Moonraker

Moonraker (1979) (126 min – Rated: PG)

Moonraker (1979) is the eleventh spy film in the James Bond series, and the fourth to star Roger Moore as the fictional MI6 agent James Bond. The third and final film in the series to be directed by Lewis Gilbert, it co-stars Lois Chiles, Michael Lonsdale, Corinne Cléry, and Richard Kiel. Bond investigates the theft of a space shuttle, leading him to Hugo Drax, the owner of the shuttle’s manufacturing firm. Along with space scientist Dr. Holly Goodhead, Bond follows the trail from California to Venice, Rio de Janeiro, and the Amazon rainforest, and finally into outer space to prevent a plot to wipe out the world population and to re-create humanity with a master race.

Opener: Welcome to my castle James, as you can see I am insanely rich…and I like to play the piano for hot lady models in the morning and feed my doberman’s red meat which I keep in this silver serving tray…also, this is my asian servant. He will surely be performing some kind of karate on you shortly.

Twitter:  Moonraker – Like jumping from a plane with a parachute then having it ripped away from you about halfway down. up until then it was a lot of fun. now…a lot of arm waving and screaming.

 

Stuff I Loved:

Gah…you got me…you well dressed man…guess that is what I get for looking down the barrel of my gun…from the inside.

We named the space shuttle Moonraker…crap…wrong bond.

Sweet. Look at these convenient human sized cargo holds.

Andy Samberg’s dad is one of the shuttle thieves

OOOOHH..Red Phone! Batman….where is the cake cover?

Ha…this movie is puny.  Last leg.

Who wears a parachute helmet like that…

Punches and kicks used to sound weird in movies.

Must keep hands in frame as I chase down guy for parachute.

Alright…I don’t care what you say….the skydive fight scene is one of the best in bond.

What’s the difference between skydiving and falling to your death. A parachute and a lot of screaming and arm waving.

Ha!! Loved the look Jaws when he realized his rip cord was useless.

mmmm…Broccoli

Hey…these bond chics aren’t even nekk’d in the opening scenes.

Can we just say how iconic the bond intros are. Wait…that was a booby. Apparently, if a booby shot is over 30 years old it is PG. Cause that lady is probably a grandma by now…and grandma boobs are PG..what teenager would get excited at 30 year old booby.

Look at this..it’s a mirror.

A “fine tooth” comb

Standard issue minigun watch.

So this is top secret location then…I mean with the big “Moonraker” stenciling on the

As part of worker conformity week…everybody has to wear tight white polyester workout uniforms…and we are going to be doing a lot of toe touches.

I am insanely rich…and I like to play the piano for hotties in the morning and feed my doberman’s red meat I keep in this silver serving tray…also, this is my asian servant. He will surely be performing some kind of karate on your shortly.

Cucumber Sandwich? No? Then how about

Dr. GoodHead…I don’t get it. Is that some kind of sexual reference?

Nerdy Sexy ladies. “Holly Goodhead” Who turns that into something naughty. Because really…there is nothing very sexual about the name Goodhead…I mean…it probably is just a family name that means her forefathers were probably smart as well…but nooooo…Bond has nothing but sex on the mind.

I have a “chicken switch”

Hey…while you are here…I think we should randomly put you into a g-force machine…that probably takes about 8 hours to calibrate before anyone gets in…but we got it all warmed up for you.

Push the Chicken Switch ya durn fool!

Calculating…calculating. You are screwed.

Everybody knows you keep the primary motivator for a g-force machine in the dashboard.

If you shoot the speedometer in a machine it will stop…dur.

I can’t walk after I get off a tire swing. No way could I take that many g’s and walk away.

I don’t think she wants to kiss you bond. No wait…I was wrong. Bow-chic-a-bow-wow

That chic just told you she didn’t know how to read. But you just kept right on shagging her didn’t you. She needs your help to get out of an abusive relationship not your penis Mr. Bond. Not your penis.

beep beep boop….beep beep boop.

Oh you impressed the illiterate house slave with your fancy electronic safe opening tools.

Ha…007 spy camera. Bet I want one of those.

Dude…that cook is one bad apple. When does he have time to cook anything stalking bond.

Part of our Astronaut training is shooting pheasant

2001 space odyssey?

I am rich…..see…I even have a little broom in my hat…I use it to sweep up little messes when my servants are not looking.  

Come on randy…you can’t tell me he shot a man out of a tree with a shotgun.

Run lady…run! She never even got to learn how to read.

Climb a tree stupid. You can’t outrun dogs. You can outclimb them. Bam…that’s why dogs hate cats.

Dang the glass lady is hot.

Go anywhere you wish….wait! not there stupid. Why you take me so literal…that is staff only.

Hey lady…they have better security on a phone at walmart. beeeep…yeah…that is going to stop me from stealing a 1 million dollar glass thingy.

I would love to ride on one of those Italian mime boats…as long as it doesn’t go up against one of the knife throwing casket boats.

If your whole schtick is knives….maybe you should be a little better than that. Imagine all the hours of prep work to just take one to the chest by an amatuer.

Wait…whose boat is that? Was that mime pilot in co-hoots? cause bond just totally sold that dude out.

Red ribbon straw hats are not for everyone.

What the crap…is that the tone from Close Encounters of the Third Kind? It was!

Trivia:

For the scene involving the opening of the musical electronic laboratory door lock in Venice, producer Albert R. Broccoli requested special permission from director Steven Spielberg to use the five-note melody from his film Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977). In 1985, Broccoli would return the favour by fulfilling Spielberg’s request to use the James Bond theme music for a scene in his film, The Goonies (1985)

Eeek…somebody took the raptor dna

Way to go bond…you just killed us all.

The accidental murderer…sorry Lab techs…I left this where it would fall and kill you all.

Bond has on clonky shoes…should be easy to find.

Like a bamboo fencer in a glass shop.

“You!!….You put mayonnaise on my cucumber sandwich and now this…oh you are so going down…also…you scream like you have a deviated septum.”

Bond is way OP

Standard CIA equipment? You mean like a purse phone?

Does CW mean anything to you? Yes…Supernatural. The Hugleys

Dang…I don’t remember scary clown suit…that was awesome!!

Secret agents have secret fights…fight club? Never let the public know.

alright…alright…you have steel teeth…but does that give you superhuman jaw strength?

Apparently he already had plenty of strength…nevermind…can climb

“His name is jaws…he kills people” – I just wrote your wiki

Dolly. I think that pushup bra may be pushing up too much.

Look at that grill

Nothing suspicious about a bunch of dudes rushing to your aid with some

Worst ambulance driver ever

7Up had a vested interest in this movie

You would really think there would be better rear doors with some kind of safety thing to keep people from flying out of the rear of them and rolling down the street. Same with Herts.

Wait…when did this become a western? and Karate Monks. What the crap…Laser guns! SOLD

Don’t see too many River speed boats.

These boat henchmen really conform to the henchmen uniform code.

There is a lot of action in this movie.

I would have thought there would have been a lot more moon in MoonRaker

Bond seems to be all about timing. I can’t remember the last time I was parasailing and saw a beautiful woman lead me on a foot chase.

Man…Roger Moore has a cleft in his chin to make someone with a clefty chin jealous.

These women take a weird pleasure in watching a dude die

Jaws loves grabbing people by the head.

Holy cow. 6 MoonRakers!

I’m starting to think some of these dude just joined the moonraker initiative to make out with models.

Lasers!

Jaws turns out to be a good guy

All the lasers are blue…how are you suppose to know who the bad guy is?

Drax should just shut up.

 

Resident Evil

Resident Evil (2002)  100 min Rated R

Resident Evil is a video game based film series based upon the Capcom video games of the same name. Constantin Film bought rights to the first film in January 1997 with Alan B. McElroy and George A. Romero as potential writers. In 2001 Sony acquired distribution rights to the film and hired Paul W. S. Anderson as writer and director for Resident Evil (2002). He continued on as writer and producer for Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) and Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), and returned as director for a fourth installment, Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010) and the fifth film Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), in 3D. A sixth installment is planned for a 2015 release date.

Opener: Hello? Who is this? I just woke up in front of this microphone and I can’t remember a durn thing. But you guys seem pretty cool. Mind if I hang out for about an hour… Oh wait…I’m starting to remember something now…oh yeah..I must have forgotten…I’M COMPLETELY EVIL! Oh…man…what a convenient time for me to remember that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resident_Evil_(film_series)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120804/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Twitter: Resident Evil – Like being stuck on an elevator with the frogpants all-stars You just can’t decide to kill first.  It’s Randy. Checkmate.

 

Stuff I Loved:

Umbrella Corporation

such a tiny screen…

I have robot arms!

Green and blue tubes!

DNA glass.

screw you guys…I’m throwing down a blue tube.

mmm…coffee….THANK YOU! sacrastic

Why do we have dobermans in cages?

We have to wear all white in the lab.

wet t-shirt contest

“you take it easy!”

Elevators are the worst.

If you work for a company that is willing to gas you…maybe find a new job.

That lady fits through the hole now.

my favorite Milla. half naked mila.

Do you ever wipe the bathroom mirror with your bare hand? I always use a towel. They always use their bare hands in movie…MILLA NIP!

What does my handwriting look like…ohh..not like that.

I’m a cop…you are breaking my arm! how does it feel!

Arm computer!!

Eva Mendez always looks so angry…or like she just smelt some bad milk.

It’s that dude from the Following TV show…with Kevin Bacon!

spin cam…

Those awesome computer graphics of the mansion…didn’t have any money for texture mapping?

Racoon City!

anybody got one of those sweet ass long welding rods.

We gassed you….but why? who knows.

say Hive one more time motherfucker

The elevators in this building SUCK!

How come all you guys get battle wear gear and I have to wear this silky red skorts dress thing.

Red queen went CRAZY!

Here wear my jacket…it completes that ensemble.

You just got the Military “Sup…let’s move” head bob.

Why does this room have vent tubes and fog on the floor?

What is that room. It looks like a library full of tardis boxes

uh oh…feeding tubes. that can’t be good..

What you see!

I said keep it tight…like vaginal rejuvenation

What’s taking so long? What do you think…I’m typing shit on a unix system.

The hallway of death

The lights are automated! I’m almost all the way down the hall.

Check mate…I don’t think you want to play Chess with a computer. How about arm wrestle!

All computer problems can be fixed with a reboot.

Know what helps when working on a computer problem….yelling.

One of my favorite scenes is the laser hall

Laser chopping…it slices…it dices…it sucks.

Who let the dogs out…who who

Why reboot…how about just leave it off.

2002…ushered in the new generation of Zombie flicks.

Shot to one leg…nope…shot to 2nd leg…nope….Spray her face off.

She was crazed…she bit me.

Jill…..Barry…

The only shot worth taking is a head shot. Zombie Movies

The zombie scrum. You do not want to be the ball.

Oh wow…those special effects did not hold up. Computer graphics were not quite up to snuff.

Pretty much anytime you cover a doberman in spaghetti…I’m scared.

Some zombies can be knocked unconscious

This movie exists on Jump scenes.

Them dobermans were all like…hey…bacon.

Something about Milla that makes you believe…with enough hard score metal shredding she can do anything…mostly slow motion kicking dogs in the face…but maybe more.

Lisa…you’ve changed.

son of a bitch!

The need to feed

The old…go the hell on now…I’m sacrificing my life so you can live….so how about not making my death pointless. Fly…you fools.

I was bad…but I forgot….now I good…maybe.

Noooo! He’s the bad guy! But he’s been with us the whole time. Oh yeah…now I remember…I am evil! Time to be evil!

T-Virus

Don’t negotiate with douche bag computers with british accents.

Why can’t antiviruses be in normal hypodermic needles…why they always got to be those big ass caulk gun looking motherfuckers.

I wonder if those random hammock of pipes in the train will come into play.

YEP

third rail mother humper. Burn! BURN!

Part 2….you better believe it

Oh man…they really ganked up her hair.

Hey…we got a hospital gown for you…it’s made out of 2 napkins.

Well those door card swipers kind of suck.

.

The Philadelphia Experiment

The Philadelphia Experiment (1984) – 

Alright, in this scene we need some Birds and a few fog horns and some dingys off in the distance for this harbor shot. Caw Caw.. Caw Caw. Ding Ding Ding.. Meeeeeeee Ooooooooo…also…here…drink this coke. It’s transcends time and pays for this movie.

Something clever. Coke. also, something clever. Coke

Twitter:  The Philadelphia Experiment – The Final Countdown in reverse. What if they were two ships in the same time hole.

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087910/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Philadelphia_Experiment_(film)

 

Stuff I Loved:

I think you are confusing your 1940s with something earlier?

Dudes will do anything to get laid. Including joining the military.

Time to mix this junk up.

This is more my speed…time to point to the sky and spin my finger around.

Hey soldier. You knocked up your gal.

Sound Foley. I need some Birds and a few fog horns and some dingys off in the distance for this harbor wide shot. Bam. Done. Caw Caw Caw. Ding Dingy. Meeeeeeee Oooooo

Activate the rainbow one (activate the rainbow connection. Muppets)

Generator activated sir. Time to put on your glasses dramatically

Sure are a lot of tubes in this room.

You just need to make it invisible to radar…not the world.

Hey…didn’t we already watch this movie one time…what was that movie where the aircraft carrier traveled through time? was that 1978?

hehe…don’t go overboard of a ship if you have no idea where it is spatially.

Flash Flash Flash. What do we need to do to make it look like time travel.

What is that?

Run Jimmy! It’s some kind of future hover craft.

So the helicopter chased Jimmy..saw him electrocute himself on a fence and didn’t bother following up? ooohh..it’s crashed and burned.

Nice pants…sailor.

ha. Welcome to the 80s. How you like our women?

Worst part of going forward in the future. You probably ain’t got nearly enough money to survive.

Also, Schlitz connection. at the restaurant…next to the arcade machines.

Scotty’s Junction.

The future is full of titties and noise.

Hey…it’s robocop lady

“Hey lady…get off the phone…I’m from the 40s…you ain’t got no rights. Shoo”

What’s wrong with your hand sailor. How about you not dirty up my forks.

hehehe….Love pa.

I can’t drive your new fangled machine! what is this? a chevy? automatic?

Why do people always freak out when you ask them what year it is?

Newsflash. We won WW2

What the hell do you mean you quit cigarettes?! who quits cigarettes? My doctor said they make you refreeashing

Hey!! A Commodore 64 spotting at the secretary at the army base.

That lady is a dude.

We’ve all got problems honey.

Got this kind of brooklyn accent going on.

Pretty sure I heard a falcon screech when Jimmy went back in time.

Keystone cop military.

Ha…love the scene in the elevator. Let’s act casual for just a minute…like I am not standing right next to you.

“We opened up a hole Barney.”

Hehe…news casters from the 80s have weird news sets.

Rainbow digital

I got you some magazines…I figured you were a sailor from from the 40s…so I got you Boob.

Phew…Caller ID was not a widespread thing in 1984…you can’t do the call and ask something weird and hang up anymore.

Man…Coke had a huge part in this movie

What the wormhole!

We have a city and a battleship in our time hole and a coke can!

Your pops was at least 70 or 80. Why you crying. He did good.

Pam is all like…what the hell…are you some kind of Vampire!!

All the doors sound the same when they close in this movie.

Is that Jimmy? Sweeeet. He made it back.

Way to go. Jimmy is thinking he has lost his mind all over again.

That dude as at least a 10 gallon hat.

Jimmy doesn’t have a high tolerance for anything.

How hard is it to drive a car without a windshield? I mean..

Ahhh….remember when cars use to roll over and burst into flames. I miss those days.

do you have any idea how smelly horses are in a cage like that. No way are you making out.

Oops…I did it again. Professor time hole.

Hey Starbucks friend. You driving this thing or what?

Wonder how many wind machines they had for this movie?

I applaud you for not dragging out long goodbyes

When we said turn off the machine…we meant to push the off button…Not bust all the tubes up…but we do have to admit…that looked pretty darn cool. Good job sailor.

Hey Davey…how about telling Jimmy to keep all that mess to himself so they don’t have to lock him up. Goober.

sweet. dude buried into the ship. Hope that wasn’t Davey.

Scotty, Brianie and Briannie and…Randy Lou.

Congo

CONGO (1995)  109 min Rated PG-13

Congo is a 1995 action adventure film loosely based on Michael Crichton‘s novel of the same name. It was directed by Frank Marshall (a frequent collaborator ofSteven Spielberg, who directed another film based on Crichton’s work, Jurassic Park) and stars Laura Linney, Dylan Walsh, Ernie Hudson, Tim Curry, Grant Heslov, and Joe Don Baker. The film was released on June 9, 1995 by Paramount Pictures.[1][2]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congo_(film)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112715/

Opener: 

Twitter: Congo – made me feel like i could use a “ghost tribe”  “flash mob” me to see what level of dead I was…hint…it was punch to the tim curry kidney dead…who knew.

Balnese monkey chant

The ghost tribe have several levels of dead. This movie was every level of that.

Several Levels of dead….level 1  taking a nap and they buried you…level 2…you are just resting your eyes…they bury you.

Stuff I Loved:

Is that Bruce Campbell?

Love how each bit of opening shot has it’s own music

We got satellite from the Congo

The old man….RUDY RUDY RUDY

This whole place has the shimy

Blue Diamond Lasers

Why are you all wet Jeff?

Jeff you can’t swim worth crap and you retrieve your bags poorly as well.

Where we are going we don’t need eyes

You kill Bruce Campbell in the first 7 minutes of your movie…you are lucky I don’t turn you off.

“It’s the future!”

Let’s play a little doom.

Amy is a moonkie!

Born without the organs of speech. You mean like a throat!

Amy is a good gorilla and pretty.

It was the monkey…in the forest….with the fist of god.

Amy….needs a mint….amy….bad breath….halitosis.

I wish they wouldn’t lie to Amy…amy is hardly pretty.

 the poor man’s Tim Robbins

you’ll pay for the fuel? do you think this is a vw bus hippie?

ugly woman

The money hairs on the back of my neck are going woo woo woo

stop eating my sesame cake!

Monkey lover!!

Time for a plane song.

Love that pilot. He looks like the explorer dad in The Wild Thornberrys

We need more flares!

Something to be said about a movie that is, on the surface, stupid as crap and unbelievable…yet…you get sucked into the action. Swept away!

Push me please…harder please.

Tandem jumping with a Gorilla

Amy wouldn’t last 5 minutes in the jungle by herself. Amy…getting eaten alive…amy…wants to go home.

Smoking in the Congo!!

Pepsi spot!

The old man makes me laugh when he gets angry..

If your equipment takes a simple tumble into a grassy soft dirt and is completely destroyed…maybe you should rugadise that crap.

Full moon monkey love is noisy and sounds a little bit like blue suede shoes.

Snake rhymes. Black and Yellow kill a fella

Amy…licked toad…amy…high….amy…eat whole cooler of bananas…amy…shit entire contents of colon.

Zulu ghost tribe…thinks they are invisible.

They are sensitive…they are forest people.

Several Levels of dead….level 1  taking a nap and they buried you…level 2…you are just resting your eyes…they bury you.

Find a dead guy in the forest…flash mob him.

Ok…now he is dead.

Gave her the banana with the dope inside.

Break into a capella song!

We have talking monkey!

The open eye.

Hungry Hungry Hippos! Light family fun at home…a bit more severe in the Congo

.nothing better than a running Ernie Hudson.

The diamonds are here!!

Laaaava Tubes

Do not mess with white gorillas diamonds.

Martini Drinking Gorilla

They domesticated gorillas

Gorilla boneyard

This place is not safe….

Pretty sure that is not how diamonds work. Laying in the sand to be easily plucked by the first Russian who come along..

Gray Gorilla wants his diamonds

Oh man…Pancreas punch! Kidney punch?

Hey even the hippie shoots gorillas.

Oh man…the gorilla beat down…nothing worse than the Gorilla beat down.

My Lava tubes are bleeding!

Amy…smash…Amy…smash

Ugly gorillas…

Could you at least teach the gorilla gender roles. That is dad…not mom!

Oh…laser adventure music.

How do we solve problems that can not be solved with bullets. Lasers. The answer is lasers.

Amy is all like…mom…let go…mom…let go…you are pulling me into the lava

Guess that communication equipment wasn’t as broken as you drama raged on about earlier.

The Quest

The Quest (1996) – Hey. oh hi, Mr Van Damme. Huge fan. Totally stoked about showing you my Drunken Monkey moves during our fight scenes. Buuuut, you might not want to be doing crotch stretches in the directors chair. I don’t know who is directing this thing…but I’m pretty sure that is not allowed. Oh. You are “the director”…alright, kinda regretting telling my entire village I was going to be in a big hollywood  movie now. ahhh…schlitz. Muey Tai

Twitter:

The Quest – Stop me if you have heard this one before. An old man walks into a bar…oh…not stopping me eh.Too bad. How about…Bloodsport. Had enough?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117420/?ref_=sr_3

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Quest_(film)

 

Stuff I Loved:

Movie starts with Old Van Damme in Bar. Any movie that starts with a bar that has a big neon Schlitz sign is a-ok by me.

A little taste of whiskey in your coffee? What are you…and enabler. You irish cliche of a bartender.

Street thugs. I got a biker…a pimp and Indian?

Pretty good old man makeup for Van Damme.

What is this goofy ass sappy music they are playing?

Hey…it’s Tib’et

Roger Moore!! Janet Gunn..is that your real name?

The faceless fencer.

The music is all over the place.

Phew…sumo man….neck up onl….eeeek! Man boobs!

I love suspenders and no shirt. Sweaty! Fighter!

It’s like Mortal Kombat prequel.

Wait…Directed by Jon Claude!!

Laugh clown laugh

Man on stilts should not be a smart ass and bop people on the head with pins…or you may get knocked down

Trying to out Jackie Chan…Jackie Chan. Fight on stilts

Van Damme and his little thugs. Billy…here is a Fiv’ Go get something nice. What is this crap!! a loaf of bread?

best way to murder kids…car and a few tommy guns

“Hey…nobody steals from me…nobody.”

If you can beat up the people you want to steal from. Why would you get a bunch of orphans mixed up in your crap.

I think his name is Dubeux…since they have said it like 500 times.

Some of these shots are fantastic. beautiful. great color…great costumes. Then bam. Let’s throw in a slo mo shot…ruined.

French Filmmaking

Hey…I thought they were going to put him in chains…..oh..just on his hands…

Hey…these pirates are gun runners…WTH!

Cannon ball blasts sure make you jump funny.

How to class up your frenchy film. Roger  Moore..and a James bond joke. Dobbs…Harry Dobbs. Harry Knobs

Your sores look nasty Ban Damne.

Moi Tai fighter!!

First part of training is…carry bamboo across the beach. Good for upper body strength…plus it is a shit job that no one else wants to do. Nah…just kidding…we live in paradise.

Always with the kicking of sand. Stupid bullies.

Well Well Well…Mrs. Prissy.

Isn’t that Van Dammes Wife’?

Who smokes a cigarette of that size?

We have gathered the greatest fighters in the world. Including Hank Azaria

Also, This really fat dude with a little bitty bum in his head…and some Jamacan fighter…who is totally not stoned.

Every fighter has a theme.

Fighter Move bingo…this lady is on it.

He’s moving like an animal…no kidding…more like a snake!

When will they have the big 4 arms guys come out.

Does home team get to play their own music?

Kilt fighter takes it to the nuts…apparently that is legal. Why didn’t everybody do that.

Japan vs Africa…who has no martial arts skills…but sure can shake it.

Just like America to send in a french man to fight for them.

Some really nicely choreographed fighting scenes.

The first guy Van Damme fights looks way too similiar…couldn’t tell who I was suppose to pull for.

HAHA…New York City…that’s your battle cry…NEW YORK CITY

Woo Woooo Woooo…did he just break that guys arm…pretty sure that was an illegal move.

Mongolia is scary…mustache.

Love monkey style…love it.

Mongolia looks like a really buff Montel Williams

Mongolia….”here’s your fighter back…sorry I broke him.”

Oh man…when Van Damme went down when the Spanish dude kicked him…that face was all kinds of flapping.

All you have to do to beat Van Damme is push on that knot on his forehead. Easy Pleasy.

Sumo Charge is all you got?

I will punch your fat until you are dead!

No one will suspect a blimp. Plus it’s super quiet…unless you are talking about this super load diesel engine…then it’s all kinds of loud.

Pretty sure china is fighting with bags on his feet.

Send out the crimson guard

No one takes a punch quite like Van Damme

Come on Van Damme…Leg Split! Leg Split!!

OUT OF THE RING!!

I didn’t get a Muay Tie Hand book…what does that gesture mean?

Wait…we are already fighting.l..why are we taking it outside?

Is this legal?

OOOhh…we are on the street…Street rules! Wait…we already have been killing people and kicking people in the nuts…what rules were we honoring inside? No Fish hooking? Rim  Hooking?

Come on Van Damme…just give up already.

Are you wearing your dead boyfriend’s bandana.

“Get in there and finish him moment”…love those.

USA…USA…USA…

ha. ha…those guys that helped you the first time you almost fell and you freaked out at them…they didn’t catch you the second time. Douche.

oooooh…the golden dragon is a medallion…I thought I was going to win the big one in the courtyard…fuuuuu….

am I watching Benjamin Buttons? or is this a flashback.

We were reading a book? Not watching a movie?

LockOut

LockOut (2012) – Now, the next part is very important. The French are going to take you. Emilie, stay focused, baby. This is key. You will have 60, maybe 90 minutes. Very important minutes. Leave your personal communication device on the floor. Concentrate. Shout out everything you see about them. Hair color, eye color, tall, short, irish. Anything you see. You understand?

also, Penal Area

Twitter: LockOut – made me wish for a  Rated R Rainman. Yeah…definitely F You…yeah…F… you yeah. 22 toothpicks. Also, Penal Area

 – 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1592525/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockout_(film)

Stuff I Loved:

You bent my cigarette.

I’m gonna make a lots of banging your wife jokes.

Hey it’s the crazy Russian from Armageddon.

What happened in that motel room?

Mace is calling

It’s a double cross.

His name was Fuck-u. He was Asian.

Guy beating him up is Rupert.

Take my Zippo.

Apparently in the future…if the ground forces fail. Then…we shoot the hell out of you with the helicopter.

Oh man…that building to window slam is awesome.

Music is pretty good. Very appropriate.

Oh man. The motorcycle (monocycle? no front wheels) chase scene is almost unwatchable. I can make better graphics on my Amiga.

We have secrets about a space program?

Hey. It’s the guy from Jericho

My dog’s name is Snow

mace has really bad luck. Drops his gun in a bump and blows away a cop.

Snow really hotboxed that cigarette. Also, cigarettes in movies…making a comeback?

Abraham Lincoln bust in the future white house.

I just need to see the First Daughter…yeah ya do.

Hey it’s the chick from Taken. “I want you to listen very carefully. You are going to land on a supermax space prison…and bad things are going to happen.”

Penal Area…hehe…MS1…get out of my Penal area

Your radiation suit will beep? It better scream.

Let’s put these prisoners to sleep. Minority Report. Judge Dredd?

We don’t allow weapons are the prisoner side..but sure…why not…let’s pull a ConAir and sneak one on anyways.

Spade? Is that when they take your nuts out?

30 year statis on MS1? What kind of punishment is Statis?

“Can’t she out of the eye anymore?” What is he saying. I need subtitles.

Irish are bad. Let’s put them in space prison.

People locked up always have really good sense of smell.

What was he? A pop cocker? I really need subtitles.

L.O.P.D.

Hey lab boy…alarms are going off on the space prison. When someone runs through and tells you to hide. Hide!!!

Oh…Wilhelm Scream as prisoner walks out of stasis and off the bridge.

You know what I would do if I was in a prison and came out of stasis. Get into a huge fight! Cause I am in-sane-s

Shouldn’t the sleeping gas come on automatically when the alarms go off? nope…let’s depend on a guard to do it 15 minutes afterwards. So close.

If I can’t beat up the boss…I will shove a lab assistant

Love button pushing irish psychos

In the future. We get our own telemetries. Well..if you are the president’s daughter anyways.

Let’s send in 1 man. That’s the plan.

Castrate myself with blunt rocks.

Snow and his FBI/Gmen buddy are pretty good at passing notes in class.

Wait…this movie was made after we retired the shuttles. So we go back to the shuttles?

We have a place that is not on the schematics.

Space Madness!!

Far from me to tell you how to suck eggs.

Warden always get’s the shit end in these movies. Wardens are always corrupt.

haha…seen something like that….ahhhhh…love crazy irish guy

mmm…hate when the alternate camera is capturing someone saying something facing away from the camera and is obviously not saying what was filmed. Like when the negotiator is begging for them not to kill him. Lamers

Luc Besson is awesome! better than Van Damme

What is a Sherman tank? It’s 70 years in the future.

What would an action film about breaking in some place be without environmental or cooling ducts. GIANT BLADE FANS!

Aright, floating tube fight is pretty cool. I squinched my butthole.

hehe…I love the prisoner who asks…”what is that?”..when they were watching the tube tortion fight over the closed circuit security system. Shutup.

Worst secret service agent ever.

NOOOO…why can’t they ever find a way to inject stuff that ain’t painful.

ahh…the classic movie face to crotch fall. FELATIO!

President’s daughter is kind of a douche. Pretty little spoiler princess

She asks him “Do you always….” a lot.

Do not MacGyver my makeup and hair

Bowling is still a thing 70 years from now?

Think this movie would have been better as an alternate universe instead of in the future.

Hey…we finally escaped stasis…let’s all stand around and form clicks like in a regular prison.

Have you ever headbutted someone in the nose….have a feeling it would still hurt like hell…especially if you missed and hit their teeth.

Democrats in 70 years…that’s a thing…and so are the jokes.

Oh…man..2 weeks of stasis really screwed Mace up. Now he is Rainman with tourettes.

Rated R Rainman. Yeah…definitely Fuck You…yeah…fuck you yeah.

Wow…not many redundant protocols if your whole plan to keep a space prison in orbit depends on 1 dude…who is on the prison!!

Man. You really can’t trust crazy skinny prison guy at all.

Snow Fall is my callsign? You get Home Fire and I get Snow Fall…eeesh. c’mon man…

Maybe one of the best bad guys in any filmsack movie

I’m too fat.

Would love a free fall suit

Our hero hates heights….but wait…he has to do height things!!

Emily sure runs out of oxygen a lot in this movie.

Would loved a Liam Neeson cameo.

Hospitals do not change much in 70 years.

Good thing that code was easy to remember.

Where did Snow get cigarettes?

Why would you take a very fragile piece of tech and put it into your pocket when it has been safe in your zippo lighter through hell and back..