Small Soldiers

Small Soldiers (1998) (108 minutes – Rated: PG-13)


The Commando Elite are toy action figures programmed to annihilate another toy group, the Gorgonites. But before the Elite have been tested, the son of a toy store owner opens them, causing the Elite to attack the children playing with them.


Directed by        Joe Dante

Produced by        Michael Finnell

Colin Wilson

Written by        Gavin Scott

Adam Rifkin

Ted Elliott

Terry Rossio

Starring                Kirsten Dunst

Gregory Smith

Jay Mohr

Phil Hartman

Kevin Dunn

Denis Leary

Frank Langella

Tommy Lee Jones

Music by        Jerry Goldsmith

Release date(s)                July 10, 1998

Budget                $40 million

Box office        $54,682,547


Opener: I got 2 words for you Alan. Friend Zone! Pretty sure Joe the pervert truck driver prefers older boys. Like Brett. also, your dad is a real jerk.

Twitter:  Small Soldiers – Weird Science, Toy Story (1&2) , Gremlins and being puked on by an encarta full of popular culture terms….lies this movie.


Stuff I Loved:


Was Tobias always bald.

Zoot Suit Riot on Moyer

The real world sucks…except for the boss lady who has a name that sounds like a lady parts exercise.

Are those 12” action figures?

It’s called multimedia Erwin.

Nick Nitro needs some dental work.

Hello Mr. Chips. X1000

Hey dude. 3d printers in 98…that was pretty forward thinking.

Goodbye microbrewerys

The military always screws up stuff.

Why are we obsessed with bringing toys to life.

Trucker Joe is not a very reliable employee

What kind of currency is….a lot

Friendzoned dude. No way is she picking your nerdy toy store over motocycle dude.

Is this the first time anyone saw a bagged salad in a movie?

All these toys are pretty ripped.

Trope: Say name followed by another term. Now your name is Alan Shutup

Keeper of Encarta. Sweeeet

Ergo Keyboards

This is going to be the friendzone movie. I can feel it.

Oh you were dusting…with a crochet mallet.

Your dad is a douche

How can you compete with Brett the atheletic motocycler

educational toys the Gorgonites 

Are you on drugs Crank, Crystal Meth,

Christy Fimple


EMP…that means Eletromagnetic Impluse

The Brain movie cameo…now that is a filmsack movie

This chic likes Led Zeplin and Rush.


build montage. Queen!!

Good ole Phil Hartman. Miss him

“It’s a Trap”

I could have done with some longer music montages. Just when the rock and roll was getting good they cut it.

Every word that the Commado Elite utters is a phrase from popular culture.Started to give me a headache.

That is one mean motorscooter Kirsten Dunst has. It totally E.T.s it over that ditch.

Four Room

Four Rooms (1995)  98 min  Rated R

Four Rooms is a 1995 anthology comedy film directed by Allison Anders, Alexandre Rockwell, Robert Rodriguez, and Quentin Tarantino, each directing one segment of the film that in its entirety is loosely based on the adult short fiction writings of Roald Dahl, especially Man from the South which is the basis for the last segment, Penthouse – “The Man from Hollywood” directed by Tarantino. The story is set in the fictional Hotel Mon Signor in Los Angeles on New Year’s Eve. Tim Roth plays the hotel bellhop, the main character in the frame story, whose first night on the job consists of four very different encounters with various hotel guests.

Opener: Hello? Oh hey mom, No no this is a good time. I just started watching a movie for this week’s Filmsack. Yeah..that’s the one with Scott, Brian & Randy. What’s that? The title of the movie? Something about Rooms….I don’t know… I added it to my instant queue last week…I think it might be either a pink panther movie or a sequel to Pee Wee’s Big Adventure…right right…PAGING MR. HERMAN…MR. HERMAN.  hehe…at any rate….How is da…. Holy jumped-up baldheaded  (Hay-Soos)  palomino mom. I think Paul Rubens is about to have sex is a porcelain tub full of bodily fluids. DANG YOU SCOTT BRIAN AND RANDY!!

Twitter: Four Rooms – Woody Allen lives on in this Softcore porn Anthology that drops more F bombs than a half-dozen tourettes suffers in a tub full of piranahs and body fluids. Doodie Smootie


Stuff I Loved:

Tits in the opening credits

Tim Roth is a goober

Witches… Rosemary…

Pussy shirt

What kind of Tub is that.

Madonna seems totally natural around boobies.

All the girls who took off their tops didn’t have much of a career after that.

Milk from a mother’s sweet tittie

That is one gross tub of fluids.

Breather of fire.

Bell Hop.

No sex with a Klingon.

Wow…cartoon graphics in 1995…

This is totally Love Boat

Am I watching softcore porn or what?

404 ice


Room 404; The wrong man.

The Relic

The Relic (1997)  110 min Rated R

The Relic is a 1997 science fiction/horror film directed by Peter Hyams and based on the best-selling novel Relic by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. The film stars Penelope Ann Miller, Tom Sizemore and Linda Hunt. The original music score was composed by John Debney. The film is rated R for monster violence, gore, and language.


Holy crap Fred. I just passed by the hot scientist ladies’ office and she was in there with the   creepy german lady and professor wheelchair talking about  shit on a leaf and  topless ushers..what a bunch of freaks….Fred you in there? Fred?  hello

Topless Ushers For The Ballet. The Wheelchair scientist is down with that.

Twitter: The Relic – Red carpet roller! In a hurry! Coming through people! We got red carpet to lay here! It’s red. best part of the movie. cause it was the part I could see

Stuff I Loved:

Hey, here is a bit of advice. Don’t drink what the tribe man gives you.

You can’t park your boat here!

I have to get my Chip out of the harbor

I’m just going to Indiana Jones my way back onto the Chip.

Man…I’m really sweating.

Am I going blind? This movie is really dark.

I can’t stop screaming! what did they give me!

The pointy end is the bow. It’s a ship…not a boat.

His ex-wife got custody of the dog

Is this red stuff on the wall blood?


Cat! Always a cat. Scream!

What is that smell? It smells like Cat Anus.

We found the body…

Nice trucker cap.

Walk Children…Walk!! it’s the Walk lady.

No…I’m not “sc-a-r-ed”

The Inside “walk” man.

It’s the lady from the Incredibles.

She always plays the same German like lady.

So put on your party dress.

Revolution Biologist. Where our tails go?

“Margo!” Holy shite! Scared the crap out of me.

Topless Ushers For The Ballet. The Wheelchair scientist is down with that.

Are these eggs? No…fungus.

Do they look like eggs to you? Moron.

This fridge is for creepy fungus eggs…not food.

This is like Night At The Museum…

What they going to do…put us in Museum jail?

Man…I wish I had a public restroom with a window. You see them in the movies all the time…but I can’t think of a single public restroom with a window. Movie magic?

Was he smoking pot? or was it a filterless cigarette.

“No Margo…they aren’t eggs…they’re fungus…shut up professor wheelchair…I know that.”

Worked myself to the bone…that was pretty good.

Guy in a wheelchair…is that a horror trope?

What are you…scared? That is a classic movie line. I have never said that in real life.

I remember those flying bird banners outside the museum.

“Hang onto your fucking hat”….I’m not wearing a hat! Have you ever seen me wear a hat.


Don’t step over the body….it’s bad luck.

This is like the original CSI

oh…Jeffrey Dahmer reference….how fresh was that when this movie was made?

Beetles in Bug Beetles?

Don’t touch a penny face down…it’s bad luck.

Don’t look a good place to light a match.

Empty….that is the definition of empty

No drugs…just minor relics

Black stone!

Don’t you hate someone who just takes head and never gives it.

Read something on the internet? This is realy internet.

What a sarcastic and hilarious morgue lady.

The brain fell out.

Brought to you by Evian.

No food…unless it is my sandwhich.

Nothing sounds like more fun than touring the relics wing of the museum at night…by yourself after a murder!!

Wait…murders and monsters don’t use the sink.’s the cleaning lady. phew.

Red carpet roller! In a hurry! Coming through fellas! We got red carpet to lay!

Espesso vs Latte cop talk

These cops are real good at spotting blood.

They are missing their hypo thalomos

Sounds like the Tardis is coming in. Or is that the creature breathing?

Headaches were caused by sorcery. I agree. Kill the sorcery!

It’s the same stink!! I would recognize that stink anywhere.

This whole movie is so freaking dark.

Pretty sure you just shot a bum.

Have you ever seen my wife’s clevage?

As much as I deem GD neccessary

I need a team of dogs. Get better dogs.

Bugs check in…but they make an evolutionary jump when they come out!

big beetle…big beetle chase me

Human Hypothalamus

Fred Ford is a great name.


“Down the stairs?” That’s right professor wheelchair.

It’s how chicago stays warm? Farts?

We got your better dogs. See ya better dogs!


Thank you for coming out tonight….have you seen my wife’s tits.

Where do you get a giant pair of novelty scissors

Coffee affinados

The over laugher at the Mayor.

are descending cages really a thing in museums? With vault doors.

I feel the same way after an hour at the museum. LET ME OUT!! Fuck the doors…just bust through the glass.

It’s only for the lab area (chicago accent,.)


Do you have plenty of ammo? I’m loaded…no…really I’m drunk. Gimmie some bullets.

Are you Spiderman Dagusta?

Nom Nom Nomm…hypothalumus!

I think the monster has asthma

That was effective….pulling the “help me” guy up…suddenly he is lighter. Oops…no lower torso.

Match…Homo Sapien.

Scientist make fighting monsters easier.

I don’t think they are going to make it.

Breaking off into groups. Never a good idea…unless you are in the happening. Then you want to be in Walhbergs group.

Oh no! It’s mostly made of science boy!!

Run! Throw bottles at him! Run!!

She is not carefully measuring those compounds…if you have ever been in chemistry class…you know that means explosion!!

Monsters are always leaky…drip drip drip

mmm….monster kisses are the best.

I’m a firestarter…IT BURNS!!

You go to hell…you protein plant eating beast!!

Star Trek III The Search For Spock

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock (1984) (105 minutes – Rated: PG)

a 1984 American science fiction film released by Paramount Pictures. The film is the third feature film of the Star Trek science fiction franchise and is the center of a three-film story arc that begins with Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and concludes with Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. After the death of Spock (Leonard Nimoy) the crew of the USS Enterprise returns to Earth. When James T. Kirk (William Shatner) learns that Spock’s spirit, or katra, is held in the mind of Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy (DeForest Kelley), Kirk and company steal the Enterprise to return Spock’s body to his home planet. The crew must also contend with hostile Klingons, led by Kruge (Christopher Lloyd), bent on stealing the secrets of a powerful terraforming device.


Twitter:  Star Trek III: The Search For Spock


Stuff I Loved:

The Search for spork.

Memories look like blue and sounds like vox

his was the mo….st….human (The shatner choke up)

This is the same voice effect they used in the new Star Trek movie when spock was explaining red matter.

We apparently shot Spocks space coffin into some kind of ewok moon

Spock carcass…out of sight out of mind. Polluting the universe with dead vulcans.

James Horner composed some rocking mood music.

Deforest-ation Kelley….

When you do something as bold as put your plot in the title of your film… it becomes misdirection spock for 30 minutes until we reveal the true way spock returns. “Has Spock returned? Not yet….wait for it.”

Look at those pointy side burns Admiral Kirk.. Rocking.

How casual is Admiral Kirk in his open breast uniform. Would somebody button up that flap already.

We must have some sort of neck wear fetish in the future. Everybody’s neck’s have those paper decorations frills they put on turkey legs that look like tiny chef’s hats.

Uhuru is like….what the hell did that brother just ask the admiral. Mutha…do not be talking to the captain on the bridge…are you stupid.

I don’t think the federation has

Valkris is showing some major cleavage in this movie. I see how Valkris was able to infiltrate the dirty old man contingent. Can I get a Scott fletcher boobies? Valkris I freely give you my information. Also, my creepy white-haired cohort would like to see your left boob. He has a very specific fetish. Also, we we have no razors on this cargo ship and no protection from these really sweet solar tans.

1.21 gigawatts of Klingon.

I like to keep my mostly immobile slimy Klingon pit bull next to my captain’s chair. In case I get the urge to pet something slimey.

Wonder if the was doc brown’s doc “einstein (inie)” after a failed travel back in time.

I don’t know what these Klingons are saying…but I think it is something about making a mashup of data interspersed with pictures of captain kirk.

Little known fact. Those are Christopher Lloyd’s real eyebrows.

I wonder if they had to get that Klingon ship up to 88 mph to hit hyperspace

Why is our Klingon ship green.

She is suppose to have Transwarp drive.

“And if my grandmother had wheels she would be a wagon.”

Reba looked real surprised that the enterprise was returning.

“This is not pos-e-ble”

I want to comment on the security team’s uniforms outside of Spock’s quarters.

Is that the deathstar on the wall in Spock’s quarters?

Bones. You got some major cataracts

Extended shore leave for all…except you Scotty. more work for you.

What other Galactic controversies are there?

Genesis effect. Insert Phil Collins joke here.

Klingons…speaking English when nobody is looking

Geez man. It’s good to see the future holds no reservations about running a buzz word into the ground. Genesis Planet, Genesis Effect, Genesis Torpedo, Genesis Experiment

Tell the federation…Captain’s Spock’s Tube Located. It’s in his pants.

What kind of wind breaker body suit is Kirk wearing in his casual wear.

It’s SPOCK! No…it’s his dad.

The Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few…or the one…Do you really need to expand on how few you are talking about.

Don’t be mind melding with me.

The Vulcan Way.

Slugs. Why did it have to be slugs.

Somebody is really shaking those trees on the Genesis planet.

Hey bar waitress. Can I get you a moist wipe. You seem to have some makeup on your face.

Look here yoda wannabe. Just take me to genesis on your ship.

Cactus and snow! Klingon dogs and cats…living together. Mass Hysteria.

Federation Funny Farm…is that appropriate


Trope. Sleepy security guard.

The McCoy escape was very Star Wars.

“Up your shaft.”…Scotty quote.

Hind End of space. What are you, 5?

What do they keep in the Transporter Room closet?

Can anyone read that caution sign on the transporter in the space dock.

Dear lord, Does everybody have a collar or neck fetish in this movie? Look at the collar on Kird…or little boy blue collar Checkov is wearing.

How fast is 1 quarter impulse power…that seems kind of fast for inside a space dock.

What kind of staff or wand is the Captain of the Excelsior holding?

Klingon’s…choke or be choked.

Slackjaw’ed kid spock.

Every 7 years Vulcan males get all goofy.

Did she just have sex with 14 year old spock?

Scotty always has an excuse. “I wasn’t planning on taking us into battle.” Blah blah blah

Spock-formation is very manimal.

Oh sure…get off the planet. We’ll just beam up to the enterpr—- oh yeah. I screwed that pooch already.

I don’t need to see all this rockslide crap. Too soon.

What color of purple is Kirk wearing.

You have no idea how many times I have wanted to Klingon Choke someone.

Where is a Klingon’scroat   Christopher Lloyd took it right to the junk and hardly flinched.

Kirk was more choked up by Spock’s death than his own son.

Are they going to put Spock in a Wok? Where is Wynona rider.

I would not want old lady fingers that close to my nose.

2 hairs styles on Vulcan for men. Bald or Bowl. It’s the only 2 logical choices.

.screw the enterpise and Kirks’ long as Spock is on the road to recovery. We are good for a happy ending..


Death Race 2000

Death Race 2000 (1975)  80 min Rated R

Death Race 2000 is a 1975 cult action film directed by Paul Bartel, and starring David Carradine, Simone Griffeth and Sylvester Stallone. The film takes place in a dystopian American society in the year 2000, where the murderous Transcontinental Road Race has become a form of national entertainment. The screenplay is based on the short story The Racer by Ib Melchior.[3]

Opener: Does this super gimp costume make me look fast? Super gimpy…yeah.

Oh! It’s murder race day. What am I going to wear!? Let’s see…My Ernhart shirt? Hmmm…not sure if he exists in this timeline. How about my Speed Racer shirt? Nah…too french…and we hate the french…or is that japan…the scarf always throws me off…oui oui little monkey…..No wait…I got it…my gimp suit…oh and this cape…SUPER GIMPY! Just need to zip this up…….HOLY BALLS! MY NIPPLE! Holy Nipples My balls!!

Twitter: Death Race 2000 – Like running over the racing pope in your suped up corvette wearing a gimp suit. Wait…it was nothing like that. Creamed and reamed.

Stuff I Loved:

Race pope!

Know what we need. A really real closeup of a marching band.

Beautiful mat painting of the future!!

Great American Multitude.

20th Annual

5 bravest of men and woman.

3 days for American Champion.

Transcontinental Road Race

Alright, Alright. Bruce Buddy Buddy.

Her friends and lovers.

I dream of Jeannie!

There is no cause for alarm. State of Suspended animation.Ewwww…Frankenstein!

How is Mr. President.

It’s good to see the Nazis come back en vogue in the future

Buzz Bomb has a little bit more juice  this year.

Not a lot of fans of Nero

Who was Joe shooting at? Creamed and reamed.

T-Video satellite.

The AntiHero – Frankenstein, Mobsters, Nero, Nazi and Sex pots?

I spit on your car

The president is broadcasting from a smokehouse.

Minority privileged?

TV…the only network.

Mr. President is in Moscow.

The world crash of 79.

Mat Painting for the future

Did she bedazzle that helmet herself?

Howard Cosell  to Junior Bruce

If you win a race you become top dog.

No…they did not speed up the film during the race.

Mr. P loves you…GIVE HER THE D!

Alright alright…and hey hey hey… – Junior Bruce

Don’t you know about my face.

What…are we out a crazy straws?

It’s worse than I thought! You look like David Carradine!

What morons work on the road on transcontinental death race day?

Retard the spark 3 degrees

Not a lot of wind blowing on the outside of a racecar

How fast you move determines how long you live? I would think sitting in a tank would be more effective.

You would think you would get more points for more able bodied people.

A beautiful kill. A neat kill.

We are just going to roll out these old people from the geriatrics ward.

Best ever run over scene..stupid nurses.

What were they feeding that baby!

Start the Jam!!

Future race car Siri…has no information

Dumbasses. Got on the wrong side of the barracade

Get off the rope!!

I got a big ole knife on the front of my car…

and is a spitshine the only kind of car wax of the future? Loogie!

Everybody gets a body builder masseuse except for that one lady. She gets scrawny guy.

Frankenstein…Gimp Suit With A Cape. A good friend of mine.

Your fan club loves you…and we also belong to an astrology group…just saying

Carradine is sporting the skimpy gimp. Everybody will be wearing it.

Is he suggesting the Swiss doctors replace his junk?

Oops, dropped my glove.

Chrysler! Ran over the deacon.

You can’t score religious personalities

Joe…you’re salivating.

Hope that was some high speed film…splat the girl.

Chicken in a basket….chicken in a casket

That’s the oldest prison gang biker I ever done saw.

Oh shit! They closed the hole on him.

Who got the last laugh now.

Who gives a GD shit.

I did it….I’m no smuck!

All I got to do is run through a cyclone fence.

Hey look…it’s another gimp…and he’s waving…he’s like a friendly gimp.

Stupid french. ruining everything…including the phone system.

Does your death race insurance cover the navigator driving the car? I think not. DEATH!

We get a bulldozer and we trim this edge…Shutup!

Pictures of you all over the outhouse.

Hey…here is a plan. Don’t run straight…it’s pretty easy to avoid a car…holy hell…ass blood.

Haaa…They ordered an Acme hole in the wall and put up a detour sign. Totally Wile E Coyote’d the Nazis.

Me? oh nothing pa…I’m just pushing a tire in my overalls and silk shirt.

If the compound is in Japan….ooooh..

Who do you work for?

Replacement Goon Gimp.

What is wrong with Roger?

Joe is a bit of a food slob.

That dude has a lot of pens. The future FBI has a lot of pens.

I told you to stop playing that song!

Clam sauce is nasty.

Super Gimp!

The damn French. So typical. Stinking european allies.

Come on Franky…use some Kung Fu

70s fighting music is the worst…the fighting ain’t much better.

also, 70s love making music ain’t much better.

Native American Know How?

That funny man from Chicago. Ran over his own pit crew.

Calamity Jane always knew the 3 point turn would be the death of her.

hand gernade…get. it…it’s a hand…and it’s a gernade!!

hey, let’s stop for a lengthy moral discussion…we are only racing here.

I’ll just kill the president by running him over with my kill car…why didn’t I think of that!

No more death race…no more ruling abroad…restore free elections…Minority Privilege is revoked…wait…what?

Mr. & Mrs President Frankenstein.

Bad Ass

Bad Ass (2012)  90 min  Rated R

Bad Ass is a 2012 American action film written & directed by Craig Moss, the film stars Danny Trejo, Charles S. Dutton, and Ron Perlman.[1][2][3] It is loosely based on the viral AC Transit Bus fight internet video. A sequel is in the works, entitled Bad Asses.

A Vietnam veteran who becomes a local hero after saving a man from attackers on a city bus decides to take action when his best friend is murdered and the police show little interest in solving the crime.

Opener: Hey, I don’t know about you guys…but I had an interesting week. Usually I just watch my FilmSack assignments at home by myself. But I decided this time I would combine my new year’s resolution of spending more time with the elderly and watching more Trejo movies…. into one giant night….. of mistakes. On a totally unrelated note…can one of you guys come pick me up at the bus station?….. In Colorado.

Twitter: Bad Ass: Seriously, can you guys come pick me up. My backup plan of selling hotdogs at the bus station to get home has fallen through.  What, No I don’t want a viagra

Stuff I Loved:

Places I get my LA News. LANN. You Tube and the news paper, also, graphitti

Skin Heads on the bus!

Treo looked like a normal kid.

60 ACRES! You was land rich.

Football hero. Small town.  Wait…is Trejo the Spanish Superman?

Suddenly, Vietnam!

Also, Forrest Gump has forever ruined me taking the Vietnam war serious. Damn you Tom Hanks Everytime I see someone getting shot in Vietnam I think “Something jumped up and bit me on the butt.”

Geez man, how long was he in Vietnam. Time enough to get knocked up…twice

Do you take advatage of the GI Bill? Nope….suck it.

Your back up plan is a hotdog stand? Crap, that was my backup plan.

I do not need to see Trejo crying. No sir.

That lady’s hinnie was pretty sweet.

How come Skin Heads are always so happy in movies. Until they get their asses handed to them.

Do not kick my ass while I am sitting down.

hehe…the irony. “I don’t want to fight….but I wear a shirt that say, I’m a motherfucker on the back of it.” Also, baby blue is not your color.

“They called it a drive-along.” I call it keeping your eyes on the Treo.

This movie makes me want mexican food…and occasionally street dogs.

It’s going to be alright biscuit? His nickname is biscuit?

What happens when Bad Asses mom dies.

“Street Cleaning” that is your initiative? Street Cleaning?

Behind the green horse

This movie took a turn for the Blue

What! You are moving in with me? I thought you and your masterbasting son were just staying the night.

Biscuit don’t do no computer crap.

I am starting to see what killed dear old mom. Booze and Smokes.

These guys got a ton interesting names.

You brought fists to a gun fight?

Man Biscuit can’t get a break.

Don’t “Gonna do out best” arm slap me.

Bad Ass does it again.


You have to be a Bad Ass to wear that fanny pack.

Official drink of the Cholo.

This TV is so old it only plays old 90s infommercials.

hehe…gold chain in the grass. Who could see that! Talk about your

Sherlock Trejo. Detective Trejo. Trejo-lobo.

“She’s friendly with the wife.” What a horrible term.

Also, can’t miss it. is a horrible navigation term.

hehe…I can’t spell all that bad language in my head

What about Trejo says “Talk to me like a sarcastic asshole so when I kick your ass no one will feel sorry for you..”

This is like an everyday man’s look at the world after the internet. Dropping names like Thumb Drives, YouTube and WikiLeaks, cell phones and emoticons. This movie was totally targeted for the 60+ crowd. Youth sucks.

Ron Perlman has the best voice

Just an old motherfucker looking for revenge. That sounds like a problem to me.

Everybody has a Vietnam nick name.

Then a bond reference for no reason

Things got real with that garbage disposal

Man. The mouth on that kid

Only another old fart can kick bad asses ass

Oh look. Gas rags on gas containers

You just knew it had to end with a game of chicken involving buses

Want me to tell you what night time phone footage uploaded to YouTube looks like. It looks like spotted dick.

Should have stayed at home with no door

Bad Ass the theme song

Haha….slow motion KO…glaaaargh

Ha! Somebody send an ambulance.

This is like a 60 year old’s wet dream

We had boobies in this movie.