Resident Evil

Resident Evil (2002)  100 min Rated R

Resident Evil is a video game based film series based upon the Capcom video games of the same name. Constantin Film bought rights to the first film in January 1997 with Alan B. McElroy and George A. Romero as potential writers. In 2001 Sony acquired distribution rights to the film and hired Paul W. S. Anderson as writer and director for Resident Evil (2002). He continued on as writer and producer for Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) and Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), and returned as director for a fourth installment, Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010) and the fifth film Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), in 3D. A sixth installment is planned for a 2015 release date.

Opener: Hello? Who is this? I just woke up in front of this microphone and I can’t remember a durn thing. But you guys seem pretty cool. Mind if I hang out for about an hour… Oh wait…I’m starting to remember something now…oh yeah..I must have forgotten…I’M COMPLETELY EVIL! Oh…man…what a convenient time for me to remember that.

Twitter: Resident Evil – Like being stuck on an elevator with the frogpants all-stars You just can’t decide to kill first.  It’s Randy. Checkmate.


Stuff I Loved:

Umbrella Corporation

such a tiny screen…

I have robot arms!

Green and blue tubes!

DNA glass.

screw you guys…I’m throwing down a blue tube.

mmm…coffee….THANK YOU! sacrastic

Why do we have dobermans in cages?

We have to wear all white in the lab.

wet t-shirt contest

“you take it easy!”

Elevators are the worst.

If you work for a company that is willing to gas you…maybe find a new job.

That lady fits through the hole now.

my favorite Milla. half naked mila.

Do you ever wipe the bathroom mirror with your bare hand? I always use a towel. They always use their bare hands in movie…MILLA NIP!

What does my handwriting look like…ohh..not like that.

I’m a cop…you are breaking my arm! how does it feel!

Arm computer!!

Eva Mendez always looks so angry…or like she just smelt some bad milk.

It’s that dude from the Following TV show…with Kevin Bacon!

spin cam…

Those awesome computer graphics of the mansion…didn’t have any money for texture mapping?

Racoon City!

anybody got one of those sweet ass long welding rods.

We gassed you….but why? who knows.

say Hive one more time motherfucker

The elevators in this building SUCK!

How come all you guys get battle wear gear and I have to wear this silky red skorts dress thing.

Red queen went CRAZY!

Here wear my jacket…it completes that ensemble.

You just got the Military “Sup…let’s move” head bob.

Why does this room have vent tubes and fog on the floor?

What is that room. It looks like a library full of tardis boxes

uh oh…feeding tubes. that can’t be good..

What you see!

I said keep it tight…like vaginal rejuvenation

What’s taking so long? What do you think…I’m typing shit on a unix system.

The hallway of death

The lights are automated! I’m almost all the way down the hall.

Check mate…I don’t think you want to play Chess with a computer. How about arm wrestle!

All computer problems can be fixed with a reboot.

Know what helps when working on a computer problem….yelling.

One of my favorite scenes is the laser hall

Laser chopping…it slices…it dices…it sucks.

Who let the dogs out…who who

Why reboot…how about just leave it off.

2002…ushered in the new generation of Zombie flicks.

Shot to one leg…nope…shot to 2nd leg…nope….Spray her face off.

She was crazed…she bit me.


The only shot worth taking is a head shot. Zombie Movies

The zombie scrum. You do not want to be the ball.

Oh wow…those special effects did not hold up. Computer graphics were not quite up to snuff.

Pretty much anytime you cover a doberman in spaghetti…I’m scared.

Some zombies can be knocked unconscious

This movie exists on Jump scenes.

Them dobermans were all like…hey…bacon.

Something about Milla that makes you believe…with enough hard score metal shredding she can do anything…mostly slow motion kicking dogs in the face…but maybe more.

Lisa…you’ve changed.

son of a bitch!

The need to feed

The old…go the hell on now…I’m sacrificing my life so you can live….so how about not making my death pointless. Fly…you fools.

I was bad…but I forgot….now I good…maybe.

Noooo! He’s the bad guy! But he’s been with us the whole time. Oh yeah…now I remember…I am evil! Time to be evil!


Don’t negotiate with douche bag computers with british accents.

Why can’t antiviruses be in normal hypodermic needles…why they always got to be those big ass caulk gun looking motherfuckers.

I wonder if those random hammock of pipes in the train will come into play.


third rail mother humper. Burn! BURN!

Part 2….you better believe it

Oh man…they really ganked up her hair.

Hey…we got a hospital gown for you…it’s made out of 2 napkins.

Well those door card swipers kind of suck.


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