Hardware (1990) – No Disassemble, Johnny 5 is alive. No Disassemble. I swear if you disassemble Johnny 5… I will haunt your ass into the dystopian future and destroy you….disassemble.


Hardware – A movie that requires a second viewing but only deserves one. You put me in a no win situation Mr. Stanley. disassemble means dead.





Stuff I Loved:

Iggy Pop is Angry Bob

Some cowboy synthetic music to start us off

We are in the sand dunes.

Hand in the sand. It is revealed.

Dude…that barbed wire is so loosely placed…I don’t think snipping one piece in going to really make a difference.

It’s a t2000! or Johnny Number 5

It’s bicential man.

Angry Bob coming at you with no fucking good news. That is the news.

Well if you are going to be a little person. Might as well be fat.

Look at my eyes…do I look crazy…cause…yes…yes I am.

Zone Trooper. I’ve seen his type.

You used to be an elf didn’t you.

Man…lots of little people jokes..being PC I guess don’t count in future world.

The last thing I need in my post apocolypic dystopia world is crazy bob radio man.

Your security is a gang member with a bat. Looks like he came from Electric Boogal00 2.

Bug coffee is the best.

Know what the future dystopia world needs? Artists. Especially the kind that make that fruity yard art.

“You the cabbie?” The guy in the yellow cab boat.

So you been keeping an eye on my girl?

What kind of craphole is this?

Your baby is attached to a dead lady

Stir it around….sex talk.

Look at the size of the lens on that polaroid camera

That dude really needs some internet porn

Grossest fat guy watching porn through a telescope ever.

Stop touching me with your machine hand!

Hey Karma Sutra boy…them candles are going to light your pit hair on fire.

There is a fine line between religion and dropping acid.

This movie thought MTV would still be showing music videos in the future.

It’s in our nature to reproduce

I’m talking about big bucks…savvy

Video phones of the future go static when you hang up

More legs that a spider? I don’t think so…I think spiders have 8 legs right.

Best telescope…is the heat sensor kind…cause nothing looks more like porn than a scramble signal.

Major Good Vibes cigarettes.

Apparently nobody has HD in the future

Relief artist who lives on Welfare. That sounds about right.

All that artist lady does is sleep, weld and sex

Why did the junk dealer record himself  reviewing the security tapes

My heart feels like an alligator.

Johnny Number 5 yes disassemble you.

Too silly for silly town.

Military grade robot. taken down by a dollars worth of spray paint used by a useless welfare artist

Guns are not the most effective way to fight a robot.

Trope…thought you was going to shoot me…not…it was the bad guy behind me.

Hides in apartment to avoid war. Crappy soldier boyfriend brings military grade robot over to apartment.

Asians always flourish in future dystopia world

Am I suppose to know what the fook is going on here at the end?

 I guess we don’t need any help destroying ourselves. Football player cut in half. Shoots his buddy.

Jon Mclain moment. Glass feet in the shower.

Look here Johnny cage….get the hell on with it.

nooooo….not hot water!!

Jill goes all Office Space on the cyborg in the shower

Shades? From Teen Wolf?

After watching this movie I realize the world needs a Stiles and Shades movie.

John Lynch is Shades and Jerry Levine is Stiles…2 of the worst wingmen of all time.

My heart feels like an alligator.

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