type music.

Suck in the power of Mountain Dew…Do the Dew

Peebles is Chris Angeling the fook out of those street grifters

Sarah!

Snake Bar! Down at the Sanke Bar!

Snake Bar has a theme…it’s got snakes in biodomes.

Faxed you a headline…also…that is the best looking fax I have ever seen..that was the top of the line

Here let me touch you in front of the sex shop. come.

What kind of weird ass accent is that ho speaking.

No glove….no love.

He ate the condom…

Is it a good idea to put the head back on an immortal?

Thanks Howard.

I type in plaid!

Who the hell has the news report from 400 years ago on McLeod’s Village.

More faxes.

Peebles is totally using his Bane voice

How does he know what a phone is?

Your computer is getting a fax…is that how that works?

He had a beer belly shield in that Dojo.

Here boosoms are heaving…and I’m pretty sure there is nipple. I haven’t seen this much nipple since Batman.

Take this ring…that only only fits on my middle finger up to my 3rd knuckle.

Trope: The “make just one wrong move” cop who is watching…the watcher.

Charlie Brown Drapes.

Try the Finbook. Phone book moron.

Sword that will chop through a head like butter…can’t even scratch scaffolding.

Not my type…a little too pale.

Van Peebles tongue waggle.

The Charlie Brown School Of Immortal Arts.

When your actors can’t do amazing parquor stunts because it is the 80s….you turn them into acrobats and gymnasts.

Always gut stabbing McLeod.

Form of a vulture!  Shape of a puddle of piss.

Meanwhile, down at the Snake Bar.

Brenda Wyatt…that is my great aunt’s name.

Who stabs coffee creamer.

He’s a bad boy…I gotta go back to get some more.

He has John Snow’s sword.

When I need to fix my sword…I bust out a bag of Valencia oranges and eat the whole  damn bag. Then who gives a shit about my broke ass sword…I have the vitamin c levels of a god.

Drumroll please….time to chop the head off.

Face in hands crying is the only appropriate decapitation mourning crying.

I dig his red sex couch…pretty sure that thing converts into about 69 sexual positions.

Ahhh….land lines….remember when you used to could listen in on a conversation. I did…but I would pull the hand receivers plug and then remove the mouth speaker and plug it back in…so there would be no audible click.

Piece of Tartan. TARTAN

The Sorcerer and the Chicano?

Everybody is always trying to kill the mcclouds

Hey was that Encarta 98?

Right where I left it….my bag of sword making tools…gawd I’m out of shape

This is going to be the shittiest sword any immortal has ever wielded….

Wait! I need the sword making totem!

An egg with even a littlier egg inside.

Answering machines…with wood grain.

I’m going to take a cigar…nope…I’m gonna take all of them.

Hey McCleod…I thought I would find you here…in the middle of nowhere…

Rocky Montage.  Wonder if he will be chasing any chickens?

She just gonna sit there while he runs around for days.

Rock and Roll sex video …this was the entire reason for this director

Most intense FilmSack sex scene to date.

She is froggy humping him.

Oh yeah…I have a son.

How does Peebles know how to drive a car? do the phones? basically modern technology.

McLeod…the excuse me cuts in line.

Porsche? McCleods have money

You’re Lying Nash.

The power of illusion…could get you anywhere…what do you do with your new powers? Scare the fuck out of a kid…that sounds like something I would do.

Your Daddy Can’t Save You Now.

Where’s Johnny you say? and you smile in that special way.

Trope: Time for the adventurer to return to action after settling down and having a family. Said family will be i danger.

Sure we could fight out in some open field…but it would be more fun to fight in an enclosed industrial plant type setting with steam and big fans and catwalks.

oooh…you ain’t got no swords

nice cut. time to do the walking tophalf back to the bottom half.

He is the one they call Dr. Feelgood. What a rip off.

I’ll see you in hell…I’ll be the Judge of that? so is he saying he is God?

Technically…you can die….it’s just a lot tougher.

Goodbye Sarah…Hello half hearted reunion with son.