Yes this is 12 year old me calling from 1984 I just wanted to tell the older more experienced me in 2018….do not crap on my favorite things. You just keep your big mouth shut old man…and who are these people you are hanging out with in the future anyway…and where are my best friends Chuck and Amy…we said we would be friends forever and watch The Ice Pirates every day and play D&D every Friday night and drink Jolt Cola until we puked and then do it all over again!
Whatever, I don’t have time for this…The Ice Pirates is starting and we just got something called a “microwave” and I hear it is going to change how we make popcorn forever.
May all you haters end in thirst. Power to the people.
Ok Ok. Kate is 9 now and she is losing her faith in Santa Clause and as her dad and I have to fix that.
So I’ve climbed up here on the roof of our house on Christmas Eve and I am going to shimmy…..down the chimmy…hehe…chimmy…AND deliver these age appropriate Christmas gifts for my darling Kate. Who hates Thanksgiving. Weirdo
Ok ok, Straighten up Santa…time to take inventory.
Let’s see, Weird pet from ChinaTown. Check.
Santa Clause Suit 2 sizes too big from ChristmasTown aka JC Penny. Check.
Belly full of Egg Nog from Dorry’s Tavern. Check. Check Checkity Check.
Ok, Ho ho ho, Here we go.
*Grunting and squeezing…a little too fat.
Oh, Hey little fellow what are you doing out of your box. Eww and why are you all slimy and gross.
Move you stupid thing you are gonna make me fall and break my neck. Oh no no no
This week in Adventures in Filmsacking we leave the comforts of Netflix & Chill and head down to the mean streets of YouTube comments where Randy has gotten into a spot of trouble after an Internet troll who has stolen Randy’s identity (and his fancy rose colored Snachat specs (FANCY!)) and starts posting racially insensitive rhymes in the form of the blues. Bud da da da dum. No one leaves YouTube without lip-syncing the blues!
Anywho, time to hop in Ibbott’s rusted out 1997 Mazda Miata and see if we can save Randy before he has to fight a hobo for a wiener in the Apple store. Man I sure hope we don’t run into any trouble along the way!
Hey, has anyone seen my cleaning gloves? I think I saw Elisabeth Shue wearing them earlier.
Oh hi and welcome Cadets to Project X or as I like to call it Project “What Could Possibly Go Wrong.” Here we have assembled an elite force of Air Force pilots to train a team of carefully vetted primates who we will be working with to test the effects of radiation exposure on pilots in case of a second strike scenario.
Just kidding, we actually gathered the Bad News Bears of flying military personnel to train some chimps picked by a guy on a dock somewhere… what was wearing a “sorting hat.” We then takes those chimps and have them fly through some “bad juju” complete with a Jack In The Box style Global Thermal Nuclear Device that I use to heat my coffee. Shall we play a game? Goliath, my coffee is getting cold. Give it 2 more rads, ya damn dirty ape.