INTRO

Oh hi and welcome to the Marines!

Semper Fi: Do or die!  However, if you do DIE. Be sure to go to straight to hell, do not pass go; do not collect 200 dollars, That’s a joke son, laugh cause you are going to hear a lot of those when you are dead. It’s a real yuck fest in the afterlife.

Anywho, While in hell be sure to make a deal with one of the devils down there. Personally,  I prefer the badly rendered ones.

Be sure keep an eye on the time. A 5 minute meeting in hell can turn into 5 years real quick. Cause, Hell?

When you get back, be prepared fight pun flinging clowns and bearded bad guys with pace makers the size of one of them Electric Lady Schick Razors.

Also, if you run across a kid that keeps calling you Mister. Go ahead and chop it’s head off. It’s a demon in disguise. “Hey mister, you ok? Hey mister, your face looks like a burnt turd. Hey mis…chop!”

LINKS

Spawn (1997)

Directed by Mark A.Z. Dippé. With John Leguizamo, Michael Jai White, Martin Sheen, Theresa Randle. An elite mercenary is killed, but comes back from Hell as a reluctant soldier of the Devil.

Spawn (film) – Wikipedia

Spawn is a 1997 American supernatural superhero horror film based on the comic book character of the same name. Directed and co-written by Mark A.Z. Dippé, the film stars Michael Jai White in the title role, and is the first film to feature an African American actor portraying a major comic book superhero.

 

TWITTER

Spawn (1997) – This movie hits you so hard and fast that it’s like being hit by a happy Algerian seeking missile to the face.

or

Like a military grade gun combined with a super soaker. It’s hard to tell if you are having fun when getting shot in the face. Nope.

NOTES

Release the Doves of hell

That escalated quickly. Peter ain’t gonna be too happy about burning down his gates.

I got a rocket on a tripod.

Splinter Cell’d

This the type of movie if you ain’t AIS  as soon as the movie starts you gonna be asking be me a bunch of questions.

Happy Algerian guy. Waver heat seeking missile

He is the watcher with the bad hat. Bad Hat Harry

and now is the time we dance.

this is some giant sized opening credits. or opening credits from hell.

This is going to be the “From Hell” joke episode

Tricia Takanawa (Family Guy) reporter

5 o’clock Martin. Sheen

writing P.S. is fine…saying P.S. is weird

Why ask why…when how is so much more fun.

Burn that cigarette Sheen…draw in heavy.

What did that

I’m drinking JAVA!

Spaz guards the house and Wanda.

Wait…was he drinking that coffee before he gave it to him. I don’t want your backwash coffee or your thermos coffee…people with coffee have no bounds.

Why did he glow green? was that a ghost fart?

mmm…kill zone was not clear.

She got a leg gun.

The only direction these actors got was…act like a dick…

Trope…just one more operation.

This is a “subversive” arm of the military.

playing them bongos. just the outside…around the rim and shaking these maracas.

I not only do my kill job. I look angry while doing it.

ahhh hell…that gun is a super soaker with Nickelodeon slime…which is super flammable.

That lady is disgusted by Al.

Hey, why you gonna blow up Al you already done burnt him up with flammable goo.

Straight to hell you go Al. You don’t even get to see the pearly gates.

HELL DOVES! coo coo coo.

Hell is a dirty back alley behind a catholic church? I suspected as much.

my beautiful face

The “Hey Mister” kid…I need more of that in my life.

“Hey mister, you don’t look so good.”  Thanks kid. “Hey mister, you smell like you shit your pants.” Thanks kid “Hey mister, are you as dumb as you are ugly.” Beat it kid.

A new spawn…a spawn of hell.

Fragmented memory. 5 years of change makes Spawn angry!

CHANGE MAKE SPAWN ANGRY AND EVEN MORE BURNT AND SMELLY!

That is a scary ass clown.

So what is the green glowy thing…what does that represent.

Spaz still loves me.

Is that kids name Cyan?

Crispy is clowns side kick. A Jiffy Pop Accident.

“Don’t want to keep that side of potato salad waiting.”

Dude…if that clown showed up to entertain my kids…I’d be like “nope.”

So many flash backs.

Don’t mind being short fat and ugly…but the pay sucks.

Clown farts green.

Nectoplasm? is that what they call it?

D-E-D dead

He yells Wanda as he goes to hell like Mortal Kombat.

He talks without moving his mouth. Weirdo CGI creature.

Spawn looks like a burnt up Slim Good Body.

This is one of those fast moving no stops movie.

I have never seen anyone hanging out and playing rock music during a storm in a cemetery. I’ve never seen that.

Why did Dead Al try to grab demon Spawn Al?

Scream like this…

Punch a dude. Develop super costume.

I didn’t know Road Side Dives was shooting at the cemetery. Thanks Guy Ferarararar

Spawn and the dead can die if you cut off their head.

Pizza maggots. I never seen maggots get a hold of pizza like that. Do they eat pizza?

Took Sheen 5 years to grow a beard and the assassin girl is still wearing the same thing (aidan priest). Oh wait…was that his 5 year plan…to grow a beard?

oh…burn wipe…

Cape burn wipe!

Is that lady in the green a power ranger?

Oh Priest bedazzled her costume

Priest should not be talking about others costumes

I wish I had a belt that could block crotch shots. best superpower ever.

Spawn still thinks he needs guns.

Who shoots at a guy climbing a wall…

Cape power of changing. That’s pretty cool.

That time spawn almost fell off the building.

Hope no one is looking out their window…gonna get shot in the face.

My cape is cool.

Do we really need a special effect sound for everything. That cape is noisy.

Did they really have to take her all the way to the ambulance before they figured out she was dead. Are they putting her on ice?

Could clown spit more. intentional or just a an awesome side effect of special effect appliances?

Spaz is like 90 in dog years.

I got to admit that Cheerleader scene with Clown was weird, hilarious and kind of rocking.

The big demon sounds like Claw from Inspector Gadget.

Oh c’mon…no way do you leave your dog there. That’s BS.

Shut up and eat your rotten sandwich.

This is gonna pinch.

Al, Zack and Spaz on a mission!

What dumb asses would insert a trigger for a bomb that would kill everyone.

I could eat worms. I could not eat mayo and worms.

“Curious Crispy”

Clown alternate ego is violator. Who looks 10 times cooler than hell demon?

That is one bad alley.

“You been violated girly man.” That is only a gag that would work for Hans and Franz fans.

Did the clown just sing D-I-C-K-I-N-G as the Kissing in a tree song.

Love me a computer who says out loud what it is doing. like “Downloading secure files.” SHHHHHH

Do ambulances come to back alleys?

Kinky. Chain up Spawn

Costume Trillions neuron extensions.

Well now that you have explained that I can do it…watch me do it…but I got to make grunty noises…even though it is all thought control.

Spawn has more to learn? I mean he like more than 2 minutes of training.

Spawn just sent that kid on a quest to find Spaz…dead or alive.

More rules. Spawn has to protect his powers…when they are depleted he dies.

They gave Clown more one liners than Beetle juice. Has any character ever had more one liners?

He only speaks in puns.

Spawn Cycle. He just spawn it.

Spawn is no good at cycles.

What kind of music is this.

Clown flying through the air…gotta cap that.

“Reading secure files.” The not so discreet Cortana.

Shoot the monitor logic. You shoot the monitor…you destroy the computer and all of it’s contents.

Getting a Roger Rabbit moment from the clown.

That kid didn’t even scream.

Are you a regular Einstein? what is a “regular” Einstein.

Now…cutscene to demon from hell laughing…sure…why not.

“I will rip your heart out…how specific.”

If Clown can look like Wanda. Maybe you should reconsider Clown as your friend.

“See you in Hell Jason.” What year was this? was that a setup. Was that the 5 year plan?

Wow…now that is cool…he can eye suck things out of people?

How big does a switch attached to your heart need to be? That would have killed him.

Getting a Mask vibe…what year was that?

Pretty much everything in hell looks like shit. Whoever shot these can go to hel…wait..

Get stabbed in the neck…explode…makes snse.

Army of Spawns.

Spawn is despawning the whole place.

“You will never escape me…unless you fly up the way you came in….nooooo!”

Spaz really does know where he lives.

Clown has more lives!

OFF WITH HIS HEAD

What is Clown made of?

So…this was the beginning. But it wasn’t…it was the end.