INTROOh hi, Look, I'm just going to vamp out loud for a minute...vamp out loud...vamp'ing... alright, let's see If I can understand this film..warning. I'm gonna use some air quotes. "Eternal Vampire Teen;" LeStat is awakened from his "Sad Nap" when the suburban kids next door start a nu-metal band to piss off their parents. LeStat "tries out" for the band and lands "lead vocals." Ow. Finger cramps. LeStat finds some success as a rocker and "Taylor Swifts" (ow) his Vampire Family. (Now that's a shaming!) Meanwhile, "Grown ass" teenager, Jesse rebels against her strict orthodox parents by pursuing Bad Boy LeStat after she reads LeStat's personal diary outlining his failures in love including a cringe worthy moment with his Egyptian Grandma and his subsequent loneliness. Jesse is all like... "I'm lonely too! You get me LeStat! Let's run away together and live happily ever after!" At this point I took my own "Sad Nap" and when I woke up Great Great Grandma Vampire was turning to dust which is what happens when you sleep with your Grandkids. So I thought the movie was over...but apparently, LeStat still had to confront his girlfriend's father figure to confess he gave Jesse VD. "Vampire Disease." But even that wasn't the end because Lestat still wanted to make up for his misdeeds by delivering Jesse's dad a Vampire "Life Partner"... who David had apparently been stalking through "Instagram" like painting which weren't even a thing in 2002 so this whole theory is kind of falling apart at this point. Randy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_bIQzFH8II (more…)
INTROOh hi, ...holy crap it's time for yet another round of Theme Song Fact Check... where I will attempt to validate the facts of this weeks title song without singing along. God save us all. It's this again.
Flintstones, meet the FlintstonesNo thanks! and yeah...i'm singing it!
They're the modern Stone Age FamilyI can't do it! This is the 3rd time I have done this stupid routine in 2 months!
From the town of BedrockIt's a fictional town!
They're a page right out of historyAt no time did man and dinosaurs live together! Alright! I'm skipping right to the end!
When you're with the FlintstonesHold on Scott it's almost over!
Have a yabba-dabba-doo timeHey! When are we going to sack Scooby Doo? What we already did?!
A dabba-doo time We'll have a gay old timeThat used to mean happy! and It still does....in Vegas! Oh wow! i think I'm gonna be sick. Randy get me some Vitamins... No....not those!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KwgJm-6094 (more…)
INTROOh hi, This week's Film disaster tries to destroy my dream of owning a home with Tom Hanks, the last known decent human being in Hollywood and living bobble head. So bring in your Mad Max wrecking crew and do your worst. Tom and I will find a way to survive an onslaught of Karmic like retribution brought on by the sins of the father. let's keep this brief, I have a chic waiting in the Jacuzzi and a turkey in a bucket. Hey Randy, how long do you think it will take you to complete your intro? Hasta La Vista https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93h4HOrGeMY (more…)
INTROOh hi, Man, all the ladies in this week's filmsack movie are "smoking!" am i right? High five guys! Seriously though, why are all the ladies in this movie smoking tobacco products? I have concerns. Oh....and Amanda Peet...more like Amanda's Teets! Yeah, Ibbott knows what I'm talking about. You paused that so many times that even Blockbuster couldn't rewind it. Up top brother! What...c'mon! Don't leave me hanging! Well, can I at least get a shout out to inappropriate mentor/student relations? Bruce Willis...40s hooks up with Amanda Peet in her 20s using his influence as a hitman hero. Wow, That whole story line just touched me....inappropriately...and deserves to go to jail. Overall, I give this movie two teets up. My eyes are up here Randy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nNXq0ygF4Q (more…)