Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Cabin Fever (2002) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

What’s that? Do I have a scary story to tell around the campfire after a long day of being clueless college students on a rampage of ignorance, sexual desires and general tom foolery all in the name of Nuguet? Why Yes…yes I do.

Here then, let me tell you a tale about that one time I heard a weird and unsettling story about my local bowling alley…. or as I like to call it….every story I have ever heard about the local bowling alley.

But first. Look everyone, the director of our movie has decided to inject himself directly into the movie and play the part of Marijuana Jesus; see how he brings enough pot to feed the 5000. Duuude…I’m totally gonna be Smokey the clown.

Anywho, does anyone else feel like they have the cooties? because my crotch is feeling more cootirific than usual. Say, can you guys check me for crotch cooties? I’m sure they are fine to touch. Go ahead….touch my cooties. HA HA…now you have the crotch cooties as well. Hey, let’s go wash them off in the stream!





Cabin Fever (2002) – like a movie you are pretty sure that the entire cast was paid in pot and bottled water…Faced


This looks like it was filmed with film…scary!

Quiet opening…with flies and dirty shit… DECAYING…FASTER…

Nooo…PEter Rabbit!

That is a woods of death.

Duuude…your dog is not snoozing. Also, you gonna smoke that swisher sweet or chaw it?

aww…PSA…don’t go to college…it fucking sucks. I got news for you….

Don’t bogart the smokes or that GBA

The Backseat is not happy.

Put ‘er there sport….yep…I would bite his ass as well.

“Everybody knows….” You don’t sit next to Dennis.

Hey Pal….Hey Mister…Hey Kid…names they call people in horror movies.

Pretty sure washing your hand off in the creek after getting bit…not a good idea. Patient Zero.

He hates humans but likes dogs…go figure.

That store clerk is a bit talky….AND RACIST!

You see that empty spot…used to keep Shirley Temple Glasses…but not since the lady for the Palsey…poor soul.

“Boy, you wanna give me one good reason why you would steal a Snickers bar?” “The Nouget?”


These kids are really the worst. We got the party animal? The lawyer? The just along for the ride…and a couple of chics with no personality thus far.

Bunyan Mountain Getaways

Paul is the worst. 5th wheel?

man…this movie should be called…Stuff you Eli Roth shouldn’t say. Using the word gay as a slur. The N word…twice! and Retard…

Oooh…We are going to approach the subject of Friend Zone as well.

Good…at least Karen is a photographer…it’s not much…and we learned that Paul and Karen have been friends for a very long time.

ok…weird sex scene. At least it’s fun…I suppose? lighthearted?

This is uncomfortable to watch. Especially with patchy chest hair and pits. Is this the 70s? 2002 you could man groom right?

haha…why did you shoot me? is your name chuck? first name wood?  Whoa

“Are you fucking Smokey the Clown.” – Brent

Is that your cabin? NO!

Bert gonna just leave the guy in the ditch.

Brighton Bowl story.

Ball-Peen…Hammer to the head…tied in a circle.

Slut…more words.

The Bald Guy…they are talking about Ibbott….smiling in the ball return.

haha…the I’m cool dude. “I’m cool…I’m cool.”

haha…Scratch-moded. and his dog. yeah…he’s cool…this is Dr. Mambo. “Yeah…he’s a professor…OF BEING A DOG! oooh! faced…”

This is exactly how Eli Roth auditions go… “no…I don’t want to be in your movie…oh…is that pot…awesome.”

Oh…so you are like a skater…that is your occupation? Grim. Justin….

Burn the hermit…shoot the hermit…don’t touch me hermit.

Nothing but beer may work out if the water is contaminated.

I specially requested water with no Hermit flesh in it.

The guys went in the entirely opposite direction of the girl.

You city boys never seen a country girl gut a pig. Now listen to my hollering.

We already been to town today.

haha…it was totally Henry…Henry the Hermit! We burnt his ass up. Your cousin is so dead.

You should always wear a life preserver while on a boat…unless you have your own built in.

good one…great use of the Butt cam. What a weird shot…I mean the movement slowed down and the audio ramped up….we couldn’t even see the house in the background.

Officer Winston/Olsen is a creep.

“They all know you got 5 pounds of dangling meat…” “Yeah I know that phrase.”

Hey…when I go party up in Wambusau

Dr. Mambo is back…and

This is all Jeff’s mom’s idea. Let’s get a cabin.

Under the gun… faster Bert.

Well…this is inappropriate behavior…also, gross…I do not need that much audio during unrequested fingering.

Say what you like about Bert. He’s a dick…but he’s the only one with any survival skills. Good Guy Bert…trying to save everyone.

Karen…you are making our point with your grossy face sores.

Jeff is dick.

Shit Bert…you just lost the bet…and your life.

They did not stay outside for Karen.

The disease works for the inside out and attacks the groin first.

haha…something about that truck…that is when everyone starts spewing blood.

Bert…man of action. While everyone else is talking and cowering

Her reaction to stressful situations is to have the sex? Yeah…that’s not a thing…haha…I’m healthy…and I’m just gonna wash my dick off with fire.

Pancakes!!! Pancakes!! Damnit Dennis….don’t kung fu at me with Pancake style.

Lucille’s problem! Fenster…Rifle.

Fenster…We’ll need the kit. Whats in the kit?

It’s in the water! Now you are in the water!!

Marcy does some weird shit to handle stress.

Dr. Mambo ate all that he loved.

Faced…he had to face her…Faced! His love was so superficial.

He done gone kill crazy

Wait…if they killed the director…who is making the movie!!

Now he’s killing the wildlife…he’s on a rampage!

haha…Winston…what about the Tow Truck…

Shoot ’em on site.

You heard that Walkie Talkie Dude…

Swallowing a harmonica…could be worse…no…no it couldn’t

At this point he is making no effort to NOT spew on everyone.

Harmonica Tooting.

haha…wheel chair nope guy…nope…

He looked like Bert’s Marshmallow.

Paul is taking a trip.

Why did you go back to the cabin fool?

Why does Winston think there is another one in the basement?

Who are these people drinking all the creek water.

Yep….5 cent lemonade is what you should pay for creek water lemonade.

So the Hillbillies are the good guys?

The Bunny Man in the credits is listed as We will never tell.

Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Van Helsing (2004) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

And thank you for agreeing to meet me in the woods of Transylvania to execute the worst plan ever. Ok, so here is the deal, we are going to tie my brother up to that stake over there in the clearing to lure out the Lycan…that’s a werewolf or “wolfman” for you basic village folk. By the way, I learned that word on the set of Underworld…oh and this….I learned this too…look at my bottom…look at it…ok…stop…Where did you guys get guns? I thought you were pitchfork and sickle people.

Well it doesn’t really matter, because I only brought the one silver bullet. So don’t shoot your guns. I repeat. Do not shoot your guns. as a matter of fact just give me the guns. give them to me. The only real harm you can create with those guns is if you shoot my brother or the elaborate pulley system we have set up. So don’t do it.

Alright, speaking of Pulleys…The pulley system is the hottest tech going in Transylvania today. In fact we will be showcasing it a lot in our movie…err…everyday tragic lives. So get used to these overly complex and often broken Pulley systems and by the end of this movie you will beg the Devil to never see another Pulley stunt again.

“In the name of God. Stop this movie!”

Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Pearl Harbor (2001) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

and welcome volunteer suckers….err…sackers. This week you may have made the bad life choice of agreeing to follow us into battle against Michael Bay’s 3 hour epic love story meets shoot ’em up meets I need another cup of coffee so I can stay awake until one of these stupid  childhood friends dies for good so I can go to bed already! Will he…won’t he…will he…oh shutup I stop caring 2 hours ago.

Anywho, You know who needs a beating? Rafe, A kid that nearly destroys half of the crops by messing around in his dad’s expensive crop duster on the tails of the Great Depression! That’s deserves a face paddling. In fact, this whole movie deserves a whooping! We need to head down to the hangers and replace the props on a few of those planes with paddles…. and then line these suckers up and administer some high rpm whoopings! You want a second dose of that Affleck? Here…have another…have all ya want!

Oh man…when did I become such an angry old man of 46…I used to pull for the spirited youth in movies…now I just want to punch ’em. I want to head over to Clint Eastwood’s house and grab a beer and a bat….. and march down to Affleck’s house and….oooooo..

alright…no more late night movies with coffee for me…I may have a problem.

Hey Affleck…Surprise attack!



Pearl Harbor (2001) – Like Batman doing batman shit in a WWII Fighter Plane. It’s Bullshit..but it’s very very good bullshit.


MICHAEL BAY! I wonder if this film will have stuff blowing up. Wait…it’s Pearl Harbor…it better have stuff blowing up!

Dogfight! in the backseat Spell it right Rafe. You can’t spell Ruder. Rafe is a fucking genius.

This is why I yell at my kids….

Mess with Dad’s stuff…that’s a beatin…ya Nazi

Man…this movie sounds great. I miss the days of Spielberg and Lucas.

Fast forward to WWII…soldiers and nurses in a far away land.

Batman doing batman shit. It’s Bullshit..but it’s very good bullshit.

Come on guys! We got nurses waiting! also, nurses can dance by themselves.

Is stuttering or speech impediments funny?

All these soldiers have issues.

Ma’am don’t take my wings. if he wasn’t as cute he would have failed.

These nurses are fancy.

Waiting on an animal cracker scene

Why would I want  to fall in love with any of these characters since I know this is a war movie…who’s gonna die?

A drop…not a smear!

A magical movie moment kiss. Ruined. Going down

Something to fight for. Something to live for.

Some really epic shots in this movie.

You shouldn’t test your loves. She loves me.

Dear Rafe, I’m on the beach getting some rays…hope you are enjoying your cold ass war.

Remember…he slapped your momma.

Backwards Stuff Sometimes Is. No worries. Nurse needs a project.

Bunch of Hooligans.

Noo…WWII Flying ace!

Going down!

ugh…letters keep coming.

For 3 or 4 months these soldiers and nurses had it pretty great.

You do not scoop up your brother’s girl when he is Dead

Do a Barrel Role.

Uh oh. Morning sickness

Spine tingles…goosebumps….a guess

Here comes the real surprise attack. Rafe is back!

Shoot ’em from behind!

Bar brawl!! I’m back from the dead and I’m mad as hell.

Why are these kids out playing Little League? How early is that? On A Saturday? Nope Sunday.

Ahh…the roller coaster of having a brother


Let me show you how to Cook! Pew Pew Pew. How do you like your Sushi? Raw…Pew pew pew…SAKE

We took a lot of damage.

I’m helping these patients! and It’s gonna hurt.

Get some guns in that tower!

Playing chicken with these Jap suckers.

Can not say I am enjoying watching Ben Affleck doing his midwest trash talk.

Fight tha fight. Give the blood. Rescue the harbor.

Oh it’s on now. You can’t attack Merica. Time to fire up the industrial machine.

This is not going to go well.

I like sub commanders…they don’t have time for bullshit

Cuba…earning respect by punching faces and shooting guns.

oh boo hoo…you made a deal with God. You got what you wanted

Rafe..I’m pregnant…what!? Is it mine? Wait…we ain’t ever done nothing! waaait a minutes…is that Danny’s baby!

God…if you just let me not drown here in this plane and let me get back home to see my beautiful, faithful girlfriend….and my amazing best friend Danny. I promise I will never look at plane porn again or drink cheap whiskey.

What’s in Rafe’s little box? awww…bummer…just some letters.

We are the tip of the swrod

Is that one anti-aircraft assistant pointing with a knife?

Really gonna piss off the Chinese if you land in their rice paddies.

Rafe…I think I got sumptin in my neck.

This movie sucks.

Oh come on universe! Every time I send a man off to war he gets killed. I got to suffer through it twice!?

OH NO! The Family Drama. He better live…You know Bay likes his surprise happy endings. Wait…whose the daddy?




Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

Scooby-Doo (2002) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

This week on Filmsack, the gang invites you to hop into their shagging wagon for a totally PG ride down to the coast to help solve the mystery of Scooby-Doo two thousand and two and the case of the “there’s somethings rotten about these tomato scores, man.”

Hey sackers in the back! Mind your manners and be careful around Randy’s vegetarian hash bar. Randy Randy Roo, how high are you?

Scott, can you pull over here. I got to take care of a situation brewing in my pants. Earlier, Ibbott and I were having a not so friendly farting contest and I think there may be a disembodied turtle head leaking protoplasm into my scooby-doo under-roos. If you know what I mean.

Wait! come back. Friends don’t quit. ohh.

Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

The Way of the Gun (2000) – Filmsack Show Notes

filmscore’d –  5 / 8


Oh hi,

This week on The Way of the Sack I learned some brand new lore. The lore of the Bagman…specifically…James the Leprechaun Caan… Lepre-Caan..

Yep, He’s got bags of monies and I’ll be damned if you can have them. He’s a flat out trickster that Leprechaun Caan..caan. Luring you into his wishing well of broken bottles and shattered dreams. “There is cheese in that there trap” as best as I can tell from what Del Toro was mumbling. The Cheese of Death and whining. oh I got glass in my arm.

Anywho, best be on your guard. Because, even if you are lucky enough to get close to the Leprechaun Caan’s monies you will surely have to fight his league of extraordinarily old Gentlemen. They ain’t much but they’re all survivors…well at least the next 15 minutes or so.

Caaaaan! You clever girl. Don’t you walk away from me with your monies and your stiff neck.


Film Sack Filmsack Notes Podcasts

The Invasion (2007) – Filmsack Show Notes


Oh hi,

This week on… “Wait Is that Daniel Craig? Cause he looks a lot like Daniel Craig. Hmmm, does Daniel Craig have a brother?  Is there a Danny Craig…..maybe a Donny Craig? Hold up…..that is Daniel Craig!?”….

uh oh, I think I  just missed 15 minutes of the movie lost in some kind of Daniel Craig Brother Doppelganger mind loop… and for that brief moment… the world was just a little bit better for the possibility of two Craigs.

Twist ending he has a brother! Twisted Sister Ending he also has a sister. The Craigs….more interesting than this movie.