The Quest

The Quest (1996) – Hey. oh hi, Mr Van Damme. Huge fan. Totally stoked about showing you my Drunken Monkey moves during our fight scenes. Buuuut, you might not want to be doing crotch stretches in the directors chair. I don’t know who is directing this thing…but I’m pretty sure that is not allowed. Oh. You are “the director”…alright, kinda regretting telling my entire village I was going to be in a big hollywood  movie now. ahhh…schlitz. Muey Tai


The Quest – Stop me if you have heard this one before. An old man walks into a bar…oh…not stopping me eh.Too bad. How about…Bloodsport. Had enough?


Stuff I Loved:

Movie starts with Old Van Damme in Bar. Any movie that starts with a bar that has a big neon Schlitz sign is a-ok by me.

A little taste of whiskey in your coffee? What are you…and enabler. You irish cliche of a bartender.

Street thugs. I got a biker…a pimp and Indian?

Pretty good old man makeup for Van Damme.

What is this goofy ass sappy music they are playing?

Hey…it’s Tib’et

Roger Moore!! Janet that your real name?

The faceless fencer.

The music is all over the place.

Phew…sumo man….neck up onl….eeeek! Man boobs!

I love suspenders and no shirt. Sweaty! Fighter!

It’s like Mortal Kombat prequel.

Wait…Directed by Jon Claude!!

Laugh clown laugh

Man on stilts should not be a smart ass and bop people on the head with pins…or you may get knocked down

Trying to out Jackie Chan…Jackie Chan. Fight on stilts

Van Damme and his little thugs. Billy…here is a Fiv’ Go get something nice. What is this crap!! a loaf of bread?

best way to murder kids…car and a few tommy guns

“Hey…nobody steals from me…nobody.”

If you can beat up the people you want to steal from. Why would you get a bunch of orphans mixed up in your crap.

I think his name is Dubeux…since they have said it like 500 times.

Some of these shots are fantastic. beautiful. great color…great costumes. Then bam. Let’s throw in a slo mo shot…ruined.

French Filmmaking

Hey…I thought they were going to put him in chains…..oh..just on his hands…

Hey…these pirates are gun runners…WTH!

Cannon ball blasts sure make you jump funny.

How to class up your frenchy film. Roger  Moore..and a James bond joke. Dobbs…Harry Dobbs. Harry Knobs

Your sores look nasty Ban Damne.

Moi Tai fighter!!

First part of training is…carry bamboo across the beach. Good for upper body strength…plus it is a shit job that no one else wants to do. Nah…just kidding…we live in paradise.

Always with the kicking of sand. Stupid bullies.

Well Well Well…Mrs. Prissy.

Isn’t that Van Dammes Wife’?

Who smokes a cigarette of that size?

We have gathered the greatest fighters in the world. Including Hank Azaria

Also, This really fat dude with a little bitty bum in his head…and some Jamacan fighter…who is totally not stoned.

Every fighter has a theme.

Fighter Move bingo…this lady is on it.

He’s moving like an animal…no kidding…more like a snake!

When will they have the big 4 arms guys come out.

Does home team get to play their own music?

Kilt fighter takes it to the nuts…apparently that is legal. Why didn’t everybody do that.

Japan vs Africa…who has no martial arts skills…but sure can shake it.

Just like America to send in a french man to fight for them.

Some really nicely choreographed fighting scenes.

The first guy Van Damme fights looks way too similiar…couldn’t tell who I was suppose to pull for.

HAHA…New York City…that’s your battle cry…NEW YORK CITY

Woo Woooo Woooo…did he just break that guys arm…pretty sure that was an illegal move.

Mongolia is scary…mustache.

Love monkey style…love it.

Mongolia looks like a really buff Montel Williams

Mongolia….”here’s your fighter back…sorry I broke him.”

Oh man…when Van Damme went down when the Spanish dude kicked him…that face was all kinds of flapping.

All you have to do to beat Van Damme is push on that knot on his forehead. Easy Pleasy.

Sumo Charge is all you got?

I will punch your fat until you are dead!

No one will suspect a blimp. Plus it’s super quiet…unless you are talking about this super load diesel engine…then it’s all kinds of loud.

Pretty sure china is fighting with bags on his feet.

Send out the crimson guard

No one takes a punch quite like Van Damme

Come on Van Damme…Leg Split! Leg Split!!


I didn’t get a Muay Tie Hand book…what does that gesture mean?

Wait…we are already fighting.l..why are we taking it outside?

Is this legal?

OOOhh…we are on the street…Street rules! Wait…we already have been killing people and kicking people in the nuts…what rules were we honoring inside? No Fish hooking? Rim  Hooking?

Come on Van Damme…just give up already.

Are you wearing your dead boyfriend’s bandana.

“Get in there and finish him moment”…love those.


ha. ha…those guys that helped you the first time you almost fell and you freaked out at them…they didn’t catch you the second time. Douche.

oooooh…the golden dragon is a medallion…I thought I was going to win the big one in the courtyard…fuuuuu….

am I watching Benjamin Buttons? or is this a flashback.

We were reading a book? Not watching a movie?

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