1999 – BRIAN DUNAWAY

INTRO

Oh hi,

Ok secret agent man. Here I am again. Alone. In the trunk of another henchman’s car. Waiting to be discovered and then bam. You dead Davidov. It’s the perfect plan! Except…It has already been 30 minutes and I have no idea where we are going and I am getting restless ! I need some action!

Hmm let’s see what MI6 has equipped me with to fight off the ultimate henchman. Boredom Oh…what would be Boredom’s subversive henchman name be? Bor-Dumb..haha…no..too on the nose…Mister DullMan…no…too much to unpack…How about blasé! It’s French! Nailed it!

Well Mr. blasé say goodbye because it is 1999 and I am stuck in a henchman’s trunk for an indeterminate amount of time and I have a state of the art Nokia Phone and a desire to beat my high score on that classic video game Snake. Noooo! I clearly turned and dodged that wall. This game is crap!

Hey…we are stopping…

Oh hi Davidov! You Dead. and now time to Roll those intro credits with the Sexy Silhouetted ladies and a game of I think I saw a nipple.! Blase be gone!

SHOW NOTES

This movie starts with Garbage

Quick gun shot then the movie

BilBao, Spain…le…la…

Bond in glasses! What sophistication is this?

Is he getting frisked or is he getting fitted?

So Good Of You…Mr. Bond.

Who can’t trust a Swiss banker

Lady and Bond sharing glances.

Check her figures…I am sure they are perfectly rounded

Sir Robert bought a report

I just want a name

All this bank humor is killing me…I am tempted to count them.

somebody is watching our for James.

It is time for the first escape scene already! Well yeah…it’s bond movie!

That was fast.

ha! phallic!

more bad jokes! How many bad jokes!

He conquered the world by 3 million pounds documents

Money Penney…Stop King…like she got time for that.

The trigger was his pin…the money was explosive!

Frustrated Q and his unfinished Experimental Jet Boat

the first real chase…still no intro.

It is impressive to see someone drive that assassins boat.

She has a lot of firepower in that boat…too bad she can’t hit anything with it.

Underwater tie adjustment.

nah…fire bad….I know…a shortcut..THAT AIN’T NO SHORTCUT!

When your backup plan involves a hot air balloon. You are doing it wrong.

I can protect you! NOT FROM HIM…boom!

Finally! Intro! 14 minutes in.

Ahh yes…let us play the “can you see a nipple in the James Bond intro slither” game

Oh…the world is not enough…but a perfect place to start.

Will the themes in the intro be in the movie! Stay tuned!

Urea! that was a lot of effort to kill King.

Terrorists!

“TANNER!”

So many bad puns! Now we are onto doctor jokes.

Bagpipe of hate. now pipe jokes.

Qs fishing boat! You killed it

Ah, yes the legendary 007 wit. Half wit.

6 beverage holders.

Double O Pun

2 Q Rule Never Let Them See You Bleed. Always Have an Escape Plan.

That guy got no senses! Now he is a superhero. Terrorist.

One more pun! One more dog gone pun!

Shadows stay in front or behind…but never on top…that is it…I’m out.

That helicopter has saw balls…I wonder if that will come back up again.

The locals love Miss King!

It is Oil related…just like the intro.

from the desert to the mountains…let us ski our way to sexy

oh no! ParaHawks. Seems inefficient way to kill 2 people

Haha…if you cut their chutes they will start sputtering.

Yay! He had the inflatable ball of protection.

Meanwhile is Baku

Not you Davidov! Him – Davidov…Whaaaa?!

From I don’t need you…to Please Stay!

and now…time to drink and gamble! Cause that is James Bond man!

Did he get those x-ray specs out of the back of a comic book?

Bad Bad guys are always pimping it up.

Pay day daddy!

Mr. Bullion does not trust banks

Has his own brand of Caviar. Zukovsky. Nothing Free Caviar

BlackJack? Let’s keep it simple…old maid…go fish? 1 Million dollar game of Go Fish.

Gave Davidov the night off.

Welcome to the Devil’s Breath! Hindus like this place…want to hold a scalding rock?

Davidov is the traitor!

The ParaHawks were to be returned…did they rent them? Try explaining that to the ParaHawk Rental office.

Well…Bond succumbed to his more basic instinct.

I knew it would be like this! Mouth Ice Swap!!

Bond is onto you Davidov! He found your dead body! and now you are dead…thanks for all the hard work Davidov…more puns!

Where did bond get a photo of himself to use on that ID he stole?

“Are you here for a reason or are you just hoping for a glimmer?”

Dr. Christmas Jones….No Jokes or Puns!

“There’s no point living if you can’t feel alive…” Huh! That is what she said!

He is 63 years old.

He knew about his shoulder injury as well!

The bomb doesn’t move until I am satisfied…ahhh yeah.

How are we even yeah maniac?

Does Bond ever save the dude? He always saves the lady but never the dudes.

Bond now has a Nuke Bomb Card…explosive.

ohhh…Elektra bad!

Knew about my Shoulder…so on…and the mole on my balls.

Stockholm Syndrome….nope…she set the whole thing up chump.

You used me as bait…Just like M….Revenge will be mine.

No…I do not believe it…cause you are full of poop!

I need to drive a pipe scooter…weeee

It doesn’t take a degree in physics…but apparently it does.

Trust me…..uh….how fast were they going.

She always trying to kill Bond.

Like a slap from M.

Half Plutonium.

Robinson…Out.

Go on..it’s safe…touch your destiny!! I brought something for you as well…touch your destiny!

I am going to destroy this city!

Just give her all the details! Noon

So beautiful, smooth and warm…how would you know ya dead inside freak!

I wonder if he feels himself pooping his pants

She is a pleasure surrogate. “Remember Pleasure?” No ya weird ice fetish lady!

Well they just have little birds everywhere!

What is that sawing sound? Oh…it’s a callback!

Never park the beamer in plain view…everybody knows who that cars belongs to.

King Copter

What! All that for the car and we just chop it up? One missile and done.

Trying to kill somebody with a saw attachment on a helicopter seems like a waste of time.

Gee. I wonder which lady will punch out Elektra?

That guy drives like Senator Kennedy. Too soon?

Zukovsky…insurance company is never going to believe this.

You gold encrusted Buffoon.

Family Motto!

That is some serious medieval chiropractor shit.

Nobody can resist me

One Last Screw…even in death…terrible puns.

It’s hard to kill a Zukovsky

Guns are solving all the low level problems.

Who starts diving before they batten down the hatches?

Oh no!! he shot the control panel.

Take that ya terrorist…bullet shaped rod to the gut!

You can meet her there

Gross…Christmas in Turkey. Noooo…Why the hell…

It picks up body heat…so humans come out orange.

It’s getting redder…abort…abort.

The Mummy (1999) – Filmsack Show Notes

INTRO

Oh hi,

I know as a priest and as a member of the gold man group here; I’m not really supposed to chit chat..however, does this body paint make me look fat? No? It’s all those cheeseburgers from the Burger Pharaoh? Well, that’s rather honest. Your Strength gives me strength i guess?

Hey…don’t poke me in the belly.. Look what’cha did. You smudged my belly paint. Come here. Come on….so we can rub belly’s together like a couple of pigs in the mud. ooooh yeah…this is inappropriate as hell.

UH oh, hi Mr. Pharaoh sir. Us…oh nothing just some priestly rituals you wouldn’t care about….uhh…what’s that now… Have we seen your Mistress? Um…no…but if you are so concerned about her where abouts you really should have put a ring on it. No…I have not heard of the Hom Dai. aaaah…gotcha. In that case..c’mon on in My Pharaoh sir and head back to the catuary behind that thin veil there.

Really starting to see why they don’t let us talk. Hom Dai indeed.

LINKS

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120616/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mummy_(1999_film)

TWITTER

The Mummy (1999) – Like reading from the Book of the Dead…Nooooo…Don’t read from the book! Watch the movie instead! It’s still Juicy.

SHOW NOTES

Is anybody else hot? I’m hot. and I think I got sand in my underwear. Wait…I’m not wearing any!

Somebody has a furry obsession. Look it’s a man with a wolf head…no it’s a cat with a man’s head…no wait…that guy is wearing a beak!

Egypt is always about the big brass and drums and the tiny little wood winds…

Thebes…City of the living…5 blocks (Dunes) down from Not So Thebes…city of the damned

Hey I run Seti on my computer! I ain’t found squat.

Imhotep…bubba..the Pharaoh’s high priest…sup…I’m a high priest…sup..and keeper of the dead…sup. Do these brownies taste high to you?

No man is allowed to touch the Pharaohs mistress…should o’ put a ring on it!

A lot of bald heads and booty in this movie Golden!

BUSTED!

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” …. “nothing…just petting this cat…oh wait…this is just a statue.” Has that cat been touching you?

Cheap ass rub on tattoos

Some people should not be painted in gold…like a group of middle aged white guys with bellies pretending to be Egyptian. Who are these guys anyways? They just hang out at Imhoteps place opening and closing doors and eating too much?

Priesthood is not good for the abs in Egypt.

Hamunaptra, city of the dead – 1290 BC and the Black Book of the dead

He’s gonna get the Hom-Dia

Ummm…why would you kill someone by Hom-Dia if it meant they could come back with such great power?

Modern Day 1923?

Magi…the Pharaoh’s Body Guards ….Why are they so much more pale than their ancestors?

“Your Strength gives me strength” This guy

Don’t you close that door Beni…Hold Door! Hold Door!

Sand Face Sinkhole!

Star Wars wipe

Actually…Modern day 3 years later. 1926

3 volumes of Seth! That is 3 too many!

Who sets up library shelfs in a dominoes layout?

Erick Avari is always in the desert

Hi Sis! Stupid spoiled rich kids.

It’s the map to the place of the dead!

Oops I burnt it! Lies!

He looks like George of the jungle.

Now we have to watch him strangle…

He cleans up nice.

She wants to bring her parents back with the book of the dead? More valuable than gold.

She is hung up on that kiss.

he is the map… I’m the map

The Magi are very flammable

Race to the treasure

“Guess who’s got all the horses!!?” -“Hey Beni! You’re on the wrong side of the river!!”

“500 cash bucks” bet

Ancient Egyptian Secret.

Awww…he got her a brush kit

I hate bugs…What do you mean bugs? I hate bugs

For the record….don’t put me down for mummification.

Bugs under the skin is always a horror show.

Pressurized salt acid to the face!

The Umbrella man. Always running with his umbrella.

Don’t make me blow us up with this dynamite

Librarians need adventure too.

Death will come on swift wings for whoever watches this movie.

Be sure to read the Egyptian curse in an ominous voice.

“This mummy is still juicy.”

That key opens everything!

The librarian is going to Library that book.

“Nooooo! You must not read from the book!”

The 10 plagues of Egypt.

oh c’mon Daphne. Get your glasses on.

Ha…he’s walking like the old school universal mummy

That is not how taking eyes and tongues work.

Also, if you are going to steal some eyes…best probably not to steal the eyes of a guy with poor vision.That is why he thinks the Librarian is his love.

I have the same reaction when my cat plays on my piano.

Thanks for the Plague Report. 100% Chance of plague locust and boils.

Like sands through a keyhole.

Why did his face decay when he kissed her? is she cursed? has seen been kissing her cats?

I like Winston. Ha uh ha ha

“Hey Winston. Peddle faster!”

Poor Winston. Died what he loved doing….

This movie has a lot of mummy smashing.

love the sound and music in this movie. So good.

Still trying to escape with his gold.